hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

Welcome to the latest, greatest, scummiest iteration of

hydratrashmeme. Come on in and please check your sense of shame at the door.

Rules in brief: Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because this is emphatically not a safe space. Link your fills on the fill post. Unprompted fills: make a prompt or a header comment and reply to it with the full text. Continuations of fills from earlier rounds: just make sure you link in both places.

What's on-topic: Filthy and perverted twists on all the quality whump served up by Cap: Winter Soldier. Noncon, aftermath, uncomfortably sexualized violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves.
What's off-topic: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, shippy/romanticized noncon, MCU heroes repurposed into OOC or edgydark delivery vehicles for your fave's suffering. If you've got a prompt for one of those burning a hole in your brain, head on over to

mcu_trash.

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Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

For the next few days, they didn’t discuss the prospect of getting Bucky’s dick in Steve’s ass. Really, not talking about that was quite an accomplishment because they were talking a lot more in general. It was… good, in a bizarre and agonizing way. Talking, in specifics, about HYDRA and how they’d hurt each other - been used against each other - felt like finally abrading a wound they’d been trying to leave to heal on its own. Bucky even said he felt relieved to compare and discuss their experiences. His memories remained fragmented and blurred, while Steve’s were all too clear. Between them, they finally had enough context to understand what they had done and why. Contrary to Steve’s expectations, Bucky cared a lot less about the what than the why.

“Gotta face it, Steve. I’m never going to remember most of my past.”

“We don’t know that,” Steve insisted doggedly. “You’re still healing.”

“Steve.”

That tone was almost always enough to make Steve shut his mouth nowadays, however reluctantly.

“Does it matter that much, practically speaking?” Bucky asked. “I know the shape of my past now, even if I don’t remember all the details. I trust you to give me accurate information, so I can make good choices.”

Looking away, Steve fought not to flinch at the - he hoped - unintentional reminder of the first time he had put Bucky in the maintenance chair. “I’m trying.”

“Yeah, you’ve always been extraordinarily trying,” Bucky said matter-of-factly, but there was a touch of teasing that brought Steve’s head back around to look at him. “The point I’m trying to make is that I know what I want now and no memory is gonna change my mind - no matter if I remember more rapes and missions or shared beds and pining. It’s my life. Maybe I can’t control what I remember, but I can choose to focus on what parts of that get to keep their importance, and I don’t want you to keep beating yourself up for every single thing you think you’ve ever done wrong. I don’t want either of us to suffer anymore.”

Painful though the process was, Steve was finally starting to feel like they might be draining out enough of HYDRA’s poison to move forward without making things worse. He had a plan. Whenever the goddamn stars aligned, he’d be as ready as possible. There wouldn’t have to be any delays and Steve would have no excuses. When the moment was right, it would be finally be easy, like Bucky deserved something to be.

He tried not to anticipate too much. He certainly didn’t anticipate Bucky walking in on his now-nightly preparations. The Winter Soldier was as capable of silent movement as he ever had been.

“So this is what you’ve been doing in here without me,” Bucky said.

Steve froze, two fingers up his own ass, one foot up on the edge of the bathtub. He couldn’t read Bucky’s tone.

Bucky took a step forward and Steve started to straighten up.

“Hey, no, don’t stop on my account, Stevie. I don’ mind watching.”

Breath hitching, Steve held Bucky’s eyes and twisted his fingers. It wasn’t pleasure or pain, mostly pressure and warmth. His fingers weren’t quite deep enough to touch his prostate. They were maybe halfway to the second knuckle. He had, in fact, been avoiding it. He’d told himself he was leaving that for Bucky.

Bucky put the toilet seat down and sat on the closed lid, fully dressed. “Jus’ tell me. Is… Uh. Is this for me, Steve?”

Skin burning, Steve dipped his chin in a nod. Everything was for Bucky, when it came right down to it.

“Huh,” said Bucky. “What was the plan?”

“No specific plan,” Steve choked out. “I just… wanted to be ready whenever we were ready.”

“Okay,” said Bucky. A frown creased his forehead. “Keep going.”

Belatedly, Steve realize he’d stopped moving his fingers. Didn’t seem like the sort of thing a man should be able to forget about, but there it was. He carefully flexed the two inside him in a vaguely circular motion.

“Been doin’ this every night, Steve?” Bucky asked, voice low and rough. His pupils were large, but there was still a line between his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Steve confessed. “Since our night out.”

Eyes falling to Steve’s not quite full cock, Bucky said, “You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself too much.”

Huffing a weak laugh, Steve said, “That wasn’t really the point, Buck.”

“Uh huh. So, it’s not just that your technique’s lousy.”

“No, no, it’s not.”

“Not lousy?

“Buck,” Steve grit out. He felt embarrassed and self-conscious. His erection wilted a little more. The pressure and drag of his fingers was beginning to get uncomfortable. He probably hadn’t used enough lube.

“Pretty sure my technique has to be better than yours,” said Bucky. “I could demonstrate.”

“Whaddaya have in mind?” Steve asked, trying not to be annoyed. He thought it was an offer and not a taunt, but he wasn’t completely certain.

With what the tension in his shoulders said was false casualness, Bucky stood and pulled his shirt over his head. He tossed the shirt out the bathroom door and said, “Get back in the water.” He dropped his pants too. Underneath, he was all bare clean skin. The sight of him did things to Steve and he was past the point of caring more than a twinge if it was in any part conditioning.

Scrambling to obey, Steve nearly did himself a injury to a delicate area. As it was, he barked his left shin on the edge and sloshed some of the warm soapy water over the side onto Bucky’s bare feet.

“Clumsy?” Bucky was right there, leaning in. “I thought you were over that.”

“I’ll always be clumsy for you, Buck,” Steve blurted and immediately wished he’d knocked himself unconscious instead. He rubbed at his leg.

Bucky didn’t seem impressed. “You’re clumsy because you’re too tense. Let me wash your hair.”

Pot, kettle. “I already… Oh.” Steve ducked his head away, reaching for the shampoo.

Taking it out of his hand, Bucky wasted no time squeezing some directly into Steve’s hair and working it into a lather. “Your hair’s growing.”

“Mmhm,” agreed Steve. He’d better cut it before they ended up matching. On the other hand, he was really enjoying Bucky’s fingers combing through it. Would Bucky let him return the favor?

Now Bucky’s hands were on his shoulders, squeezing the muscle tension out like he could make Steve relax by force. Maybe he could. “Oh,” Steve breathed again. He couldn’t go as boneless as he wanted because of the water, but-

“Deep breath.”

Steve slipped underwater without thinking about it. Bucky’s left hand pressed him down while his right scrubbed through his hair again. A tug and Steve broke the surface easily.

“Cream rinse?” Bucky breathed in his ear.

Despite the hot water, Steve shivered. “Can I…” He lifted a hand out of the water, not sure what he was asking.

“No,” Bucky denied. “Let me take care of you.”

The hand fell with barely a splash.

Bucky worked the product in every bit as thoroughly as he had the shampoo, then pulled gently. “Close your eyes.”

When Steve did, Bucky used his cupped hands to pour water over his head. “Out of the water,” he ordered.

