hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #3: The Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Dumpster #3: The Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Holy shitballs, look at us go. Welcome to Captain America fandom's resident wretched hive of scum and villainy: ROUND THREE. AKA Bad Guys Do Dirtybadwrong Things To Your Faves, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.

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Round 3 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 4.

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Ahhhh, I love this. What a brilliant way to force your OCs to confront their own casual dehumanization of Steve and his suffering. Wonderful Steve characterization too.

Yessss please

In terms of problems for Steve: it's not like Bucky cries every time something upsets him. If it happens mostly when the button is pushed repeatedly or lengthily, then how many times has Steve, like, tapped the button, and because Bucky was able to smile through it, Steve will never learn to avoid that issue in the future? For example, what if Bucky hated being offered milk? Not milk itself, he likes milk and wants to drink it, but he can't stand drinking it out of a glass or being invited to drink it. Every time Steve offers him a glass, he gets that jolt of terror, but manages to casually refuse. Until one day Steve catches him chugging it out of the carton, which he has always successfully done in secret until now. Steve just makes a face and says use a glass why don't you, but then he stays in the kitchen, puttering around, so Bucky has to go and fetch a glass and pour milk into it and drink it, and halfway through he starts crying. And when the explanation comes out, Steve is remembering all the times he thoughtlessly offered Bucky milk with his cookies... what did he miss, how could he not have known...

What if Hydra kept all the recorded footage, and when Steve and co find video of Bucky's rapes, this time it's from Bucky's own perspective?

god, all of this is so good, from the beginning of it (the distance of the crisis to the viewpoint character, the way she's thinking of this only tangentially) to the ending (the lack of inflection in cap's voice, the way you bring it back full circle to the job search).

holy. eff. and the headlines, where you can almost tell exactly which website posted which article (i'm pulling for mic.com on one of them tbh).

the reactions of the TSA agents as they realize. i am a kettle of high pitched shrieking. well done. have all these empty cigarette packets and old pay stubs, you're a genius.

Oh yes, I love this. If Bucky's the one who isn't displaying dramatic trauma symptoms, well, we, the readers, can connect that to the way he's had to numb himself to abuse in order to survive the years of it. But Steve's own trauma and history would obscure that line of thinking. Plus, if he knows about Bucky's history of rape, he wouldn't just be comparing himself to his Bucky's reaction to this incident; he'd be thinking that Bucky endured decades of this treatment (and Steve now understands that pain firsthand), he had it so much worse than Steve, and he's still taking it better.

I like it both ways, though! Because if Steve is the one who's game-facedly soldiering on while Bucky breaks down, then we get Bucky who's suddenly faced with a fear confirmed: he really is weaker than other people. I imagine that Bucky's been repeatedly assured, by Steve in particular, that anyone subjected to the torture he was put through would also have been broken and molded into the Winter Soldier. Even Steve himself, the model of stubborn unbreakableness. It's not a weakness inherent in Bucky. Except apparently it is, because here's Steve, who has now been subjected to the same tortures, and he's... doing alright? While Bucky, who should be practiced at bearing this, is a disaster.

The setup and pacing on this is a thing of beauty, truly.

This is the shit that I'm about.

There was another prompt for promiscuity a bit ago, but I think this idea is different enough to warrant its own thread.

Once he starts remembering his rapes, Bucky's coping method is to go out and have as much meaningless sex as he possibly can. His subconscious reasoning: if he acts like sex doesn't matter, then what happened to him didn't matter, and he doesn't have to truly face the overwhelming horror of decades' worth of sexual abuse. There's nothing wrong with being promiscuous, but the way Bucky's going about it isn't healthy; it's less reclaiming his sexuality and more trying to continue his own dehumanization so he doesn't have to acknowledge the depth of his violation.

+ Bucky has sex with several of his teammates

+ sometimes he ends up in messy situations where one or both/all parties have to bail, or there are hurt feelings afterwards, because obviously Bucky isn't in this for tender emotional sex or a relationship, and that's not the page every hookup will be on

I'm totally open for ideas on where this should go from there. Does he continue repressing forever? When the impact of his abuse hits him, does he close up shop and take a vow of celibacy? Does he continue being promiscuous for fun, but learn to do it in a healthier, more positive way?

a!a

Thanks! Yeah, "casual dehumanization" is a good way to put it. People have their own lives and news stories are pretty abstract, but depending on what it is you're kicking around like a political football, shit can get really ugly.

The headlines were the most fun to write.

And I'm not gonna lie, parts of this may be spun out of long-held airport-security revenge fantasies.

♥ Glad you liked it!

Thanks!

