It felt ashamed. It had received so much, been given so much by the Avengers, and if this was how it repayed them, well, it was no wonder they were disappointed. It had let them down, failed them.
"I know it's in the wrong place." It whispered. It would admit to its faults, not try to hide them. But at the same time, it would be honest, try and explain what had happened, how it could have gone so very badly wrong. "I was just... not thinking. I wanted..." It swallowed. "I wanted it to go over my heart, but I couldn't work out how to position it, not with the other one already there. I'm sorry."
If anything they looked more disappointed, and then Stark swore low, and Bruce leaned in to have a look, muttering about infection. Romanoff was cursing in Russian, and Thor looked angry, and it felt worse than it had since coming to the Avengers.
It had no right to try and show off its body, to flaunt the work it had done, because it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to make it theirs, and it was a fool to have even tried. It waited for them to cast their judgement.
There was a strange stillness over the group, before the Captain stepped forwards. In serious issues, it was always the Captain who took the lead, despite the flashes of memory it had of the Captain making mistakes and being foolish. The Captain had been a child then, a young man. Now he was a leader.
"Why did you do it Buck?"
"I... I know I looked disgusting before." It started to explain. "With the Brand. HYD-They..." It caught itself, stopped itself from naming its tormentors. That word alone could upset the Captain, even when he wasn't already angry. "They said I was theirs forever. But I'm not. I know I'm not. So I wanted to show it. It's not perfect, this is just temporary, I was going to make a stencil but I..." It felt tears welling up in its eyes. It had been foolish, and lazy, but it hadn't meant to be bad. It had wanted to belong, and it should have waited until it was fully equipped, but it just wanted the chance to show them it was theirs.
It lowered its head, taking shaky breaths, determined not to start sobbing in front of them.
It looked up at the ceiling, trying to stop tears from escaping. Crying was weak. Crying was an attempt for sympathy. They were all staring, and it swallowed softly, closing its eyes for a moment before it looked up. "It was a mistake. And I'm sorry. I will find a way to fix it."
"Damn right it was a mistake-" Stark snarled, pausing as Bruce placed a hand on his arm, and it shivered. It had let them down. It understood that. It watched Bruce guiding Stark away, saw the angry gestures, Stark pointing to his own chest where the reactor was embedded into his chest.
The Captain was still staring. "Did you do this to try and please us?" He asked, and it nodded, feeling overwhelmed by the sense of shame that flooded through it. It had made such a mistake, it had done the wrong thing. "I know it's not good enough." It started to stay, and the Captain's lips pressed together, thin.
He took another breath, as though weighing up what to say, and it waited for the blow to fall. "Can you explain why you thought this would please us?"
"It shows I belong to you." It began to explain. "I cut away the last one, made it unreadable, and the Avengers logo... it shows that I belong to you all, that I'm yours and not..." It shuddered. "Not Hydra's. Before, every time I saw...every time anyone saw, they saw that I was Hydra's. Now I'm not."
The silence continued, and Romanoff in the end was the one to take pity on him. "Bucky, could you get me another drink?" She asked, holding out her empty glass. It could tell this was a ploy to get it away while they discussed punishment, but it didn't mind. It was grateful for the escape, and it left to prepare a drink for her.
It heard the voices rise behind it, but returned with the drink, not eavesdropping. Stark looked a little calmer, and the Captain's eyes... looked strange. Almost damp. The Captain reached out for it, and it went to him, letting the Captain fold his arms around it's body.
"It's okay Buck." The Captain said gently, and it felt relieved. They had accepted its offer, its feeble attempt to being claimed. "You are ours." That sentence was the most incredible thing it had heard, and the tears that had threatened earlier were spilling down its cheeks.
"You are ours Bucky." The Captain repeated. "We won't ever let HYDRA have you. you're ours." "It's a part of you." That was the archer, and sometimes Bucky got the sense that the archer knew more of a life like its than he admitted. "Deeper than any cut. That's what being on a team, really on a team, means. You're claimed. In your soul."
Bucky nodded slowly. It was theirs, and it made sense that it would be permanent, that nothing would let it change. It belonged to them. "Not a very neat cut there though." Natasha said softly. "When it's healed up a bit, we can do something neater."
It felt relief run through it at that generous offer. It would be theirs. The Captain didn't look overly happy at the discussion taking place, but he didn't say no, and it nodded quickly. It would be able to prove who it belonged to. It would never return to HYDRA. It was the Avengers' now.
