hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Welcome to Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves 2: Electric Boogaloo. AKA the seamy sexual-violence-and-violent-sex underbelly of Captain America fandom, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.

[Round 1] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by

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Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.

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What a good and beautiful thing! LET'S SPREAD THIS TRASH. SPREAD IT ALL OVER SAM. (AND STEVE. AND EVERYONE.)

[additional warnings for mentioning of food issues in this and the next chapter. nothing explicit, but at some point bucky's starting to get really hungry.]

04 Bucky

Steve shoves him through the door. "Sit."

Bucky sinks down on the edge of the bed, Steve crosses his arms and leans against the wall. "Why’d you do that?"

To his own annoyance, Bucky is still not adept at reading his new handlers. Right now, Steve seems equally angry and sad. Bucky’d take the risk and lie, if he had the slightest idea what to say to placate him.

The frantic beating of Bucky’s heart might be loud enough for Steve to hear, he realizes with a sour pang of disgust. He hates when they know that he’s afraid. He forces himself to meet Steve’s eyes.

"I didn’t want to say it. Wilson asked, and I should have answered, but…" He sets his jaw. “If I’d really meant to hurt him, he’d not be on his feet right now."

"Bucky! If you don’t wanna say something, then don’t, but that’s no reason to attack someone!"

"No," Bucky repeats grimly. "It’s not. I made a mistake. I’m sorry."

Steve urges him on the bed and lies down next to him. Bucky realizes that he missed the right point to undress, and he’s not allowed clothes in bed.

(Unless. But that’s another memory that resurfaced recently and he’s been trying to forget it again ever since.)

Steve’s not complaining about Bucky’s pants and t-shirt, instead he gives the racism talk again. At least that’s something they’ve been through enough times that Bucky knows exactly when which reaction is desired. He nods and shakes his head at all the right times, in between echoing things Steve’s said previously, again and again, until Steve seems satisfied.

"I get it," Bucky says. "It’s not about Wilson personally. If Barton dies first, that’s just as well."

"Bucky," Steve groans and smacks his shoulder. "These people want to be your friends! If warming up to them takes time, that’s absolutely okay, but can you stop wishing death upon them?"

"No harming my friends," Bucky recites, "I know that. I won’t do it again. I could help you protect them, if you’d let me. But I can’t, you know… from here."

Steve’s lips tilt up in a lopsided smile. "Not attacking them is more than enough for now."

"Right," Bucky sighs.

"C’mere" Steve says and Bucky forces his fingers to detangle from the sheets. He rolls overs, lets himself be pulled into Steve’s arms. Up close he can smell Steve, not only his shirt – his skin, faint traces of sweat on his neck, and it jogs his memory, fragmented and blurry. Steve has been his friend before, he’s admitted as much. Bucky remembers scraps, remembers the scent, he… he knows what that skin tastes like.

He swallows down the bile in his throat. Of course Steve lied, he never expected otherwise, did he? Right. They always lie.

It’s not painful per se, Steve’s hand threading through his hair, unsticking wet strands from his neck. Skidding lower. Lower, lower. Rubbing his back. It’s just the apprehension that doesn’t sit well in Bucky’s guts, he wishes they could just get it over with.

Besides, it doesn’t make sense, and Bucky assumes Steve’s trying to wear him out, confuse him to test his limits. He’s all mockingly gentle touches sometimes, like now, but when Bucky asked him in the bathroom earlier if he was supposed to pretend that he was into it, Steve had said no.

It goes on and on, but Bucky doesn’t walk into the trap. He can’t zone out, not just yet, he needs to stay concentrated and brace himself, in case the pain comes sudden and sharp. Steve’s strong, stronger than any of his latest handlers. He was able to deal enough damage when Bucky was allowed to defend himself. All the things he could do now.

Bucky’s head is pressed against Steve’s t-shirt, fabric stained from when he knocked over the casserole. Bucky doesn’t need to eat yet, not that desperately, so he’s surprised that even in a situation like this, his mind threatens to wander off. Food.

Yet again, his body betrays him. It does not take super-soldier ears to hear the loud grumbling of Bucky’s stomach. It’s been latently hurting for days, but not enough to let it show. He needs to prove how strong he is, how valuable, that even on minimum rations he can deliver peak performance.

Steve laughs at him. "Your fault dinner fell through."

"I know."

"You want me to whip up a snack?"

"I’m not hungry, you know I’m not." Another humiliating grumble.

