A!A: Ahhh! Thank you!! I tried to make the Soldier a person - yes, he has been highly dehumanized and he may not ALWAYS know a hawk from a handsaw, but guy's got some opinions and preferences, y'know?
As for recovery: I personally think that he would eventually come to a place where he'd feel safe enough to stop and think about what he wants and if his current life philosophy is good for him on a longterm scale. For the Soldier, it's not about WANTING to take down Hydra so much as knowing it's necessary if he ever wants to have control of his life. He does get satisfaction from destroying them, but it comes down to necessity in the end. I think once he feels safe he'll actually have a lot easier time letting that aspect go than Steve will. The Soldier ENJOYS finding out what he likes and wants - Steve hasn't allowed that for himself in a long time.
Eventually, I can see the Soldier going through some difficult times as he has to confront the fact that it's pretty obvious that a part of him still remembers being Bucky Barnes. He's got a lot of identity and mental health stuff to go through. I can see him either gently folding that past away and going "thanks but no thanks", or I can see him angrily trying to dismantle his programming - not because he thinks Bucky Barnes deserves to be a person, 'cause FUCK that guy with a rusty rake, but because Hydra was full of bastards and the Soldier doesn't want to have any truck with their shitty programming if he can help it. I think he'd slowly start to break free of it himself if he wasn't keeping himself Field Ready.
Steve would have his own shit to sort out. I could see the Soldier basically going, "welp, thanks for the help, see ya round," and Steve having to pick up the pieces. But, I think my preferred ending for them would be the Soldier feeling kind of bad for this guy who would do literally anything for him, and so he kind of takes Steve along for the ride on his Self Discover Extravaganza.
They have bad times, they have good times. Sometimes the Soldier wants to have nothing to do with Steve because the guy STILL calls him Bucky when he's sleepy and not thinking straight. Sometimes Steve is sick of just waiting around trying to get the Soldier's head on straight and he Needs a Fight or a Cause and eventually that turns into arguing. I think the Soldier would probably like Spitfire!Steve a lot better than docile-weapon!Steve. They discover what jokes the Soldier likes, they figure out how to have fun without alcohol (lmfao what is this after school special shit I'm peddling right now) and without being horrifyingly dependent on each other while still supporting one another.
I'd love to see the Soldier become Bucky enough to be like, "Steve, I hope you know it wasn't your fault that any of this happened. It wasn't your fault that you couldn't make my drunk ass happy, either."
And Steve sharing his own opinions regarding Bucky and how much blame he's allowed to claim from his time as the Winter Soldie (aka NONE. None blame.)
About the opiates: I figured Bucky probably was on a plethora of things as the Soldier, so he's pretty casual about using chemicals to get the results he wants from his body. Considering his serum-healing, he gets away with it pretty scot-free. I figure the Soldier probably ends up trying different things all the time, especially before he realizes he's kind of abusive when he drinks. He wants to trick out his meat sack the way his technicians did - after all, to him it's not the fact that they used chemicals on him that bothers him. It's the fact that THEY made all the choices. But, he doesn't really know what to use or the amounts. He definitely ends up scaring the fuck out of Steve a few times due to overdoses where he's vomiting all over himself and telling Steve he'll shank him if he sells the Soldier out to the government ("just let me take you to the hospital!" "fuck you, you fucking [incomprehensible Russian], are you an IDIOT?! What do you think they'll [more incomprehensible Russian]")
I'm really glad you liked the way I handled the parents!! Alcoholism was kind of a huge thing for the guys who came back from WWI, but I didn't want to sensationalize it too much. Not gonna lie, functional-alcoholism and alcohol-induced domestic abuse kinda run rampant in my family. I didn't want to get too into it because I could go on forever about the tiny ways being around alcoholics can be a huge drain on resources, but I also didn't want to brush over it too much? I hope I hit a spot somewhere between Sensationalized Drunkies Abuse Their Families Turn to Page 4 to Hear This Sad Story! and "okay, but does he actually have an alcohol problem or is he just a sad drunk?"