Steve’s feet were barely on the floor before Bucky wrapped him in a fluffy bath towel, draped another over his head, and scooped him up bodily. “Bucky!” Steve exclaimed in half protest and half laughter.

“I want you in our bed,” said Bucky, carrying him out. “I’m ready if you are.”

He’d thought the evening was heading this way, but he still had to swallow hard past the lump of nerves. “Yeah. Let’s do it. I. Yes.”

“Yes?” Bucky’s stride faltered a moment in the door to their bedroom. “You mean it, Steve?” He deposited him gently on their bed.

Meeting the gaze of the supersoldier hovering uncertainly over him, Steve said, “Yes, Bucky.” This was all according to plan. “I’ve dreamed of you inside me. I want you.”

Bucky bit his lower lip and looked down before raising his eyes to Steve’s again. “That doesn’t mean you have to like the reality. Even if you’re completely sure now, you can still change your mind at any time. You know how to stop me.”

“I won’t.”

“You will if you want to,” Bucky said firmly. “Not need to. Want to. No one is making me hurt you - not even you. That’s important. Got it?”

“Yes,” Steve agreed. “I’ll say something if I want to. And so will you. No soldiering on for either of us.”

“Ha,” gasped Bucky, smiling crookedly. “Yeah, none of that.”

For a few seconds, Steve smiled back. Then he realized he hadn’t really dried off and his hair was a dripping mess. His smile turned sheepish as he reached up to grab the towel Bucky had laid over his hair. “I’m gonna get the bed all wet.”

“Promise?” Bucky whispered, leaning in with clear intent.

They kissed, sweet and deep and lingering, and Steve felt his lingering nerves settle into anticipation. “Whatever you want, Buck,” he breathed.

Goosebumps rose on his damp skin. He was halfway wrapped in the big bath towel and sprawled on their bed on his back where Bucky had put him down. Naked. They were both naked. Bucky was going to fuck him. Everything would be good.

Bucky took the towel from him and proceeded to rub him down in a way that Steve had never previously considered could be errotic but might prevent him from ever picking up a towel in public again for the rest of his life.

“Roll over,” Bucky told him and Steve felt his flush deepen in an instant as he complied.

Laughing at him, Bucky said, “I meant so I can fix the towel situation, Steve!”

Mortified, he opened his mouth and closed it without a word. Bucky laughed harder, eventually collapsing onto the bed next to him in a fit of giggles.

“I love you,” Steve mumbled to the bedspread, knowing his face was aflame.

Once Bucky’s giggles subsided, they quickly got themselves and the bed in order. The sheets were turned down and the damp towels were laid out under Steve’s backside. Bucky knelt in the vee of Steve’s legs. Steve squirmed a little under his hungry scrutiny. They were both mostly hard.

Bucky blinked rapidly and shook his head like he was trying to wake up. “Fuck. Lube. We need lube.” He half slid, half tumbled off the bed in his effort to reach into the nightstand.

He should have crawled over Steve instead. That would have been nice. Or maybe it would have been too many elbows and knees in uncomfortable places, but it would have been worth it to have Bucky’s skin against him.

“Lube!” Bucky said triumphantly, returning to the center of the bed.

Steve huffed out a noise that was half-laugh, half-sigh. “So how do you want to do this?”

It was Bucky’s turn to laugh. “First we take the edge off?” he suggested, the flirty promise on his face not overshadowed by the rueful wince that followed. “If that’s okay?”

Wiggling under him, Steve pulled him down for another kiss before saying, “Whatever you want to do is okay, but I like that plan.” It was something they were already comfortable with and neither of them needed to worry about their ability to get hard again after.

They came together easily, hot wet mouths against each other and Steve stroking them both off while Bucky held himself up with one hand and kneaded Steve’s ass with the other, warming the metal. The closer they got to organsm, the closer his fingers got to Steve’s hole.

Their rhythm faltered a moment when Bucky broke off kissing him to sit up and grab the lube. He applied it to his shining silver fingers and Steve’s whole body clenched in desperate want. The grip he had on their dicks tightened and he threw his head back and groaned.

“So close, Buck,” he panted. “You?”

“Yeah, Stevie,” said Bucky, cock pulsing hot against Steve’s own.

Orgasm hit them both, Bucky a little ahead of Steve. It wasn’t until after Steve’s head cleared that he realized Bucky’s slicked fingers were in him, rubbing unerringly against his prostate.

Steve made a strangled noise and the fingers went still.

“This okay?” Bucky checked, voice low.

“YES!,” Steve nearly shouted. “Yes, more. It’s good. I want it.”

“Okay, pal,” agreed Bucky. “I got you. More kissing?”

“God, yes,” said Steve. He slid one arm around Bucky’s ribs and the other hand on the back of his neck.

Kissing Bucky was always good. It was partly Bucky’s skill and experience, but Steve liked to think it was mostly good because it was Bucky, open and eager and giving even better than he got. Steve was under no illusions regarding his own kissing skills.

“Another?” Bucky murmured. He sissored his fingers inside Steve’s ass and grinned into Steve’s next desperate kiss.

How long they spent like that Steve couldn’t have said. It could have been five minutes or fifty. All that mattered was that it was good, intimate, and everything Steve had been avoiding in his previous lives. His dick was hard enough to almost hurt.

“That’s four,” Bucky breathed against his ear, kissing down his neck. “I think we…”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Steve cried through gritted teeth.

“How...” Bucky began to ask.

“Over… like you said…” Steve was beyond bushing now.

“You sure?” Bucky hesitated.

“Yeah. That’s ours, Buck,” Steve tried to explain.

“You got it, Stevie.”

They arranged themselves. Bucky stood shakily at the side of the bed and pulled Steve toward himself by the hips. Steve’s legs went over Bucky’s shoulders. He looked up into Bucky’s face. He felt fierce and tender and vulnerable and so relieved and happy he thought he might burst like a popcorn kernel. “I’m ready,” he promised.

“More than ready,” Bucky agreed. “And, hey, no neighbors to worry about.”

“Depends how loud I get,” Steve whispered, mouth abruptly dry.

Bucky’s expression was as complicated as Steve’s own emotions. “Guess we’ll find out.”

The head of Bucky’s cock was warm, blunt, wet, and slippery against Steve’s hole.The stretch and long slow slide as Bucky pushed inside him was so different than fingers. The strain on Bucky’s face as he slid home for the first time was a memory Steve would treasure for the rest of his life. It went on forever and no time at all.

“Oh,” Steve said stupidly as Bucky’s hips came to rest with his balls pressing gently against Steve’s ass. Nearly a century old and they were finally giving this last hard-kept piece of themselves to each other. He’d known better than to expect overwhelming physical pleasure from this part, but there was plenty of the non-physical kind. He couldn’t wait to experience the rest. He flexed his ass and watched Bucky’s eyes flutter momentarily shut with a hissed intake of breath.

After a few seconds, Steve realized Bucky really wasn’t moving at all. He was frozen in silent tension distinct from the earlier effort of restraining himself.

“Buck?”

Bucky’s adam’s apple bobbed but he kept eye contact.

“What is it?”

“I. I don’t know how to feel,” Bucky said slowly, testing.

“We can stop if you want,” Steve offered, trying not to clench his jaw or his ass and failing both.