Fill: Marks of Ownership (2/3)
"I know it's in the wrong place." It whispered. It would admit to its faults, not try to hide them. But at the same time, it would be honest, try and explain what had happened, how it could have gone so very badly wrong. "I was just... not thinking. I wanted..." It swallowed. "I wanted it to go over my heart, but I couldn't work out how to position it, not with the other one already there. I'm sorry."
If anything they looked more disappointed, and then Stark swore low, and Bruce leaned in to have a look, muttering about infection. Romanoff was cursing in Russian, and Thor looked angry, and it felt worse than it had since coming to the Avengers.
It had no right to try and show off its body, to flaunt the work it had done, because it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to make it theirs, and it was a fool to have even tried. It waited for them to cast their judgement.
There was a strange stillness over the group, before the Captain stepped forwards. In serious issues, it was always the Captain who took the lead, despite the flashes of memory it had of the Captain making mistakes and being foolish. The Captain had been a child then, a young man. Now he was a leader.
"Why did you do it Buck?"
"I... I know I looked disgusting before." It started to explain. "With the Brand. HYD-They..." It caught itself, stopped itself from naming its tormentors. That word alone could upset the Captain, even when he wasn't already angry. "They said I was theirs forever. But I'm not. I know I'm not. So I wanted to show it. It's not perfect, this is just temporary, I was going to make a stencil but I..." It felt tears welling up in its eyes. It had been foolish, and lazy, but it hadn't meant to be bad. It had wanted to belong, and it should have waited until it was fully equipped, but it just wanted the chance to show them it was theirs.
It lowered its head, taking shaky breaths, determined not to start sobbing in front of them.
It looked up at the ceiling, trying to stop tears from escaping. Crying was weak. Crying was an attempt for sympathy. They were all staring, and it swallowed softly, closing its eyes for a moment before it looked up.
"It was a mistake. And I'm sorry. I will find a way to fix it."
"Damn right it was a mistake-" Stark snarled, pausing as Bruce placed a hand on his arm, and it shivered. It had let them down. It understood that. It watched Bruce guiding Stark away, saw the angry gestures, Stark pointing to his own chest where the reactor was embedded into his chest.
The Captain was still staring.
"Did you do this to try and please us?" He asked, and it nodded, feeling overwhelmed by the sense of shame that flooded through it. It had made such a mistake, it had done the wrong thing.
"I know it's not good enough." It started to stay, and the Captain's lips pressed together, thin.
He took another breath, as though weighing up what to say, and it waited for the blow to fall.
"Can you explain why you thought this would please us?"
"It shows I belong to you." It began to explain. "I cut away the last one, made it unreadable, and the Avengers logo... it shows that I belong to you all, that I'm yours and not..." It shuddered. "Not Hydra's. Before, every time I saw...every time anyone saw, they saw that I was Hydra's. Now I'm not."
The silence continued, and Romanoff in the end was the one to take pity on him.
"Bucky, could you get me another drink?" She asked, holding out her empty glass. It could tell this was a ploy to get it away while they discussed punishment, but it didn't mind. It was grateful for the escape, and it left to prepare a drink for her.
It heard the voices rise behind it, but returned with the drink, not eavesdropping. Stark looked a little calmer, and the Captain's eyes... looked strange. Almost damp. The Captain reached out for it, and it went to him, letting the Captain fold his arms around it's body.
"It's okay Buck." The Captain said gently, and it felt relieved. They had accepted its offer, its feeble attempt to being claimed. "You are ours." That sentence was the most incredible thing it had heard, and the tears that had threatened earlier were spilling down its cheeks.
"You are ours Bucky." The Captain repeated. "We won't ever let HYDRA have you. you're ours."
"It's a part of you." That was the archer, and sometimes Bucky got the sense that the archer knew more of a life like its than he admitted. "Deeper than any cut. That's what being on a team, really on a team, means. You're claimed. In your soul."
Bucky nodded slowly. It was theirs, and it made sense that it would be permanent, that nothing would let it change. It belonged to them.
"Not a very neat cut there though." Natasha said softly. "When it's healed up a bit, we can do something neater."
It felt relief run through it at that generous offer. It would be theirs. The Captain didn't look overly happy at the discussion taking place, but he didn't say no, and it nodded quickly. It would be able to prove who it belonged to. It would never return to HYDRA. It was the Avengers' now.