Um this is amazing

Ans as if Bucky experiencing PTSD wasn't bad enough, imagine if he'd healed quite a bit between his Return To Steve and then being recaptured by hydra. Like, he's finally learned to deal w his abuse, he's having fewer nightmares, he's triggered less often, and smiling and laughing more... But then he and Steve are captured and he's subjected to more torture and he relapses so hard. It might even be worse than the first time he escaped bc back then, he thought he'd never be in their hands again. He was so sure that he was strong enough to fight back against them or anyone else who tries to abuse him, but he was wrong. And he's terrified that it's just gonna keep happening again and again. And meanwhile, Steve isn't reacting nearly as strongly as he is. It doesn't matter how many times Steve tells him that he is also fucked up by it, and that it's not a sign of weakness that Bucky's hit so hard by PTSD. He just feels so damn helpless and like he's gonna go crazy and he just wants to scream

Ohh, the potential for Peggy angst in this is fantastic. Maybe the guards mention the treatment and how Bucky's healing will be enhanced during the rapes. So after Bucky falls from the train she's conflicted on whether she should tell Steve the truth.

On the one hand there's a super slim chance Bucky is still alive, but on the other hand what if he is dead? If she turned out to be wrong then the weight of the truth would just cause Steve more unnecessary pain and make him feel even more guilty.

This is the worst thing I've ever written, but Bucky and Steve are captured, and, while Steve is forced to watch, they rape Bucky, over and over and over, endlessly, until, despite all his struggles and pleas and capitulations, his body can no longer sustain it and he dies. Then they keep fucking his corpse until rigor mortis sets in, just to watch Steve suffer.

Something slightly different in the theme of Hydra having badly damaged Bucky before Steve could pick him up:

Hydra fried Bucky too hard, but this time his normal motor skills and cognitive functions weren't impaired. No, what was broken was his ability to comprehend and produce language, any language at all; he can't speak, he can't understand when spoken to, he can't write or read, even sign language is too much for him. For the hardest difficulty setting, he could also be badly touchphobic.

I can't decide what interpretation of Bucky would work better here: amnesiac Bucky who doesn't understand Steve isn't a handler, in which case their challenge would be making him feel safe and get that he's free; or a Bucky who remembers and identifies as himself, but is still so traumatized and scared, and his condition makes him feel even more broken and worthless and helpless, and he wants to rebuild the bridge with Steve but doesn't know how or if he even deserves to.

I need and want for several Hydra goons to have made one or more rapes the worst kind of emotional torture, so that the rape itself just hammers in the humiliation. They mock him, gaslight him, confuse him, make him try to please them except he's been set up to fail, force him to degrade himself, dredge up levels of shame he shouldn't even be capable of, and it's only once he's sobbing in sheer hurt that they finally fuck him.

++ Bucky tries to tell this story to Steve, and cries

++ the things they taunted him about are insecurities Bucky carries to this day

I've checked with some powers that be - I'm allowed to tell you that I've submitted a tentacle-fic for the Trashbook, so there's that :P It's way similar to what you're asking, actually but, like I say, I'll do my best :)

Bucky was never exactly twinky in adulthood, but when he was first captured, he was younger and smaller and prettier. He was attractive to the men, and he was raped enthusiastically. As the decades wore on, though, and he got scruffier and bigger and older-looking, the rapes tapered off.

This has left Bucky feeling innately undesirable, but it's for such a fucked up reason he feels he can't explain it to anybody. I will give you my firstborn if this involved rejecting Steve's romantic overtures; Bucky knows he's disgusting and feels Steve must be making fun of him or doing it out of pity.

Jfc this x 10000000

I don't know what this is anymore, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to hell for it.

---

Steve felt the magnetic cuffs behind his back unlock. The mechanism must have been remotely deactivated, he realized. They fell to the ground with a loud thud.

"Don't get any ideas now. Rules still stand. Try anything funny, you die and your pal suffers for your stupidity."

Rumlow picked up his gun again and took a few steps back.

With his hands free, Steve was finally able to reach for Bucky, though he guessed there weren't many places he could touch without hurting him. He placed his hand on Bucky's forehead. Despite the serum, Bucky was burning up.

"Hey, we're going to make it through this," he said, perhaps more for his own benefit than Bucky's.

"This might be a lot easier without clothes, Cap. Just saying," Rumlow said with a smirk.

There were a thousand things Steve could have said to that, but he realized none of them would help him. Without further protest, he started to undress. He folded his clothes neatly and placed the immaculately-arranged pile next to the slab.

"God, gotta love military boys," Rumlow chuckled, "they sure got their priorities straight".

Steve ignored him, and took minor comfort in simply following this routine. This he could handle. This he had a grip on. If he could have control over the way he folded his clothes, maybe he could get some grip on the situation, no matter how small, and actually make it through. It worked, for a few moments, until he was actually standing before the slab naked. His body seemed smaller to him now, seemed to take up less space than it usually did nowadays. He was shivering despite not really being cold, and was blatantly unaroused.

