garbage all the way down (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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hydratrashmeme2014-12-07 08:43 am
trashmod) wrote in hydratrashmeme2014-12-07 08:43 am
Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop
Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Welcome to Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves 2: Electric Boogaloo. AKA the seamy sexual-violence-and-violent-sex underbelly of Captain America fandom, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.
Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.
[Round 1] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained bygreenkirtle)] [Round 2 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]
Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.
Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.
[Round 1] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by
greenkirtle)] [Round 2 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.
Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-19 12:29 am (UTC)(link)"Don’t deny it!" Bucky reels around. "Shut up, or I swear I’ll kick the teeth right out of your lying mouth. Your people can take me apart limb for limb afterwards, but you won’t play your sick games ever again."
Steve falls silent. For now. He hopes JARVIS doesn’t pick that up as an actual threat, because he can handle himself, thanks very much.
"That’s what it was, right?" Bucky’s eyes narrow. "A game. Once I’d completed whatever mission you sent me on, there was no reason to keep pretending. Everything you did after that was for your own amusement." He looks at Steve with unaltered disgust now. "Bet you had fun watching me fall all over myself trying to win your favor back. Do you really get off on that stuff you made me do, or were you just trying to see how far you could push me?" He laughs bitterly. "Were you surprised that there was no end?"
Steve swallows around the lump in his throat. The self-hatred in Bucky’s expression is gutting. "You had no choice," Steve says, feeling ridiculously inadequate. Bucky sneers.
"I had. For once I had, and look how I used it! All that sweet talk you gave me before things went to hell: that HYDRA didn’t realize my full potential, that they treated me wrong. I wanted that back so bad because somehow I’d made up my mind that if you believed it, I could believe it too." He licks his lips. "Ironic, isn’t it? All of HYDRA didn’t manage to degrade me the way I did when I tried to be more. God, pathetic."
"No," Steve whispers, "Human." Bucky’s eyes measure him in a way that makes Steve distantly wonder where Sam put his shield. Doesn’t matter.
"I don’t want anything that’s not real anymore," Bucky says. "I’m not like you, or them, and I can never be. But I’m not that either." He straightens up. Out of his pocket, he fishes a crumpled energy bar. Steve recognizes it as the one Bucky took from his kitchen yesterday. He gives it one last look, then throws it back to Steve. "Keep your little bribes. Keep your kindness and your promises. If you want something from me, you gotta take it. I’m done crawling."
Steve wipes his eyes angrily. "Yeah," he murmurs. "Yeah, you are. Buck, I swear, anybody who wants to hurt you gotta get over my dead body."
Bucky coughs up a joyless laugh. "Your dead body is of no use to me. All that big talk, there’s never anything behind it." He smiles sickly-sweet. "You really wanna help, you can volunteer to take my place next time a bunch of drunk guys ignore the rules and drag me out to play a round of 'Who can make him scream’." Bucky snorts. "No? Who’d have thought."
The image hits Steve right in the stomach. "I would," he blurts, and jumps as Bucky shouts at him.
"You have no idea what you’re talking about!"
Steve squares his jaw, looks at him through red rimmed eyes. "I’m not failing you again."
Bucky seems to barely keep himself from punching Steve straight in the face. "You don’t care about me! All you care about is the power of having something deadly bare its throat at the snap of your finger!"
"Buck, please! I never worked for HYDRA, the man who did this to you wasn’t me," Steve blurts out against better judgement. "We grew up together! Don’t you remember any of that?" He raises his hands in an imploring gesture. "Listen to yourself, Buck. You came rushing in earlier, all worked up because you thought I had the wrong idea about what HYDRA did to you. And now you’re accusing me of being part of it? You’re not making sense!"
"No," Bucky cries, "Stop it!" His posture shifts, ready to attack, but there’s no mistaking the look of fear on his face. "You’re all trying to trick me! Whenever I say something you don’t like, you’re telling me that I’m going crazy, but it’s you, you’re messing with my head!" His chest heaves with the effort of keeping his breathing in check. Steve hates to see Bucky suffer, but he wouldn’t lash out like this if he wasn't scared by the fault in his own logic. They might be getting somewhere.