“It’s a good thing Secretary Pierce is dead,” Bucky said.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed readily. “Care to tell me why that’s relevant?”

“Because a part of me just relaxed. You could counter all the orders except that one. To seduce you.”

Steve closed his eyes for a long moment and tried to think of absolutely nothing except the physical sensations. “I love you.” Bucky sure didn’t feel relaxed.

“Is it bad that I don’t mind the conditioning that tells me the smell of arousal means I’ve done something right?”

Is it bad that I want to reward you for continuing to exist? He didn’t say it. Instead, he laughed raggedly. “I’m feeling pretty damn thoroughly seduced, yeah. Gonna finish what you’ve started, Soldier?”

“Can I?”

“You don’t need my permission.”

“I do need to know I have your informed consent. I need to know you know I’m fucking you for us, not him. I love you.”

“Jesus Christ, Bucky. I know we said they might always be in bed with us, but if we could stop mentioning him specifically, I’d appreciate it.”

“Steve.”

“Besides, I doubt he meant for you do it like this.” He stopped at Bucky’s wild look and hastened to reassure him. “Yes, Buck. I’m all yours.”

“I love you,” Bucky repeated.

There wasn’t much space, but Steve flexed his legs to bring them closer together. “I love you too. I’m happy we’re doing this together.”

Hips stuttering forward in an abbreviated motion, Bucky said, “I’m not going to last. Fuck. You feel so good and we’re not even movin’ yet.”

“So get movin’ now,” Steve said. “You don’t have to last. You know that. We can keep going as many times as you want. C’mon. Let go.”

Trembling, Bucky stared down at him. “You might change your mind. Kick me or something if it gets to be too much.”

“I know,” Steve promised. “And you can stop anytime you need to, but I think we can do this all day if we put our minds to it. How about you fuck me proper and find out?” He flexed again and grinned at the way Bucky’s face scrunched up.

“Stubborn punk,” Bucky said, affectionately.

“Your punk,” Steve breathed.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Bucky groaned, tendons in his neck standing out and pupils blown.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. He squeezed a fistful of high quality terry cloth and slowly used his other hand to bring Bucky’s right over his mouth.

Bucky pulled out a little and slid back in before Steve could more than consider making any protest. “You’re gonna goddamn kill me, Stevie. Maybe I’m the one who needs t’be kept quiet here. Do you have any idea how fucking incredible you feel?” He thrust again, more strongly. “Spent so long fingering you and you’re still so damn tight. God, Steve.”

Unable to do more than breathe deeply through his nose (they really hadn’t thought out that part of the fantasy, he now realized) and every thought instantly obliterated by the awareness of Bucky inside of him, Steve didn’t realize he was whimpering until Bucky paused in concern. Nodded frantically, Steve clamped his legs against Bucky’s shoulder blades and bucked his hips up. It was a high rhythmic whining noise which seemed to come directly from his brain and bypass his mouth entirely. He didn’t even know he was capable of making most of those noises. God, Bucky felt gigantic inside him, even bigger than Steve knew he was really was.

He could have felt split open, invaded, dominated, or claimed. Those were the ideas people, and HYDRA particularly, had tried to put in their heads. He didn’t. He felt filled and warmed through. He felt safe. He felt free. They were doing this together because they wanted each other and wanted each other this way. Bucky wasn’t even hitting his prostate, but that was more than okay. Steve owed Bucky a million orgasms, and he’d reach his own eventually. There was no rush. Even if Bucky didn’t feel up to continuing tonight, they had the rest of their long lives to learn every way there was to make each other feel like this. Sex wasn’t all physical anyway. This was perfect. It was real, and it was theirs.

Several thrusts later, Bucky picked up his pace. He bent forward over Steve until Steve thought he might just fold him in half. Bucky pulled his hand away from Steve’s mouth and slapped it down on the bed next to Steve’s head so he could brace himself to lean down further.

“My Steve,” Bucky whispered thickly and took full advantage of Steve’s flexibility to kiss him as he thrust hard once more and stopped, cock pulsing, as deeply as their position allowed.

Bucky was coming inside him.

Steve threw his arms around as much of Bucky as he could get. “My Bucky,” he choked out. “All yours.” His own cock throbbed, twitching against the hard muscles of Bucky’s stomach. He didn’t care. Nothing was better than this moment.

Steve seemed to like the idea of armed guards much more than Bucky did, but then again, he hadn’t told him everything Mandlakhe had said. Only that he’d discovered the patrol at night and that T’challa had sent them for their protection...

Right now, the guards were nowhere to be seen but that didn’t necessarily mean that the two supersoldiers were alone. Mandlakhe and his guys weren’t gone, just staying out of sight as best as they could. If it was for stealth or because they thought it would make Bucky more comfortable with their presence - he couldn’t say. Considering Mandlakhe’s personal dislike for him though, which he’d most likely shared amongst the others by now, the first option seemed to be a much safer bet.

Bucky was under no illusions that his alleged ‘complicity’ in the rape hadn’t made the rounds yet. T’challa’s warriors were forced to guard someone they probably considered lower than human. Given the indisputable fact that Bucky had repeatedly spread his legs for Hydra, knowing exactly what he was in for, he wasn’t sure that he disagreed with them.

He still heard the children’s cries from time to time, in his memory and his dreams, wishing he could save them from the horror, to make them look away and forget. The details of what had happened with Ward and his crew came back to Bucky in flashes. Their cruel, unwelcome hands on his body, their filthy dicks, and weapons inside of him, tearing him apart... It left him feeling dirty in a way he couldn’t ever scrub off.

Some days, the mere thought that another person could touch him again after all this, much less by their own free will, went beyond his head but Bucky could always count on Steve to reassure him. Nothing said continued sexual interest better than an importune supersoldier boner, pocking at your backside after a good late night cry, to make you feel lovable.

Steve (the horny bastard) wasn’t even slightly deterred by the things that Bucky’s body had been through. Any normal person would have been put out of the mood forever but not him. No, come to think of it, Steve would probably let his boyfriend roll in stinking garbage as long as they could still fool around after. It was sweet and a little embarrassing - mostly in a good way. They could beat anything together, and it helped to be down there in the thick of it as a team.

Bucky wasn’t keeping it together so well after Mandlakhe’s taunt. He really wished the warrior would just quit his job if he hated it so much, so they didn’t have to see each other again. The shock still sat deeply in his bones, but he had no such luck. All of the guardsmen treated the assignment seriously, taking great pride in the trust the king placed in them. The situation wouldn’t magically work itself out unless Bucky reported it to T’challa directly. That was the only way to get rid of the problem but it posed a big risk for them, too.

To repeat the hurtful words to the king and hope that he wouldn’t take his own people’s side... What if he didn’t and they had to leave? Bucky was neither a snitch nor a liar. Most of all, he wasn’t ready to explain where Mandlakhe had gotten his ideas from. Maybe he’d just read some of the leaked Winter Soldier files online and made an educated guess but if Amwoni had told his brother what he’d seen that day... Bucky couldn’t deny that he’d gone along with Hydra’s demands without a fight and that it wasn’t his first time either.

To an outsider, keeping the children hostage might look like an idle threat on Hydra’s part, like Bucky was too weak and cowardly to risk his life to get help, but he knew better. It wasn’t about physical strength. It was about being smart enough not to use it. If he’d tried anything, the Wakandans would have had a massacre on their hands instead of the sex scandal that Bucky’s suffering shaped up to be.

