JARVIS reluctantly agreed not to volunteer information about the call. His teammates were shocked by his willingness to take a longer break. For a week, Steve waited in the hotel in Naples. He knew, logically, that staying put wouldn’t actually make it any easier for Bucky to contact him again, but he was loathe to leave the last place he had heard Bucky’s voice. He didn’t know what he had agreed to. In hindsight, he had done an extremely foolish thing. What if Bucky had walked through the door and expected sex? Steve couldn’t take the risk of refusing him anything. Days later, he hadn’t shown up anywhere. Maybe Bucky wanted him to wait where he was? He didn’t need Natasha to tell him how compromised he was. Now that he wasn’t with HYDRA, he felt more compromised than before.
He lay on his bed with his phone charging and stared at the screen. Steve’s phone rarely left his hand. Tony and Natasha teased him about finally acting like a millennial. Steve had said he would take one week total. If he didn’t hear anything more, he would have to start moving again.
The time on his phone ticked over. No Bucky.
“Dammit,” Steve muttered, set his phone on the nightstand, and covered his face with his hands. “Fuck!”
The phone rang.
Steve nearly broke it in his haste to answer. In case it was Bucky, he bit back his habitual greeting and said, “Yes?”
“Someone just torched an allegedly abandoned senior center in Arkansas,” said Natasha.
He took a deep breath and tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “HYDRA?”
“Yes. And-”
Steve’s phone began to flash. “Give me a moment, Natasha. I’m getting another call.” He switched. “Yes?”
“Captain Rogers,” JARVIS said, “You have a call waiting from Sergeant Barnes. He has conveyed the same conditions as last time. Shall I connect you?”
“Yes!” Steve said hastily.
White noise nearly drowned out Bucky’s hesitant voice. “Steve?”
“Yes,” Steve confirmed. Buck, was that you? Are you hurt? Did you set the fire? Talk to me, say anything, please. All he could do was say yes or no.
“Mission complete,” Bucky offered, almost making it a question.
Report? Fuck, I can’t say that. “Yes?” he tried.
It was enough. It had been Bucky in Arkansas. Steve listened to his concise report for a mission no handler had ordered. Report complete, Bucky asked, “Steve, does it please you? May I?”
May he what? “Yes?” Steve said cautiously.
Bucky exhaled raggedly. “Thank you.”
Steve sat on the hotel bed with his phone pressed to his ear and couldn’t say a word. All he could hear was Bucky’s increasingly labored breathing. Was he injured? It couldn’t have been long since his attack. The time difference between Arkansas and Italy was what, seven hours? He was fairly sure Arkansas was on Eastern Time the same as New York. The middle of the day for Steve was early morning for Bucky. Was it light out yet where Bucky was? Could he see daylight? Was this his first independent strike against HYDRA? Why had he decided to call? What did he need from Steve? How could Steve convince him to come back? What was wrong with his breathing?
Bucky gasped, breath hitching.
Wait, what?
A desperate whimper hit Steve’s ear. Bucky’s breathing was forceful and rapid
There was no way Bucky had called him for… But it made sense. This was what happened after successful missions. How Bucky was getting around the requirement of direct orders, Steve didn’t know, but it was clear he still needed Steve’s orders in some form.
“Steve, please?” Bucky begged. There was no other word for it. “Please?”
“Yes,” Steve said instantly, straining his ears.
There was nothing to hear. The call had ended.
Natasha’s voice startled him. “Steve?”
He shook himself a little. “Yeah, ah, sorry ‘bout that.” Face and neck hot, he coughed, awkward. “Forgot you were still on the line.”
“Uh huh,” she said. “What’s going on with you? Who were you talking to?”
“Bucky,” he confessed. Natasha raised an eyebrow, and Steve slumped in relief when she didn’t immediately demand details. “But he didn’t give me much chance to talk.”
“You were gone almost twenty minutes.”