"The people who did that to you are gone," Steve says firmly. "And there’s nothing wrong with your head. In fact, your brain’s doing a pretty impressive job self-healing, don’t you think? But it’s gotta work through decades of stolen memories, and they’re not returning chronologically. Of course you’re confused! I know it’s hard, but you gotta give yourself time. It’s gonna be okay." Bucky shivers, obviously unsure what to do.
"You’re safe here," Steve continues. "I’m sorry that you thought you weren’t. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when you needed me. I can’t make that right, but I swear, I’d never hurt you on purpose. Please, Buck. You’re mistaking me for someone else."
Bucky makes a desperate sound. He raises his fists, but doesn’t engage. He just stands there, panting, pain etched all over his face.
"It’s okay," Steve whispers, "You’re safe. It’s over." Carefully, he takes a step closer. In the blink of an eye, Bucky grabs Steve’s shirt with both hands. He growls, and for a second Steve expects to be thrown across the room, but Bucky doesn’t go through with it. Instead, he lets out a shaky breath and hangs his head. He stays like that, hunched over and clinging to Steve. The muscles of Bucky's shoulders are taut as hell, and Steve carefully moves a hand between his shoulder blades. Beneath the damp fabric, Steve feels tremors running through him. Steve rests his chin on Bucky’s head. "It’s going to be okay," he murmurs into Bucky’s hair.
—
After that, Bucky stops fighting. He lets Steve guide him to sit on the couch, wordlessly takes the cup of cold tea Steve pours and presses into his hands.
"Okay," Steve says. "I listened to you, now you listen to me. I know talk is cheap, and you’ve been lied to for decades. It must seem insane to trust me. So don’t." Bucky looks up at him.
Steve nods. "You don’t have to believe what the people here tell you. All I’m asking is that you take a good look at what they do, 'kay? Because there won’t be any punishments, no touches you don’t want, I promise." God, Steve wishes he could speed this up for Bucky, but it seems he oughta be glad if Bucky even agrees to take the long road.
"Since you’ve been here, you’ve done things HYDRA wouldn’t have liked, right? You told me about taking water from the sink. I’m sure there was more." Bucky tenses.
"No, that’s good," Steve insists quickly. "I want you to do that whenever you feel up to it." Bucky’s frown deepens. "Don’t hurt anybody," Steve says, "But… disobey. Not gonna lie: it won’t be easy, but you can start with little things. Talk whenever you want to. Take water, take food. Break the rules and watch as nothing bad’s gonna happen." Steve tries a lopsided smile. "Rinse and repeat."
Bucky looks at the floor, worrying the cup in his hands. "I know it takes a lot of guts," Steve says, "but if anybody can do it, it’s you." Bucky shrugs minutely. The cup clinks as he keeps tapping it with a metal finger. After a while, he gives a small nod. Steve smiles.
15.2 Bucky
It must be a trick. Of course it is. Logically, he knows it, but that weak, pathetic part inside him has already sunk its teeth into the dream of some other, glorious life. Again. Great, whatever comes, he fucking deserves it.
"So, what now?" he murmurs. Steve beams at him as if he’s reinvented gravity.
"Whatever you want. That’s the entire point, right? But uh… how about dinner?"
Bucky swallows saliva. How long is this charade gonna last – a couple of days, weeks even? Who cares if it’s not permanent. Nothing is, but the food tonight’s gonna be just as real for it. Right, what’s he even fretting about? He’ll jump at the opportunity and make the most of it as long as he can. And maybe, if he uses his chance well, keeps collecting security codes and construction plans and all intel he can get his hands on… Maybe when Steve decides it’s over, Bucky will be ready to put up a real fight.
"Sounds good," he murmurs. Steve pours himself the rest of the tea, eyes still shining wetly. He flashes Bucky a goofy smile. "Let’s drink to that."
Bucky looks down at his own cup. He’s made the decision to go along with this, and he’s had his eyes on the tea for a while, but his hand’s not moving and his heart starts hammering against his ribs so hard he feels dizzy. Get a grip, he scolds himself, they’re not setting this whole thing up just to come cashing in right away.
