hydratrashmeme | Trash Party Dumpster #1

(Will be continued in a Dumpster #2 post if by some unholy hell-miracle this post hits the 5000-comment limit.)

Filthy anon dumpster for sad hobos to fling moldy pizza crusts, raccoon eye makeup tips, and garbage about their sad trash kinks at each other.

AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. One hundred percent Hydra Party Favor Bucky Barnes, Is It Sexy Violence Or Violent Sex?, and Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves: Winter Soldier Edition. BLANKET NON-CON/DUB-CON WARNING, not safe for work, not safe for life, not safe for anyone, read at your own risk ~~of becoming one of us~~.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, etc. are off-topic.

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GO TO TOWN, TRASHBABIES.

Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Round 1 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 2.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I just have this shameful burning need for a banality-of-evil HYDRA office sitcom. Increasingly exasperated incident reports about inappropriate uses of the Winter Soldier. Dumb tentacle videos passed around on the secret evil intranet. Evil Robert Redford being a bizarrely genial boss and tipping off the latest intern about a great little dry cleaning/alterations shop down by Gallery Place that doesn't ask questions about bloodstains or bullet holes. Vicious behind-the-scenes power struggles about official letterhead design and whose turn it is to clean out the coffee maker in the bank vault brainwashing lab. Wrangling about whether hiring a hooker for the Winter Soldier just for the lols can go down in the expense reports as necessary maintenance.

I want this!

I love banal-HYDRA stuff so much you don't even know. My friends and I have a running joke about underpaid HYDRA interns. Can there be underpaid HYDRA interns?

oh good there are at least three people who love ridiculous banal Hydra things

I'm pretty sure Hydra interns are un-paid. Hydra is evil, after all.

Just reading this prompt had me laughing out loud. I don't know enough about corporate business structure (especially in the US) to write this fic, but god, I'd like to read it!

Although for this prompt, it wouldn't be so much corporate business structure as government agency, which is somewhat different. For one thing, there's a hell of a lot more bureaucracy, outside interference and fiddly regulations that need to be complied with, at least in appearance.

i'm thinking it'd end up like Fifty Shades of Grey with 20% more corporate memos about photocopier toner being an unacceptable substitute for black camo paint.

OP here: congratulations, you just made me let out an undignified hoot of laughter IRL.

I have a Need. And I'm kind of itching to write this now. Nothing porny, just lots of crack and underpaid interns. (also getting a bit of a WTNV vibe...???)

Different anon is really not into WTNV, but is interested in what you think the commonality is.

Different anon, but I'd really welcome a WTNV thing, purely to see some hydra HR person getting annoyed at all the dead interns

Not a crossover type of vibe, just an "Intern Dana was taken away by the secret police for thinking about Wednesday even though it was cancelled" type of thing. Just general oddities and Intern Misadventures.

(So I made an attempt. I'm the one who mentioned wtnv, but it's in no way a crossover, don't worry. This is part of a series of vignettes, I guess, but I've only written one. I'm not very good at humor on-demand, so any critiques would be very welcome, and if you don't think I should bother making another attempt, that's okay with me. And anyone else who wants to fill is totally welcome to. Seriously.)

“SHIELD HR, how may I help you?”

“Yeah, um, hi, I’m supposed to tell you something about heads?”

Shirley rolled her eyes and popped her gum. “What exactly were you supposed to tell me?”

“Oh, um, I think it was ‘lovely weather we’re having this morning, but cut off two heads anyway’?”

“Yeah.” Shirley kicked her feet up on the desk and rolled her eyes at Jacob, seated beside her. “This is Hydra Resources, what is this call concerning?”

“Oh, well, um,” the guy on the other end of the line fumbled, “I run a cleaning company, and someone came in yesterday. He gave me this number, and that code…thing.”

“Kay’s Cleaners?”

“Yeah.”

“Great. We have some stone rooms that are kind of covered in blood and other stuff. I’ll put you through to that department. Please hold.” Shirley pressed a few buttons on the phone. “Yeah, Barry, we’ve got the cleaner waiting to talk to you on Line 2.” She paused, listening. “Okay, great,” and hung up.

“What’s all that about?” Jacob asked.

“Oh you don’t want to know. Rollins apparently got really enthusiastic during an interrogation yesterday. There’re intestines everywhere.” She pulled her chewed up gum out of her mouth and tossed it into the fish tank across the room. It landed with a little plop. “It’s super gross.”

Jacob popped a square of Must into his mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “Maybe they should lock someone up in there. You know, while they’re waiting for the cleaners. It seems a shame to put some good intestines to waste.”

Shirley shrugged and pulled a notepad out of a drawer. She’d doodled an anatomical heart on the first page yesterday, and was relieved to find that it was still there. She started shading it in. “Hey,” her grin curved a little wickedly, “I wonder what would happen if we tried feeding Mr. Top-Secret-Super-Classified over there some raw intestines. Like, if they locked him up in the room there and told him they would let him out when he finished eating all the meat. D’you think he’d do it?”

“Probably.” Jacob shrugged. “Or we could tie all those guts together, make him a scarf, tell him to wear it on his next mission.”

“I like that one better,” Shirley agreed. The phone rang before she could offer any alternatives. “SHIELD HR, how may I help you?”

!!! This is so great

Trash Party Dumpster #1

The Office: HYDRA remix

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[FILL] SHIELD HR (1/?)

Re: [FILL] SHIELD HR (1/?)