After they escape, Steve thinks everything might be okay. Bucky won’t let Steve touch him, but he’d stayed for Steve while the factory exploded around them. “Not without you!” Bucky had yelled with stubborn devotion, forcing Steve to test the limits of his new body to save them both.
Everything might be okay. Bucky’s seen things, been through things, that Steve can only imagine. Of course he’ll need some time to adjust to Steve’s new body. Steve can understand that, even if it hurts.
Steve tries the night at the pub where Bucky tells him that he’ll follow Steve back into the fray. Bucky’s stumbling out of the pub into the dim London street, Steve steady behind him. Just them. Alone in the dark. Like old times.
“Hey, man,” Steve comes up behind Bucky, puts a firm hand on his waist to guide him into the adjoining alley, and whispers in his ear. “I missed you. Did you miss me?”
Bucky freezes. Steve can feel Bucky’s skin shiver underneath his jacket. He can feel the quickening of Bucky’s heart.
“Let go of me,” Bucky’s speech is slurred, but he’s obviously terrified. “I don’t want- Let me go!”
Steve does, hurt and confused, taking a step backward with his hands raised. Bucky whirls to face him, drunk and wary. There’s no need for Bucky to be afraid of Steve. Steve would never use his new body to take advantage of Bucky, just as he’d known Bucky would never have taken advantage of him when he was small and sick. A horrible, traitorous misgiving enters Steve’s mind. That Bucky doesn’t trust him. That Bucky only liked Steve when he was weak. He only liked Steve because he was weak.
The thought makes him angry. He pushes it aside, because it’s not true. He can’t believe it’s true.
He won’t believe it.
“I’m sorry,” Steve tells Bucky, placating. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want. Just thought I’d offer.”
Bucky doesn’t say anything, but his shoulders slump. He moves aside to let Steve walk ahead of him back to the barracks. Every step Steve takes feels wrong. He’s a monstrosity. Too big, too cumbersome. Untouchable.
Re: Fill: Wrong (2/?)
Everything might be okay. Bucky’s seen things, been through things, that Steve can only imagine. Of course he’ll need some time to adjust to Steve’s new body. Steve can understand that, even if it hurts.
Steve tries the night at the pub where Bucky tells him that he’ll follow Steve back into the fray. Bucky’s stumbling out of the pub into the dim London street, Steve steady behind him. Just them. Alone in the dark. Like old times.
“Hey, man,” Steve comes up behind Bucky, puts a firm hand on his waist to guide him into the adjoining alley, and whispers in his ear. “I missed you. Did you miss me?”
Bucky freezes. Steve can feel Bucky’s skin shiver underneath his jacket. He can feel the quickening of Bucky’s heart.
“Let go of me,” Bucky’s speech is slurred, but he’s obviously terrified. “I don’t want- Let me go!”
Steve does, hurt and confused, taking a step backward with his hands raised. Bucky whirls to face him, drunk and wary. There’s no need for Bucky to be afraid of Steve. Steve would never use his new body to take advantage of Bucky, just as he’d known Bucky would never have taken advantage of him when he was small and sick. A horrible, traitorous misgiving enters Steve’s mind. That Bucky doesn’t trust him. That Bucky only liked Steve when he was weak. He only liked Steve because he was weak.
The thought makes him angry. He pushes it aside, because it’s not true. He can’t believe it’s true.
He won’t believe it.
“I’m sorry,” Steve tells Bucky, placating. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want. Just thought I’d offer.”
Bucky doesn’t say anything, but his shoulders slump. He moves aside to let Steve walk ahead of him back to the barracks. Every step Steve takes feels wrong. He’s a monstrosity. Too big, too cumbersome. Untouchable.
Unlovable.