(omfg this got so long. apparently i wasnt done talking about Drunky Barnes and the Winter Sober)
Re: FILL: Liquid Courage (2/2)
As for recovery: I personally think that he would eventually come to a place where he'd feel safe enough to stop and think about what he wants and if his current life philosophy is good for him on a longterm scale. For the Soldier, it's not about WANTING to take down Hydra so much as knowing it's necessary if he ever wants to have control of his life. He does get satisfaction from destroying them, but it comes down to necessity in the end. I think once he feels safe he'll actually have a lot easier time letting that aspect go than Steve will. The Soldier ENJOYS finding out what he likes and wants - Steve hasn't allowed that for himself in a long time.
Eventually, I can see the Soldier going through some difficult times as he has to confront the fact that it's pretty obvious that a part of him still remembers being Bucky Barnes. He's got a lot of identity and mental health stuff to go through. I can see him either gently folding that past away and going "thanks but no thanks", or I can see him angrily trying to dismantle his programming - not because he thinks Bucky Barnes deserves to be a person, 'cause FUCK that guy with a rusty rake, but because Hydra was full of bastards and the Soldier doesn't want to have any truck with their shitty programming if he can help it. I think he'd slowly start to break free of it himself if he wasn't keeping himself Field Ready.
Steve would have his own shit to sort out. I could see the Soldier basically going, "welp, thanks for the help, see ya round," and Steve having to pick up the pieces. But, I think my preferred ending for them would be the Soldier feeling kind of bad for this guy who would do literally anything for him, and so he kind of takes Steve along for the ride on his Self Discover Extravaganza.
They have bad times, they have good times. Sometimes the Soldier wants to have nothing to do with Steve because the guy STILL calls him Bucky when he's sleepy and not thinking straight. Sometimes Steve is sick of just waiting around trying to get the Soldier's head on straight and he Needs a Fight or a Cause and eventually that turns into arguing. I think the Soldier would probably like Spitfire!Steve a lot better than docile-weapon!Steve. They discover what jokes the Soldier likes, they figure out how to have fun without alcohol (lmfao what is this after school special shit I'm peddling right now) and without being horrifyingly dependent on each other while still supporting one another.
I'd love to see the Soldier become Bucky enough to be like, "Steve, I hope you know it wasn't your fault that any of this happened. It wasn't your fault that you couldn't make my drunk ass happy, either."
And Steve sharing his own opinions regarding Bucky and how much blame he's allowed to claim from his time as the Winter Soldie (aka NONE. None blame.)
About the opiates: I figured Bucky probably was on a plethora of things as the Soldier, so he's pretty casual about using chemicals to get the results he wants from his body. Considering his serum-healing, he gets away with it pretty scot-free. I figure the Soldier probably ends up trying different things all the time, especially before he realizes he's kind of abusive when he drinks. He wants to trick out his meat sack the way his technicians did - after all, to him it's not the fact that they used chemicals on him that bothers him. It's the fact that THEY made all the choices. But, he doesn't really know what to use or the amounts. He definitely ends up scaring the fuck out of Steve a few times due to overdoses where he's vomiting all over himself and telling Steve he'll shank him if he sells the Soldier out to the government ("just let me take you to the hospital!" "fuck you, you fucking [incomprehensible Russian], are you an IDIOT?! What do you think they'll [more incomprehensible Russian]")
I'm really glad you liked the way I handled the parents!! Alcoholism was kind of a huge thing for the guys who came back from WWI, but I didn't want to sensationalize it too much. Not gonna lie, functional-alcoholism and alcohol-induced domestic abuse kinda run rampant in my family. I didn't want to get too into it because I could go on forever about the tiny ways being around alcoholics can be a huge drain on resources, but I also didn't want to brush over it too much? I hope I hit a spot somewhere between Sensationalized Drunkies Abuse Their Families Turn to Page 4 to Hear This Sad Story! and "okay, but does he actually have an alcohol problem or is he just a sad drunk?"
(omfg this got so long. apparently i wasnt done talking about Drunky Barnes and the Winter Sober)