Okay, so Bucky wins the longest lasting chewtoy to ever exist award. All decent human beings on knowing the full extent of what was done to him should feel empathy for him, but the first time he has ever experienced that basic bar of human decency and empathy from most people he met, was Wakanda.
HYDRA is a white dominated space. SHIELD is a white dominated space. Red Room was definitely a white dominated space. All the time Bucky was on the run, he was in white dominated spaces, experiencing constant flashbacks and intense hyperawareness at all times.
In Wakanda, he has treatment and kindness on all sides. He has support and multiple therapists. He has people as different ideologically, socially, and yes, visually, from HYDRA as it is possible to be. Their clothes are vibrant and while a few non-whites may have worked for HYDRA they were few and far between- and certainly never entrusted with the Asset. Bucky recovers and is deprogrammed, excited by how he feels so incredibly safe, all the time now.
Then he enters a room with Steve and the others on team cap and his heart is racing, he becomes hyper aware and even Steve- big puppydog Steve with his too gentle eyes, makes Bucky flash back to the taste of stale semen and blood, the scent of his own blood and tears mingling with gun oil and the rank stench of sex. Bucky is distraught, and the worst part is it keeps happening. He can deal with Steve one on one... sometimes, but when three or more white men are in a room, he starts to itch between his shoulders where STRIKE loved to stun him while fucking him, he begins to taste the leather of a belt or the dirty soiled panties they would make him wear for a mission, then shove in his noisy hole after they cut it off.
Bucky keeps trying but it is painfully obvious that his mind has come to associate faces and skintones like his own with danger and humiliation and pain- and other racial faces, particularly black men and women, with safety and support.
Sam/Bucky, T'Chucky, or Steve and Bucky slowly and painfully trying to work through this are welcome but I also welcome dead doves and hurt but no solution to this. I am totally fine having Steve with his dayglow whiteness will always be a mild to severe trigger for Bucky, and that will never go away. :3
A lack of pain and fear-Wakanda saves Bucky-(White Dominated spaces=Bad)
HYDRA is a white dominated space. SHIELD is a white dominated space. Red Room was definitely a white dominated space. All the time Bucky was on the run, he was in white dominated spaces, experiencing constant flashbacks and intense hyperawareness at all times.
In Wakanda, he has treatment and kindness on all sides. He has support and multiple therapists. He has people as different ideologically, socially, and yes, visually, from HYDRA as it is possible to be. Their clothes are vibrant and while a few non-whites may have worked for HYDRA they were few and far between- and certainly never entrusted with the Asset. Bucky recovers and is deprogrammed, excited by how he feels so incredibly safe, all the time now.
Then he enters a room with Steve and the others on team cap and his heart is racing, he becomes hyper aware and even Steve- big puppydog Steve with his too gentle eyes, makes Bucky flash back to the taste of stale semen and blood, the scent of his own blood and tears mingling with gun oil and the rank stench of sex. Bucky is distraught, and the worst part is it keeps happening. He can deal with Steve one on one... sometimes, but when three or more white men are in a room, he starts to itch between his shoulders where STRIKE loved to stun him while fucking him, he begins to taste the leather of a belt or the dirty soiled panties they would make him wear for a mission, then shove in his noisy hole after they cut it off.
Bucky keeps trying but it is painfully obvious that his mind has come to associate faces and skintones like his own with danger and humiliation and pain- and other racial faces, particularly black men and women, with safety and support.
Sam/Bucky, T'Chucky, or Steve and Bucky slowly and painfully trying to work through this are welcome but I also welcome dead doves and hurt but no solution to this. I am totally fine having Steve with his dayglow whiteness will always be a mild to severe trigger for Bucky, and that will never go away. :3