Oh man this is so heartbreaking and I am so here for it
Bucky sleeping his way through the Avengers and with several strangers he meets in skeevy bars across NY. It starts when he begins getting flashbacks to/nightmares about his past rapes, but he's already got so much trauma on his plate that he just can't stand to add this to the already overwhelming heap he has to deal with. So instead, he tries to desensitize himself by having as much rough, meaningless sex as he can and convince himself that it isn't as bad as he thinks.
Except, it doesn't work as well as he hoped it would. On more than one occasion, he unintentionally lashed out at his partner or burst into tears and they had to stop whatever they were doing to comfort him. But no! Bucky's stronger than this, he knows he is, he has to be! He tries to laugh it off and make it seem like nothing, but he can tell they don't believe him, and eventually they have to say they're not comfortable continuing and they leave. Now, he feels like a failure in addition to feeling weak. He can't even pretend to not be fucked up! Then, a particularly nasty incident happens and he ends up throwing his partner off of him, they hit their head on the opposite wall and fall unconscious. He just bolts.
He stops having sex after that, terrified of hurting someone else, but still refusing to admit to himself, let alone anyone else, that he has to work this out and get some help. His nightmares double, now with images of him beating his partner to death. He can't even touch himself without feeling guilt and revulsion. And what if soon after this, Steve/Sam/Nat figure out he was sexually abused, and they're not sure if they should talk to him about it before he's ready, but they hate seeing their friend so messed up over this. So they decide that it's worth the risk to bring up the convo, slowly and calmly and respectfully, but Bucky blanches. The last thing he wanted was for someone, especially someone he cares so much about, to see how weak he really is. They tell him he's not weak, he's the strongest person they know, that he survived so much and he's doing so well, but it's like he's deaf to their words. He doesn't believe them, and the anxiety is too much, so he shuts down. He doesn't notice when someone moves him to his bed, he doesn't notice that days are passing. It's all just a long white haze, not even nightmares or thirst or hunger to keep him present, just an overwhelming blankness
Re: promiscuous Bucky
Bucky sleeping his way through the Avengers and with several strangers he meets in skeevy bars across NY. It starts when he begins getting flashbacks to/nightmares about his past rapes, but he's already got so much trauma on his plate that he just can't stand to add this to the already overwhelming heap he has to deal with. So instead, he tries to desensitize himself by having as much rough, meaningless sex as he can and convince himself that it isn't as bad as he thinks.
Except, it doesn't work as well as he hoped it would. On more than one occasion, he unintentionally lashed out at his partner or burst into tears and they had to stop whatever they were doing to comfort him. But no! Bucky's stronger than this, he knows he is, he has to be! He tries to laugh it off and make it seem like nothing, but he can tell they don't believe him, and eventually they have to say they're not comfortable continuing and they leave. Now, he feels like a failure in addition to feeling weak. He can't even pretend to not be fucked up! Then, a particularly nasty incident happens and he ends up throwing his partner off of him, they hit their head on the opposite wall and fall unconscious. He just bolts.
He stops having sex after that, terrified of hurting someone else, but still refusing to admit to himself, let alone anyone else, that he has to work this out and get some help. His nightmares double, now with images of him beating his partner to death. He can't even touch himself without feeling guilt and revulsion. And what if soon after this, Steve/Sam/Nat figure out he was sexually abused, and they're not sure if they should talk to him about it before he's ready, but they hate seeing their friend so messed up over this. So they decide that it's worth the risk to bring up the convo, slowly and calmly and respectfully, but Bucky blanches. The last thing he wanted was for someone, especially someone he cares so much about, to see how weak he really is. They tell him he's not weak, he's the strongest person they know, that he survived so much and he's doing so well, but it's like he's deaf to their words. He doesn't believe them, and the anxiety is too much, so he shuts down. He doesn't notice when someone moves him to his bed, he doesn't notice that days are passing. It's all just a long white haze, not even nightmares or thirst or hunger to keep him present, just an overwhelming blankness