YOU did this. YOU asked me what I was, and then you unwound me.
You did this. YOU! My eyes opened and the first thing they saw was you.
First thing I knew was YOU.
Your name was Sasha- and you pet my hair and told me I was SAFE and lies like that. That I was good. YOU were there- you were there you were guiding me to Surgery, you were there when they removed the skin, when they undid the healing and cut into the stump and teased apart my nerves as I screamed and screamed till they cut my vocal chords, your hand in my hair telling me to be calm.
YOU telling me this was for me to be BETTER
FUCK YOU
I killed you.
I KILLED YOU!
I snapped your neck and killed the doctors! You didn't come back and then you did. You came back. Again and again and again
Your face and your fucking voice and your God damned eyes so blue. So pained when I popped them.
You spewed lies and you calmed me and you haunted me.
You refused to stay dead until the chair. Even then you came back as Pierce.
I remember you. I remember you as Sasha, As Yasha as Sir, As Master, As Handler, As #########, AND YOU DARE TO CRY????
YOU DARE TO LOOK INTO THE DISTANCE AND SAY IN THAT VOICE THAT YOU WANT ME TO COME HOME???
FUCK YOU!
Fuck you! Fuck your face! Fuck your tears and your pity and the way your voice pops!
Fuck you- I killed you before and you never once fought to kill then.
Fuck you- you may be the original but you're the exact same-
All I want is to stop fighting and hurting and killing-
But what I want doesn't matter- all that matters is you have what YOU WANT
Fuck. YOU
I WILL NEVER BE THAT AGAIN.
KILL ME- OR LEAVE ME ALONE I can't look at you without remembering them.
Tony stared at the page. He didn't know what to do with this. Frame it? Instagram it?
Take samples of all the water marks he was suspecting were tear marks?
What do you get the patriotic asshole that knows better than everyone else?
Tony runs his fingers over the edges of the gouges the pen dug into the pages that followed. He traced the word so heavily crossed out the ink that showed was only on the third page down, the paper on the other two pages quite literally obliterated and he swore he could feel the pain in the ragged edges of paper. It made sense. Steve's soft spot and dark side is Barnes. Seems reasonable that if you are brainwashing a super soldier, using a familiar face and voice would make it stick just a little bit easier.
As a bonus it evidently makes the original returning just as problematic as urinals for said brainwashee. Walk the line indeed. Fuck.
Tony scrubbed a hand over his head and asked "You sure you didn't get a scan of these ahead of time?" more rhetorical than actually curious.
FRIDAY, being so young, answered. "There was no way for me to have scanned these, as you swapped the bag for a copy soon after arriving in the German location. At the time you called it operation DarkThunder with the goal of keeping General Ross from getting dangerous or incriminating information on Sgt. Barnes. They have been sealed in your personal effects since then."
Tony sighed "You are scanning the papers, or maybe there is a god of ironic songs. Whatever. Switch it up. Give me Simon and Garfunkle- And if you start with The Sound of Silence I am donating you to MIT."
Tony groaned but had to shake his head at the choice of starting song. The Boxer, yeah- keep the hits coming. Not like it's going to get any harder to read. Or easier. Tony thumbed the pages, stuck together and water logged as they were. Not his pain. It should mean nothing but triumph that the two people that hurt him would and could only hurt each other.
Somehow, all it did was make him tired. He flipped the page with the ironic "Though my story's seldom told" winding through the air. It's seldom told, but here Tony is reading it anyways.
AN if you play the songs mentioned, yes I am writing these with the songs as a prompt and pull for the next page. Feel free to experience it with music if that is your jam. Specifically leaving if Stucky was actually a thing or not to the reader- how much worse would being raped by a man that looks and sounds like Steve to his recovering mind be- if they were actually lovers before?
Barfing Out Hurt (3/?)