"Yeah? Doesn’t sound like –"

"Stop it!" Bucky sits up sharply. "It’s a physical reaction, nothing more! It does not mean that I actually want food!" He makes a sweeping gesture with his hands and gnashes his teeth. "It’s like… like when they rub you the right way and you get all hard and twitchy even though you just wanna rip their heads off?"

Steve does not know. At least, he looks pretty baffled. Right, none of this has probably ever happened to him. Steve repeats the usual lies and Bucky pretends to fall for it. He seems to get away with it, until it happens again. Bucky feels his cheeks heat up at the next drawn-out rumble of his stomach.

"Listen," Steve says carefully. "I’m gonna bring some sandwiches, and you can take them or leave them as you please."

Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!

Heh, thanks. He's leashing out the best he can to at least marginally protect himself, even though overall, he knows (thinks he knows) he doesn't stand a chance. That's not much of a mindset to be considerate of other people's feelings. ;)

Probably what Steve has been thinking at some point! Unfortunately, hugging doesn't seem to do the trick...

God I love how awful this Bucky is - he's both trying to prove his value and hates that he has to. Would love to see Clint and Natasha's take on this behavior.

WOW YES

There've been a lot of 'Steve gets captured and gangbanged by the Strike Team' fills and those are hotter than the surface of the sun, but I'd really love to see a twist on it;

Steve gets captured and, after a lengthy interrogation that leaves him half-broken and unlikely to fight back, gets tossed to Hydra's experimental science division. The rest of Hydra expect them to just dissect Steve for his secrets and the serum and that'll be that. But let's face it, they're evil geniuses working for Hydra, they're bound to be a little twisted.

Cue the science team trying to one up each other by subjecting Steve to their personal experiments and untested, insane sextoys. Fucking machines, immersive VR, uncontrollable aphrodisiacs, maybe even mech suits with pre-prehensile dildos. You name it, they build it and abuse Steve with it.

The rest of Hydra would put a stop to it. ...but damn if it isn't fun to watch Captain goddamn America take a fucking machine at each end. Especially a fucking machine that can simulate a cumshot most porn stars would be jealous of.

http://feanorinleatherpants.tumblr.com/post/108509549555/art-fill-for-this-prompt-on-the-hydra-trash-meme

Right, so, I have this idea where, for months into his recovery, Bucky isn't all that fussed about having been raped. For one thing, he has so little sense of bodily integrity and personhood that the violation barely registers, and that was even truer when he was still under Hydra's control. Also, nothing against classic party favor premise, but for this scenario what if sexual access to the asset were strictly controlled or entirely forbidden, so Bucky's sexual abuses were infrequent and rarely drawn-out -- a high-level Hydra official who brought him to bed for a few hours, a STRIKE team agent who forced his head down for a hasty blowjob while no one else was around, a furtive rape in a back room with orders to be absolutely silent. So Bucky thinks of his rapes as gross and uncomfortable, but they didn't hurt as much or last as long as torture did, and they don't haunt him the way his murders do. Sometimes they even felt good, and that was rare, back then.

In recovery he freely admits to his sexual abuse, and talks about it as much as his therapists or worried friends want him to. Why should he care? His time with Hydra included a lot of other stuff that was a lot worse.

BUT THEN, as Bucky gets better, he develops the emotional framework to really understand what happened to him, and gradually his rapes become deeply upsetting to him.

+ Bucky trying to hide how much it's beginning to hurt, since he spent so much time insisting it didn't bother him; he feels weak, fraudulent.

+ Steve, Sam, etc had been trying to follow his lead when it comes to treating his sexual abuse with relative casualness -- I'm imagining that Bucky got the consent talk and a lot of concerned questions and it's not like it got glossed over, but they didn't want to make him feel like there was something wrong with him for not being more freaked out -- and now Bucky feels obligated to keep up that attitude, only now it's like picking at an open wound.

+ I'm in love with the characterization of shielded!Bucky, who hides his wounds and would rather eat his own tongue than divulge how traumatized he is, except in this situation the twist is that he already showed his wounds before he knew better, and now what would tip people off as to the depth of his hurt is to stop talking about his sexual abuse.

Oh my gosh, I love this. Heaven.

Also diverging a little but I like to think that at the time, that kind of abuse might have been a little comforting for him because it felt like closeness and it felt good sometimes, and obviously that's only something that would feel twisted later when he has actual friends or lovers and actual kindness in his life.

