hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #4: I Don't See How That's a Party

Dumpster #4: I Don't See How That's a Party

Okay, kids, you know the drill. Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because

hydratrashmeme is about as far from a safe space as you can get. Garbage we like: noncon, whump, aftermath, violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves. Garbage you should find a different trashcan for: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, OOC evil!good guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves, rotting leftovers dressed up as a romantic gourmet meal. Nothing wrong with 'em, but this isn't the crowd you should be pitching to if you're trying to sell Brock Rumlow as anything but a human dumpster fire.

Link your fills on the fill post, post unprompted fills as replies to a header comment so the wall o' text is collapsible, and let me know if you're interested in helping out with the Pinboard archive.

[Rules in full] [Round 1] [Round 2] [Round 3] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by

greenkirtle)] [Round 4 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]

All prompts or fills that contain Infinity War spoilers must go on the Infinity War spoiler post until May 26th. Spoilers in the main dumpsters will be deleted.

Round 4 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 5.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

(A!A) I actually cut a line along the lines of Stark's AI being a person even though JARVIS is even further from human. :)

After they escape, Steve thinks everything might be okay. Bucky won’t let Steve touch him, but he’d stayed for Steve while the factory exploded around them. “Not without you!” Bucky had yelled with stubborn devotion, forcing Steve to test the limits of his new body to save them both.

Everything might be okay. Bucky’s seen things, been through things, that Steve can only imagine. Of course he’ll need some time to adjust to Steve’s new body. Steve can understand that, even if it hurts.

Steve tries the night at the pub where Bucky tells him that he’ll follow Steve back into the fray. Bucky’s stumbling out of the pub into the dim London street, Steve steady behind him. Just them. Alone in the dark. Like old times.

“Hey, man,” Steve comes up behind Bucky, puts a firm hand on his waist to guide him into the adjoining alley, and whispers in his ear. “I missed you. Did you miss me?”

Bucky freezes. Steve can feel Bucky’s skin shiver underneath his jacket. He can feel the quickening of Bucky’s heart.

“Let go of me,” Bucky’s speech is slurred, but he’s obviously terrified. “I don’t want- Let me go!”

Steve does, hurt and confused, taking a step backward with his hands raised. Bucky whirls to face him, drunk and wary. There’s no need for Bucky to be afraid of Steve. Steve would never use his new body to take advantage of Bucky, just as he’d known Bucky would never have taken advantage of him when he was small and sick. A horrible, traitorous misgiving enters Steve’s mind. That Bucky doesn’t trust him. That Bucky only liked Steve when he was weak. He only liked Steve because he was weak.

The thought makes him angry. He pushes it aside, because it’s not true. He can’t believe it’s true.

He won’t believe it.

“I’m sorry,” Steve tells Bucky, placating. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want. Just thought I’d offer.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything, but his shoulders slump. He moves aside to let Steve walk ahead of him back to the barracks. Every step Steve takes feels wrong. He’s a monstrosity. Too big, too cumbersome. Untouchable.

Unlovable.

Oh, does this ever delight my black little heart! And to make matters worse (or, in fact, better... *evil cackle*) poor, sweet, innocent Bucky has feelings for Steve!
(Seriously though: this was gorgeously written - oh, that bleak ending! - very nicely paced. You made Bucky's confusion, him being overwhelmed, his shame, the horror very clear ~~and please, now someone hug him and comfort him?~~.)

[PAINED WHALE NOISES]

This is so good!

The writing style perfectly compliments this story. Kudos!

Oh this is wonderful.

Weeks pass.

They’ve been on the move, Steve, Bucky, and the rest of what the propaganda machine has started calling the Howling Commandos. Gabe, Dum Dum, Jim, Jacques, and Monty are good men, good soldiers, and good friends, and they all look at Steve with respect and admiration. For the first time in his life, Steve has friends other than Bucky. The Howlies at his side, Peggy and Howard back at base. He has friends. He likes that.

He doesn’t dwell on the questions he sometimes has. If the Howlies would have liked him without this body. If Peggy and Howard would have continued to pretend they like him. He’s afraid of the answers.

