Steve opened the door to the apartment to find Bucky already there, rummaging through the fridge. Bucky looked at the clock when he came in. "3am. Sam kick you out, too?"

Steve sat down at the kitchen table. "Yup. He said that no matter what, I should not stay overnight when it's the first time, that I had to go home and debrief." Steve had wanted to cuddle a bit more, but he knew Sam was right.

"Pretty much what Natalia said." Bucky plunked down in the chair next to him with a plate of celery and peanut butter. "Why is it that they're better at this than we are?"

"Well, we did agree on them because they're good, sexy people that we trust." Steve snagged a celery stick and chewed amicably. If he wanted to, he could just pretend this was one of their super-metabolism-driven midnight snacks.

But Bucky was quick to remind him that it wasn't. "So how did it go for you?"

"A bit awkward at first, but..." Steve thought back to the warm thickness of Sam's cock in his mouth, the way it felt in his ass, the soft scratches of his goatee against his chest. "It was good. Different." He couldn't help smiling at that. He'd almost forgotten what a stiffening cock looked and felt like. He also had a moment of panic halfway through, that he should be worried about something. But Sam just licked the precum off of Steve's cock before sliding down to taking in the rest of his length. "And what about you?"

Bucky smiled. A tight smile, but there was pride in it nonetheless. "Nothing for me, as usual. But I got her to come. Multiple times."

Steve quirked an eyebrow and gestured with the celery in his hand. "With your shake-maker?"

"Once, yeah. But the rest of it was all me." Bucky leaned back on his chair and a look of utter bliss flashed across his face. "I can still smell it."

Steve fought to tamp down the sudden pang of jealousy. Completely irrational, given that he was the one who brought up the idea of trying with other people in the first place, and didn't he just have an absolutely amazing time with Sam? But Steve couldn't help thinking about all the hundreds of times that Bucky had tensed up and had to leave the room. What Bucky was able to do with Natasha... he could never have that. He wanted to punch Hydra for taking this part of Bucky from him.

Instead, Steve shoved another celery stick in his mouth and said, "So maybe this should become a regular thing."

Bucky straightened and looked thoughtful. "I don't know, Steve. It was good, yes. And like you said, different."

"I'm sure we both mean easier." Steve regretted those words the second he spat them out, but it was too late. He was never good at keeping his mouth shut when he's feeling angry.

Bucky shot him a dark look. "Yes, you punk. Of course it was easier. But in case you haven't noticed, I don't do life on 'easier' mode, I do it on 'Steve Rogers' mode." Bucky stood half out of his chair. "Was it nice to actually be in the room with someone you like and get to fully enjoy their body? Of course. Was it less frustrating because there weren't those hundreds of failures hanging over my head? Duh." Bucky jabbed a finger at him. "And don't you *dare* say it wasn't like that for you and Sam."

And just as suddenly, Bucky deflated and sat back down. "But after... I just kept wishing I could do some of that... ANY of that... with you." Bucky buried his head in his hands. "It was easier because it wasn't you. But you are what I want." His voice came out muffled, the way he'd sound when he's trying hard not to cry. "And that's not fair to Natalia. I should...."

Steve reached across the table and pulled Bucky's hands from covering his face. "Stop it, Bucky." Steve said as gently as he could. "Don't deny yourself a good thing just because you want something else. You do that enough when it's just between us." Bucky blinked slowly, not quite comprehending, but nodded. "At the very least, you should ask Nat about it before you decide that it's not fair to her."

Steve continued, making his apology how he can. "And you're absolutely right -- about me and Sam, about this whole ... arrangement. It's easier, but it's not US." Bucky nodded again, and let Steve lead him to sit on the couch and hold him tight. "C'mon, Buck, let's do our thing for a bit."

Slowly, Steve felt Bucky relax under his hands. Finally, Bucky sighed. "So... is this it? We just can't have proper sex with each other?"

Steve grasped for something to say. Bucky was right, of course -- they've got plenty of evidence that sex just isn't going to work. But he's also wrong in that.... "Remember how I spent all of the Cyclone ride vomiting my guts out?" Bucky nodded, not quite sure where Steve was going with this. Steve had refused Bucky's charity, so it took half of the summer to save up enough money for Coney Island. By then he'd researched all of the rides and shows. 'I always said it was you who made me ride it, but the truth was ... I wanted to. More than anything." Bucky looked up at Steve -- this was a version of events that he hadn't heard before. "And after failing at that, the rest of Coney Island just felt like a consolation prize. The ferris wheel, the food and sideshows... even that bear you won for me at the shooting range."

Bucky laughed. "That bear. It was the best prize I'd won for anybody and I really wanted you to like it. But you just shoved it back at me and told me to take *it* on the Cyclone with me."

"I later showed that bear to Howard as a model for Bucky Bear, y'know." Bucky's startled look meant that he didn't know that, either.

"But that meant that you..."

"Of course, Bucky." Steve pulled Bucky into a gentle kiss. "Because you're *never* the consolation prize."

And as he felt Bucky's kisses grow more urgent under him, Steve figured they'd be all right after all.