Oh, God. “He, ah, had a mission report to deliver.” If it had been anyone but Natasha, he wouldn’t have continued. Since it was, it was much easier to tell her now and not worry about being interrogated ater. “And then I think he asked for permission to jerk off.”
“Which you gave,” she stated.
“Which I gave,” Steve confirmed, trying not to think about it.
There was a long pause.
“Interesting.” Natasha gave nothing away. “We’re regrouping at the Tower. Do you plan to join us?”
Steve hesitated. It made no difference where he was as long as he could connect. “He won’t have stuck around.”
“We’ll pick you up in half an hour. Debrief en route.”
Steve left out everything after Bucky’s mission report.
A pattern became established. Bucky would call. Steve would say yes. Within a few days, Bucky would hit a HYDRA-related target, be it a single operative or a whole installation. He would call and report to Steve, then ask permission for… something else.
Steve always said yes. He knew it was dangerous to essentially be giving the Winter Soldier carte blanche, but he was terrified of the potential consequences if he said anything else. Bucky had killed several high-level agents, even a few in protective custody. One of them hadn’t been linked to HYDRA directly until after his murder. Fury tried to give Steve hell for that, but Steve had quit, damn it. He didn’t trust Fury, who had never given him a clear answer regarding his knowledge about Insight. Fury and Pierce had been friends for a reason. Their methods were far too similar. He was going back to his previous plan to see every member of HYDRA dead or imprisoned. Protective custody anywhere but in a concrete cell was not acceptable.
By the end of Bucky’s fourth mission report, Steve was such an anxious mess, he actually agreed to talk with Natasha while the deprogrammer watched from another room. At first, he tried to leave out the sexual aspect, but Natasha was relentless. Steve broke like a rotten plank, splinters of dark filth and little things that slithered, writhed, oozed, and bit scattered all over.
“Don’t tell me it’s okay, Natasha!” he snarled, half-rising from his chair. “It’s not and I hate myself for wanting it to be!”
“Hey,” she said quietly, so quietly he had to stop raging to hear her. “Come here, Steve.”
Exhausted, he shuffled over to stand in front of her. She offered a hand, palm up, and he pulled her to her feet without looking at her. He couldn’t say anything and he refused to cry in front of the stranger.
“Shhh,” said Natasha and wrapped him in her arms. She was so strong. How was she so strong when Steve was all in pieces? “I’m not going to say that. I’m not going to say that. It’s a bad situation all around. I’m not going to say that.”
No fuckin’ shit. He made a sound that might generously have been identified as a huff of laughter, but honestly had more in common with a sob of gratitude.
“I hate feeling helpless,” Steve mumbled. “I hate being helpless.”
“Shhhhh,” said Natasha and held him tighter.
“I can’t leave him out in the cold,” Steve said. “I have to find him.
“At least this is a good indication he’s recovering memory,” Clint offered.
“There has to be some way of getting ahead of him.”
His teammates exchanged glances. Tony nodded reluctantly.
Steve tried not to grind his teeth.
“More data,” Tony told him. “The more data points we have, the easier it will be to make predictions.”
“How many more?”
Tony flipped a hand in his direction. “Maybe half a dozen? Winter Wanderer is all over the map. This would be a lot easier if you could ask some questions.”
“No.”
“Steve’s right,” Natasha backed him up. “Barnes has to set the terms of their relationship or we’ll lose him for good.”
Tony sighed. “Fine. Let’s just watch the body count rise.”
“If he keeps going like he has, that shouldn’t be more than a few weeks,” Clint pointed out.
Steve sagged a little and squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay.”
Bucky did not like being chased.
“Are you following me?” he demanded, fear and anger radiating through the phone line.
Steve swallowed. “Yes.”
Breaking from routine, Bucky hung up without another word.
Steve couldn’t stop. If Bucky was worried, that had to mean they were getting too close.
Fill 105/110: Undeniable Plausibility - On to the aftermath!