How could he explain his insight to T’challa? Make him understand that fighting back was never worth it in the end with guys like Ward? Not unless you knew how to killed them all and fast. Not even Steve fully got that and he knew what Bucky had been through. It hadn’t been easy but at the time, Bucky had no other choice... Steve was his partner. He had seen the cracks and asked the right questions.

So yeah, Bucky didn’t make a hobby out of telling his new friends about his history of sexual violence at the hands of Hydra, and he wasn’t about to start now. If he did they’d have to consider him an expert, a professional rape victim. Bucky didn’t like the way that changed his whole narrative, so he would have to get used to the guards eventually and adapt.

Bucky tried hard not to notice them patrolling around him from time to time, making their rounds as they’d been instructed but it put his frayed nerves on edge. Trampled grass and a trail of fresh footprints in the backyard, the lingering smell of testosterone and strange men in the air, a flash of the red and gold colored uniform in his peripheral vision...

Just the feeling of being watched (and judged) was enough to make the hair at the back of his neck stand up constantly. It kept him from going for a leisurely stroll through the hills or chasing after the promise of a relaxing bath whenever he felt like it. As long as there were eyes on him, undressing didn’t feel safe anyhow. Bucky was too uncomfortable to let his guard down like that. He wasn’t a prude, but he craved privacy more than ever now, feeling like people could tell there was something wrong with him even when they didn’t get a good look at his scars.

Steve claimed that it didn’t bother him, that Bucky was still beautiful inside and out, but the damage was done.

Funny enough, Hydra had reversed their own hard work by putting them there. Back in his Winter Soldier days they had stripped Bucky and hosed him down on the regular. At least once after every thawing and after the wipes to get rid of the stench of body excretions and sweat that came as a side effect of too much electricity on defenseless skin.

Weirdly, they never cut his hair or dressed him up in anything but the asset’s uniform (it was either this or nothing) but they were pretty big on hygiene. After the Soviets, he never smelled again unless it served a purpose. By the time they stopped forcefully removing his clothes and started ordering him to do it himself, the whole routine had rid Bucky of his modesty quite effectively. Being exposed in any state (no matter how undignified) had become a non-issue.

Bucky used to have a lot of these “non-issues” back in the day and kept struggling with some of them long after Project Inside had failed. He tried not to dwell on it for too long. Thinking about how odd his behavior must have seemed to Steve in the beginning, the way he’d crossed over pretty much every healthy boundary known to man, still made his skin crawl with second-hand embarrassment. Steve guessed what Bucky had been through after the first time that he—

Anyways. The things Hydra did to him were bound to screw with his sense of shame, and considering all the other things he’d lost, reclaiming that part of his humanity hadn’t been Bucky’s top priority. Now the shame and the need for bodily autonomy were back in full scale, and being naked and looked at by anyone that wasn’t Steve seemed impossible to stomach.

Hell, even then it took a lot of coaxing and gentle reassurance on his boyfriend’s part before Bucky would even consider taking his clothes off. They hadn’t tried to do more than cuddle for a while now, laying off the sex for good. It was more than a little unusual for them, to say the least. They had barely managed to wait an entire day without fooling around at most before Hydra’s gruesome attack put a damp on things. Now, Steve seemed to sense Bucky’s reluctance, his complete inability to relax when he heard even the slightest sound or saw a shadow on the wall that so much as hinted that they might have company.

When Steve stopped trying eventually, they both become more frustrated by the day. Bucky loathed himself for it. Why couldn’t he get over it? Well... The answer was rather simple. He’d moved out here, up in the hills, for a reason and that sure as shit wasn’t the idea of 24/7 surveillance and giving his new prison guards a free peepshow. Losing what was left of his safe space, and his sex life with Steve, after Hydra had taken so much from him already, felt like a punishment that even he didn’t deserve...

“Hey, you with me?” Steve murmured under his breath. He nudged Bucky with the handle of the pruning shears gently, effectively pulling him from his spiraling thoughts.

They were currently repairing a part of the goat fence, replacing the withered wooden branches with newer cuts and coating them with that weird smelling substance that gave it a proper protective layer against the elements.

On a good day, Bucky was weirdly proud of his work. Despite them being city boys through and through, raised on rented apartments the size of a shoebox, he had learned how to take care of the property in a relatively short time. Bucky treated the land like he owned it, giving his possessions the love and attention they deserved.

He was constantly trying to teach Steve the same. Sometimes, it felt like working with a young apprentice that brought all of his strength to the job but none of his brains and fine motor skills. Steve was not a natural farmer. His finest qualities lay in a different area.

“Yeah. Sorry... Must have zoned out for a bit.”

Lucky for him, painting the fence was a simple task. Bucky had figured it out with a little help from the locals early on. Easy to go through the motions, even when his head wasn’t fully in the game.

Steve frowned at him but when Bucky didn’t offer anything else, he let it slide without comment.

“Alright. I was just saying... If they’re here, then I don’t have to worry about Hydra so much anymore,” he stated, wiping the sweat from his brow.

It seemed as if Steve would never get used to the heat either. His white tank top was already soaked in sweat and had a few smudges of paint on the front. They’d barely been out here for half an hour.

“Who?” Bucky said, just to be difficult.

With the way he constantly stopped to look around and sniff the air discreetly, it wasn’t hard for Steve to guess what was on his mind.

“Come on. The guards are here to keep you safe. You know that, right?”

Bucky sighed, slightly unnerved. “I told you, you don’t have to worry about me. This whole thing’s just a waste of time. As long as I’ve got you in my corner... That’s all I’ll ever need.”

Steve shot him a guilty look and resumed to tie down the new branches with his hands. His mouth twitched nervously.

“I know, it’s just... What if I wasn’t here all the time?”

Bucky closed his eyes and swallowed the anxious lump in his throat. Taking his time to form a proper reply, he took the shears out of Steve’s hand and cut back the protruding wood. Then he meticulously coated his part of the fence in broad brush strokes like it was a meditation exercise.

Steve was squirming in the corner of his eye.

“Why?” Bucky asked eventually, giving Steve a critical once over. “Not all the time? What’s that supposed to mean?”

Steve, the traitor, lowered his eyes to the ground, wringing his hands in his lap instead of facing his partner directly. “I’m not sure— It’s just...”

Bucky blew out an exasperated breath and threw the paintbrush back into the can, losing his patience. Some of the brown liquid got sprayed on his work pants.

“Why?!” he repeated more sharply and turned to face his partner with a stormy expression. “Out with it! You got somewhere else to be?!”

“It’s not... I wasn’t talking like a mission or anything...” Steve murmured in the general direction of his feet.

Bucky tightly closed his eyes once more, bracing himself against the inevitable sting of disappointment. He picked the paintbrush back up again and continued to coat the same part he’d been working on earlier aggressively.

“Sure. Whatever, man.”

“Bucky—”

“No! Leave it!”

He wondered what had to happen for Steve to just... Stay with him. Should he lose another arm, a leg maybe? Was there anything that could convince this idiot boyfriend of his to stay home and just be with him for once?

