Steve, his travel bag still in hand, was staring at them from the other end of the room. It seemed as if he had been standing there for a while now, listening to every word. The curtain at the entrance must have hidden him from sight, Bucky realized with a sickening feeling. That’s why they hadn’t noticed him at all.
The gravity of the situation crept up on him slowly, much like the heat of a burn.
His mind came to a screeching halt.
What the hell was he doing?
He had just invited another man into their home— No, bullied him to follow him here and then he’d what... Sexually harassed the guy? Offered his body to him? To be fucked? To be hurt again?
What was wrong with him? What was he even thinking?
“Bucky?” Steve said, trying to get his attention and starting to sound alarmed. “Buck?”
“I... I don’t...” Bucky stammered. He realized that he was still naked but he couldn’t move, rooted on the spot. It was over. Done. He couldn’t say anything to make this right.
Steve finally seemed to catch on to Bucky’s state of mind, probably pitying his complete inability to keep his fucking life in order for a single week on his own. He began to move towards him, all business-like.
Bucky told himself to cower at his boyfriend’s feet and beg for forgiveness while there was still time, but nothing happened. He couldn’t move a muscle.
“Ok, whatever this is, it stops right now. Bucky, put your clothes back on,” Steve ordered sternly, and then he pointed at Mandlakhe. “You. Get the hell out of my house.”
If Steve hadn’t been here...
Bucky stood perfectly still as Mandlakhe fled the scene without another word. He even left the spear behind, tripping over his own feet on the way out.
The seconds ticked by as slow as molasses. Bucky still couldn’t move at all.
“Do you remember where you are? Buck? Hey, you’re not hurt, are you?”
When he didn’t answer, Steve fixed him with the strangest look on his face. Then he picked up the discarded Shuka on the floor and dusted it off.
If he hadn’t been there...
“Buck? Can you put this on so we can talk, please?” Steve prompted. “Do you remember where you are?”
Breaking up with a guy naked didn’t seem like something Steve would do... Maybe if he didn’t wear any clothes for the rest of his life and walked around naked forever there was still a chance, Bucky thought hysterically.
Steve held out the Shuka in his direction and he recoiled from the movement subconsciously, as if expecting to be hit.
“Shit... Sorry. Hey... It’s ok...” Steve shook his head and advanced in small, light steps.
He kept going forward until he was close enough to drape the fabric over his partner’s shoulders gently.
Bucky’s body shook like a leaf.
“Shh... No one’s gonna hurt you. It’s ok. Can you tell me what happened?”
If Steve hadn’t been there...
“I— I don’t know,” Bucky whispered. “Please, you... You have to believe me, I’d never— I’d never cheat on you...”
Liar... Too little too late...
Bucky felt a bunch of tears run down his face freely. “Fuck, Steve— I’d never— Please... I swear... I didn’t mean to—”
“I know you wouldn’t,” Steve assured him patiently, despite all the evidence to the contrary. As if he hadn’t just caught Bucky naked and offering himself to another man. “I know. That’s not where I was going with this...”
“I didn’t think—” Bucky stammered on, caught in a senseless loop of shame and guilt. “I didn’t mean to— He just— Fuck! I didn’t think—”
Maybe Mandlakhe was right. Maybe he had wanted it. Everything they did to him. Maybe he deserved it for being such a greedy little—
“Bucky,” Steve said again, and then more sharply, “hey!” commanding his attention with the snap of his fingers.
“Eyes on me, soldier! Focus! Snap out of it, come on... You’re spiraling again. Please... Stop it.”
Bucky blinked sluggishly, once, twice.
Then, as if all his strings had been cut, his legs buckled out from under him, tired of supporting his tightly-wound body. He dropped to his knees like a hunk of dead weight and sobbed his heart out.
“Oh my god! Oh my god... I’m so sorry! How could I do that to you? How could I...? I just— I wanted to confront him. He said— You can’t imagine what— But I shouldn’t have— Fuck!”
“Bucky, calm down...”
“Why can’t I think straight anymore? I just haven’t been sleeping well. That’s it! I haven’t— I— Please, Steve... Don’t leave me!”
“What?” Steve asked, distraught. “Why would I—”
“Steve— I didn't mean to—” Bucky cut him off. His bottom lip quivered miserably. “I— I can’t... I just can’t...”
“Jesus... Bucky, listen to me.”
Steve sat down on the ground beside him and wrapped him in his arms, rocking him softly - the way a parent would console their child after a nightmare.
“Shh... Listen: I don’t own you. No one does. You know that, right?”
We own you...
Your ass belongs to Hydra forever...
