Have I mentioned I have not read over what I've written? orz --------
Steve's head was full of the day's meetings when he got back home, so it took him a moment to notice that something was different.
Bucky was sitting on the couch. Naked. Smiling at him shyly. "Hi there, Steve." Steve stopped short.
"Bu...James, what are you doing?" Steve tried not to blush, and quickly looked in a safer direction -- the kitchen counters. But it was already too late -- he'd already seen Bucky's perfectly toned muscles, and his memory was already replaying everything in high definition. Bucky's shoulders are broader now than before, but it's the same thin line of hair down Bucky's abdomen, and his cock, still the same eagerness as that summer of 1939...
From his peripheral vision Steve saw Bucky approaching him from behind, walking with that familiar easy saunter until he got unbearably close. "Steve..." He reached out one hand to wrap around Steve's shoulder, and another reach around to gently cup Steve's crotch. "... I'm ready for you." Bucky murmured into Steve's ear. Steve blushed harder as he felt himself already hard under Bucky's grasp, as he felt Bucky's hard cock teasing him from behind. Steve couldn't help moaning a bit and leaning into Bucky's arms. Steve turned around so that his lips could reach Bucky's eager mouth... and found himself staring into the Asset's eyes.
Wait. This is wrong. He'd almost.... Steve stepped back in horror, leaving Bucky standing there, one arm still up. Bucky was still flushed from the embrace, but he quickly composed himself. "What did I do wrong, Steve?" He looked pointedly at Steve's still-hard cock. "I thought you wanted this."
Steve took a few slow breaths. "Bu... James. I... it's just a physical reaction." He gestured weakly before pulling out a chair and sitting down at the kitchen table. "I... I shouldn't."
Bucky quirked an eyebrow and sat down in the chair opposite. "I don't understand, Steve." Bucky always said Steve's name with a small pause, as if he were saying Sir. "You've been unhappy with my performance and lack of initiative, and I thought you'd like it if I offered sexual relief instead of waiting for your command."
The rest of Steve's erection was gone, now. "Waiting for my *command*?" As if Steve needed more proof that Bucky's not ready for sex with anyone, much less Steve. Articles about command rape kept scrolling through Steve's head.
Bucky shrugged. "Well, most handlers would have just ordered me on the first day, so when you didn't, I thought you just weren't interested." He gave Steve's crotch another forlorn look. "But then I figured maybe it was because you were such a good and patient handler in other ways, you were waiting for *me* to make the first move."
Waiting on Bucky, yes. But not in that way. Waiting for Bucky's memories to come back a bit more. Waiting for the Asset mentality to be less dominant.
"What did I do wrong, Steve? It was going good for you. Your body indicated that it was pleasurable for you..." Bucky looked at Steve with renewed determination. "I want to make it good for you, Steve. Did you want something more traditional?" Bucky got on his knees and his face instantly changed to one of utter submission. "Please, Steve?" He was looking at Steve, eyes timid but full of lust.
Steve gulped. Everything about this went straight to his dick, but that's not right. Steve closed his eyes and reminded himself that Bucky's faking this -- Bucky doesn't remember what they had before the war. And if Bucky can't decide what to have for dinner, there's no way Bucky can decide to have sex.
He put on his best Handler voice. "James. Sit back up in the chair."
A part of him wished that Bucky didn't comply so readily. But... "James, sex, for me, is more than just a physical reaction. I ... I can take care of the physical stuff myself just fine."
"But what if I *want* to be the one to take care of it for you?" Bucky looked rather insistent. Steve sighed internally -- his therapist warned him about the faun response and eagerness to please.
"That's not the point. The point is that ... well, you'd do anything I order you to, right?"
"Of course, you're my handler. But you've been so good about..."
"And so if I ordered you to, say, have sex with Sam, or the whole team, you would."
"Of course, it's part of my operation parameters. But with you it's different because..." Bucky blushed.
"Because I'm your handler?"
"Yes. You're the best handler."
Steve marveled at the amount of blind loyalty HYDRA had managed to train into Bucky.
"So that's why. I can't do this to you. You need to feel like you can say no to me."
"But you're the best handler and I don't want to say no to you..." Bucky is frowning at what the asset part of his brain perceived to be a logical impossibility.
Steve scratched his head. Even though it's been two months, Bucky still needed constant reassurances that he's not in trouble. It's still too early for this conversation. "Later, James. Let's pick this up again when you're a bit more recovered, when you've got more of your memories back." Steve took a deep breath. "Now, how about some dinner?"
* * * * *
The clock next to James' bed said 02:14.
James replayed Steve's words to him yet another time. Steve always said things like "recovered" and "getting your memories back." James knew what Steve really meant though: it was code for "Steve misses Bucky."
James grimaced. Bucky. Ugh. Steve was always saying things like "Do you remember back when..." or sometimes Steve would make some sort of food and look at James expectantly. James would always shrug and eat the food and tell Steve that it tasted good. That generally caused Steve to return to a normal state. Remembering Bucky Barnes made Steve unstable, and a poor handler. Steve would not have been captured by Commander Rumlow if he hadn't remembered Bucky Barnes. Remembering Bucky Barnes made Steve make sub-par food with no flavors. Remembering Bucky Barnes caused Steve to have nightmares.
