hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Welcome to Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves 2: Electric Boogaloo. AKA the seamy sexual-violence-and-violent-sex underbelly of Captain America fandom, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.

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Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm so sorry, I can't get over this comment

Imagine that in captivity Bucky broke whenever they wanted him to -- oh, he had his subtle acts of defiance, for all that he was conditioned to obedience he still kept small secret parts of himself alive, but whenever they set at it, they could break him. Post-WS, Bucky could tell himself that he's stronger now. He's not that weak thing anymore. (Because understanding that he had no psychological defenses as a result of the extreme abuse that characterized everything he remembered of his life, that kind of thinking is too healthy for my taste in early-recovery!Bucky.) But then... this happens. They've got him sobbing and pleading and choking out all the filth they want to hear as they fuck him, and it turns out he isn't stronger now at all. He's inherently weak. Imagine how that would compound all the damage he already feels, and how his hope for recovery is destroyed even as he snaps at Steve to stop looking all sad-eyed at him, it's too bad he had to see that but he's gotta understand it was hardly the first time, Bucky's fine.

Also, god, Bucky getting fucked past the limit of human endurance, for hours, and absolutely breaking down and they're still fucking him even as he's out of his mind with suffering... I feel like such a trash baby right now.

replying to my own comment but I'm having so many feelings about Bucky being awful and walled-off and furious in the aftermath of this, to present a tough front after being forced into such vulnerability. And also playacting normal and trying to brush it off with charm and humor, to hide that he feels so humiliated and destroyed. He's not fooling anybody, but Steve doesn't know what to do; play along? insist that he get help? Meanwhile Steve is hiding his trauma from having to witness something so nightmarish, because he thinks he should only focus on how Bucky's doing. Probably he even thinks it's disrespectful to be traumatized, since Bucky went through so much worse, or that it would hurt Bucky to be confronted with evidence that Steve is deeply not okay with what he saw. In sum, they're both IDIOTS.

-- Or, because there are so many options here: Bucky was doing the playacting-normal shtick before, and now that that's been blown up so spectacularly, he just gives up. If he can't go on how he was managing before, he feels he can't go on at all. Lets out the rage, yells at Steve that he's beyond saving so just go away, you've seen what I was so I don't know what you expect from me, sits and glares at the wall for hours and refuses to talk.

(carriedaway!anon again)

oh my god i can't stop thinking about this entire scenario

that last option - bucky having done the playacting-normal shtick before - is killing me. because now he can't do that anymore and i bet that makes him fucking furious. but then i imagine he can only be angry for so long because he's also so, so worn out and fucked up and probably doens't have the energy to sustain being angry. he's already expended so much energy trying to be normal and look where that got him? he probably lashes out at first, screams and screams at steve and breaks things and hurts himself and then gets to a point where he just like. can't anymore

i feel like bucky would just go limp. sink into a really really deep depression. like you said - sits and glares at the wall for hours and refuses to talk.

this poor trash baby omg how do you come back from that, where the fuck would you even begin your recovery? and if there's no guarantee that it's not just going to keep happening again, and again, and again - he probably thinks, why even bother?

i also keep thinking about the fact that if he had been hiding the abuse from steve, he probably had to do a LOT of work to do so. destroying documents and pictures and evidence. not flinching when steve touches him. lying, pretending to enjoy things/acts that are actually miserable and terrifying.

so now of course steve is going to be wondering what else bucky has been lying about and hiding but he can't just come right out and ask because that's going to come across as aggressive and invasive and bucky's going to take it the wrong way. and it doesn't matter because bucky won't talk to him about anything anymore anyway

dear god i want 100k words of this it's breaking my heart ;;

i feel like bucky would just go limp. sink into a really really deep depression.

Imagine Steve as Bucky is doing this. Just take a moment to picture him trying to wrestle his own trauma, his native inability to do anything about bad feelings except smile through them, his own need for Bucky to be okay, and the horror show that's going on with Bucky's mental health. And Bucky's in there vaguely hoping to stop existing.

and if there's no guarantee that it's not just going to keep happening again, and again, and again - he probably thinks, why even bother?

The terrible thing that just occurred to me is that this is the same kind of situation he lived in as the Winter Soldier, where he was under the control of omnipotent abusers, and abuse would always recur. He surely must be thinking he, because of the kind of person he is, is fated to be victimized over and over forever, and those brief months after his escape before he figured that out would seem like some kind of foolish dream. It would be like he had fallen right back into the nightmare. It depends on how you want to imagine Hydra's treatment of him, but it's awful no matter what -- if he was vulnerable to abuse whenever anyone felt like it, then he must feel like he's been transported right back into that life. But, if Hydra kept to a strict punishment/reward system in order to keep up his conditioning, then... in a certain horrible way, that was better. Because at least he knew when he'd fucked up enough to warrant serious punishment, and he could take some measures to prevent it. If he's convinced that this will keep happening forever, and he's living in terror, then he might miss that (illusory) sense of control. It wasn't a genuinely better situation, he didn't have real control, he didn't have support and memories and basic comforts like he has now, but god, even though he knows that, this relentless anxiety is so hard to bear.

lying, pretending to enjoy things/acts that are actually miserable and terrifying.

yessss and then when he flips suddenly he's honest about everything he can't stand, and Steve has to think back on all the times he did something that must have triggered Bucky and feel terrible about never having noticed. Bucky knows that Steve feels terrible (and not just about that, about, really, this entire situation) and it just makes him feel more worthless and cancerous and I support your petition for 100k of this.

I think recovery would look like a lot support, a lot of therapy, and a lot of time. And reempowerment. Maybe if he got to rip some dicks off.

da

I just love the dumpster so much and especially this thread

"Bucky was doing the playacting-normal shtick before, and now that that's been blown up so spectacularly, he just gives up" this is life

(a lot of feelings!anon from upthread) Everything about your comment and this entire thread is destroying me and I too want 100K of this. Can we start a petition? Begin a collection? The finest wares the dumpster has to offer for anyone who deigns to fill this prompt in any capacity!

No, but seriously, thinking about post-TWS Bucky telling himself he was stronger now that he'd escaped Hydra's clutches, and then him being victimized again and feeling like he'd been weak all along...such delicious emotional trash. Ugh, it would so destroy any progress he'd made in recovery. Let us wear rotted flower crowns and frolick in the trash together for I am also a trash baby and I want this a lot.

I had no idea the thread would spiral down to these delightful depths when I posted the prompt and I'm SO GLAD IT DID. This is my garbage song. I'm saving up all my used yogurt containers for a potential fill.

Being revictimized would be the absolute worst thing that could possibly happen to Bucky in the early stages of his recovery, which is why it needs to happen -- in as filthy, torturous, humiliating, trashy a form as possible. We're all trash babies in the same trash nursery.

Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

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