Okay, so this might be a combo of things already done, but worth a shot.
Bucky IS very much Bucky after he returns, but despite him trying to cover up his trash past, it comes to light spectacularly and to all of the Avengers: maybe there's a sex tape, maybe Rumlow sends them photo's to taunt them, maybe a really old uncensored file show up - in any case, EVERYONE close to him knows.
Despite rationally knowing it's not his fault - he just can't fathom that anyone would still want to touch him, let alone be romantically or sexually involved with him - even if it wasn't his fault - simply because no-one could love a guy who was too weak didn't fight back while he was being raped in the ass, right? Even sucked cock without biting it off? And even they could forgive that, there's still the reality of dozens if not hundreds of sexual partners - in short he feels like a dirty old whore, used up and unclean, and unfit for any human being whose sexual experience fell into the normal scope.
Give me the torment of deep feelings of inadequacy (bonus points if contrasted with competence in the professional superhero department), of being touch-starved but feeling too dirty to be touched, of wanting love but being genuinely disgusted when he finds out he has feelings for someone (because how could he inflict that on them).
I tend to prefer Steve for slash pairings, and Natasha for het ones.
Bonus points:
- He has some sort of neurosis in relation to cleanliness/feeling clean. Maybe constantly cleaning his fingernails or brushing teeth excessively, something like that.
- If he believes that all the Avengers are feigning their affection;, think he's gross, and only keep him around because he's a good supersoldier (and in Steve's case, nostalgia).
- If he actually develops something very much like a teenage crush i;e. very innocent and sweet and pure in a way, where he'd just be content with holding hands and having milkshakes and maybe a chaste kiss, but he can't reconcile that in his head with his past - someone like him can't have such sweet feelings, right? It's WRONG.
- If the person he ends up with is really worried about touching his in ways that trigger him, and he interprets that as disgust.
- If his worries are not entirely unfounded, and the person he's with CAN'T actually fully block the visual imagery of his abuse from their mind's eye. (It's not disgust, they love him, but they don't know how to deal either).
- If there is actually some sort of catharsis of touching/kissing/lovemaking/whatever because I am actually a sucker for the comfort part too.
Bucky can't comprehend how anyone can still want to touch him
Bucky IS very much Bucky after he returns, but despite him trying to cover up his trash past, it comes to light spectacularly and to all of the Avengers: maybe there's a sex tape, maybe Rumlow sends them photo's to taunt them, maybe a really old uncensored file show up - in any case, EVERYONE close to him knows.
Despite rationally knowing it's not his fault - he just can't fathom that anyone would still want to touch him, let alone be romantically or sexually involved with him - even if it wasn't his fault - simply because no-one could love a guy who was too weak didn't fight back while he was being raped in the ass, right? Even sucked cock without biting it off? And even they could forgive that, there's still the reality of dozens if not hundreds of sexual partners - in short he feels like a dirty old whore, used up and unclean, and unfit for any human being whose sexual experience fell into the normal scope.
Give me the torment of deep feelings of inadequacy (bonus points if contrasted with competence in the professional superhero department), of being touch-starved but feeling too dirty to be touched, of wanting love but being genuinely disgusted when he finds out he has feelings for someone (because how could he inflict that on them).
I tend to prefer Steve for slash pairings, and Natasha for het ones.
Bonus points:
- He has some sort of neurosis in relation to cleanliness/feeling clean. Maybe constantly cleaning his fingernails or brushing teeth excessively, something like that.
- If he believes that all the Avengers are feigning their affection;, think he's gross, and only keep him around because he's a good supersoldier (and in Steve's case, nostalgia).
- If he actually develops something very much like a teenage crush i;e. very innocent and sweet and pure in a way, where he'd just be content with holding hands and having milkshakes and maybe a chaste kiss, but he can't reconcile that in his head with his past - someone like him can't have such sweet feelings, right? It's WRONG.
- If the person he ends up with is really worried about touching his in ways that trigger him, and he interprets that as disgust.
- If his worries are not entirely unfounded, and the person he's with CAN'T actually fully block the visual imagery of his abuse from their mind's eye. (It's not disgust, they love him, but they don't know how to deal either).
- If there is actually some sort of catharsis of touching/kissing/lovemaking/whatever because I am actually a sucker for the comfort part too.