hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Welcome to Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves 2: Electric Boogaloo. AKA the seamy sexual-violence-and-violent-sex underbelly of Captain America fandom, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.

[Round 1] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by

greenkirtle)] [Round 2 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]

Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

wHAT

aw yes. There's no escape!

I've got a lot of feelings about all the trash potential of Bucky + normalization, with the Winter Soldier regarding a variety of horrific abuses as a fact of daily life. And nothing makes those feelings hurt more than thinking about how it wasn't always like that; once upon a time, Bucky wouldn't have been able to wrap his head around the idea that someday he'd take it as given he was going to be raped over and over.

So I would love any fill dealing with facets of the concept of Bucky having normalized his abuse. Such as:

+ Well, yeah, they raped him, but... mostly it makes him uncomfortable that it's bothering Steve so much? Except thinking about it does feel bad, in ways he doesn't understand or want to examine

+ Kind of expecting it to happen again, but hey, whatever

+ what if Bucky regains the memory of the first time they fucked him and is stunned at how upset he was and it kind of throws him into a tailspin

+ Something about the process of how they normalized it for him. How long did that take? How many years? How long before he stopped fighting back -- and then how much longer before what was happening didn't even feel strange anymore?

ALSO, IF RECOVERY PAIN IS YOUR JAM

+ The agonizing process of realizing that shit wasn't okay and he can feel upset about it

Yes. God yes. Anon I love you

Hydra scientists decide that external genitals are too much of a weak spot for a weapon to have. So they permanently tuck the Winter Soldier's balls up into his body (since hormones are still important for a super soldier) and cut off his dick.

Go where you will with this. Someone really likes how little the Soldier has between his legs? Bucky trying to recover and Steve being horrified? I'm down with wherever anyone wants to take this.

Mmh. Fondling sensitive scar tissue.

link??????

http://hydratrashmeme.dreamwidth.org/587.html?thread=862539#cmt862539

I'm considering attempting this, but I'm scared I won't be able to do the prompt justice.

We will all applaud you for trying!

mmm yes
and if he refuses to budge they intentionally lean their weight against where his bones have broken his wounds to get a stronger reaction out of him

Author agrees that Pierce is indeed a fucking asshole.

Thanks for reading!

http://hydratrashmeme.dreamwidth.org/587.html?thread=862539#cmt862539

I know I said "the prequel" but it seems like the author is handing that via flashbacks, so maybe just another prequel. Because I, for one, will never have my fill of Bucky being needlessly tortured.

Finally, we reach the end. However, I am, as I noted earlier, planning to put this up on AO3, after what'll probably be some heavy revisions. So, if anyone's interested in that, I'll post that here when it goes up.

There may also be trashy prequels planned. There are so many unfilled prompts on this meme about Bucky's time with Hydra, and getting back into writing has been rather nice. I can't promise any kind of decent time frame for trashy prequels, but I can promise that I already have a lot of ideas.

Bucky’s flesh felt too tight; it was strangling him, drowning him in slime and mud and sticky, dirty shame. His heart couldn’t decide on a rhythm, and his throat was closing up, choking him with revulsion for the twisted mess of flesh he bore. What a used and useless thing he was. He was barely aware of making it back to his rooms (to Steve’s rooms), before he collapsed on a couch and curled into himself.

Maybe if he curled tight enough, pressed his knees close enough to his chest and ducked down far enough, he could make himself disappear entirely. It would be nice to stop existing, perhaps. To not have this body anymore - this dirty ruined skin and these blackened insides made of ash and poison – that would be a blessing he would hardly deserve.

He was glad someone had finally been honest with him, acknowledged that monsters couldn’t be loved.

But it hurt.

Oh, it hurt. He shuddered, and ducked his head beneath his arms, away from the shadow hands reaching out to hurt.

It always hurt when he messed up.

(when he tried too hard to be a person)

”Gross, you really fuck him after he’s been wiped like that?” the new guy had said, giving the Asset’s naked, drooling form a disgusted once over. “Yeah, I’ll pass.”

“Fuck off then,” another voice had growled. “But it’s not much of a him in this state. It’s our pretty little toy. Reward to us for a job well done, punishment to it for nearly fucking the whole thing up!”

The words were punctuated with a sharp pinch against his inner thigh, that had him jerking weakly against the floor.

“Yeah, whatever. It’s fuckin’ gross.”