He doesn’t dwell on the bitter catch that having health, power, and friends seems to have cost him Bucky.

Bucky follows Steve, like he’d promised. He’s loyal and brave. Steve couldn’t ask for a better right-hand man, but he would trade all of that for the man who’d left him in Brooklyn. That man with the twinkle in his stormy blue eyes and the unbridled mirth in his laughter. That man who’d loved Steve, touched him, and treated him like something precious when everyone else’s eyes had slid over him.

Steve’s still not sure what happened to Bucky during the time they were separated. What took the light from his eyes and the joy from his smile. What gave him that grim determination he has in every task, equal in drinking his ration of coffee or picking off squid Nazis with his rifle from afar. He can’t help but think some of it has to do with him, with his new body, but he’s not sure.

Steve’s not sure, he’ll never ask, and he knows Bucky will never tell him.

*

Late one night Bucky comes into Steve’s tent. Steve sits up, on alert, but he knows it’s Bucky. Even in the dark, he knows. This body’s senses are sharp, he can hear Bucky’s breathing, and smell Bucky’s scent underneath the grime that coats every Howlie’s skin. The tents they sleep in are small. Steve couldn’t have stood up inside it, even with his old body. There’s barely enough room for two men to lie side-by-side.

“Bucky,” Steve breathes into the darkness as Bucky crawls under the tent flap and kneels between Steve’s legs, spread beneath a wool blanket. “What are you doing?”

Steve tries to bring his arms around Bucky to draw him closer, everything he’s wanted, but Bucky’s heart pounds with fear, so loudly that Steve can hear it.

“Don’t.”

Bucky growls the word softly, and Steve doesn’t know if he means don’t speak, or don’t touch, or both, but he lowers his arms and grunts his assent.

“I missed you,” Bucky answers Steve’s question as if the three months between the asking haven’t passed. “God, I missed you.”

He kisses Steve slowly, like he’s savoring Steve’s lips, and Steve resists the urge to lift his arms and let his hands explore Bucky like Bucky’s are tentatively exploring him. He’ll let Bucky tell him when, if, that’s okay. He just wants whatever Bucky is willing to give him.

“Lie down, Stevie.”

Steve obeys, and it’s a thrill to have Bucky sprawl on top of him. In his old body he’d always been on top, necessitated by his frailty. He’d always been on top, and he’d always been the one inside Bucky. He’s never had Bucky inside him, and he suddenly wants that. If Bucky will give it to him.

Bucky presses himself against Steve’s body. He kisses Steve’s neck, and then his chest underneath his T-shirt. Steve is painfully hard, but he doesn’t reach down to adjust himself. He restrains himself from rutting against Bucky. He doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize this.

He can feel that Bucky is soft, and the familiar misgivings swell. Bucky’s soft, and his heart continues to hammer, and Steve can’t help but speculate as to what that means.

“I want this,” Bucky growls against Steve’s chest. He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as much as Steve. “I want this.”

Steve wants to say so many things, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t, because Bucky said don’t.

Bucky reaches down between them. He palms Steve’s cock through too many layers. Blanket, pants, underwear, all as frustrating an enemy as Captain America has ever had to face. Steve can’t stop his hips from surging upward to meet Bucky’s hand, and he groans quietly.

Bucky freezes. Everything except his heartbeat.

“No,” Bucky sounds terrified. “No, fuck, I want this.”

Bucky sounds terrified, but he sounds irritated as well. Steve curses himself for ruining this.

“Bucky,” Steve tries, because he’s already ruined it. “What is it?”

Bucky rolls off of Steve, hitting the side of the tent. He scrambles to leave, panting with fear.

“Bucky, please,” Steve sits up again, desperate to have Bucky stay. “What- what did I do? Just tell me what I did, I promise I won’t do it again.”

“It’s not you, you idiot,” Bucky tells him with quiet fury as he leaves. “Can’t you see that?”

Steve doesn’t believe him. He stares at the dark space where Bucky's disappeared. He’s ruined everything with this body, and he doesn’t even have the decency to regret it fully. He’s ruined everything.