Rumlow moved in front of him, grabbed a chair, and observed him like he was watching a reality show. His gaze was unmistakably directed at Steve's flaccid dick.

"Well, it's not going to work like that. You'll need to put in some effort."

"Believe it or not, Rumlow, not all of us get hot and bothered at the thought of rape."

Rumlow shrugged.

"You can't really rape the Winter Soldier, you know. You can only rape people. And he has not been people for a looong time.

Steve glared at him, almost forgetting his precarious position.

Rumlow sighed. "Fine, fine. Up to you if you want to play house with him. I don't care either way, as long as your cock goes up his ass.

Steve placed his hand on his crotch, toying with his penis without much conviction. Unsurprisingly, it remained entirely soft.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Rumlow toss something in his direction. His reflexes were good enough to catch it mid-air, even in this predicament. He could tell it was a small pill bottle.

"Viagra," Rumlow explained, "I'm willing to do you a small favor just for the satisfaction of getting to say Captain America can't get it up without little blue pills."

Steve popped a pill almost without thinking. Perhaps this was Rumlow's thing, he thought, worrying about sexual prowess. He did not care. He had nothing to prove, except maybe his loyalty to Bucky, but it wasn't Rumlow he was proving it to. He was glad, in a way, that even his penis had decided that everything about this situation was sick.

Even with the pill, and with more vigorous manual stimulation, Steve's dick proved uncooperative.

"Now now, Cap, I'm willing to give you some leniency here, but if you fail to perform I'll ask one of the boys to fetch me a stun baton to fuck him with instead. Your choice...which one do you think he'll prefer?"

Steve looked at Rumlow murderously. He was biting his tongue, but every muscle in his body was tense and ready for battle.

It was Bucky's voice that broke the silence, and quite possibly stopped Steve from being killed right there.

"Steve," he said faintly, "c'mere. Put it in my mouth. That might work."

Steve looked at him with utter shock, not believing the words he had just heard.

Rumlow burst into laughter. "Well, isn't that just precious. This I gotta see."

He took out his smartphone, presumably to keep a memento of this twisted scene.

"Go on then, Captain, we haven't got all day. Sounds like a generous offer to me."

Steve moved to stand at Bucky's face-level, looking down on him with worry. He looked so broken and weary, his blue eyes red from past and present tears.

"Buck, you sure about this?"

Bucky nodded. "Look, just try to imagine it's Peggy, or whoever you fancy nowadays, okay?"

Steve tried to suppress a gasp as Bucky tentatively took his cock into his mouth. His first thoughts were those of worry - he'd been fighting before this, after all, and he dreaded the thought that stale sweat might be making it even more unpleasant for Bucky. If it did, he gave no sign of it, and he sucked diligently, trying to get Steve to respond.

Bucky had trouble moving in that angle. Steve could see he avoided leaning on his arm stump, and the realization that Bucky must still be in pain made him flinch. Bucky looked up at him, eyes scared because he feared the repercussions if Steve remained flaccid. Steve put one arm under him for leverage, holding him up best as he could. He placed his other hand on Bucky's cheek, still wet from tears, and gently stroked it with his thumb. He didn't know if it was appropriate, but then again who knew in this situation. It seemed to calm Bucky down somewhat, in any case. He got into a sort of rhythm, bobbing his head up and down as he tried to make Steve's cock come to life.

Steve didn't know if it was the pill or Bucky's mouth on him, but sure enough, his penis started to respond favorably. To his horror, Steve realized it felt good and he was instantly ashamed of that, hating himself for gaining pleasure from Bucky like this. He bit his lip, desperately trying to fight any noises of pleasure that might escape his lips. Nonetheless, part of him got swept up in the moment. He didn't think of Peggy, or any other girl. His mind wandered to Bucky, as he was before the war, confident and cocky and charming. He imagined the way he danced, the way he laced his army boots with elegant fingers, and how dashing he looked in uniform. It was somewhat perverse, Steve thought, that he'd imagine Bucky like that now, knowing that he'd never move like that again; that he'd never look like that again. Steve felt his hand instinctively move from Bucky's cheek to his hair, entwining his fingers with it. He wasn't pushing him down, rather he was helping him move, and for a short moment it felt entirely natural, like it was the way their bodies were always meant to fit together. His hips moved gently in time with Bucky's movement, and he could feel he was almost fully erect now, filling Bucky's mouth quite thoroughly. It was wet and warm and tight, and he just wanted to get lost in the feeling forever.

An unconformable choking sound and the realization he was hitting the back of Bucky's throat snapped him back to reality. He withdrew his swollen cock from Bucky's mouth, and released his hair from his grip, realizing only now he'd been holding on tighter than he had thought. Bucky gasped for air as his mouth was emptied. His lips were red and wet. He looked up at Steve like he was the center of the Universe, looking both wrecked and beautiful. Steve wished this was any other time, any other place than this.