Bucky – the Asset – it it it – whimpered. Sandpaper shame scraped at his insides, choking him on the memory of his own worthlessness. They had broken him open that time, made him bleed and squirm and whine, but his fresh wiped brain had been unable to bring up anything more than

”Hurts – please – hurts –“

“Someone grab his muzzle and shut him up.”

The crack of a hand across his face hardly registered in the face of the burning pain of his lower half.

There had been so many of them. The techs had wanted their own reward for once.

”Hey, come on, you guys always get all the fun. You’d have lost it years ago if not for us.”

“Yeah, whatever,” the handler had said, giving his hip a sharp smack. “Given it’s latest fuckup, maybe that’d be a good thing.”

“Not our fault you don’t know how to handle it right.”

“Fine. Once we’re done showing it what its fuckups get, you can show those of us doing the real work how to handle it.

“Bet you’d need to fuck him with a stun baton or some shit to get him tight again after all you assholes have fucked him first.”

“And since I’m so damn nice, maybe I’ll leave you one.”

They’d laughed, at that, laughed and then –

And then –

All except the one who looked at him – it – him as though he could see the dirt ground in so deep it would never come out.

Steve would look at him like that, once he was done feeling pity. Maybe Steve would spread him out on the floor, offer the others a chance to touch him, and watch Bucky with those cold, knowing eyes.

Maybe Steve would strip him down and then keep going, slide him out of his skin, separate the muscles from the bones, break him down to pieces and then look at Bucky and tell him, “Look at what a mess you made. I was trying to find something good in you, but there’s nothing good to find. Oh, Bucky. Don’t worry. You won’t fool me again.”

There were hands on him.

There were always hands on him after a mission.

This time there were so many hands on him.

Hands with tools.

Excited, curious hands.

Hands that wanted to explore all the way inside of him.

“How long does it keep bleeding?”

“I don’t fuckin’ know. Not long enough to leave it bloody when he goes into cryo.”

“Fascinating. Have you ever tried two at once?”

“You’re a fuckin’ kinky bastard. You guys wanna go two at a time, be my guest, but I don’t need some other dude’s dick up next to mine when I’m getting’ off.”

The hands retreated, but voices remained. There were so many people around him, filling the space in counterpoint to the empty mess of his head.

Maybe if they hurt him enough, eventually he would crumble away into dust. Perhaps they would tear him down so far there would nothing left. Nothing but the fuzzy sweet oblivion of electricity sparking down his spine and tearing out his consciousness till only screams and red remained. Then the ice, cold enough that he'd not feel anything at all. It was probably more than he deserved. Steve was far too kind in his cruelty to allow such a thing.

Sometimes Steve was crueler than Hydra.

They sent him to another room to get the blood and come cleaned off when they were done.

It felt so nice.

To be touched so softly after so much pain.

The doctor only slapped him once, when he looked up to see the Asset with fresh white stains on his chest and tears in his eyes.

“Can’t believe the Fist of Hydra is such a freak,” he muttered.

Freak. Toy. Slut. Fuckup.

Appropriate words for a thing like him.

Like it.

“Bucky, please look at me,” said a voice by his shoulder, a voice raspy and harsh as though the words had trouble making it out the speaker’s mouth. He shuddered.

Nobody loved a monster. He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to see.

“P-please, Bucky, please just talk to me, look at me, something.”

And maybe it would be different now, maybe Steve would punish him, but he had never hurt Bucky before for saying

“No.”

There was a wet, choking noise where the voice had come from, and then the dull thump of something heavy settling to the floor next to him.

“I don’t care if you don’t believe me,” the stubborn punk said. “I love you, and I’m not gonna leave you alone, Bucky.”

He smelled like sweat and vodka and bloody Brooklyn alleyways long since built over. He breathed in wet rasps of shallow air that sounded like home, and Bucky was so weak.

No matter how dirty his skin became, Bucky had always been weak for something nice. Nothing had ever been nicer than his little Brooklyn punk. When he snaked a hand out from the tangle of his limbs, Steve held it in his own clean hands as though Bucky deserved anything gentle and warm.

“Please don’t make me go away,” he whispered, and the noise of sobs washed over him again.

“Of course I won’t make you go away, Bucky,” the voice said, and the hand around his tightened, warm and nice. Dangerous.

“You will,” he said, sniffling against the snot that had smeared all over his pants where his head was buried against his legs. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Gross. “You will.”

The voice didn’t reply again, just dragged Bucky’s whole arm into the embrace of his body. It took Bucky a moment to realize the new wetness on his sleeve was Steve’s tears.

