hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Welcome to Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves 2: Electric Boogaloo. AKA the seamy sexual-violence-and-violent-sex underbelly of Captain America fandom, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.

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Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Steve glances over at Sam with perplexed concern etched across his face, but Sam merely averts his eyes. He understands what Bucky is doing, but that makes it all the more surprising that he let them accompany him here, to a place he must have known might risk giving away his secret to Steve. Sam wonders if this means Bucky is getting desperate. If there is a subconscious part of him that is screaming to be found out, to be heard, and this is the only way he knows how to let it speak.

Eventually, Bucky reemerges through the ruined remnants of the door.

“We’re done here,” he says unceremoniously, and starts heading back the way they came in a brisk, resolute stride.

Steve and Sam share a look of slight confusion before Steve rushes ahead to catch up with Bucky.

“That’s it?” he asks.

“Can’t exactly blow this place up without causing a rockslide,” Bucky replies with a shrug.

“No, I mean, there’s nothing else here that we—”

“No.”

Bucky picks up his pace even more and Steve frowns. Sam instinctively lets himself fall a few feet behind them because it looks like Steve wants to continue talking.

Sure enough, just as they’re reaching the mouth of the cave, Steve stops and says to Bucky, “You wanna tell me what that was all about?”

Sam thinks Bucky is going to ignore him and keep walking but, surprisingly enough, he stops, too. Sam takes another couple of steps back, though admittedly remains within hearing range.

Bucky says, “Not really, no.”

“Buck, this place... It had no intel, it’s long-abandoned so it has no more strategic value... What happened here that made you so intent on destroying it?”

“Steve–” Sam says before he can stop himself.

Bucky shoots him a warning glare before he turns back to Steve.

“Nothing,” he says tersely. “I want to destroy all of these places.”

“But there was one in Oklahoma City, one that might still even be active, and we just—”

“Let S.H.I.E.L.D. or whatever take care of that one,” Bucky snaps. “Let them fucking do their job for once.”

Steve flinches, no doubt thinking about the years he’d spent unknowingly working for the very organisation that had caused the both of them this much grief, a nearly century-long battle bookended by the kind of loss that a person is only supposed to be able to experience once in a lifetime.

Steve has lost Bucky more times than anyone should ever have to lose a loved one, which makes it understandable why he refuses to let it happen again, but Sam is worried that that refusal is blinding him to the truth.

Bucky’s demeanour tempers once he sees Steve’s dismay.

“Hey,” he says softly, stepping towards Steve and laying his flesh hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. We talked about this, remember? It’s not your fault.”

Steve takes a shuddery breath and reaches up to cup Bucky’s hand with one of his own in a single fluid motion that might as well be instinct.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Yeah. Okay.”

The descent back down the mountain is done mostly in silence. Once or twice Bucky points out a bird call that he inexplicably knows a lot about and it makes Steve smile, but Sam can’t help but be deeply wary of the apparent stillness. It feels like little more than a thin veneer, the calm before the storm, a cloak thrown hastily over some enormous lurking thing that it couldn’t possibly hope to contain forever.

Oh babies. Thank you for this.

I'm howling with pain but author!anon, you're a gift.

this fic is a gift. a wonderful, terrible, heartbreaking gift. bless you authoranon.

This is really good. I like how Bucky is slowly falling apart, it's happening very naturally.

“Hey,” he says softly, stepping towards Steve and laying his flesh hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay. We talked about this, remember? It’s not your fault.”

Oh god. The fact that Bucky is the one comforting Steve & telling him it's not his fault is doing things to my heart.

I'm suffocating under how horrible and good this is.

D: if Bucky's performing so hard at normal for this Steve who thinks everything that happened to Bucky was his fault . . . I kind of can't blame Bucky for keeping it from Steve. Because one, if Steve's already feeling responsible, knowing the rest would destroy him, and two, Bucky feeling responsible for inflicting that on Steve or feeling responsible for comforting Steve about Bucky's own trauma . . . ow. Like Steve would have every right and reason to feel secondary trauma when he found out, but I can absolutely understand why Bucky might want to spare himself dealing with Steve's trauma on top of his own. Poor bbs.

(writer)

yes yes yes @ everything in this comment!!! I can absolutely understand why Bucky might want to spare himself dealing with Steve's trauma on top of his own - EXACTLY.

poor bbs indeed :(

(OP) I'm with Sam, here, wondering what on earth drove Bucky to bring him and Steve along with him on this quest for catharsis. Does he want to be found out, or did he just want moral support? There wasn't even any good intel at the base to cover his tracks, like, way to be super obvious, Buck.

I am very fond of Sam right now for being so solidly silent when Steve was looking at him for answers. The phrase "a conspiracy of silence" is too intense, but it almost applies; there was a feeling of Bucky and Sam being in it together, which was nice after seeing them at loggerheads so often. And, as always, I love how consistently you translate the events of the story through Sam's perspective, and how you link that perspective back to Sam's history; even when he's not technically doing anything, he always feels present.

Like some other commenters, I thought one of the best details of this update was that Bucky's the one who comforts Steve! Because, you know, BUCKY'S fine. But STEVE is feeling guilty and bad. And I really get all the reasons that Bucky feels the need to present as perfectly unharmed. If he's coping through Steve, by being the person Steve wants him to be, then nothing would be more destructive to that coping mechanism than watching Steve go through all the reactions the truth would engender in him.

Thank you for the great update!

Author!anon, this story is breaking me so deliciously. I'm in love with everything about this fill, and especially this latest update. I cannot begin to describe how deeply certain scenes gutted me -- Steve after Bucky's flashback, Bucky filling the mattress with bullets. Speaking of which, GOD. The way you used these tiny details to evoke such a horrifying mental image of that cell and what Bucky had to endure in that bed just wrecked me.

I'm going to echo other commenters here and also mention how much I loved Sam ignoring the openings Steve gave him to spill the beans about Bucky's secret, how even though he doesn't agree with it he's still giving Bucky the autonomy to tell Steve on his own terms (if at all, though obviously WE know it's gonna come out eventually). Also Bucky comforting Steve about his guilt in the wake of having to face down one of his personal torture chambers is just SO MUCH. Oh, Buck.

Thank you for this lovely fill; I'm looking forward to the next update!

(writer)

thank you so much! i'm thrilled that the description of the cell had such an impact on you and i am looking forward to breaking you further lol

xoxo

this was wonderful, really enjoying your writing

Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

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