He’s ruined them.

Poor Steve, and poor Bucky. They've both been changed, and neither knows how to handle it.

Bucky saying "“I want this,” Bucky growls against Steve’s chest. He sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as much as Steve. “I want this.” “No,” Bucky sounds terrified. “No, fuck, I want this.” was completely heartbreaking.

I love this. Keep up the great work!

"Steve’s not sure, he’ll never ask, and he knows Bucky will never tell him."

The way Steve misunderstands Bucky's failed attempt to overcome the fear is so painfully good. The repetition of "ruined" is really effective. This is fantastic.

zzzzzzt zzzzzzt zzzzzzt

Both of them jumped a little at the sound of Rumlow’s phone vibrating against the table.

A quick glance at the screen and Rumlow silenced it. “Pierce is on his way down. Shoulda put my headset back on.” He looked back at Steve. “Where were we?”

“Advantages,” Steve said, perturbed by the reminder that the Secretary of Defense and Chairman of the World Security Council was not just HYDRA but absolutely had to be complicit in whatever they were doing with the asset.

“Right. So they didn’t just make the asset able to look and act like a real boy, they made it look like someone specific. Gave it a face and a sob story that might make the leadership of SHIELD hesitate. Carter was Director back then.”

Peggy. They made it to take out Peggy. She’d lost her brother Michael in the war. Steve didn’t know the circumstances but plenty of men had been declared dead without a body.

"What face?" he heard himself ask. His voice sounded grim in his own ears.

Rumlow grinned. "Well, it couldn't be yours, Cap. There'd been impostors before. But someone else close had a workable backstory and the asset already had the right coloring.”

Had Michael had dark hair? Steve thought so.

The door opened. Steve and Rumlow stood quickly as the asset preceded Pierce into the room, stepping aside to let him pass. The asset’s head was bowed, hair falling across the bridge of the masked nose.

“Gentlemen,” Pierce said, waving to the asset to close the door. “Let’s not stand on ceremony.” The asset took up a position next to the door. “How much have you told him, Commander?”

“Just the program and the asset’s original purpose, sir. I was just getting to the dramatic reveal.”

“Are you sure you're not getting ahead of yourself again? I’d rather not have a repeat of the ‘92 incident.” At Rumlow’s hesitation, Pierce asked, “How much did you tell him about the other assets? “Just that they were unstable.”

Pointedly, Steve said, "I haven't heard anything to explain or justify sexual use of the asset.” He was trying not to pay too much obvious attention to the quiet sentry at the door. Regular SHIELD blacks looked odd with the mask and hair. "It's illegal to treat animals like that. I think it's understandable that I find this difficult to make sense of."

Leaning forward, Pierce put his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his steepled hands. "That is a tough one," he admitted. "But it basically comes down to the nature of the assets and need to maintain control. The unstable assets decided they were superior to their human handlers. They wouldn't comply. They attacked their handlers.” He sat back and slowly shook his head. “The Soviets made a mistake in keeping them together. They wanted a team and they got a pack of vicious animals. By the time they came into our possession, they were far too high risk to attempt to rehabilitate and deploy.”

Gesturing to the asset with his head, Steve repeated what Rumlow had intimated. “But this one is different?”

“This one," Pierce said, "was raised and conditioned separately. It’s largely well-behaved. It complies, it rarely acts out unprovoked. And yet, it’s largely well-behaved only because it receives regular reminders of its place in the hierarchy and the reason for its continued existence. If its handlers don't prove their dominance regularly, it becomes just as erratic and unstable as the others. It lacks the cognitive ability to understand the larger consequences of its actions. Punishments and rewards must be immediate and thorough. It gets confused. It forgets. Its brain is unreliable. It must be taught through the use of its body. It was uncomfortable for everyone initally, but the STRIKE team learned how to handle it and they an excellent job of reinforcing its conditioning.”