Aw man I hope he eats the sandwiches. BABY. this is too much. and he remembers that he had sex with Steve but he doesn't remember the emotions attached and is just like "oh guess he raped me too, what a liar."

MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY OF THE COMING OF THE TRASH

OH BUCKY. :((((

OP. I agree! Clinging to the semblance of kindness in abuse is the kind of behavior that's produced by incomprehensibly traumatic situations like Bucky's, where, you know, he had no genuine human connections, a nightmare bureaucracy held total control over his life, he had no agency of choice or ability to escape, anything could be done to him at any time by anyone, he had no knowledge of any life outside of this one in which he was enslaved and controlled, so that was normalized to him, it was the entirety of his life, and no one saw him as a person, including himself... happy stuff like that. Of course he'd appreciate any kind of good feeling, even if it were mired in abuse.

But once he's out of the traumatic environment that generated that response in him, that's the exact kind of behavior he'd feel fucked up over. I think it would be difficult for him to accept it and forgive himself. That would require deep and extremely painful introspective understanding of a) just what was done to him, b) how helpless he was, and c) how broken he was. None of which would be easy, pleasant, or instinctive to process.

In other news, I can ramble for a thousand years about all the brambles in Bucky's road to recovery if given the opportunity.

oh noooooo this is my favourite thing I love u

HOLY HELL this is so beautiful and sad.

Yes, please!

I have a hankering for intimate, would-be-tender-except-it's-horrific rape. Somebody (Pierce? Rumlow?) brushing his lips over Bucky's, stroking his sweaty hair back from his forehead, making eye contact, grinding in slow. And it makes everything ten times more terrible for the WS, because he's instinctively repulsed but also this feels almost like a human connection.

SUPER BONUS FOR POST-WS FALLOUT.

Fuuuuuuck yes seconded. Can we trash up pet names too please please?

Oh man, I am all about this.

YES PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE

OP back to second petnames, and also to provide MORE BONUSES:

+ the intimacy is a power play, designed to emphasis the rapist's total control over the WS. basically, POWER DYNAMICS
+ the rape is also incredibly painful, because false/forced intimacy + pain is a great flavor combination

“Do you know how long you’ve been gone?” Bucky had practically dragged Steve out of the elevator and now had him pressed against the wall, one hand up his shirt and the other, the left one, around his belt buckle.

“A – a month?” Steve hazards. It’s hard to think with Bucky’s cold knuckles lighting up his skin like that and Bucky’s thigh against his straining cock.

“Thirty two days,” Bucky grinds out. “And it was a week before that, we were so busy. And today you come in, and spend half the damn day doing a team briefing that a trainee field agent could have delivered –”

“It was half an hour, tops, and it wasn’t about –”

“While I have to sit there,” Bucky goes on, “Looking at you and not – Christ, I haven’t felt like this since I was a teenager. Come on,” he steps back and strips off his t-shirt, “I’m not waiting any longer. Get your clothes off.”

Steve’s sense returns just in time for him to say, “No.”

Bucky pauses and looks down at the carpet. “What, do you think you’ll get rug burn?”

“Because we’re not having sex on the front hall carpet. We’re just not.” Steve feels this shouldn’t even be a topic of debate. There are standards.

Steve’s standards last until the living room carpet. Bucky comes almost as soon as he gets Steve in him but he keeps going, fucking himself down onto Steve’s cock, left hand braced on Steve’s chest and the right moving up and down his own body. Half of Steve wants to grab Bucky and pull him right where Steve wants him, to drive their hips and press their bodies together just so, but the other half of him knows that the minute his hands get on Bucky’s hips this will be over. He settles one on Bucky’s thigh, feeling the clench and coil of muscles under the skin, and reaches up to pull him down for a kiss.

They make it work. They didn’t always.

Steve never gave up on anything, and he’s not going to start with Bucky. Still, even he has to admit this blowjob is probably a lost cause. His jaw is sore, and Bucky’s stopped making those encouraging noises. When Bucky’s hand comes back in his hair Steve sucks with renewed hope, sore jaw be damned, but instead Bucky’s pulling him up, saying “No, no, stop it.” When Steve looks up at him he’s propped on one elbow, mouth tight. He doesn’t look like someone who’s even within a mile of getting off.

“This is bullshit.” Bucky flops back down to stare at the ceiling. “Let’s call it a night.”