JARVIS reluctantly agreed not to volunteer information about the call. His teammates were shocked by his willingness to take a longer break. For a week, Steve waited in the hotel in Naples. He knew, logically, that staying put wouldn’t actually make it any easier for Bucky to contact him again, but he was loathe to leave the last place he had heard Bucky’s voice. He didn’t know what he had agreed to. In hindsight, he had done an extremely foolish thing. What if Bucky had walked through the door and expected sex? Steve couldn’t take the risk of refusing him anything. Days later, he hadn’t shown up anywhere. Maybe Bucky wanted him to wait where he was? He didn’t need Natasha to tell him how compromised he was. Now that he wasn’t with HYDRA, he felt more compromised than before.
He lay on his bed with his phone charging and stared at the screen. Steve’s phone rarely left his hand. Tony and Natasha teased him about finally acting like a millennial. Steve had said he would take one week total. If he didn’t hear anything more, he would have to start moving again.
The time on his phone ticked over. No Bucky.
“Dammit,” Steve muttered, set his phone on the nightstand, and covered his face with his hands. “Fuck!”
The phone rang.
Steve nearly broke it in his haste to answer. In case it was Bucky, he bit back his habitual greeting and said, “Yes?”
“Someone just torched an allegedly abandoned senior center in Arkansas,” said Natasha.
He took a deep breath and tried to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “HYDRA?”
“Yes. And-”
Steve’s phone began to flash. “Give me a moment, Natasha. I’m getting another call.” He switched. “Yes?”
“Captain Rogers,” JARVIS said, “You have a call waiting from Sergeant Barnes. He has conveyed the same conditions as last time. Shall I connect you?”
“Yes!” Steve said hastily.
White noise nearly drowned out Bucky’s hesitant voice. “Steve?”
“Yes,” Steve confirmed. Buck, was that you? Are you hurt? Did you set the fire? Talk to me, say anything, please. All he could do was say yes or no.
“Mission complete,” Bucky offered, almost making it a question.
Report? Fuck, I can’t say that. “Yes?” he tried.
It was enough. It had been Bucky in Arkansas. Steve listened to his concise report for a mission no handler had ordered. Report complete, Bucky asked, “Steve, does it please you? May I?”
May he what? “Yes?” Steve said cautiously.
Bucky exhaled raggedly. “Thank you.”
Steve sat on the hotel bed with his phone pressed to his ear and couldn’t say a word. All he could hear was Bucky’s increasingly labored breathing. Was he injured? It couldn’t have been long since his attack. The time difference between Arkansas and Italy was what, seven hours? He was fairly sure Arkansas was on Eastern Time the same as New York. The middle of the day for Steve was early morning for Bucky. Was it light out yet where Bucky was? Could he see daylight? Was this his first independent strike against HYDRA? Why had he decided to call? What did he need from Steve? How could Steve convince him to come back? What was wrong with his breathing?
Bucky gasped, breath hitching.
Wait, what?
A desperate whimper hit Steve’s ear. Bucky’s breathing was forceful and rapid
There was no way Bucky had called him for… But it made sense. This was what happened after successful missions. How Bucky was getting around the requirement of direct orders, Steve didn’t know, but it was clear he still needed Steve’s orders in some form.
“Steve, please?” Bucky begged. There was no other word for it. “Please?”
“Yes,” Steve said instantly, straining his ears.
There was nothing to hear. The call had ended.
Natasha’s voice startled him. “Steve?”
He shook himself a little. “Yeah, ah, sorry ‘bout that.” Face and neck hot, he coughed, awkward. “Forgot you were still on the line.”
“Uh huh,” she said. “What’s going on with you? Who were you talking to?”
“Bucky,” he confessed. Natasha raised an eyebrow, and Steve slumped in relief when she didn’t immediately demand details. “But he didn’t give me much chance to talk.”
“You were gone almost twenty minutes.”