Rumlow spoke up again. “It’s not our fault the Winter Soldier program was fucked up. I’m a lot of things, but I ain’t a rapist. We tried giving it verbal praise and treats at first but people got killed when it got erratic. It was relieved when we started fucking it the way it was used to. Stopped giving us that kicked puppy look everytime it finished a mission and we didn’t give it a reward it understood.”

“Sex is a reward for it?” Horrifying. Just… horrifying. It was one thing to say the asset had been made in a lab and been specifically intended to kill Peggy. It was another to insist that it had been designed to need sex from its handlers.

“Nah,” Rumlow said, chuckling, “letting it come is the reward. It’s not allowed to touch itself. It only gets pleasure if it submits to our use.”

“Think of it this way, Captain.” One of the more disturbing elements of this conversation was the way the Secretary Pierce acted like they were discussing putting in new carpet or helping with hurricane evacuation. Like it was all totally normal and unobjectionable. “The asset functions in two modes. One is the compliant instrument of its handler’s will and the other is a compliant object of its handler’s will. If it doesn't perform as expected in its secondary function, then it cannot be trusted to perform in its primary function. If it can’t used for its primary function, then it is not an asset, it's a liability like the others.”

"I was just getting to the dramatic reveal.”

You glorious tease. I love it. I love how they're justifying this, making it almost believable...

Hoo boy, is Steve going to be shocked when he learns who the asset was supposedly modeled after.

“Right. So they didn’t just make the asset able to look and act like a real boy, they made it look like someone specific. Gave it a face and a sob story that might make the leadership of SHIELD hesitate. Carter was Director back then.”
Peggy. They made it to take out Peggy. She’d lost her brother Michael in the war. Steve didn’t know the circumstances but plenty of men had been declared dead without a body.
"What face?" he heard himself ask. His voice sounded grim in his own ears.
Rumlow grinned. "Well, it couldn't be yours, Cap. There'd been impostors before. But someone else close had a workable backstory and the asset already had the right coloring.”
Had Michael had dark hair? Steve thought so.

I love the dramatic irony here. We know who the asset is, but Steve doesn't, so his conclusion is based on his knowledge of Peggy's history, and whose face would be most meaningful to her.

The way Rumlow and Pierce explain the asset's needs is so chilling. They make it all sound so plausible. Rumlow's lines in particular are so persuasive, because he positions himself as the good guy in a bad situation, rather than the bad guy he really is. Rumlow spoke up again. “It’s not our fault the Winter Soldier program was fucked up. I’m a lot of things, but I ain’t a rapist. We tried giving it verbal praise and treats at first but people got killed when it got erratic. It was relieved when we started fucking it the way it was used to. Stopped giving us that kicked puppy look every time it finished a mission and we didn’t give it a reward it understood.” I wonder how many times he's used this justification when reading in new agents, because the delivery was so smooth.

This is an excellent fill. Keep up the great work!

(A!A) Thanks! That's the reaction I was aiming for.

(A!A) Yes, I've been having great fun with this. And again, yes, I imagine Rumlow has had to talk to talk to spooked agents about the asset many times. He's got his lines down.

omg I absolutely *adore* your Pierce and Rumlow. Rumlow's "I ain't a rapist" and Pierce's whole spiel about instrument/object and primary/secondary functions... DELISH

(A!A) Delish sounds good. And yes, Rumlow and Pierce are really working to convince Steve they're the good guys. They might even have convinced themselves.

But they're also being careful with how they present the information to Steve because history tells them that he'll throw all other considerations out the window for Bucky. He'd better be ready to believe the asset isn't Bucky or things will go wrong for them right quick.

"I’m a lot of things, but I ain’t a rapist." Oh God.

This story is so good. I can't wait to see where you will go with this.

Another month gone. Captain America and the Howling Commandos take down another Hydra base. They celebrate around a fire that night. Steve laughs and jokes with the rest of them, reliving their triumphs. Bucky laughs a few times, too. Steve watches out of the corner of his eye as Bucky smiles at something Gabe says to him. He tries not to be jealous.

“Can I sit by you?”