“Please, Buck, I—”

“Screw you! I don’t wanna hear it! If you wanna get out of here so badly, just do it already! Jesus!” Bucky cut him off with unmasked resentment. “I’m not a child, Steve! I don’t need you to babysit me, alright? I’ve been doing fine on my own for years! Years! How could I expect anything else...”

“Bucky—”

“What difference does it make to you if Hydra screws me one more time?!”

“What difference? It makes all the—”

Hot anger flashed in Bucky’s eyes and he turned around to say something equally hurtful but before he got the chance, whatever Steve saw in his expression made him stop dead in his tracks, and he raised his hands in surrender.

When Steve continued to speak, his voice sounded much gentler than before. “Sorry, I— I know,” he said appeasingly, “I know... I’m not saying it would change how I feel about you or anything. You know that I don’t think that. And I know you can manage without me just fine but—”

“But what? Huh? What? You’ve barely been here for three weeks! Three weeks, Steve! Is that all I get? After what happened to me? Really?” Bucky despised how whiny he sounded but he couldn’t stop himself. “I don’t need you for muscle, but a little emotional support sure would have been nice!”

Steve looked like he’d been kicked. “I know it wasn’t right, leaving you here like this when it happened”, he said full of misery, “but I never thought— Bucky... Please, you have to believe me!”

“I don’t have to believe shit,” Bucky retorted icily.

“Ok... You’re right. I deserve that. You got every right not to trust me. Hell, I blame myself for what happened half the time, but I—”

“Whatever,” Bucky said again, as viciously as he could. “That’s so not the point!”

He turned around and roughly gathered the supplies in order to throw them back into their wooden storage box. The fence was still only halfway done but it could rot for all he cared.

Steve observed him wordlessly until Bucky had closed the lid and sat down on the ground beside the tool box, breathing hard and pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers - which was definitely more dignified than angry crying.

“Goddamn it...”

Steve stood there with him in silence for what felt like an eternity, watching Bucky stew in his own misery. Then he finally crouched down in front of him and spoke up softly.

“Hey... I’m sorry, Buck. I... I swear I wouldn’t leave you for a mission. Not like this. I promise you.”

Bucky snorted humorlessly and blinked away some tears which had gathered behind his closed eyelids, daring Steve to say anything about it.

“Oh really? Where are you going then?”

Steve carefully pulled Bucky’s hand away from his face and closed his own hand around it gently, like he was handling a bomb that was ready to go off at any minute. He did it like he wasn’t sure he was still allowed to touch, looking sorrier than he had any right to. It cooled Bucky’s temper some but not all the way.

Steve rubbed over the back of his hand with his thumb, like he was trying to soothe a pain.

“It’s Nat. She called me half a dozen times this week. I didn’t know what to say, so I just... Ignored her.”

“Right. So why stop now?”

Steve shook his head. “I can’t keep brushing her aside. She probably knows something’s up by now. See? Now she wants to meet.”

He pulled his phone out of his back-pocket and held it in front of Bucky’s face for him to read.

Steve kept it steady while Bucky used his remaining hand to shield his eyes from the sun so he could decipher the messages:

widow: omg just found out what sam was hiding in his man purse!! 😂 call me when you get this

widow: you were right by the way. wasn’t work related.

missed call 9:35 p.m.

widow: i’ll keep dropping juicy spoilers on your answering machine :P

widow: it’s called a mailbox but you knew that didn’t you? ha! look at you not rising to the bait.

widow: call me

missed call 11:08 a.m.

widow: how is it going in wakanda?

widow: are you still having sex? ;)

widow: just kidding. like you know how

missed call 5:13 p.m.

widow: seriously? no one can keep it up this long

widow: rogers?????????

missed call 5:17 p.m.

widow: 🙃 hello????

missed call 8:40 a.m.

widow: R U 💀????

widow: seriously. please call me back. this is important

widow: cap? respond in 15. visual(!) proof of life required

missed call 6:24 p.m.

widow: I GUESS THEY DONT CALL ME WIDOW FOR NOTHING :(

widow: ok whatever

widow: t’challa says you’re alive so...

missed call: 10:52 a.m.

widow: steve i promise i won’t disturb your holiday again but i’m getting worried.

widow: srsly. we gotta meet.

widow: pls?

Bucky sighed again, defeated. Natasha was a force of nature with a seventh sense for personal drama that bordered on the supernatural. That she considered them her closest friends (Bucky mostly by association with Steve, but still) was either a curse or a blessing - jury still out on that one. Their business was her business, and when it wasn’t already, she would make it so. The Black Widow in her wouldn’t stop investigating until she knew exactly what was going on. Bucky wasn’t comfortable with her knowing about the rape but if Steve wouldn’t meet her, he figured they had a few days (a week tops) until she flew into the country herself to throttle them with tough love and good intentions. Bucky definitely wasn’t ready for that.

He looked away from the screen and up at Steve’s worried face again.

“Well, why didn’t you just lead with that? We don’t have much of a choice there, do we? I mean, it’s Nat… The hunt is all she knows. She’s not gonna let it rest.”

Steve gnawed on his lip and frowned at Bucky, clearly torn.

“No, she won’t, but could try and keep it short anyway.”

He gave Bucky’s hand a good squeeze. “Are you sure you’ll be ok without me for a few days? Unless you want to come see her with me—” And when Bucky only huffed... “Again, I know you can be on your own here, but I’m still not going if you don’t want me to - or if you have a bad feeling. I’m never going to make that mistake again.”

Bucky gave him a sad half-smile which probably wasn’t very convincing.

“Sure... But if you’re still here by morning I’m asking T’challa to deport you myself.”

Steve laughed nervously.

“Oh yeah? On what grounds?”

“Stupidity... Your face... I’ll figure something out.”

“What’s wrong with my face?”

“Little hard on the eyes.”

“Sure is.”

Steve pushed to his feet, then he leaned forward, searching Bucky’s eyes intently. “We good?” he asked, graze traveling down to his partner’s lips.

“Yeah,” Bucky said, “I guess. But you’re a dick. Just for the record.”

Steve nodded his assent.

“Alright. 90% dick. 10 % ugly. I can live with that.”

“Course you can. That ratio is the only reason I put up with you.”

Steve chuckled and puckered his lips. “Fair enough. If you’re quite done praising my dick then... Would it be too bad if you kissed this horrible old face goodbye? I don’t wanna overextend my luck.”

Bucky grabbed his chin not too kindly and pulled him closer.

“I could be convinced. If you make it worth my while when you get back.”

“Oh yeah? When you’re ready to try again... Consensual hate-sex never hurt nobody. Maybe I’ll let you take a turn this time.”

Steve grinned cockily and winked at him before he leaned in for a kiss that tasted full of promises.

Just for a moment, Bucky let himself enjoy it, roughly deepening the kiss with teeth and tongue. Then he pulled back and glanced at the slightly dented outline of Steve’s work trousers, before he looked his partner in the eye and smirked.

“Great. Better hurry then. I think those 90% of you would really like to join the fun.”

Edited 2019-04-06 09:14 (UTC)

Well, fuck. Why can’t Steve text her back instead? I have a bad feeling.