But... if being Bucky Barnes meant that Steve would look at him the way he did today -- like he was the best thing that happened to Steve -- maybe James could pretend to be Bucky. Even if it's just for a few hours.
After all, Steve was the best thing that happened to James. And until today, until the moment James felt Steve's cock twitch and nipples harden under his hands, James didn't know how much he *wanted* Steve. Steve relaxed and trembling from arousal. Steve reaching orgasm on him, in him, with him. Handlers of the past wanted many things from James' body -- pain, obedience, lust, but never pleasure. But today, Steve showed James how intoxicating it was to have his own pleasure stir up a complementary reaction in his handler. The way his cock hardened and heart rate elevated from the feeling of Steve's cock and vice versa... James wanted more of that.
Steve clearly had the same need. Just with Bucky, not James.
James sighed. It's not that he didn't remember things that Bucky said or did with Steve. Most of it just seemed so ... irrelevant. James understood the mission-relevant parts, like the relief Bucky felt when he saved Steve from harm, or where Bucky had actual missions against HYDRA. But the rest of it had neither pain nor relief, just endless undirected actions. There were even some memories of sex with Steve, but there wasn't the same *want* in those memories as he felt now. Bucky didn't appreciate reciprocal pleasure, because he hadn't had the years of pain that James experienced.
A chilling thought came to James: it won't just be a few hours of pretending. Steve's too smart and would see through that. And no matter what arousal Steve's body felt, Steve would hold back and *wait*. He's looking for "recovery." He wants a Bucky who "has his memories back." Steve didn't want to be a handler who had sex with his asset, Steve wanted to have a relationship with Bucky.
James hesitated. If he pretended to be Bucky Barnes, it might have to be a permanent thing. Bucky felt about things differently from James. Bucky would not do tai chi in the park in the mornings. Would Bucky have tea with Natasha and argue about Khruschev's taste in literature? Probably not. Instead Bucky would drink coffee and argue with Steve about baseball.
Was becoming Bucky worth it? To be allowed into Steve's bedroom and properly protect Steve, to erase Steve's small frowns. To see Steve orgasm as he shouts Bucky's name.
The clock by the bed now said 05:20. James turned over. He needed sleep, and he needed advice.
Re: Mini-fill [1b/2] Re: The Asset is genuinely thrilled with his new handler
--------
Steve's head was full of the day's meetings when he got back home, so it took him a moment to notice that something was different.
Bucky was sitting on the couch. Naked. Smiling at him shyly. "Hi there, Steve." Steve stopped short.
"Bu...James, what are you doing?" Steve tried not to blush, and quickly looked in a safer direction -- the kitchen counters. But it was already too late -- he'd already seen Bucky's perfectly toned muscles, and his memory was already replaying everything in high definition. Bucky's shoulders are broader now than before, but it's the same thin line of hair down Bucky's abdomen, and his cock, still the same eagerness as that summer of 1939...
From his peripheral vision Steve saw Bucky approaching him from behind, walking with that familiar easy saunter until he got unbearably close. "Steve..." He reached out one hand to wrap around Steve's shoulder, and another reach around to gently cup Steve's crotch. "... I'm ready for you." Bucky murmured into Steve's ear. Steve blushed harder as he felt himself already hard under Bucky's grasp, as he felt Bucky's hard cock teasing him from behind. Steve couldn't help moaning a bit and leaning into Bucky's arms. Steve turned around so that his lips could reach Bucky's eager mouth... and found himself staring into the Asset's eyes.
Wait. This is wrong. He'd almost.... Steve stepped back in horror, leaving Bucky standing there, one arm still up. Bucky was still flushed from the embrace, but he quickly composed himself. "What did I do wrong, Steve?" He looked pointedly at Steve's still-hard cock. "I thought you wanted this."
Steve took a few slow breaths. "Bu... James. I... it's just a physical reaction." He gestured weakly before pulling out a chair and sitting down at the kitchen table. "I... I shouldn't."
Bucky quirked an eyebrow and sat down in the chair opposite. "I don't understand, Steve." Bucky always said Steve's name with a small pause, as if he were saying Sir. "You've been unhappy with my performance and lack of initiative, and I thought you'd like it if I offered sexual relief instead of waiting for your command."
The rest of Steve's erection was gone, now. "Waiting for my *command*?" As if Steve needed more proof that Bucky's not ready for sex with anyone, much less Steve. Articles about command rape kept scrolling through Steve's head.
Bucky shrugged. "Well, most handlers would have just ordered me on the first day, so when you didn't, I thought you just weren't interested." He gave Steve's crotch another forlorn look. "But then I figured maybe it was because you were such a good and patient handler in other ways, you were waiting for *me* to make the first move."