“I love you, Bucky,” the voice lied.

Bucky knew what he was, but it was nice of Steve to pretend for a little while.

Even if it would only hurt more when the illusion ended.

Would you be interested in a fill in like a few weeks or so that is a sequel to this: https://hydratrashmeme.dreamwidth.org/1504.html?thread=1390304#cmt1390304

I have this idea of Bucky starting the unhealthy sex with something along the lines of, "Fine, you really want me to believe that you don't find me gross and unloveable? Then prove it!" And thus commences really bad idea sex with poorly stated boundaries, with Steve trying desperately to prove to Bucky that, "Of course I really do love you and I think you're amazing and not worthless at all!"

And then oops Steve likes it a little too much when Bucky starts getting mouthy about his past.

Steve didn't receive the serum from Erskine and never went to Europe, and instead stayed behind in Brooklyn helping the war effort in some other way. He's informed that Bucky is MIA, presumed dead, and is of course heartbroken. A few years later, Winter Soldier Bucky turns up in Brooklyn, hollow eyed and pointing a gun at Steve. Bucky has been tasked with killing Steve to test whether or not the programming will hold no matter what he is asked to do. Does he succeed in his mission or does his programming break?

also there may be a sequel to this in the works. after I finish editing this. I have a tendency to take on a lot of projects at once. But again: so many unfilled prompts = so many ideas!

amazing! I love the flashbacks esp. the first one!

(OP) WHAT AN ENDING! I'm not sure why I was expecting a happy ending when Bucky's self-hatred is too deeply rooted for a simple cure, but despite the small moments of hope and intimacy between Steve and Bucky, this hit me like a punch to the gut (which I loved, I love this kind of thing). A+ on the flashbacks as well; I think my favorite detail was Bucky's reaction to getting cleaned up.

Thank you so much for this fill!

(OP) This is great, I'm actually the same OP, so I would love that! The aftermath of that fill + the dynamic you've laid out here would be a delight, I think.

DO IT :D

PAIN. THERE IS SO MUCH DELICIOUS PAIN. AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN END IT ON A HOPEFUL NOTE TO SOOTHE THE HURT. Bucky's self-loathing and conviction in his worthlessness and dirtiness is so utterly heartbreaking, as is his inability to believe that Steve loves him. But his state of mind after what he's been through is totally plausible; why should he feel any different after what was his reality off and on for the past 70 years?

And the flashbacks -- not just here, but throughout this whole fic -- and the way you worked them in, were horrible and deliciously trashy. I especially loved the way you often had the flashbacks echoing or interspersed with dialogue/thoughts from the present. It was a very effective device, especially in terms of driving home Bucky's self-hate with the recall of past verbal abuse/humiliation. (Which, I'll have you know, is one of my trash songs, especially when Bucky is the target.)

I'll be keeping an eye out for a sequel for sure! And also, I should mention extremely high interest in a prequel of sorts exploring Bucky's time with Hydra, trash party style -- since one of those unfilled prompts may have been mine...

Well that is awfully convenient! Thank you for making such inspiring prompts, then!

Thank you for taking them on!!

+100000!!!

This is great! especially your bonus about Bucky being a rape-virgin. What if he mis-internalise whats going on as what he 'deserves'?

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

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Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Re: Bucky is raped while badly injured

Re: Bucky is raped while badly injured

normalization

Re: normalization

Castration

Re: Castration

Re: Bucky is raped while badly injured

Re: Bucky is raped while badly injured

Re: Bucky keeps getting rape threats but totally doesn't care

Re: Bucky keeps getting rape threats but totally doesn't care

Re: Bucky is raped while badly injured

Re: Minifill: "Dry Your Eyes" [Hydra/WS, crying]

Re: Bucky is raped while badly injured

Once Upon a Time [6/6]

Re: Steve and Bucky reenact Bucky's rapes

Steve/Bucky - Hydra sends TWS to kill tiny!Steve

Re: Once Upon a Time [6/6]

Re: Once Upon a Time [6/6]

Re: Once Upon a Time [6/6]

Re: Steve and Bucky reenact Bucky's rapes

Re: Bucky keeps getting rape threats but totally doesn't care

Re: Once Upon a Time [6/6]

Re: Steve and Bucky reenact Bucky's rapes

Re: Steve and Bucky reenact Bucky's rapes

Re: The wrong people find Bucky first