So Bucky's been through some trashy stuff, per the standard, and so has Steve - maybe an abusive gaslighty relationship with Rumlow, maybe bad guys really like doing terrible terrible things to captain America when he is tied up and at their mercy. Probably both. Maybe Pierce also had a hand in it. Whatever the reason, both of them have terrible trash pasts, so of course despite their romantic (and probably sexual) attraction to each other it makes their relationship kind of difficult. - both of them really dread sex and possibly there is some kind of physical mark of the abuse they went through - scars or a brand or maybe like, scar tissue around their genitals and anus, which would give away the terrible trash past if seen -the discovery is made after lots of terror on both their parts and pushing themselves to have sex before they are ready, and it results in the two of them feeling guilty that they pressured the other one into sex and that the other one "had it worse". Maybe Bucky thinks that Steve has it worse because he isn't a murderer like Bucky is, and therefore didn't deserve it poem Bucky did. maybe Steve thinks Bucky had it worse because he had to endure seventy years of it and from so many people, whereas Steve "only" was abused by a handful (or two) of people and he's only had to endure it since he got the serum, except maybe a few incidents in the back alleys of Brooklyn. -they both are constantly worried about becoming abusers, especially since they both know how horrible it is to be on the other side of that, but instead of just being mindful and respectful they constantly question themselves and are anxious about every single interaction. Bucky knows Ateve would roll over and let him kill him. Steve is always really aware that he is basically Bucky's only support structure in both emotional and financial terms. Basically I just want anything where they are both traumatised and it's two way recovery trash and since they are both stubborn assholes who dig their heels in against therapy (Steve more than Bucky) they both develop really unhealthy perspectives that really fuck with their relationship. But they still love each other and want it to work and there is So Much Anguish
Steve and Bucky trying to deal with both their trash pasts, with dubious success
- both of them really dread sex and possibly there is some kind of physical mark of the abuse they went through - scars or a brand or maybe like, scar tissue around their genitals and anus, which would give away the terrible trash past if seen
-the discovery is made after lots of terror on both their parts and pushing themselves to have sex before they are ready, and it results in the two of them feeling guilty that they pressured the other one into sex and that the other one "had it worse". Maybe Bucky thinks that Steve has it worse because he isn't a murderer like Bucky is, and therefore didn't deserve it poem Bucky did. maybe Steve thinks Bucky had it worse because he had to endure seventy years of it and from so many people, whereas Steve "only" was abused by a handful (or two) of people and he's only had to endure it since he got the serum, except maybe a few incidents in the back alleys of Brooklyn.
-they both are constantly worried about becoming abusers, especially since they both know how horrible it is to be on the other side of that, but instead of just being mindful and respectful they constantly question themselves and are anxious about every single interaction. Bucky knows Ateve would roll over and let him kill him. Steve is always really aware that he is basically Bucky's only support structure in both emotional and financial terms.
Basically I just want anything where they are both traumatised and it's two way recovery trash and since they are both stubborn assholes who dig their heels in against therapy (Steve more than Bucky) they both develop really unhealthy perspectives that really fuck with their relationship. But they still love each other and want it to work and there is So Much Anguish