Ooh. I like the idea that not only does each think the other "had it worse," it happened in such different contexts for each of them that they don't actually understand each other's experiences as well as they assume. Like, for Steve it was a single violent incident (or several isolated ones) and it was more about hurt and humiliation than sex. But Bucky had someone furtively taking advantage of him over a long period of time, by coercion rather than force, and it was one small component in a larger environment of dehumanization. So Steve assumes Bucky is downplaying his own pain and it takes him a while to realize Bucky can be drifting back towards a really warped mindset without any overt distress. Whereas Bucky is deeply skeptical about Steve's claims to be more-or-less okay as long as they haven't stepped on any landmines, and is kind of taken aback by how much Steve loathes rough sex and how violently he reacts to anything that reminds him of being raped.

(What if the physical mark on Bucky isn't scarring, but total, permanent absence of body hair? "Lower maintenance," he says with a too-casual shrug the first time he takes his clothes off, not meeting Steve's eyes. "Easier than shaving my chest every time they wanted to slap electrodes on it. The porn-star look was just a bonus, really.")