(First prompt on here, so let me know if I’m trashing incorrectly! I have a lot of thoughts about how this could go but no idea how to write it myself, so I’m abandoning this plot bunny beside the dumpster in the hopes that a trash monster will adopt it).
Bucky (due to prompting by Steve/his therapist, or maybe just for himself in one of his notebooks pre-CW) starts jotting down all of the things that he can’t bring himself to tell Steve ... including all of the HYDRA trash-related things; torture, medical abuse, sexual abuse, etc, and his (shameful, conflicted, unspeakable) feelings related to all of the above. The list starts out mundane/soft/less graphic and gets more and more heartbreakingly dirtybadwrong as it goes on. This could be a sign of Bucky healing and coming to terms with everything, or of him nearing a mental breakdown as he becomes increasing unable to cope with what he remembers. Up to you whether Steve ever sees the list or not, or if the list is a framing device or a fill all by itself. Resolve however you want.
I’d really love to see transitions in style and content as the list progresses, such as:
-Entries gradually becoming more/less coherent -The dirtybadwrong becoming more or less TMI, depending on whether or not Bucky realizes how fucked-up the abuse was and how guarded he is at any given stage (he’s opening up more as he’s healing, or becoming more ashamed and disgusted as he realizes the wrongness of everything, or losing the ability to censor himself as he falls apart, or whatever else you can come up with). -Descriptions becoming more detailed as Bucky remembers more, or becoming more fragmented as he nears a crisis point
The Steve/Bucky can be as gen or as shippy as you like.
Any level of explicit content is fine, but I’m mostly here to be emotionally destroyed, so no PWP.
***Bonus points if you can make the vaguer entries even more horrifying than the more descriptive ones.
Bucky writes down all of the things he can't tell his best friend
Bucky (due to prompting by Steve/his therapist, or maybe just for himself in one of his notebooks pre-CW) starts jotting down all of the things that he can’t bring himself to tell Steve ... including all of the HYDRA trash-related things; torture, medical abuse, sexual abuse, etc, and his (shameful, conflicted, unspeakable) feelings related to all of the above. The list starts out mundane/soft/less graphic and gets more and more heartbreakingly dirtybadwrong as it goes on. This could be a sign of Bucky healing and coming to terms with everything, or of him nearing a mental breakdown as he becomes increasing unable to cope with what he remembers. Up to you whether Steve ever sees the list or not, or if the list is a framing device or a fill all by itself. Resolve however you want.
I’d really love to see transitions in style and content as the list progresses, such as:
-Entries gradually becoming more/less coherent
-The dirtybadwrong becoming more or less TMI, depending on whether or not Bucky realizes how fucked-up the abuse was and how guarded he is at any given stage (he’s opening up more as he’s healing, or becoming more ashamed and disgusted as he realizes the wrongness of everything, or losing the ability to censor himself as he falls apart, or whatever else you can come up with).
-Descriptions becoming more detailed as Bucky remembers more, or becoming more fragmented as he nears a crisis point
The Steve/Bucky can be as gen or as shippy as you like.
Any level of explicit content is fine, but I’m mostly here to be emotionally destroyed, so no PWP.
***Bonus points if you can make the vaguer entries even more horrifying than the more descriptive ones.