He manages to gulp down the tea eventually, but of course Steve has noticed him struggle. Heat shoots into Bucky’s cheeks as Steve lays a hand on his forearm and squeezes. The ground, as always, does not have the decency to swallow him. Bucky clears his throat. "At what third-rate place you gotta clink glasses with tea?"
Steve laughs. He taps Bucky’s arm one last time, then lets go and walks over to the kitchenette.
Bucky feels the loss immediately. Fuck, maybe that’s the trick. What better way to remind him of his place than to let him play human for a while? All they gotta do is wait till he comes crawling back, begging to be put to proper use. No. Like hell is he gonna give them that satisfaction.
Bucky watches Steve rummage through the fridge, rubs his forearm absently like he could scratch away the itch for touch. He’s got to be strong now, prolong this game the best he can and use his new freedom to gain power. It’s gonna be hard, but he won’t allow anybody to touch him, not at all, true to the story he dished up. He’s used to pain, he’s used to starving. He can do this. He has to.
When Steve returns, Bucky does not allow his gaze to linger on his hands, or his perfectly flushed lips. He forces himself to meet his eyes, and as Steve hands him a brown bottle, Bucky makes sure their fingers don’t brush.
"To you," Steve says. "To a new life."
Bucky nods. "A new life," he says, and lets the bottles click.
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-19 01:31 am (UTC)(link)Aaaand the second one. May I ask your permission to translate this fic into Russian, please? Of course, a link to the original story will be posted with a translation (if you prefer to stay anonymous, I'll link it to this thread; if you are going to post it on AO3, I'll link it as well). And as soon as the translation would be finished, I'll send you a link to it if you want me to.
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 07:40 am (UTC)(link)I have to clean this up a bit before I post it on the AO3, but I definitely plan to! Not sure when I'll get around to it. But don't let that stop you, if you want to translate it, that's amazing. Just link back here till then. Maybe we'll win some new people over for the dumpster. ;D
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 06:13 pm (UTC)(link)I believe there is already a line of people who will happily dive into the dumpster :D
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-19 01:50 am (UTC)(link)Congrats. I'm so turned on and also so distraught, and it is all the fault of this fic!
*offers you my whole tiny trash kingdom*
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 07:49 am (UTC)(link)Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-19 04:22 am (UTC)(link)And Pierce (that bastard) would be sooooo proud to know that he's permanently ruined Bucky's ability to trust the things that Steve says.
SUCH GOOD TRASH.
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 08:16 am (UTC)(link)On the upside, Bucky *is* on the mend. A bit of pep talk won't suffice, but it's a start in the right direction. Alas, the road to the top is paved with pain and trash. ^^
And Pierce, ha. He'd be endlessly fascinated by the long-term effects of his little games.
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-19 04:26 am (UTC)(link)I read this, and I remembered a necrophiliac!Rumlow fill I read once on the meme, and then my mind went to, "Well actually, Steve's dead body might be of use to the Bucky of that universe," and then I realized that I am well and truly a terrible person with a space reserved in hell.
On another note! This whole fic is so amazingly well written. I love this Bucky, how simultaneously angry yet unable to comprehend his ability to do something about that beyond tiny little flares of rebellion he is. I am off to cry buckets of tears now and then comfort myself with thoughts of Bucky slowly learning to regain trust in Steve and the others, possibly while cuddling lots of stuffed animals and eating lots of ice cream.
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-20 08:24 am (UTC)(link)*pets shoulder* Nonnie, you stay exactly the way you are, the dumpster needs people like you.
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-21 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-04-22 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-05-10 01:18 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-05-15 09:43 am (UTC)(link)Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-07-08 08:26 pm (UTC)(link)I just read all of this..I literally couldn't stop from the first word to the alst
thank you for an epic story
I wish it never ended!
Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-09-05 08:39 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2016-09-17 02:03 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Windmills, Fill 15b/15 (aka Bucky's sense of tmi is faulty) -FIN-
(Anonymous) 2017-06-05 07:53 pm (UTC)(link)I have literally never ventured into the hydra trash meme until today, but your story had me on my knees digging through this beautiful dumpster.
Thank you for this.