“Yeah, Buck?” Steve looked up from securing the last unconscious HYDRA agent.
The asset Bucky! He’s Bucky! was chewing his lip, eyes darting. “What scenario is this? I… I don’t remember.”
Straightening slowly, Steve eyed him critically. He remembered the calculation he’d seen on Bucky’s face after Rumlow went down. Was the Winter Soldier playing along until he could get away and return to HYDRA? Was it just erratic and unstable because of too long out of cryo? He had seen, no he had had it, no, he’s Bucky, damn it, what is wrong with me wiped less than a day ago. Seeing Nat couldn’t have shaken him that much. Natasha had never even hinted that they had that level of connection.
Shit, he owed her so many apologies for not trusting her with Project Insight immediately. If he’d let her talk to Tony… No, he had done the right thing by telling Tony about his parents in person before asking for help.
The asset was still waiting for an answer. Bucky was still waiting for an answer.
“This isn’t a scenario, Bucky. This is real,” he said as gently but firmly as he could. “I promised you could come home with me and be Bucky as much as you want. You can be any Bucky you want, whatever version makes you happy will make me happy too. It’s okay if you don’t know who you want to be yet. We have time. Real time. I know you’ll figure it out.”
God, he hoped that wasn’t too much too soon.
Bucky just stared at him. “I understand. What scenario do I follow when others are present?”
So much for that. Either he’d taken it as an update to his standing orders for when he alone with Steve or his understanding of coming home with Steve didn’t include this stage of their escape.
Shit. He hadn’t wanted to give these orders. “You will follow my lead with new people. Be appropriate and consistent with people you already know. None of them will be handlers. Your discretion supersedes any direction they may give you regarding your identity. The Avengers, you’ve been briefed on the Avengers…”
A nod.
“The Avengers have the following information: You were born James Buchanan Barnes March 10th, 1917. We were best friends. Standard history up to the fall from the train. You survived the fall, but lost your memory and your left arm. The Russians found you, replaced your arm, and trained you to be the Winter Soldier. They had a relationship with HYDRA which resulted in your transfer to the US in the early 90s. I…” He swallowed hard before continuing. If Bucky challenged anything, it would be this part. “I infiltrated HYDRA after the Battle of New York, convinced you of your identity, and escaped with you during the chaos of the Insight Launch. You have been a prisoner of war for seven decades. You don’t want to fight anymore. You just want to go home and figure out what to do with your freedom.”
He had to endure Bucky’s burning stare for a few more minutes before the other supersoldier finally said, “Okay, Steve.”
“Good,” Steve said automatically and wanted to slap himself.
Maria Hill showed up with Tony Stark to take charge of the HYDRA goons, Rumlow included. He wasn’t dead, but, even if he woke up, he wouldn’t be conscious and mouthing off about HYDRA anytime soon. Steve had hit him harder than he had probably needed, but less than he had wanted to. Maybe he should have killed him, but…
He really needed to talk to Nat.
Tony packed them up in another box and had them flown to Stark Tower in New York.
“Why make things easier for them? JARVIS should have Cap and Bucky sightings in a dozen places across the planet by now.”
When the box was unloaded and had stopped moving, Steve pushed Bucky behind him and waited for the top to open, but it was only Stark. Still in the armor, but with his face plate retracted, Tony eyed them, face unreadable as he looked Bucky over. “You cool there, Terminator?”
Pale blue eyes met Steve’s. Steve nodded wary encouragement.
“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Bucky said quietly.
Steve wasn’t sure if he should jump for joy or wilt in disappointment.
He climbed out of the box instead. Trackers first. Once they were physically safe, he would worry more about where Bucky’s head was.
“Bucky. No. We’re not having sex.” Steve tried to sound calm and firm, but it was hard to do that when he’d just jumped out of bed like a scalded cat. “Put some clothes on. Boxers, at least.”
Bucky’s face crumpled. He slid off the other side of the bed. “I don’t understand. Please?”
“No. It’s not right. I never had the right. You’re… look, you’d do anything I told you to, right?”
The asset, his poor confused Bucky, nodded. “Yes, Steve.”
“And you know I love you? I don’t care if you’re Bucky or the Winter Soldier? I love whoever you are and whoever you want to be?”
“Yes, Steve.”
“And you want to please me?”
“Yes, Steve.”
Did he imagine the faint exasperation?
“We can’t have sex because you’re trying to please me. I won’t take advantage of you again. That’s wrong.”
Face scrunched, Bucky argued, “You promised I could be Bucky. You said I could decide who Bucky is. Why can’t I decide to be a Bucky who is yours?”
“Because…” Fuck. Steve was making a hash of this. Why had Natasha been the one who ended up in front of Congress? “You’re not ready to know if that’s what you really want or if that’s just what you were trained to do as the asset.”
“You said you love me as the Winter Soldier. Did you lie?”
“No!”
“Then I don’t understand. If I’m not for my primary function, I-”
“I’m afraid of hurting you again. I’m sorry things are this way, but if you want to sleep in the same bed with me, go put on a pair of boxers. I showed you where they are earlier.”
Not even trying to conceal his unhappiness, Bucky complied.
Steve lay awake for over an hour, afraid one of them would close the cold gap between their bodies the moment he lost his conscious control.
In the morning, he woke, hard against the curve of Bucky’s ass with an arm around his side. Wide awake with panic, he made himself breath evenly as he pulled away and fled to the relative safety of a cold shower in a locked bathroom.
Never again, he promised himself. They both slept better when they shared a bed, but Steve would stay on his side in a damn sleeping bag zipped up to the neck if meant Bucky was safe. Never again.
Fill 101/110: Undeniable Plausibility - On to the aftermath!