FUCK YOUR FOLLOWING ME FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU LOOKING SO LOST
FUCK YOUR INNOCENCE
how dare you cry
YOU DID THIS TO ME!
YOU did this. YOU asked me what I was, and then you unwound me.
You did this. YOU! My eyes opened and the first thing they saw was you.
First thing I knew was YOU.
Your name was Sasha- and you pet my hair and told me I was
SAFEand lies like that. That I wasgood. YOU were there- you were there you were guiding me to Surgery, you were there when they removed the skin, when they undid the healing and cut into the stump and teased apart my nerves as I screamed and screamed till they cut my vocal chords, your hand in my hair telling me to be calm.YOU telling me this was for me to be BETTER
FUCK YOU
I killed you.
I KILLED YOU!
I snapped your neck and killed the doctors! You didn't come back and then you did. You came back. Again and again and again
Your face and your fucking voice and your God damned eyes so blue. So pained when I popped them.
You spewed lies and you calmed me and you haunted me.
You refused to stay dead until the chair.
Even then you came back as Pierce.I remember you. I remember you as Sasha, As Yasha as Sir, As Master, As Handler, As
#########, AND YOU DARE TO CRY????YOU DARE TO LOOK INTO THE DISTANCE AND SAY IN THAT VOICE THAT YOU WANT ME TO COME HOME???
FUCK YOU!
Fuck you! Fuck your face! Fuck your tears and your pity and the way your voice pops!
Fuck you- I killed you before and you never once fought to kill then.
Fuck you- you may be the original but you're the exact same-
All I want is to stop fighting and hurting and killing-
But what I want doesn't matter- all that matters is you have what YOU WANT
Fuck. YOU
I WILL NEVER BE THAT AGAIN.
KILL ME- OR LEAVE ME ALONE
I can't look at you without remembering them.Tony stared at the page. He didn't know what to do with this. Frame it? Instagram it?
Take samples of all the water marks he was suspecting were tear marks?
What do you get the patriotic asshole that knows better than everyone else?
Tony runs his fingers over the edges of the gouges the pen dug into the pages that followed. He traced the word so heavily crossed out the ink that showed was only on the third page down, the paper on the other two pages quite literally obliterated and he swore he could feel the pain in the ragged edges of paper. It made sense. Steve's soft spot and dark side is Barnes. Seems reasonable that if you are brainwashing a super soldier, using a familiar face and voice would make it stick just a little bit easier.
As a bonus it evidently makes the original returning just as problematic as urinals for said brainwashee. Walk the line indeed. Fuck.
Tony scrubbed a hand over his head and asked "You sure you didn't get a scan of these ahead of time?" more rhetorical than actually curious.
FRIDAY, being so young, answered. "There was no way for me to have scanned these, as you swapped the bag for a copy soon after arriving in the German location. At the time you called it operation DarkThunder with the goal of keeping General Ross from getting dangerous or incriminating information on Sgt. Barnes. They have been sealed in your personal effects since then."
Tony sighed "You are scanning the papers, or maybe there is a god of ironic songs. Whatever. Switch it up. Give me Simon and Garfunkle- And if you start with The Sound of Silence I am donating you to MIT."
Tony groaned but had to shake his head at the choice of starting song. The Boxer, yeah- keep the hits coming. Not like it's going to get any harder to read. Or easier. Tony thumbed the pages, stuck together and water logged as they were. Not his pain. It should mean nothing but triumph that the two people that hurt him would and could only hurt each other.
Somehow, all it did was make him tired. He flipped the page with the ironic "Though my story's seldom told" winding through the air. It's seldom told, but here Tony is reading it anyways.
--------------------------------------------------------
AN if you play the songs mentioned, yes I am writing these with the songs as a prompt and pull for the next page.
Feel free to experience it with music if that is your jam.
Specifically leaving if Stucky was actually a thing or not to the reader- how much worse would being raped by a man that looks and sounds like Steve to his recovering mind be- if they were actually lovers before?