I know you guys talked about collars before.
But what if sometimes during sex with Winter Soldier, they put a choking collar and leash on him and pull on it?
The goons realize Winter Soldier is scared of being choked so to scare him into submission, they choke him with things or they just choke him for fun and to see him scared.

+ Winter Soldier gets so scared at times, he pisses himself and the goons rub his face in the small puddle of piss on the floor.
++ The goon force Winter soldier to lick the piss up to clean it up, some of them laugh, some cringe but all of them agree it's amusing to watch him lick up his own piss.

Rwanda. Small border town close to the Wakandan frontier. Two days later.

The cafe Natasha had directed him to had a big red ‘CLOSED’ sign in the window but when Steve went around the block to canvas the area, he found the backdoor unlocked and standing wide open for him.

He figured it was unlikely to be a trap. Sending him several highly personalized messages from the Widow’s phone wasn’t an easy feat and ultimately, a much bigger risk than it was worth to their enemies.

To be completely honest... Even if it was a trap, the idea of beating anyone who dared to challenge him to a pulp didn’t turn Steve off as much as it probably should. He was itching for it, that promising rush of a fight in his head, just to blow off some steam. Most of the time, he managed to keep it under wraps. Steve was patient, kind, supportive - everything Bucky needed him to be. For his boyfriend’s speedy recovery, he ignored the unquenchable thirst for violence that he dealt with on a daily basis (especially when he remembered how much Hydra had taken from them already) and focused on being smart instead.

So far, every lead he had on Ward and the others had turned to smoke, but it was just a matter of time. They would trip up eventually and when they did, Steve would be waiting. No matter how long it took, the second he’d get his hands on the men responsible for Bucky’s suffering, Steve would be in the mood for murder.

And so, he knocked on the open door rapidly with his knuckles. Once. Twice. Repeating the sign in a familiar pattern only Natasha herself would recognize.

There was no answer but Steve barely even hesitated before he slipped inside. Immediately, the strong smell of fresh coffee hit his nostrils, effectively dulling one of his senses. With caution and his shield raised, Steve walked through the narrow corridor that went past an empty kitchen and stopped to look at one of the framed pictures on the wall.

A man with a woman on his arm. One of them looked very familiar...

Passing by the bathroom door next, Steve entered the round open-plan area of the cafe to his right. There he stopped for a moment to asses the situation: The building itself was secluded but it had an almost panoramic view of the city through the big glass windows on the front. There was no suitable vantage point for a sniper but it was exposed.

After walking all the way through the empty rows of upturned chairs and tables, Steve arrived at the one in the middle of the room that waited for him like the center stage of an Elizabethan theater. All it missed was a proper spotlight - a single light bulb maybe, swinging ominously from the ceiling.

There were two empty chairs, left and right of the table, with soft padded cushions on them. One of them had been pulled out, a clear invitation. Steve checked if there was anything under the cushions (both negative) before he took his designated place on the left.

A cup of black coffee sat on the table, still hot and steaming. Steve downed the rest of the scalding liquid without acknowledging the burn on his tongue. His taste buds regenerated faster than almost everything else and he liked the rich bitterness they detected. He just hoped to God that it was a natural flavor of the beans - not artificially masking the salty taste of Rohypnol or some other sedative. If he had misjudged the situation...

“Lucky for you, I know the owner of this place,” a teasing voice announced from the kitchen area, coming closer with confident steps. “Don’t worry. It’s his day off which means we have it all to ourselves. We’re leaving a gracious tip for the coffee though. Otherwise, that’s just stealing...”

Steve stood up slowly and pulled out the chair opposite of him like a gentleman.

“Natasha,” he said, when she claimed her seat with graceful movements as fluid as a dancer’s, “you’re spoiling me.”

She slid a new coffee pot in his direction with a smirk.

“Am I? Taking what isn’t yours? Steve Rogers... I didn’t know you had it in you.”

“It’s good coffee,” Steve said with a shrug of his shoulders as he joined her at table and poured himself another cup. “Couldn’t let it go to waste.”

“I guess the Great Depression will do that to you.” She winked and leaned forward to lay her hand on top of his forearm in a comradely way. The red leather gloves complimented her short black wig and fair complexion which made her look distinctly French.

“So, now that I’m convinced you didn’t die on me...” she said with a certain playful reproached that told Steve he wasn’t out of the woods yet. “How are you? Really?”

Steve swallowed around the forming lump in his throat and busied himself with the coffee pot. “Been better.”

“I see. And how’s the missus? Too busy living the simple life to meet an old friend?”

Steve arched his brow. Natasha didn’t seem surprised not to find Bucky with him. Considering the meticulously staged welcome for one, she probably knew more than she led on - or had at least guessed that something was seriously wrong with Steve’s other half if he started ghosting people out of the blue.

He sensed that this was her way of leaving him an opening. As far as excuses went, it was as good as any.

“He’s not with me. He’s... God damn it, Nat.” Steve pushed away from his chair and took a couple of steps through the room.

Natasha didn’t startle. Instead, she continued to sit at the table and sipped her coffee with nearly unnerving calm, watching Steve pace with a blank expression.

“Alright, listen. I have to tell you something,” Steve started. “Bucky, he— Wait... Who the hell is that?!”

He came to a sudden halt in front of the bar and stared.

Steve hadn’t discovered the body earlier, so she had probably masked the scent of blood with something else - but there he was. Some guy in his thirties with a gaping bullet hole in his head, leaning against the bottom shelf of the liquor cabinet.

“No one.”

Steve raised a judgmental eyebrow at her. “Doesn’t look like no one to me.”

She stood up and casually walked over to his side, only to dig him in the ribs with an elbow. “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?” she asked with a wolfish grin.

Steve didn’t look impressed. “So?”

“You’re no fun.” She yawned. “He’s a tail. I caught him staking out the place earlier. I think they broke into my phone and got the coordinates I sent you.”

“Shit...” Steve said. “That’s serious.”

“I know. I realized I was being shadowed a week ago but I let him come. He fought me. I won. The natural order of things. Unfortunately, I had to put him down early before I could extract any intel. His passport’s fake, too. I checked, but I’m pretty sure he’s Hydra.”

Steve swallowed hard. “How do you know?”

She sauntered around the bar, crouched down beside the corpse and exposed his right forearm. There, about halfway up his wrist, was the Hydra insignia. An ugly red skull with 6 octopus legs. It looked like it had been burned into the flesh.

“Well, that’s new,” Steve said, staring back at Natasha once he could pull his eyes away from the mark.

The hate he felt for Hydra was bubbling hot under his skin. This had to be one of Ward’s men. Maybe even one of the guys who had assaulted Bucky in front of a bunch of innocent children. Otherwise, this was one hell of a coincidence.

“My guess? New management,” Natasha said. “They don’t want any defectors. After Insight, half of their staff pretended they’d never heard of Hydra much less joined ranks. Like rats leaving a sinking ship. Looks like they’re rebranding. Come on,” she snapped her fingers and lead him back to their table.

Steve trailed after her but he was too agitated to sit down just yet.

Natasha didn’t seem to mind.

“Care to tell me what this is all about?” she asked. “First the radio silence, now this... You’re almost as secretive as Fury these days and he’s been resurrected twice. A little mistrust is understandable there, don’t you think?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t distrust you.”

She snorted dubiously.