Steve wipes the lower part of his face on the hem of his shirt, partly because it gives him a moment and partly because he can’t have this conversation with spit running down his chin. “There’s gotta be something – Bucky, I can’t keep getting mine and then leaving you high and dry, that’s not a relationship, that’s...” He trails off because there’s no nice word for that, in his opinion. No word he wants near Bucky. “There’s gotta be something we can work out.”

There’s silence for a few moments, then Bucky says almost sullenly, “There’s one thing we haven’t tried.” When Steve doesn’t say anything, he makes an awkward motion with his hands, one palm against the other, sliding back and forth.

“You mean fuck each other,” Steve supplies.

“Yeah, that.” Bucky goes back to looking at the ceiling.

Steve had felt like full-on sex was a bit of a tall order when he couldn’t even give Bucky a handjob right, but he says, “Of course, if that’s what you want,” at the same time that Bucky says, “That’ll do it.”

It’s the flatness and certainty in his voice that makes Steve realize this is going to be one of those conversations. He doesn’t want to do this when he’s kneeling on the floor with his cock still softening in his underwear – actually, he doesn’t want to do this at all – so he gets up, then realizes there probably is no right place to be for this. He settles for grabbing the hard-backed chair Bucky uses to lay out his clothes for the next morning and sitting in it.

Bucky doesn’t seem to be interested in sitting up, putting on any pants, or saying anything else at the moment, so Steve goes on, “There are other things we can try. There are a lot more ways for people to – to get off than there used to be. Even if they have problems.” He’s had some version of this speech brewing in his head for a while but that doesn’t make it any easier now.

“Won’t work,” says Bucky flatly. “The only way I’m getting off is your cock, my hole.”

“We can still –”

“No,” Bucky interrupts, shoving himself back up on his elbows, and now he’s loud and angry, the way that he can turn on a dime these days, “The only way I’m going to come is if you push me down and use my hole because that’s how it is now. Do you want to know how I know?”

Steve doesn’t say anything because he can’t trust himself to keep his voice steady. This is Bucky’s thing, spitting the worst of his past out like bullets and seeing who will run. He went through a lot of therapists that way. Steve feels like he’s been hit in the chest. He makes himself breathe in, reminds himself that he’s never run from anything.

“We’re not going to do anything you don’t want to do. Ever.”

“I want you to fuck my hole,” Bucky says dully, and that’s it, anger wins out over sorrow in Steve and he can’t hold it in anymore.

“Stop saying that!” There’s a crack underneath him where he’s broken off one of the slats underneath the chair. “You don’t mean it, you aren’t even trying to sound like you mean it, and stop talking about it like it’s something that’s filthy.”

Steve stands up, partly because the chair isn’t going to hold for much longer, partly because he can’t stay still for much longer. He bends down to pick up the shirt that had been hanging on the back of the chair, and when he straightens Bucky is sitting bolt upright on the bed. When he speaks, his voice is quiet and hard.

“You want me to pretend sex is some kind of soft-focus, silk sheet fantasy? There is no part of me that hasn’t been used. You’re getting a broken toy, Steve. Maybe you should go and think about whether that’s what you really want.”

This story is really, really wonderful. Thank you for writing it.

Jesus I love that fight between them - Bucky throwing his trauma in people's faces is so real and painful. Ngl that is exactly how it is with me and I never even thought about it.

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Page 33 of 222

Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Re: HYDRA wins Rumlow/Sam Bucky&Sam

Windmills, Fill 4/? (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty)

Re: Windmills, Fill 3/? (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty)

Re: Windmills, Fill 3/? (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty)

Re: Windmills, Fill 3/? (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty)

Re: Windmills, Fill 4/? (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty)

Re: Jerking off while fisting

Steve/Hydra Science Division, Non-Con, Sex Toys

NSFW ART FILL: bucky in diapers

trash trauma always comes home to roost

Re: trash trauma always comes home to roost

Re: Windmills, Fill 4/? (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty)

Re: NSFW ART FILL: bucky in diapers

Re: Windmills, Fill 4/? (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty)

Re: trash trauma always comes home to roost

Re: NSFW ART FILL: bucky in diapers

Re: trash trauma always comes home to roost

INTIMACY

Re: INTIMACY

Re: INTIMACY

Re: INTIMACY

Re: INTIMACY

Re: Bucky can only come with penetration -- Smash All Your Mirrors, 1/?

Re: [Fill] "So Familiar a Gleam" Dreamed up Evil!Steve and fragile grasp on reality [10/10]

Re: Bucky can only come with penetration -- Smash All Your Mirrors, 1/?