Steve asks Bucky after Gabe excuses himself to his tent. Monty’s on watch, but everyone else has gone to sleep. It’s just Steve, Bucky, and the dying fire.

“No one’s stoppin’ you,” Bucky shrugs, trying too hard to sound indifferent. “I’m gonna turn in anyway. I’ve got third watch.”

“Wait,” Steve attempts, desperate to have Bucky stay. “Just wait, please. Stay with me a little longer.”

Bucky looks at him. The fire’s fading light illuminates the hollows of his cheeks. His cheeks used to be so full.

“Okay,” Bucky agrees cautiously. “A little longer.”

Steve thanks him and sits, giving Bucky a few inches between them. There’s a long silence as each man watches the fire go out. Steve thinks about Bucky’s face, beautiful even now. He wants to kiss him.

“It’s not you,” Bucky says. “I know you think it’s your fault, but it’s not.”

“Then what is it?”

Bucky doesn’t answer him. The last ember dies.

“I like this body,” Steve continues. “It was strange at first, it feels wrong sometimes, but I like it. I understand if you don’t, if this isn’t what you signed up for. You don’t have to- ”

“Steve, shut up.”

Bucky’s hand finds Steve’s in the dark. There’s always been safety in darkness for people like them. Bucky twitches when they make contact, but his fingers intertwine with Steve’s fingers, curling tightly.

“You still draw?” Bucky asks quietly. “Haven’t seen you draw over here.”

“Yeah,” Steve answers. It’s a thrill just to have Bucky holding his hand, like he’s sixteen again. “I still draw. I got a sketchbook in my tent, if you wanna see it.”

He doesn’t mean it as a proposition, but he feels Bucky tense.

“In the morning,” Steve tries to salvage. “Only if you want to.”

Steve feels Bucky shift beside him, moving so their legs are touching. He never lets go of Steve’s hand. Steve stays as still as he can. He feels Bucky’s head come to rest on his shoulder. Safety in the darkness.

“Now,” Bucky whispers, grimly determined as ever. “I wanna see it now.”

Steve guides Bucky back to his tent, no need for light with Steve’s senses. Bucky’s hand grips him like a vise. He can hear Bucky’s heart pounding, an undercurrent to the soft noises in the forest around them. He doesn’t understand why Bucky is so afraid of him. It hurts.

They maneuver themselves inside the tent, necessitating Bucky to drop Steve’s hand. When they’ve sat, Steve fishes for his sketchbook and flashlight. Bucky puts a hand on his shoulder, stopping the pretext.

“Don’t.”

Steve thinks he knows what Bucky means this time. Don’t turn on the light.

Don’t break the barrier.

“I wanna make you feel good,” Bucky whispers, gravel in his voice. “Get up on your knees.”

Steve does, thinking about Bucky’s face. His soft lips, warm mouth, wet tongue. Blood surges south. Steve stifles a longing moan.

“I want this,” Bucky says as he unbuttons Steve’s fly. “I want it.”

Steve wants it, too.

Bucky guides Steve’s cock out into the cool air. He wraps his hand around it and pumps leisurely. He breathes deeply, and Steve has just enough blood left in his brain to register that Bucky’s heart is slowing. He keeps his hands at his sides, wanting this, not wanting to ruin it again.

“Damn, Steve,” Bucky’s voice has the shadow of his old humor. “They made everything bigger, huh?”

Steve wants to laugh, but they have to keep quiet. He wants to think up a witty retort, but his faculties are engaged elsewhere.

Those faculties are completely obliterated when Bucky’s lips find the head of his cock and his mouth sucks Steve down with practiced ease. It’s been too long, Steve thinks as he stifles another moan. Too fucking long, and, God, he loves this man and his wicked tongue. He needs him, and anything he’s willing to give him. In the darkness they could be anywhere. They could be back in that tiny apartment. Bucky could have the gleam in his eyes and Steve could be small again. He could be what Bucky wants again.

Steve’s arms rise from his sides. His hands find the back of Bucky’s head, like they would have in their apartment.

Bucky jerks away violently, heartbeat roaring. His back hits the side of the tent, hard. Steve hates himself for ruining it again.