Oh, God. “He, ah, had a mission report to deliver.” If it had been anyone but Natasha, he wouldn’t have continued. Since it was, it was much easier to tell her now and not worry about being interrogated ater. “And then I think he asked for permission to jerk off.”
“Which you gave,” she stated.
“Which I gave,” Steve confirmed, trying not to think about it.
There was a long pause.
“Interesting.” Natasha gave nothing away. “We’re regrouping at the Tower. Do you plan to join us?”
Steve hesitated. It made no difference where he was as long as he could connect. “He won’t have stuck around.”
“We’ll pick you up in half an hour. Debrief en route.”
Steve left out everything after Bucky’s mission report.
A pattern became established. Bucky would call. Steve would say yes. Within a few days, Bucky would hit a HYDRA-related target, be it a single operative or a whole installation. He would call and report to Steve, then ask permission for… something else.
Steve always said yes. He knew it was dangerous to essentially be giving the Winter Soldier carte blanche, but he was terrified of the potential consequences if he said anything else. Bucky had killed several high-level agents, even a few in protective custody. One of them hadn’t been linked to HYDRA directly until after his murder. Fury tried to give Steve hell for that, but Steve had quit, damn it. He didn’t trust Fury, who had never given him a clear answer regarding his knowledge about Insight. Fury and Pierce had been friends for a reason. Their methods were far too similar. He was going back to his previous plan to see every member of HYDRA dead or imprisoned. Protective custody anywhere but in a concrete cell was not acceptable.
By the end of Bucky’s fourth mission report, Steve was such an anxious mess, he actually agreed to talk with Natasha while the deprogrammer watched from another room. At first, he tried to leave out the sexual aspect, but Natasha was relentless. Steve broke like a rotten plank, splinters of dark filth and little things that slithered, writhed, oozed, and bit scattered all over.
“Don’t tell me it’s okay, Natasha!” he snarled, half-rising from his chair. “It’s not and I hate myself for wanting it to be!”
“Hey,” she said quietly, so quietly he had to stop raging to hear her. “Come here, Steve.”
Exhausted, he shuffled over to stand in front of her. She offered a hand, palm up, and he pulled her to her feet without looking at her. He couldn’t say anything and he refused to cry in front of the stranger.
“Shhh,” said Natasha and wrapped him in her arms. She was so strong. How was she so strong when Steve was all in pieces? “I’m not going to say that. I’m not going to say that. It’s a bad situation all around. I’m not going to say that.”
No fuckin’ shit. He made a sound that might generously have been identified as a huff of laughter, but honestly had more in common with a sob of gratitude.
“I hate feeling helpless,” Steve mumbled. “I hate being helpless.”
“Shhhhh,” said Natasha and held him tighter.
“I can’t leave him out in the cold,” Steve said. “I have to find him.
“At least this is a good indication he’s recovering memory,” Clint offered.
“There has to be some way of getting ahead of him.”
His teammates exchanged glances. Tony nodded reluctantly.
Steve tried not to grind his teeth.
“More data,” Tony told him. “The more data points we have, the easier it will be to make predictions.”
“How many more?”
Tony flipped a hand in his direction. “Maybe half a dozen? Winter Wanderer is all over the map. This would be a lot easier if you could ask some questions.”
“No.”
“Steve’s right,” Natasha backed him up. “Barnes has to set the terms of their relationship or we’ll lose him for good.”
Tony sighed. “Fine. Let’s just watch the body count rise.”
“If he keeps going like he has, that shouldn’t be more than a few weeks,” Clint pointed out.
Steve sagged a little and squeezed his eyes shut. “Okay.”
Bucky did not like being chased.
“Are you following me?” he demanded, fear and anger radiating through the phone line.
Steve swallowed. “Yes.”
Breaking from routine, Bucky hung up without another word.
Steve couldn’t stop. If Bucky was worried, that had to mean they were getting too close.