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garbage all the way down ([personal profile] trashmod) wrote in [community profile] hydratrashmeme2015-09-09 07:23 pm

Dumpster #3: The Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Holy shitballs, look at us go. Welcome to Captain America fandom's resident wretched hive of scum and villainy: ROUND THREE. AKA Bad Guys Do Dirtybadwrong Things To Your Faves, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.

[Round 1] [Round 2] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by [personal profile] greenkirtle)] [Round 3 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]

Round 3 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 4.

Re: more for less, 6b/?

(Anonymous) 2016-02-02 12:24 pm (UTC)(link)
(OP) okay you win you made me tear up ;_;

I shall try to make this quick because I need to catch a train but! I loved this!

- This is the first time Bucky has been remotely honest, but it still feels like he and Steve are having two different conversations. From the reader's perspective, every realization Steve has is clear, every comment he makes understandable; but Bucky's sickened confusion hit home with me too, because from his point of view, this has to be so incomprehensible. He thought (and still thinks) Steve already understood the status quo he's freaking out about. Steve keeps trying to ask about Bucky's consent, and Bucky keeps answering the wrong question: like assuring Steve he'll take punishment better next time, when that wasn't what Steve meant at all. And meanwhile, Steve is so caught up in the horror of what he's inadvertently done that he misses how important it is for Bucky to feel protected and not rejected, and he reacts in a way that makes Bucky feel like he's been judged and left to hang. It is a really complex cross-purposes conversation, and it must have taken a lot of work to get the characterization right and make their viewpoints clear AND imbue it with the degree of emotion you created, and you did SUCH a good job.

- One thing I kept thinking about was how evil it is that only Steve was present for this revelation. I went to bed last night thinking about the torture he's going to go through trying to explain this to Sam. How would you even go about that?? "Well, Sam, I learned something pretty uncool tonight..."

- All these details that illustrate the continued aftereffects of Bucky's abuse -- like his reaction to Steve's size towering over him, dropping his gaze, wanting to cringe back in his chair, and so on. I felt his fear in my bones. The way you describe his emotions is so physical. And what's especially great is that he's able to name and overcome those conditioned responses, but not his massive blind spot when it comes to sexual consent. The contrast! <3

- Like how he treats Steve's concern for his consent like it was a sexual kink on par with David's sadism. WOW!

- The ending is a heartbreaker. And it feels really real, like, you know when you're just trudging through difficulty that has become normal, and then you get a little glimpse of hope, and when that flickers out, the difficulty is no longer normal or tolerable? Bucky's reaction evoked that feeling of exhausted despair so totally for me, like for a moment he thought he was gonna be safe as Steve's property, he let himself imagine a world where he could go outside and fight off people who wanted to fuck him, and now that he realizes he can't have that, he just can't do it anymore. AND STEVE HAS NO IDEA HE LEFT HIM FEELING LIKE THIS. GOD!!

- On that note, Bucky trusted Steve to bring him through this miserable conversation and make it feel alright at the end; but they just don't understand each others' perspective well enough. His disbelieving dread and pain when he thought Steve really was rejecting him was horrible.

- Bucky reading Steve's disgust as being directed at him, and taking it as confirmation that he is contemptible :( oh no. But of course Steve read the request to be kissed the way he did. My tortured babies. Somehow honest communication has just made this situation hurt WORSE.

- if I were Steve I would be undergoing a lot of agony not just feeling that I had raped Bucky, but also that I had sent him out into the world unprotected, to be abused. damn

okay I have to go now, but god, this was so good, SO GOOD

Re: more for less, 6b/?

(Anonymous) 2016-03-12 08:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you SO MUCH, OP, I'm so so pleased that it worked. Poor Bucky - he tells the truth, or some part of it, fucking finally, and is totally unprepared for how much damage it does. Or for Steve, in his horror and confusion, to hurt him back.

The conversation with Sam did not go well. The next update isn't quite done yet, it's only the first half going up today, but 7b will be Sam's reaction.

Like how he treats Steve's concern for his consent like it was a sexual kink on par with David's sadism. WOW! Ahaha I hoped you would like that. <3 "But it's what you like, Stevie" = obviously my favorite line.

That is exactly the feeling I was trying to evoke at the end, and I'm so glad it felt real. Bucky has been trying so hard, he's been so focused on being fine, and then something shifted and he thought for a moment that things might actually get easier - and when he sees that they won't, it wrecks him. He can't go on.

Next up: hindsight.