trashmod: (Default)
garbage all the way down ([personal profile] trashmod) wrote in [community profile] hydratrashmeme2014-12-07 08:43 am

Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Welcome to Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves 2: Electric Boogaloo. AKA the seamy sexual-violence-and-violent-sex underbelly of Captain America fandom, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.

[Round 1] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by [personal profile] greenkirtle)] [Round 2 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]

Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.

Re: Bucky can only come with penetration -- Smash All Your Mirrors, 2/?

(Anonymous) 2015-01-26 05:26 am (UTC)(link)
This is amazing!

The way you depict Steve looking back on his interactions with Bucky is great; we get what Steve thought at the time, what he understands now, his self-recrimination based on his new understanding, and what we can figure out about what was going on in Bucky's head. You pack a lot of characterization into that, and I continue to love it. Steve tries to be so understanding! Oh, it's understandable that Bucky has issues with touch. Nothing unremarkable about Bucky not letting his hands in his hair. Not Steve's business if Bucky is a surprise pro at blowjobs. And all of that is true, it's just that he wasn't putting the pieces together...

The time on the couch you mention is fascinating to me. So Steve pushed Bucky down and Bucky snaps into a fawn response? Is that what's going on with the eagerness that so concerns Steve now?

I really like the line you slipped in about the difference between the acknowledgment that yeah, okay, Bucky might possibly have been raped, and the certain knowledge that he was and it's still affecting him -- though Steve's narration never actually uses the word rape (is it that he can't bring himself to?). You can never imagine the full reality beforehand. How could Steve truly predict or comprehend the scope of what happened to Bucky before getting it slammed in his face? As a side note, I'm making myself sad picturing Sam trying to delicately and tactfully broach the topic with a Steve who is just not ready to handle everything contained within that possibility.

Also, way to break my heart with Bucky thinking that "maybe things could be different," being so desperate for that that he lets his veneer of control slip. Am I reading too much into it, assuming that line means he's giving up on sex altogether? I read that as: he's in that unhealthy black-and-white mental space that comes from being desperate for something without having stable ground from which to want it, where the only two options are perfect success or permanent failure. Anyway, another thing I loved was his response to seeing Steve, both the way he bolts up from the table and his apology. Because he probably never meant to reveal as much as he did in the heat of the moment. I get the sense that Bucky's trauma and anger lead him to act in ways he feels ashamed about later (which is characterization I could lick, btw).

Great update!

Re: Bucky can only come with penetration -- Smash All Your Mirrors, 2/?

(Anonymous) 2015-01-27 12:23 am (UTC)(link)
I do think there was some naïveté on Steve's part in the past in the sense that he was assuming that of course Bucky was being honest and of course he'd tell Steve if anything was wrong. It's one thing to know that in these situations rape is a possibility. It's another to think about the idea that your oldest and dearest friend (with whom you have recently begun a sexual relationship) has been raped so often and for so long that it's become his dominant experience, and as part of his abuse has had his sexual response re-wired for maximum humiliation on his part/pleasure on his rapists'. I also wonder if Sam's version of that conversation might be "I tried to bring it up bring it up and Steve didn't want to hear it."

Well, Steve is definitely wondering if that was what happened. For the record I think Bucky was 100% enthusiastically consenting every time – the whole problem for him is that he does genuinely feel desire, it's just that his body and/or mind can't go with it. There will be more actual Bucky talking next segment and I don't want to give the game away as to that, but a lot of "things could be different" is "I thought I could have a satisfying sexual relationship without revealing the extent of my trauma and/or doing things that I find incredibly triggering and degrading." (Don't worry, dear reader, it's not as much of an either/or proposition as he thinks, this is not that kind of trash). If Bucky could have kept lying forever I think he would have. He certainly didn't want Steve to hear it in the same terms his torturers used, but that stuff's in deep. They both have a long way to go.

Re: Bucky can only come with penetration -- Smash All Your Mirrors, 2/?

(Anonymous) 2015-01-27 01:16 am (UTC)(link)
It's another to think about the idea that your oldest and dearest friend (with whom you have recently begun a sexual relationship) has been raped so often and for so long that it's become his dominant experience, and as part of his abuse has had his sexual response re-wired for maximum humiliation on his part/pleasure on his rapists'.

I feel incredibly sorry for Steve and Bucky and really excited about this fic.

It makes me happy that Bucky was in fact consenting, and also I love that you see Bucky as having wanted to hide this shit forever but then, when it came out, accidentally talking about it in the degrading language that's been ingrained in him, and then being pissed with himself for that. This is just a good.

Re: Bucky can only come with penetration -- Smash All Your Mirrors, 2/?

(Anonymous) 2015-01-27 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
Seconded, I am so excited too!