Filthy little whore...
Bucky cried harder.
Steve let him sob, and shake, and pet his hair as if he wasn’t disgusted with him. Not as much as he should be anyways because Steve was a fucking saint.
Bucky didn’t deserve his kindness, to be treated as if he was more than a disloyal, cheating mess of tears and snort.
“...I’m not mad, baby...” Steve murmured. “I swear. I’m not gonna leave you.”
They didn’t call each other many endearments outside of the bedroom. Steve almost never called him ‘baby’, except as a joke or when Bucky’ was really losing it. If he hadn’t known what a fucking disaster this was already, he sure as hell would now.
“Not ever, you hear? Especially not over something like this.”
“But I— Steve if you hadn’t come...”
“I know, baby, I know, but I was here. This time, I was here...”
Steve sniffled quietly, trying to hide his own tears and tough it out. At least one of them had to. Bucky clutched at his shirt so hard he could hear the seems tear.
Of course there was some twisted way, Steve would blame himself for this whole thing, and that was it. He’d been too late to stop Ward and the others. Now he was giving Bucky some sort of a free pass for it.
“...And even if you had, you know, ‘made it’ with that guy— I mean, I’m not gonna lie because I would have been a little bummed about it at first, finding out like this— But if that was something you really wanted or needed to get over Hydra then that’s alright. We could have talked about it. Found a way. Most of all, I’m just concerned for you.”
Steve kissed the top of Bucky’s head, like he was something precious, something rare, something to keep.
“I’m so sorry but I don’t want anyone else,” Bucky begged suddenly, meaning every word. “Just you! I love you! Please... I don’t want anyone else—”
“Ok,” Steve said. “Just me.”
“Just you. Forever. For rest of my whole miserable life! I swear, I never wanted that guy. He’s a real asshole. I was just angry and you’re you and... You’re too good,” Bucky protested weakly, shivering and clutching his boyfriend’s back with one hand.
“You’re too good for me, Steve. Always were.”
“Oh sweetheart. But I’m not,” Steve said, turning him in his arms and kissing Bucky’s forehead. “I’m really not.”
“You are. I don’t know why I did that... What’s wrong with me?”
“Not a damn thing, Buck...”
Steve’s hid a pained smile against his partner’s cheek.
Fill: The Quiet Game (15.2/?)
Steve, his travel bag still in hand, was staring at them from the other end of the room. It seemed as if he had been standing there for a while now, listening to every word. The curtain at the entrance must have hidden him from sight, Bucky realized with a sickening feeling. That’s why they hadn’t noticed him at all.
The gravity of the situation crept up on him slowly, much like the heat of a burn.
His mind came to a screeching halt.
What the hell was he doing?
He had just invited another man into their home— No, bullied him to follow him here and then he’d what... Sexually harassed the guy? Offered his body to him? To be fucked? To be hurt again?
What was wrong with him? What was he even thinking?
“Bucky?” Steve said, trying to get his attention and starting to sound alarmed. “Buck?”
“I... I don’t...” Bucky stammered. He realized that he was still naked but he couldn’t move, rooted on the spot. It was over. Done. He couldn’t say anything to make this right.
Steve finally seemed to catch on to Bucky’s state of mind, probably pitying his complete inability to keep his fucking life in order for a single week on his own. He began to move towards him, all business-like.
Bucky told himself to cower at his boyfriend’s feet and beg for forgiveness while there was still time, but nothing happened. He couldn’t move a muscle.
“Ok, whatever this is, it stops right now. Bucky, put your clothes back on,” Steve ordered sternly, and then he pointed at Mandlakhe. “You. Get the hell out of my house.”
If Steve hadn’t been here...
Bucky stood perfectly still as Mandlakhe fled the scene without another word. He even left the spear behind, tripping over his own feet on the way out.
The seconds ticked by as slow as molasses. Bucky still couldn’t move at all.
“Do you remember where you are? Buck? Hey, you’re not hurt, are you?”
When he didn’t answer, Steve fixed him with the strangest look on his face. Then he picked up the discarded Shuka on the floor and dusted it off.
If he hadn’t been there...
“Buck? Can you put this on so we can talk, please?” Steve prompted. “Do you remember where you are?”
Breaking up with a guy naked didn’t seem like something Steve would do... Maybe if he didn’t wear any clothes for the rest of his life and walked around naked forever there was still a chance, Bucky thought hysterically.
Steve held out the Shuka in his direction and he recoiled from the movement subconsciously, as if expecting to be hit.
“Shit... Sorry. Hey... It’s ok...” Steve shook his head and advanced in small, light steps.
