OP: It really says something about how overwhelming all of the chapters are that the easiest journal entry to read is the one that's basically Bucky saying that he wants to die over and over again. :'(
About the Bucky being programmed not to injure himself- I have this hc that HYDRA wanted their Asset to function something like the I, Robot robots but with the three laws in a different order: 1. Complete its objectives, 2. never harm its handler and protect them at all costs (unless that conflicts with 1.), and never harm itself (unless that conflicts with 1. or 2.). Just my random take on that which this fill happens to fit with.
I've always put Bucky's not having killed himself pre-CW mostly down to inner strength and also down to Steve's existence being tangible proof that he did have a life before and therefore might have one again, but oh, the idea that Bucky simply was not able to end his own life but wanted to ... mmm that's top-shelf angst that hits me so hard every time I see it in fic.
"Steve- I love you/I have always loved you/But I hate you/I hate that I followed you"--Argh, this just breaks my Stucky heart in the best way.
Re: BARFing Out Hurt (6/7)
About the Bucky being programmed not to injure himself- I have this hc that HYDRA wanted their Asset to function something like the I, Robot robots but with the three laws in a different order: 1. Complete its objectives, 2. never harm its handler and protect them at all costs (unless that conflicts with 1.), and never harm itself (unless that conflicts with 1. or 2.). Just my random take on that which this fill happens to fit with.
I've always put Bucky's not having killed himself pre-CW mostly down to inner strength and also down to Steve's existence being tangible proof that he did have a life before and therefore might have one again, but oh, the idea that Bucky simply was not able to end his own life but wanted to ... mmm that's top-shelf angst that hits me so hard every time I see it in fic.
"Steve- I love you/I have always loved you/But I hate you/I hate that I followed you"--Argh, this just breaks my Stucky heart in the best way.
Holy shit, just one more chapter!