But it wasn't, and he felt shame at even thinking it. He cast down his eyes and murmured an apology.

"I'm sorry," he managed, "the serum...it made...it made everything..."

Steve had almost forgotten Rumlow was in the room, but the raspy laugh made him acutely aware of his presence again. "Well, look at that," he said as he pointed his smartphone at Steve's crotch, "I thought those were just old wives tales, but look at the size of you. And you're not even fully hard yet, are you? So, captain americock got himself a growth spurt like the rest of you, huh? This just keeps getting better and better. God bless America."

Rumlow shifted his smartphone so it pointed at Bucky now. "Ain't you lucky, Barnes. You're about to get impaled on the best dick science can make. You should be proud. Terrified, but proud."

Steve could definitely see the fear in Bucky's eyes, but there was also resignation there. Both of them knew there was no getting out of this. This was going to happen. They might buy themselves a few more minutes, but everyone knew what the next step with be.

"Go on now, Barnes. Be a patriot. Help the Captain go full mast," Rumlow coaxed. He sounded like a kid at the funfair. He was enjoying this way too much.

Steve looked at Bucky questioningly. Bucky gave him a short nod that Steve recognized both as permission and as a last attempt to stay brave, but he feared the breaking point was not far off. He placed his hand on Bucky's head again, still holding him up so he wouldn't have to lean on his stump.

As Steve fed Bucky his cock again, he regretted looking at his eyes. I was a look he never wanted to see on his friend's face, let alone when it caused by his own doing. But he felt like he owed it to Bucky; owed him to look at him as he did this. To see him as a human being, and not close his eyes while Bucky was suffering for him.

Bucky accommodated his penis as well as he could. Which was better than expected, considering both the size of Steve's erection and Bucky's lack of experience in the matter. Still Bucky started to choke on it again, his face growing red and his eyes tearing up involuntarily. In any normal circumstance that might have been enough to make Steve go instantly soft gain, but he suspected the drug had taken over at least partially now, which was a small mercy at least. He honestly didn't know if he could do it without it, and he didn't want to think about the consequences of that.

He started to gently stroke Bucky hair again, letting him set the pace rather than fucking his mouth. Bucky made valiant attempts to breathe through his nose and God, while it looked absolutely filthy, he was overwhelmed by an intense feeling of tenderness towards Bucky. It felt like his heart was going to crack open, like it was too much to hold in altogether.

"You're so brave," he whispered to Bucky, "So very, very brave."

I love you , he thought, but didn't say, and he startled himself by even thinking it.

"I respect you so much," he said instead, clumsily but well-meant.

"Respect?!" he heard Rumlow repeat, with disbelief bordering on outrage. "You respect him? You're un-fucking-believable, you know that, Rogers? I swear, you were both brain-damaged by the ice."

Steve feared Rumlow's tone of voice, feared it might lead to Bucky being hurt again, but instead it was him who got kicked against his shin. I wasn't even all that painful, but it startled him. He lost his grip on Bucky, who fell back on the slab, wincing.

"Right," Rumlow said, "that's quite enough foreplay. Now for the main event. Let's see how much respect you have left after that."

oh my god please.

YAAAAASSSSSSS. The whole hating himself because he can get it up vs. hating himself because he can't get it up is exactly where I wanted this to go and you, darling anon, managed to give me the best of both worlds!

Now I'm having flashbacks to GOOSH GOOSH.

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Page 15 of 215

Dumpster #3: The Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Re: Mini-fill: The Interests of National Security [1/1]

Re: revictimization trash

Re: weepiness, hurt feelings, inability to express emotion

Re: HYDRA puts a camera in Bucky's eye

Re: Mini-fill: The Interests of National Security [1/1]

Re: not every survivor develops PTSD

Re: Mini-fill: The Interests of National Security [1/1]

Re: Steve is bad at handling his secondary trauma

promiscuous Bucky

Re: Mini-fill: The Interests of National Security [1/1]

Re: Mini-fill: The Interests of National Security [1/1]

Re: Mini-fill: The Interests of National Security [1/1]

Re: Mini-fill: The Interests of National Security [1/1]

Re: not every survivor develops PTSD

Re: Peggy knew

raped to death

inability to comprehend language

emotional torture

Re: Things that go bump in the dumpster (aka we need more tentacles)

they stopped raping him and Bucky feels kinda bad about it

Re: they stopped raping him and Bucky feels kinda bad about it

Twixt the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea - part 3

Re: they stopped raping him and Bucky feels kinda bad about it

Re: Twixt the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea - part 3

Re: raped to death