Like, Bucky is mostly recovered. I mean sure there's PTSD and maybe the occasional conditioning, but he very much knows who he is, who Steve is, and who's side he's on.
Hydra did terrible, terrible things to him - including repeated rapes spanning over decades.
Steve knows this; he has read it in the files Nat found for him. He even saw some pictures. There's even videos, but Steve refuses to watch those because he finds it disrespectful towards Bucky.
Bucky DOES have feelings for Steve, and maybe remembers Steve looking at him with a little more than a friendly look before the war...but there's no way he's even going to mention that now, because even though he's mostly recovered, he's utterly convinced nobody in their right minds could possibly want him (maybe mixed in with some 1940's homophobia he was exposed to, and ideas about masculinity when growing up).
Except something happens. And they kiss. I dunno...maybe Bucky can get drunk. Or Bucky gets a flasback and Steve gets a bit carried away comforting him. Or maybe one of them gets hurt in a fight and the other just kisses him when the fear it might be the last chance.
In any case, they're hit with the reality that these feeling are real and mutual.
Except Bucky thinks there's something really wrong with Steve for wanting an ex-assassin who's been fucked hundreds of times.
He literally goes to Sam worried about his mental health, to Bruce to insist on a brain scan, goes to Nat to confirm that Steve actually has seen those pictures, fears it might be Stockholm syndrome or whatever etc etc.
Maybe he actually show Steve some video's to try and "snap him out of it", only it makes Steve love him more and he just.doesn't.get.it.
He even has an intervention where he questions Steve about his sanity.
Give me Bucky Barnes feeling so unworthy that he thinks only an insane person would want him, and a completely head-over-heels Steve Rogers who can't imagine ever *not* wanting Bucky. And all the sweet, sweet angst.
Bucky thinks there's something wrong with Steve...
Like, Bucky is mostly recovered. I mean sure there's PTSD and maybe the occasional conditioning, but he very much knows who he is, who Steve is, and who's side he's on.
Hydra did terrible, terrible things to him - including repeated rapes spanning over decades.
Steve knows this; he has read it in the files Nat found for him. He even saw some pictures. There's even videos, but Steve refuses to watch those because he finds it disrespectful towards Bucky.
Bucky DOES have feelings for Steve, and maybe remembers Steve looking at him with a little more than a friendly look before the war...but there's no way he's even going to mention that now, because even though he's mostly recovered, he's utterly convinced nobody in their right minds could possibly want him (maybe mixed in with some 1940's homophobia he was exposed to, and ideas about masculinity when growing up).
Except something happens. And they kiss. I dunno...maybe Bucky can get drunk. Or Bucky gets a flasback and Steve gets a bit carried away comforting him. Or maybe one of them gets hurt in a fight and the other just kisses him when the fear it might be the last chance.
In any case, they're hit with the reality that these feeling are real and mutual.
Except Bucky thinks there's something really wrong with Steve for wanting an ex-assassin who's been fucked hundreds of times.
He literally goes to Sam worried about his mental health, to Bruce to insist on a brain scan, goes to Nat to confirm that Steve actually has seen those pictures, fears it might be Stockholm syndrome or whatever etc etc.
Maybe he actually show Steve some video's to try and "snap him out of it", only it makes Steve love him more and he just.doesn't.get.it.
He even has an intervention where he questions Steve about his sanity.
Give me Bucky Barnes feeling so unworthy that he thinks only an insane person would want him, and a completely head-over-heels Steve Rogers who can't imagine ever *not* wanting Bucky. And all the sweet, sweet angst.