(So I made an attempt. I'm the one who mentioned wtnv, but it's in no way a crossover, don't worry. This is part of a series of vignettes, I guess, but I've only written one. I'm not very good at humor on-demand, so any critiques would be very welcome, and if you don't think I should bother making another attempt, that's okay with me. And anyone else who wants to fill is totally welcome to. Seriously.)
“SHIELD HR, how may I help you?”
“Yeah, um, hi, I’m supposed to tell you something about heads?”
Shirley rolled her eyes and popped her gum. “What exactly were you supposed to tell me?”
“Oh, um, I think it was ‘lovely weather we’re having this morning, but cut off two heads anyway’?”
“Yeah.” Shirley kicked her feet up on the desk and rolled her eyes at Jacob, seated beside her. “This is Hydra Resources, what is this call concerning?”
“Oh, well, um,” the guy on the other end of the line fumbled, “I run a cleaning company, and someone came in yesterday. He gave me this number, and that code…thing.”
“Kay’s Cleaners?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. We have some stone rooms that are kind of covered in blood and other stuff. I’ll put you through to that department. Please hold.” Shirley pressed a few buttons on the phone. “Yeah, Barry, we’ve got the cleaner waiting to talk to you on Line 2.” She paused, listening. “Okay, great,” and hung up.
“What’s all that about?” Jacob asked.
“Oh you don’t want to know. Rollins apparently got really enthusiastic during an interrogation yesterday. There’re intestines everywhere.” She pulled her chewed up gum out of her mouth and tossed it into the fish tank across the room. It landed with a little plop. “It’s super gross.”
Jacob popped a square of Must into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Maybe they should lock someone up in there. You know, while they’re waiting for the cleaners. It seems a shame to put some good intestines to waste.”
Shirley shrugged and pulled a notepad out of a drawer. She’d doodled an anatomical heart on the first page yesterday, and was relieved to find that it was still there. She started shading it in. “Hey,” her grin curved a little wickedly, “I wonder what would happen if we tried feeding Mr. Top-Secret-Super-Classified over there some raw intestines. Like, if they locked him up in the room there and told him they would let him out when he finished eating all the meat. D’you think he’d do it?”
“Probably.” Jacob shrugged. “Or we could tie all those guts together, make him a scarf, tell him to wear it on his next mission.”
“I like that one better,” Shirley agreed. The phone rang before she could offer any alternatives. “SHIELD HR, how may I help you?”
[FILL] SHIELD HR (1/?)
“SHIELD HR, how may I help you?”
“Yeah, um, hi, I’m supposed to tell you something about heads?”
Shirley rolled her eyes and popped her gum. “What exactly were you supposed to tell me?”
“Oh, um, I think it was ‘lovely weather we’re having this morning, but cut off two heads anyway’?”
“Yeah.” Shirley kicked her feet up on the desk and rolled her eyes at Jacob, seated beside her. “This is Hydra Resources, what is this call concerning?”
“Oh, well, um,” the guy on the other end of the line fumbled, “I run a cleaning company, and someone came in yesterday. He gave me this number, and that code…thing.”
“Kay’s Cleaners?”
“Yeah.”
“Great. We have some stone rooms that are kind of covered in blood and other stuff. I’ll put you through to that department. Please hold.” Shirley pressed a few buttons on the phone. “Yeah, Barry, we’ve got the cleaner waiting to talk to you on Line 2.” She paused, listening. “Okay, great,” and hung up.
“What’s all that about?” Jacob asked.
“Oh you don’t want to know. Rollins apparently got really enthusiastic during an interrogation yesterday. There’re intestines everywhere.” She pulled her chewed up gum out of her mouth and tossed it into the fish tank across the room. It landed with a little plop. “It’s super gross.”
Jacob popped a square of Must into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Maybe they should lock someone up in there. You know, while they’re waiting for the cleaners. It seems a shame to put some good intestines to waste.”
Shirley shrugged and pulled a notepad out of a drawer. She’d doodled an anatomical heart on the first page yesterday, and was relieved to find that it was still there. She started shading it in. “Hey,” her grin curved a little wickedly, “I wonder what would happen if we tried feeding Mr. Top-Secret-Super-Classified over there some raw intestines. Like, if they locked him up in the room there and told him they would let him out when he finished eating all the meat. D’you think he’d do it?”
“Probably.” Jacob shrugged. “Or we could tie all those guts together, make him a scarf, tell him to wear it on his next mission.”
“I like that one better,” Shirley agreed. The phone rang before she could offer any alternatives. “SHIELD HR, how may I help you?”