oh my god i can't stop thinking about this entire scenario
that last option - bucky having done the playacting-normal shtick before - is killing me. because now he can't do that anymore and i bet that makes him fucking furious. but then i imagine he can only be angry for so long because he's also so, so worn out and fucked up and probably doens't have the energy to sustain being angry. he's already expended so much energy trying to be normal and look where that got him? he probably lashes out at first, screams and screams at steve and breaks things and hurts himself and then gets to a point where he just like. can't anymore
i feel like bucky would just go limp. sink into a really really deep depression. like you said - sits and glares at the wall for hours and refuses to talk.
this poor trash baby omg how do you come back from that, where the fuck would you even begin your recovery? and if there's no guarantee that it's not just going to keep happening again, and again, and again - he probably thinks, why even bother?
i also keep thinking about the fact that if he had been hiding the abuse from steve, he probably had to do a LOT of work to do so. destroying documents and pictures and evidence. not flinching when steve touches him. lying, pretending to enjoy things/acts that are actually miserable and terrifying.
so now of course steve is going to be wondering what else bucky has been lying about and hiding but he can't just come right out and ask because that's going to come across as aggressive and invasive and bucky's going to take it the wrong way. and it doesn't matter because bucky won't talk to him about anything anymore anyway
dear god i want 100k words of this it's breaking my heart ;;
Re: you can't get filth any dirtier
oh my god i can't stop thinking about this entire scenario
that last option - bucky having done the playacting-normal shtick before - is killing me. because now he can't do that anymore and i bet that makes him fucking furious. but then i imagine he can only be angry for so long because he's also so, so worn out and fucked up and probably doens't have the energy to sustain being angry. he's already expended so much energy trying to be normal and look where that got him? he probably lashes out at first, screams and screams at steve and breaks things and hurts himself and then gets to a point where he just like. can't anymore
i feel like bucky would just go limp. sink into a really really deep depression. like you said - sits and glares at the wall for hours and refuses to talk.
this poor trash baby omg how do you come back from that, where the fuck would you even begin your recovery? and if there's no guarantee that it's not just going to keep happening again, and again, and again - he probably thinks, why even bother?
i also keep thinking about the fact that if he had been hiding the abuse from steve, he probably had to do a LOT of work to do so. destroying documents and pictures and evidence. not flinching when steve touches him. lying, pretending to enjoy things/acts that are actually miserable and terrifying.
so now of course steve is going to be wondering what else bucky has been lying about and hiding but he can't just come right out and ask because that's going to come across as aggressive and invasive and bucky's going to take it the wrong way. and it doesn't matter because bucky won't talk to him about anything anymore anyway
dear god i want 100k words of this it's breaking my heart ;;