So basically I want a scenario where Steve and Bucky have feelings for each other, and Steve absolutely is his own sweet and selfless self - but on some basic, primal level, he's just so disturbed and disgusted by Bucky's past.
Not just the trashy bits, but the assassinations and the mind wipes, too.
And Bucky is absolutely worried about Steve being disgusted by him, so Steve can't/won't let it show - but every time they touch, he just can't stop thinking about it: those hands have killed, that mind has been wiped and might not be his own, that mouth and ass have serviced dozens of Hydra cocks...and he just can't let it go.
It's even worse when Bucky remembers something and tells him, especially if he's in his arms. Steve wants to comfort him, but really it makes Steve want to run away, but he can't, because Bucky would see it as rejection.
Until, I guess, he comes to a breaking point and can't handle it anymore and things blow up in their faces.
(Oh, and, he does genuinely love him. he's just disturbed and disgusted, too. So it's all just fucked up)
Steve actually IS bothered by Bucky's past.
Not just the trashy bits, but the assassinations and the mind wipes, too.
And Bucky is absolutely worried about Steve being disgusted by him, so Steve can't/won't let it show - but every time they touch, he just can't stop thinking about it: those hands have killed, that mind has been wiped and might not be his own, that mouth and ass have serviced dozens of Hydra cocks...and he just can't let it go.
It's even worse when Bucky remembers something and tells him, especially if he's in his arms. Steve wants to comfort him, but really it makes Steve want to run away, but he can't, because Bucky would see it as rejection.
Until, I guess, he comes to a breaking point and can't handle it anymore and things blow up in their faces.
(Oh, and, he does genuinely love him. he's just disturbed and disgusted, too. So it's all just fucked up)