“Steve?” Bucky asked tentatively.
“Yeah, Buck?” Steve looked up from securing the last unconscious HYDRA agent.
The asset Bucky! He’s Bucky! was chewing his lip, eyes darting. “What scenario is this? I… I don’t remember.”
Straightening slowly, Steve eyed him critically. He remembered the calculation he’d seen on Bucky’s face after Rumlow went down. Was the Winter Soldier playing along until he could get away and return to HYDRA? Was it just erratic and unstable because of too long out of cryo? He had seen, no he had had it, no, he’s Bucky, damn it, what is wrong with me wiped less than a day ago. Seeing Nat couldn’t have shaken him that much. Natasha had never even hinted that they had that level of connection.
Shit, he owed her so many apologies for not trusting her with Project Insight immediately. If he’d let her talk to Tony… No, he had done the right thing by telling Tony about his parents in person before asking for help.
The asset was still waiting for an answer. Bucky was still waiting for an answer.
“This isn’t a scenario, Bucky. This is real,” he said as gently but firmly as he could. “I promised you could come home with me and be Bucky as much as you want. You can be any Bucky you want, whatever version makes you happy will make me happy too. It’s okay if you don’t know who you want to be yet. We have time. Real time. I know you’ll figure it out.”
God, he hoped that wasn’t too much too soon.
Bucky just stared at him. “I understand. What scenario do I follow when others are present?”
So much for that. Either he’d taken it as an update to his standing orders for when he alone with Steve or his understanding of coming home with Steve didn’t include this stage of their escape.
Shit. He hadn’t wanted to give these orders. “You will follow my lead with new people. Be appropriate and consistent with people you already know. None of them will be handlers. Your discretion supersedes any direction they may give you regarding your identity. The Avengers, you’ve been briefed on the Avengers…”
A nod.
“The Avengers have the following information: You were born James Buchanan Barnes March 10th, 1917. We were best friends. Standard history up to the fall from the train. You survived the fall, but lost your memory and your left arm. The Russians found you, replaced your arm, and trained you to be the Winter Soldier. They had a relationship with HYDRA which resulted in your transfer to the US in the early 90s. I…” He swallowed hard before continuing. If Bucky challenged anything, it would be this part. “I infiltrated HYDRA after the Battle of New York, convinced you of your identity, and escaped with you during the chaos of the Insight Launch. You have been a prisoner of war for seven decades. You don’t want to fight anymore. You just want to go home and figure out what to do with your freedom.”
He had to endure Bucky’s burning stare for a few more minutes before the other supersoldier finally said, “Okay, Steve.”
“Good,” Steve said automatically and wanted to slap himself.
Maria Hill showed up with Tony Stark to take charge of the HYDRA goons, Rumlow included. He wasn’t dead, but, even if he woke up, he wouldn’t be conscious and mouthing off about HYDRA anytime soon. Steve had hit him harder than he had probably needed, but less than he had wanted to. Maybe he should have killed him, but…
He really needed to talk to Nat.
Tony packed them up in another box and had them flown to Stark Tower in New York.
“Why make things easier for them? JARVIS should have Cap and Bucky sightings in a dozen places across the planet by now.”
When the box was unloaded and had stopped moving, Steve pushed Bucky behind him and waited for the top to open, but it was only Stark. Still in the armor, but with his face plate retracted, Tony eyed them, face unreadable as he looked Bucky over. “You cool there, Terminator?”
Pale blue eyes met Steve’s. Steve nodded wary encouragement.
“I don’t want to fight anymore,” Bucky said quietly.
Steve wasn’t sure if he should jump for joy or wilt in disappointment.
He climbed out of the box instead. Trackers first. Once they were physically safe, he would worry more about where Bucky’s head was.
“Bucky. No. We’re not having sex.” Steve tried to sound calm and firm, but it was hard to do that when he’d just jumped out of bed like a scalded cat. “Put some clothes on. Boxers, at least.”
Bucky’s face crumpled. He slid off the other side of the bed. “I don’t understand. Please?”
“No. It’s not right. I never had the right. You’re… look, you’d do anything I told you to, right?”
The asset, his poor confused Bucky, nodded. “Yes, Steve.”
“And you know I love you? I don’t care if you’re Bucky or the Winter Soldier? I love whoever you are and whoever you want to be?”
“Yes, Steve.”
“And you want to please me?”
“Yes, Steve.”
Did he imagine the faint exasperation?
“We can’t have sex because you’re trying to please me. I won’t take advantage of you again. That’s wrong.”
Face scrunched, Bucky argued, “You promised I could be Bucky. You said I could decide who Bucky is. Why can’t I decide to be a Bucky who is yours?”
“Because…” Fuck. Steve was making a hash of this. Why had Natasha been the one who ended up in front of Congress? “You’re not ready to know if that’s what you really want or if that’s just what you were trained to do as the asset.”
“You said you love me as the Winter Soldier. Did you lie?”
“No!”
“Then I don’t understand. If I’m not for my primary function, I-”
“I’m afraid of hurting you again. I’m sorry things are this way, but if you want to sleep in the same bed with me, go put on a pair of boxers. I showed you where they are earlier.”
Not even trying to conceal his unhappiness, Bucky complied.
Steve lay awake for over an hour, afraid one of them would close the cold gap between their bodies the moment he lost his conscious control.
In the morning, he woke, hard against the curve of Bucky’s ass with an arm around his side. Wide awake with panic, he made himself breath evenly as he pulled away and fled to the relative safety of a cold shower in a locked bathroom.
Never again, he promised himself. They both slept better when they shared a bed, but Steve would stay on his side in a damn sleeping bag zipped up to the neck if meant Bucky was safe. Never again.