garbage all the way down (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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hydratrashmeme2014-12-07 08:43 am
trashmod) wrote in hydratrashmeme2014-12-07 08:43 am
Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop
Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Welcome to Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves 2: Electric Boogaloo. AKA the seamy sexual-violence-and-violent-sex underbelly of Captain America fandom, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.
Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.
[Round 1] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained bygreenkirtle)] [Round 2 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]
Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.
Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.
[Round 1] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by
greenkirtle)] [Round 2 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.
Fill: Drinking games (1/2)
(Anonymous) 2015-07-12 06:54 pm (UTC)(link)Today, Steve doesn’t know what day it is.
Tuesday, Steve cleaned the apartment and collected 20 empty bottles for recycling. “Bucky, it hasn’t even been a week,” he said as gently as he could.
Bucky finally turned from the window he’d been staring out for hours and looked at him before lowering his gaze and hunching his shoulders. “I will try harder.” Bucky said. The implicit sorry was still there, but at least Bucky stopped using the word as if it was the only protection between him and a beating. Steve took it. Any progress was a huge one.
Steve takes a drink.
“Bucky, is there anything you want to talk about?”
“No.” A long pause gnaws at Steve until he turns to take his leave. Bucky inhaled and exhaled audibly – that was Bucky’s tell for when he’s about to say something he was scared to say. Steve froze and held his breath as if only hearing Bucky trust him with his spilled guts could make breathing worth it again. “What was he like?” Bucky finally asks.
The question hits him out of nowhere because Bucky never, never talked about the past. Still, it was progress. For the first time in weeks, there might have been something genuine in Steve’s smile. “You were charming, great dancer, real great guy.” The pronoun correction didn’t go unnoticed, and Bucky flinched. Steve ignored it and pressed on. “Summer of ’33, you’d been stuck on this gal Molly for months. You brought her to the Coney Island beach and impressed her with your flips. I tried to do the same because we were on a double date but landed on my back and choked on salt water. Got pneumonia in the middle of summer afterwards. I ruined your date and you still took care of me.”
Because that’s how you reassure someone you don’t see them as damaged. Because if you ignored a problem, you let the other person know you saw past it.
Steve takes another drink. A drink for every time he failed Bucky. That’s the game.
“I will try harder,” Bucky hunched down further and said to the floor.
“For what?” Steve asked, voice fluttering, unsure where to land.
“To be him. You light up when you talk about him.” Bucky’s lips pulled into a forced, self-deprecating smile. It was a look that did not belong on Bucky’s face.
“You are him. I’m happy that you’re here,” Steve said. It’s true, and he would reassure Bucky until he knew too.
He reached out to wrap Bucky in his arms, but Bucky moved just out of reach, and Steve learned the day Bucky fell: there’s no difference between almost close enough and an ocean apart. Bucky was silent and staring out the window again, and for the rest of the day, nothing else Steve said could bring about a reaction.
Steve drains the rest of his glass and slams it down. He doesn’t even bother pouring another and drinks straight from the bottle.
Wednesday, Steve joked that he made the gossip columns when the paps caught him dragging an entire liquor store to recycling.
Bucky kept staring at the hole in the wall. One of the many holes in the wall. There are so many he couldn’t remember who placed which anymore, and Stark had mailed them a “This residence has withstood __ days without injury” sign. Steve tried again, “But good news is, this sign gets to see a number besides ‘0.’”
Because that was how they worked back then. When something happened, they joked until the problems went away.
190 proof Everclear is the highest concentration of ethanol he can find.
Bucky finally looked at him, or maybe straight through him. There wasn’t much difference these days. “You can give me something stronger to kill the voices in my head. Benzos. Those do the trick.”
“What?” Steve asked with dawning horror.
“You wanted something that takes up less room than alcohol.” Detached – that was the word to describe the ghosts in Bucky’s eyes. Resigned – that was another word. Bucky recites with clinical disinterest, “Alprazolam, five milligrams per 12 hours. Clonazepam, five milligrams per 24 hours. Diazepam, 100 milligrams per 36 hours.”
“No, that’s not -”
“I know you don’t trust me, but you can trust the doctors. They gave them to me all the time. Any time I’m out of cryo for too long, and the benzos usually kill the thoughts.”
“Bucky!” He yelled, horrified. “No one is going to drug you, and no one is going to mess with your mind. That’s not how it works anymore, I promise.”
Promising to not fuck with his head while wanting him to be someone he's not anymore. A toast to hypocrisy.
“There’s screaming inside my head all the god damn time.” Bucky said with forced casualness, like he wasn’t worthy of regard and didn’t want to draw attention to himself. “My screaming, people’s screaming, bombs screaming. Kids screech really loudly, you know? You can shut it all up or you can stop complaining.”
“I’m not complaining. I want you to get better.” Steve said the words so they were dripping with love. If he gave him enough love, maybe it could heal him.
“I come with a user manual. I know you like to do things the stubborn way, but it might be easier for both of us if you took advantage of it.” Bucky’s voice was both flippant and hollow like he wanted to fill up a void with bravado.
Like he was trying to be Bucky Barnes.
Steve tried to not cringe, but fuck, ‘took advantage.’ They already took advantage of Bucky in so many ways, and if that also meant what he was afraid for it to mean... There was justice, and there was revenge. If Erskine was alive to ask him, so you want to kill HYDRA, he would have said yes, I want to to burn them to the ground. He somehow managed words, choked and tight. “Fuck’s sake, Buck, you’re a human being, and–“
CRACK - the sound of metal fist on plaster cut him off. Bucky’s face was twisted and wild as he snarled, “At least HYDRA were reasonable about their expectations.”
Bucky slipped away to his room. Steve stared at the new hole and wondered how many more holes it would be before structural integrity was compromised and it all came tumbling down.
The Everclear tastes like hellfire going down. Good. He belongs in hell.
Re: Fill: Drinking games (1/2)
(Anonymous) 2015-07-12 07:18 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Drinking games (1/2)
(Anonymous) 2015-07-15 09:15 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Drinking games (1/2)
(Anonymous) 2015-07-16 02:55 am (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Drinking games (1/2)
(Anonymous) 2015-07-16 07:55 am (UTC)(link)Saturday, they met Nat and Sam at a bar.
“A bar? Really? I’m the only one here who can get drunk.” Was how Sam greeted them, followed by, “Bucky Barnes, right? Sam Wilson. I’m guessing you’re Bucky Barnes by the metal arm and Cap’s heart eyes.”
“He’s the only cheap drunk, he means. We live vicariously through him. I’m Natasha Romanoff. You may remember me. We tried to kill each other.” Was how Natasha greeted them.
“Pleasure to meet the guys who helped Captain America save the world,” Bucky said with a easy charm that Steve hadn’t heard for 70 years. “Sam, want a Coke so we won't drink you under?”
“You know what? You’re a jerk.”
Bucky smiled his smile where one lip corner pulled up higher than the other. The one that Steve hadn’t seen for 70 years. “So I’ve been told.”