He kept going forward until he was close enough to drape the fabric over his partner’s shoulders gently.
Bucky’s body shook like a leaf.
“Shh... No one’s gonna hurt you. It’s ok. Can you tell me what happened?”
If Steve hadn’t been there...
“I— I don’t know,” Bucky whispered. “Please, you... You have to believe me, I’d never— I’d never cheat on you...”
Liar... Too little too late...
Bucky felt a bunch of tears run down his face freely. “Fuck, Steve— I’d never— Please... I swear... I didn’t mean to—”
“I know you wouldn’t,” Steve assured him patiently, despite all the evidence to the contrary. As if he hadn’t just caught Bucky naked and offering himself to another man. “I know. That’s not where I was going with this...”
“I didn’t think—” Bucky stammered on, caught in a senseless loop of shame and guilt. “I didn’t mean to— He just— Fuck! I didn’t think—”
Maybe Mandlakhe was right. Maybe he had wanted it. Everything they did to him. Maybe he deserved it for being such a greedy little—
“Bucky,” Steve said again, and then more sharply, “hey!” commanding his attention with the snap of his fingers.
“Eyes on me, soldier! Focus! Snap out of it, come on... You’re spiraling again. Please... Stop it.”
Bucky blinked sluggishly, once, twice.
Then, as if all his strings had been cut, his legs buckled out from under him, tired of supporting his tightly-wound body. He dropped to his knees like a hunk of dead weight and sobbed his heart out.
“Oh my god! Oh my god... I’m so sorry! How could I do that to you? How could I...? I just— I wanted to confront him. He said— You can’t imagine what— But I shouldn’t have— Fuck!”
“Bucky, calm down...”
“Why can’t I think straight anymore? I just haven’t been sleeping well. That’s it! I haven’t— I— Please, Steve... Don’t leave me!”
“What?” Steve asked, distraught. “Why would I—”
“Steve— I didn't mean to—” Bucky cut him off. His bottom lip quivered miserably. “I— I can’t... I just can’t...”
“Jesus... Bucky, listen to me.”
Steve sat down on the ground beside him and wrapped him in his arms, rocking him softly - the way a parent would console their child after a nightmare.
“Shh... Listen: I don’t own you. No one does. You know that, right?”
We own you...
Your ass belongs to Hydra forever...
Filthy little whore...
Bucky cried harder.
Steve let him sob, and shake, and pet his hair as if he wasn’t disgusted with him. Not as much as he should be anyways because Steve was a fucking saint.
Bucky didn’t deserve his kindness, to be treated as if he was more than a disloyal, cheating mess of tears and snort.
“...I’m not mad, baby...” Steve murmured. “I swear. I’m not gonna leave you.”
They didn’t call each other many endearments outside of the bedroom. Steve almost never called him ‘baby’, except as a joke or when Bucky’ was really losing it. If he hadn’t known what a fucking disaster this was already, he sure as hell would now.
“Not ever, you hear? Especially not over something like this.”
“But I— Steve if you hadn’t come...”
“I know, baby, I know, but I was here. This time, I was here...”
Steve sniffled quietly, trying to hide his own tears and tough it out. At least one of them had to. Bucky clutched at his shirt so hard he could hear the seems tear.
Of course there was some twisted way, Steve would blame himself for this whole thing, and that was it. He’d been too late to stop Ward and the others. Now he was giving Bucky some sort of a free pass for it.
“...And even if you had, you know, ‘made it’ with that guy— I mean, I’m not gonna lie because I would have been a little bummed about it at first, finding out like this— But if that was something you really wanted or needed to get over Hydra then that’s alright. We could have talked about it. Found a way. Most of all, I’m just concerned for you.”
Steve kissed the top of Bucky’s head, like he was something precious, something rare, something to keep.
“I’m so sorry but I don’t want anyone else,” Bucky begged suddenly, meaning every word. “Just you! I love you! Please... I don’t want anyone else—”
“Ok,” Steve said. “Just me.”
“Just you. Forever. For rest of my whole miserable life! I swear, I never wanted that guy. He’s a real asshole. I was just angry and you’re you and... You’re too good,” Bucky protested weakly, shivering and clutching his boyfriend’s back with one hand.
“You’re too good for me, Steve. Always were.”
“Oh sweetheart. But I’m not,” Steve said, turning him in his arms and kissing Bucky’s forehead. “I’m really not.”
“You are. I don’t know why I did that... What’s wrong with me?”
“Not a damn thing, Buck...”
Steve’s hid a pained smile against his partner’s cheek.
“Not a damn thing.”