“Fuck,” Bucky sounds like he’s going to spit. “I thought I could do this. Fuck!”

Steve stuffs himself back into his pants. He tries not to be angry and ashamed at the disgust in Bucky’s voice. He can feel Bucky shaking before he moves himself as far from Steve as he can in the tent’s confines.

“Sorry,” Steve apologizes reflexively.

“No,” Bucky’s angry. “No, don’t.”

Steve doesn’t understand.

“No,” Bucky repeats, still angry. “I can do this, c’mon. Let’s try again.”

Steve chuckles incredulously.

“Don’t think I’m gonna rise to the occasion again, Buck.”

There’s unintended bitterness in his voice, and he hates it. Bucky’s shoulders slump.

“Fuck,” Bucky sounds weary. “Fuck.”

He crawls out of Steve’s tent. Steve lies on his back, struggling with his need, and his inability to do anything about it. Struggling with his anger. Bucky says he still wants Steve, but he’s afraid of him. Disgusted by him.

If Steve were braver, as brave as everyone seems to think he is, he’d ask Bucky what his game is. He’d ask, but he knows from years of experience that the quickest way to get Bucky to shut down is to try and make him talk. God, but he loves that stupid, stubborn man.

He loves him too much to let him go.

Yaaaay aaaangst.

Everything about this fill makes me happy. Bucky says he still wants Steve, but he’s afraid of him. Disgusted by him. Yes! My absolute favorite sort of trash misunderstanding. Steve's confusion and anger and sense of rejection here are just wonderful.

(A!A) but of course he is... And he wants to make Steve one too.

There’s always been safety in darkness for people like them. The repetition of darkness as a place of safety was brilliant.

Bucky trying to overcome his trauma on his own and repeatedly failing is so, so heartbreaking. He's trying to heal, but he doesn't know how.

Steve knows something is wrong, but he doesn't know what it is. His observations are clouded by his own biases and insecurities, so he can't make the right connections.

Love it! Keep up the great work!

Even if Steve does believe the asset isn't the real Bucky, getting Steve to go along with trash happening to a person with Bucky's face is going to be a challenge, because Steve will still be having that visceral response of thinking what if this were really Bucky. What would he do if this were the real Bucky, and not a simulacrum? Plus his innate sense of rightness and wrongness would be telling him that what's happening is very, very wrong, even if Pierce and Rumlow claim it's the only way to keep the asset under control.

And surely over time he's going to start to notice that it's not just the face that's the same. The body is the same, too. How could they have been able to reproduce every scar, freckle, and mole perfectly? Then he'll start doubting himself. Is he misremembering? Is this fake Bucky taking over his memory of the real one?

And what happens when they expose the asset to Steve? Sure, his brain's been repeatedly fried for the last 70 or so years, but Steve is so deeply rooted in Bucky's history, in his muscle memory, as well as his historical memory. For the asset to remain useful, his muscle memory must remain intact, and memories of Steve are in there, alongside the knives and rifles and grenade launchers. And Bucky has muscle memory of using the shield. We know this from CA:TFA and CA:TWS, where Bucky used the shield on the train and later the Winter Soldier used the shield in the fight on the bridge and roadways. The two of them know how to fight together as a seamless unit.

If there's one thing Hydra's got in spades, it's hubris, and any time Steve and Bucky are together it's bad news for Hydra.

I'm really looking forwards to where this goes next.

Bwahahahahaha!

Have you been reading my mind, anon?

Steve was trying not to look in the showers, but you are absolutely right. What they're telling him isn't okay and doesn't justify the asset's treatment no matter who or what the asset is.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 92 of 205

Dumpster #4: I Don't See How That's a Party

Re: Fill 4/?: old round 3 prompt - Steve is one of the Asset's handlers

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Re: Fill 5/?: old round 3 prompt - Steve is one of the Asset's handlers

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Re: Fill 5/?: old round 3 prompt - Steve is one of the Asset's handlers

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Re: Fill 5/?: old round 3 prompt - Steve is one of the Asset's handlers