“Hey, I really don’t. It’s just— Hell, Nat. I promised him I wouldn’t tell anyone else.”

“...But?”

“Shit, I can’t do this alone! I just can’t...”

“It’s ok. I can keep a secret.” She shrugged and looked at him expectantly. “Ask anyone. All the people who confided in me before are either very happy with my ongoing discretion - or very dead.”

Steve laughed nervously. “Well... That’s comforting.”

“I know. So shoot.”

He nodded grimly and tried to brace himself for the conversation that was about to follow. Bucky would understand. He had to.

Edited 2019-04-08 06:09 (UTC)

“About three weeks ago...” Steve stopped himself and sat back down on his chair heavily, keeping his face slightly turned away from the Widow.

He wiped over his sweaty forehead with one hand, conscious about what she might read in his expression. Then, he took a deep breath, steeling himself against the inevitable feelings of guilt and shame that threatened to choke him and began his report.

“Three weeks ago, a group of Hydra agents snuck over the Wakandan border, carrying out a coordinated attack...”

His voice shook and Steve stopped himself to take a deep breath.

She frowned at that but didn’t interrupt, waiting him out.

“They were coming after Bucky. He was their target. They— When they got to our hut, they saw a bunch of children playing outside. Children Bucky knows. He always talks about them...”

Tears were starting to pool in Steve’s eyes. He tried to hold them back, he really did, blinking rapidly, but it was of no use. Natasha watched them roll down his cheeks impassively.

“The children. Right,” she prompted, face blank, an empty canvas completely rid of expectation, giving nothing away. She’d been trained for that, the deadly poker face of the red room. Never lost her touch. “Then what happened?”

“They threatened to kill them if he didn’t do what they said. Bucky— Bucky went with them willingly. He felt he had no other choice. They forced him— They brought him and the children inside the hut and they... God—” Steve’s voice broke and he looked to the ceiling like he was asking for divine remission there, ignoring the constant stream of ugly tears running down his face.

“It's ok, Steve, he’s safe now. We both know you wouldn’t be here if he wasn’t.”

“I know, it’s just... Nat, they— they gang raped him. In front of the children! They— Who does that? What kind of a monster could do something like that? I mean he— Bucky didn’t even fight back. He said he couldn’t... That they had guns on him and the children the whole time but I don’t know, I— I was too late. When I got home they were already gone and Bucky was— Jesus, they hurt him so bad. He was all bruised up and bleeding, and his face was cut, and he...”

Steve stopped his rambling and broke out in a sob. “Jesus, Nat...”

Natasha patted his arm in support but didn’t offer anything else beyond that. She let him cry for a bit without interfering.

When he had finally calmed down enough, she slipped out of the gloves and laid her small hand on his gently, directing his gaze back to her. Her expression was more open now, her body language radiated compassion.

“I’m sorry this happened to you. You two must be devastated.”

Steve nodded. “It’s hard. I don’t know what to do or say that will help him. I— I said some horrible things at first. Nat, I practically blamed him for it!”

Natasha shook her head patiently.

“That’s understandable. You can’t be perfect all the time, Steve. No one prepared you for this. Men don’t expect that kind of violence. Especially not in their own home. It’s not something you deal with on a daily basis.”

“And you do?”

Natasha smiled at him sadly. “This isn’t about me... You know, it’s not uncommon for organizations like Hydra to use rape as a tool. They use it for revenge, to exert control over their victims, to humiliate them, silence them, compromise their sense of security. I’m sure Bucky did everything he could under the circumstances.”

“I know he did, I just...”

“They probably thought it would destroy him - or you.” Her gaze hardened. “Don’t let them win.”

Steve shook his head with determination. “I won’t. We’ll get them back for this.”

“Of course you will. What do you need?” she asked.

“Nat, listen. Before you get involved, there’s something you should know...” Steve sighed deeply. “Bucky didn’t report it. T’challa and Shuri know, as do a few of the parents and the children’s families, but we didn’t tell anyone else. Bucky wants to find them and bring them to justice himself. We’ll operate outside of the law on this one. No courts, no jury, no judge. Just good old fashioned revenge. I’m talking execution style kills if he wants them. I’m gonna help Bucky in every way I can but I’m afraid we can’t do it alone.”

“Agreed.” She nodded. “You need me. You’re just not gonna say it. I know you’re playing coy. Fortunately for you, killing rapists is my favorite sport. So, I’m in either way. What about the others?”

“What about them?”

“We’re not gonna involve them in the search? Not even Stark? I mean, he’s still not a fan but he’s a wizard with modern technology. He can find people in ways I don’t have access to. If we tell him what happened, I’m sure he can help...”

“He almost killed the love of my life, Nat,” Steve retorted brusquely.

“And for that, you almost killed him right back. So just call it even. I swear you’re as stubborn as a mule sometimes. I know he’s been trying to reach out to you, to make amends.”

“He has. But we can’t risk it. One stupid comment about how karma always comes back around and I swear to God— I’d lose my shit.”

She sighed. “Alright. I see your point. Are you sure you don’t want any backup though? Might be a lot faster than doing this on our own.”

Steve shook his head vehemently.

“Not if we can help it. Stark’s out of the picture. I hardly know how I’ll explain to Bucky that I told you everything after he explicitly told me not to, but I’m afraid if we bring Sam or anyone else from the team into this—”

Natasha laughed at him. “Then he’ll... What? Never forgive you? Oh chin up, Rogers... Don’t be daft. He knew you’d crack like an egg as soon as I looked at you sideways. He knows I’m a real asset in this operation. Believe me. It was just a matter of time. If he really didn’t want me to know he would have found a way to keep you in Wakanda. I mean, you can’t lie for shit, especially not to your friends - but he can without batting an eye. What does that tell you? Give him some credit.”

Steve blinked at her, a little perplexed. He hadn’t considered that Bucky’s methodical thinking accounted for his failure, too.

“Why... Why didn’t he just say so?”

Natasha smirked. “Maybe turning the knife on you like that is his way of dishing out some well-deserved payback. I don’t know. It’s a little passive aggressive, but... Why are you asking me that? He’s your guy now, Rogers. Figure it out. What do we know about the targets anyways?”

“Do you remember a Grant Ward? Former S.H.I.E.L.D agent? Brown hair, about this tall?”

“Yes, I remember him.” Natasha never forgot a face. “Why? There’s no way he was involved in this.”

“He was their leader.”

Steve noticed a tiny muscle in her left cheek twitch. Other than that, Natasha gave no indication that Ward’s role made a difference to her. He was almost ready to believe that he had imagined it when she spoke up suddenly, her voice full of distaste. “I never liked him,” she explained. “He enjoyed his power a little too much, drawing his gun at inopportune moments where stealth was advisable, boasting with it in front of me and his team, flirting with the new recruits, taking unnecessary risks... I reported him for that once but it didn't stick. Until now I thought he had been arrested for treason for his involvement in Project Inside and died in S.H.I.E.L.D. holding.”

“He did, but apparently, we let him slip through the cracks when we reversed the decimation,” Steve spat. “The bastard’s still alive.”

She patted his arm, then retracted with the shake of her head, and wordlessly poured him another cup of coffee.