Waiting on Bucky, yes. But not in that way. Waiting for Bucky's memories to come back a bit more. Waiting for the Asset mentality to be less dominant.
"What did I do wrong, Steve? It was going good for you. Your body indicated that it was pleasurable for you..." Bucky looked at Steve with renewed determination. "I want to make it good for you, Steve. Did you want something more traditional?" Bucky got on his knees and his face instantly changed to one of utter submission. "Please, Steve?" He was looking at Steve, eyes timid but full of lust.
Steve gulped. Everything about this went straight to his dick, but that's not right. Steve closed his eyes and reminded himself that Bucky's faking this -- Bucky doesn't remember what they had before the war. And if Bucky can't decide what to have for dinner, there's no way Bucky can decide to have sex.
He put on his best Handler voice. "James. Sit back up in the chair."
A part of him wished that Bucky didn't comply so readily. But... "James, sex, for me, is more than just a physical reaction. I ... I can take care of the physical stuff myself just fine."
"But what if I *want* to be the one to take care of it for you?" Bucky looked rather insistent. Steve sighed internally -- his therapist warned him about the faun response and eagerness to please.
"That's not the point. The point is that ... well, you'd do anything I order you to, right?"
"Of course, you're my handler. But you've been so good about..."
"And so if I ordered you to, say, have sex with Sam, or the whole team, you would."
"Of course, it's part of my operation parameters. But with you it's different because..." Bucky blushed.
"Because I'm your handler?"
"Yes. You're the best handler."
Steve marveled at the amount of blind loyalty HYDRA had managed to train into Bucky.
"So that's why. I can't do this to you. You need to feel like you can say no to me."
"But you're the best handler and I don't want to say no to you..." Bucky is frowning at what the asset part of his brain perceived to be a logical impossibility.
Steve scratched his head. Even though it's been two months, Bucky still needed constant reassurances that he's not in trouble. It's still too early for this conversation. "Later, James. Let's pick this up again when you're a bit more recovered, when you've got more of your memories back." Steve took a deep breath. "Now, how about some dinner?"
* * * * *
The clock next to James' bed said 02:14.
James replayed Steve's words to him yet another time. Steve always said things like "recovered" and "getting your memories back." James knew what Steve really meant though: it was code for "Steve misses Bucky."
James grimaced. Bucky. Ugh. Steve was always saying things like "Do you remember back when..." or sometimes Steve would make some sort of food and look at James expectantly. James would always shrug and eat the food and tell Steve that it tasted good. That generally caused Steve to return to a normal state. Remembering Bucky Barnes made Steve unstable, and a poor handler. Steve would not have been captured by Commander Rumlow if he hadn't remembered Bucky Barnes. Remembering Bucky Barnes made Steve make sub-par food with no flavors. Remembering Bucky Barnes caused Steve to have nightmares.
But... if being Bucky Barnes meant that Steve would look at him the way he did today -- like he was the best thing that happened to Steve -- maybe James could pretend to be Bucky. Even if it's just for a few hours.
After all, Steve was the best thing that happened to James. And until today, until the moment James felt Steve's cock twitch and nipples harden under his hands, James didn't know how much he *wanted* Steve. Steve relaxed and trembling from arousal. Steve reaching orgasm on him, in him, with him. Handlers of the past wanted many things from James' body -- pain, obedience, lust, but never pleasure. But today, Steve showed James how intoxicating it was to have his own pleasure stir up a complementary reaction in his handler. The way his cock hardened and heart rate elevated from the feeling of Steve's cock and vice versa... James wanted more of that.
Steve clearly had the same need. Just with Bucky, not James.
James sighed. It's not that he didn't remember things that Bucky said or did with Steve. Most of it just seemed so ... irrelevant. James understood the mission-relevant parts, like the relief Bucky felt when he saved Steve from harm, or where Bucky had actual missions against HYDRA. But the rest of it had neither pain nor relief, just endless undirected actions. There were even some memories of sex with Steve, but there wasn't the same *want* in those memories as he felt now. Bucky didn't appreciate reciprocal pleasure, because he hadn't had the years of pain that James experienced.
A chilling thought came to James: it won't just be a few hours of pretending. Steve's too smart and would see through that. And no matter what arousal Steve's body felt, Steve would hold back and *wait*. He's looking for "recovery." He wants a Bucky who "has his memories back." Steve didn't want to be a handler who had sex with his asset, Steve wanted to have a relationship with Bucky.
James hesitated. If he pretended to be Bucky Barnes, it might have to be a permanent thing. Bucky felt about things differently from James. Bucky would not do tai chi in the park in the mornings. Would Bucky have tea with Natasha and argue about Khruschev's taste in literature? Probably not. Instead Bucky would drink coffee and argue with Steve about baseball.
Was becoming Bucky worth it? To be allowed into Steve's bedroom and properly protect Steve, to erase Steve's small frowns. To see Steve orgasm as he shouts Bucky's name.
The clock by the bed now said 05:20. James turned over. He needed sleep, and he needed advice.