“Not for long,” Natasha said with a mean smile. Her trademark sing-song voice carried a deadly promise. “Not for long.”

after a trash past, bucky is working on reclaiming his sexuality through kink... until he runs into antis/purity culture people who are like "NO THIS IS AWFUL AND YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF" and has a mental breakdown from which it takes him a while and a lot of help to recover.

If they got into Natasha’s phone after all, my bad feeling just intensified.

From the Wikipedia article on MKULTRA:

"In 1957, with funding from a CIA front organization, Donald Ewen Cameron of the Allan Memorial Institute in Montreal, Quebec, Canada began MKULTRA Subproject 68.[134] His experiments were designed to first "depattern" individuals, erasing their minds and memories—reducing them to the mental level of an infant—and then to "rebuild" their personality in a manner of his choosing.[135] To achieve this, Cameron placed patients under his "care" into drug-induced comas for up to 88 days, and applied numerous high voltage electric shocks to them over the course of weeks or months, often administering up to 360 shocks per person. He would then perform what he called "psychic driving" experiments on the subjects, where he would repetitively play recorded statements, such as "You are a good wife and mother and people enjoy your company", through speakers he had implanted into blacked-out football helmets that he bound to the heads of the test subjects (for sensory deprivation purposes). The patients could do nothing but listen to these messages, played for 16–20 hours a day, for weeks at a time. In one case, Cameron forced a person to listen to a message non-stop for 101 days.[135]"

No reason Hydra couldn't have tried similar shit, especially trying to "depattern" Bucky. Go wild, trash babies.

I love this and it makes me so happy whenever you update!

Not sure if this is trashy enough, but here goes:

Bucky's beaten/raped, and Bruce sees it. Maybe he's hacked into HYDRA's security cameras or something, idk, but he sees it and it reminds him too much of his childhood abuse (and later experiments by the army) so he goes green and hulk smashes the entire hydra base, and rescues Bucky.
Bucky's still a mess and is convinced this giant green thing is going to hurt him and maybe even fuck him, and he doesn't know if he'd survive a cock that big.
Hulk does not hurt him and treats him like a beloved pet or doll (not sexually- petting, cuddling, feeding, the kinds of thing you'd see kid do with their favorite toy) which confuses and scares the hell out of Bucky. Eventually he passes out. Hulk takes an unconscious Bucky back to the avengers.

Must include: Bruce seeing Bucky beaten/tortured/raped and rescuing Bucky.

+10 for Bucky waking up with Bruce treating him and panicking.
+100 if Bruce is treating rectal or penile injuries.
+1000 for poorly concealed Jealous!Steve which in turn triggers Bucky further.

One day, when Bucky is eating in a nice yet cheap food place, he suddenly remembers the times he was fed at Hydra and got severe food poisoning; he recalls being unable to stand up without throwing up or feeling like he was going to throw up and how Hydra forced him to work more through it. He's even thrown up in the mask and choked on his own vomit, causing him to fail a mission.

The memory puts him off his meal so he just gets up and leaves but it causes him to avoid eating for the rest of the day so Steve/someone else has to prompt him so he doesn't starve himself out of paranoia and fear of getting food poisoning.

+ Hydra punishes the Assert for failing with feeding it raw chicken to make him even sicker.

++ The person ends up force feeding Bucky which makes him panic and vomit the food back up.

Yes please I want ten

This is def trashy enough. Hope we get a fill!

The asset's medical exams were used as an excuse to spend some quality time edging, teasing, and otherwise fucking with the Winter Soldier.

Post-Insight, Steve finally manages to talk Bucky into letting Bruce/Strange/Helen/some other unfortunate medical type look him over. Bucky's anticipating all manner of poking and prodding and getting berated ("You're making such a mess over this? You'd think the fist of HYDRA would be better than a bitch in heat") and he's so confused when that doesn't happen that his companions can't help but take notice. Cue them asking what's wrong and Bucky haltingly explaining how these things usually go, figuring out as he does that what he went through was far from normal.

ONE BILLION bonus points for any of the following:
*Bucky being so used to being mocked and insulted that even the most innocuous of positive comments like "You're doing really well" either turns him on or tears him up
*Bucky's confusion that it's only himself, Steve, and the doctor in the room, because usually there's a lot of other people there to watch.
*Steve/the doctor getting uncomfortably aroused by Bucky's descriptions, and hating himself for it
*The HYDRA exams required a ton of semen samples, because naturally fluid obtained via prostate stimulation is different than that obtained by manual touch via the asset's left hand, which is different from that obtained by the right hand. All of it coming from pre-ejaculate, of course, because he was making enough of a mess with just that, they weren't about to let him come and make more.
*Bucky feeling humiliated and horrified at the realization of what happened to him, but also kind of disappointed because it was still the best thing about HYDRA and now that's ruined too.

(DA)

There’s also a ton still left unfilled, so if any kind author!anon would join me as I slink over to that dumpster...

The mindwipes affected episodic but not procedural memory--it wouldn't do to have the Winter Soldier lose his skills between missions. After he escapes Hydra, some of Bucky's recollections of people and events start coming back to him, but most of them stay lost.

So it's not that he remembers being raped. But he does remember flashes of his and Steve's sex life from before he fell, and he can do the comparison. He's at a loss for any other explanation of where his gag reflex went. How he can take it up the ass with no prep and barely any lube now. Why he habitually falls into particular positions during sex--exposing himself but also bracing himself. Where that one flinch response came from. He racks his brain for any memories of sexual abuse, but he can't find them. Only the evidence buried in his own reflexes.

During training sessions with the new, aggressive and more violent winter soldiers. The Assert gets pinned and instead of someone forcing the soldier off of it; the guard orders the soldier to fuck the assert.
It swiftly turns into a huge gangbang with the Assert being the centre point.

Heh, I'd be all over this.

Oh, wow. Yes.

Yes, please.

*camps out here.*

Through sometimes fatal trial and error, HYDRA’s techs and doctors have discovered that it’s much easier to preform procedures on the Asset if they make it good for him. “Good” of course meaning anything from speaking reassuringly to him/petting him to getting him off (manually and/or with whatever device(s) the filler wants.

*Bonus for any post-trauma shame/recovery.

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Page 60 of 68

Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

Fill 110h/110i: Undeniable Plausibility - On to the aftermath!

Fill 110i/110i: Undeniable Plausibility - Actually the end

Fill: The Quiet Game (11.1/?)

Fill: The Quiet Game (11.2/?)

Re: Fill: The Quiet Game (11.2/?)

Choking and piss; what a mix.

Fill: The Quiet Game (12.1/?)

Fill: The Quiet Game (12.2/?)

bucky's internalized kink shame

Re: Fill: The Quiet Game (12.2/?)

Brain melting experiments + trash = ??

Re: Fill: The Quiet Game (12.2/?)

Hulk rescues raped!Bucky

Cold meals and memories.

Re: Hulk rescues raped!Bucky

Re: Hulk rescues raped!Bucky

Bucky/Any, aftermath of medical kink

Re: trash up zemo please

Bucky only knows what was done to him through muscle memory

The assert/The other Winter Soldiers/Hydra goons

Re: bucky's internalized kink shame

Re: Bucky/Any, aftermath of medical kink

Re: trash food

Re: Brain melting experiments + trash = ??

"Nice" HYDRA Medfet