garbage all the way down (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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hydratrashmeme2015-09-09 07:23 pm
trashmod) wrote in hydratrashmeme2015-09-09 07:23 pm
Dumpster #3: The Great Pacific Garbage Patch
Holy shitballs, look at us go. Welcome to Captain America fandom's resident wretched hive of scum and villainy: ROUND THREE. AKA Bad Guys Do Dirtybadwrong Things To Your Faves, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.
Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.
[Round 1] [Round 2] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained bygreenkirtle)] [Round 3 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]
Round 3 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 4.
Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.
[Round 1] [Round 2] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by
greenkirtle)] [Round 3 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]Round 3 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 4.
Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-05 03:54 am (UTC)(link)Ноль | 2014
Bucky Barnes was a broken machine.
He wasn’t supposed to refer to himself as one, but he knew what he was. Sort of. Mostly. The whole “he” and “I” thing was confusing. Steve Rogers, who looked like a ghost and looked at Bucky like he was one too, was confusing. The siren gravity of this man that drew Bucky close and spun him into Steve’s orbit was confusing. Everything used to be so cut and dry.
By and large it was worth it. Being around Steve felt like slowly waking up. The foods that Steve foisted on him were problematic (the techni– doctors said it’d be a while before he could handle anything much richer than rice), but the riot of scent and taste made his scarred brain light up. Steve promised he’ll never go back to the chair, and something about him made Bucky want very, very much to believe it.
But goddamn, he did make things complicated.
So many new rules. So many bizarre expectations. Too many choices: he was not that good at making decisions, and it got exhausting. Mostly Steve asked binary questions, but even these were wearisome. In that one regard Steve seemed to have it out for him: the harder Bucky tried to be good and ignore such questions, the harder Steve tried to get him to answer. Even if Steve hadn’t so much as backhanded him for being bad and responding, it frayed their nerves till both of them were twitchy and ready to tear something apart. Sam-from-the-causeway frequently took Steve and spoke to him in low tones when he got wound up, when he pushed Bucky too hard to act like a person. Bucky learned to tune out these conversations; they were nothing he really wanted to hear.
But it was clear Steve was trying, and he was so very patient, so very kind. He corrected the as– corrected Bucky with words instead of fists or scalpels or shock collars. Any day Bucky expected he might actually stop flinching away from him. They’d both like that, he thought – he’d seen the way Steve crumpled when he cringed away. The Winter Soldier knew what it– he could trust Hydra to do. Being able to trust Steve to do or not do certain things would make their situation less complicated, in time. Until then he had to cling to the little pockets of order that he could, like coming up for air during a long swim.
Their morning run was satisfying: Steve had been merciful and told Bucky they were going out, instead of trying to trick him into expressing a desire one way or the other. No, that wasn’t right. It wasn’t a trick. Was it? Everything had been free thus far. Maybe payment would be in a lump sum, and thinking about that made his flesh palm go clammy. There were a lot of things he tried not to think about, these days. Running in the crisp D.C. air made it easier to find some clarity. There was a purity in exerting himself that let his mind go blessedly blank.
Afterward, when they were both sweaty and panting, Steve gave him a long look (hungry, he knew hunger when he saw it) and asked, “You wanna take first shower?”
Maybe it was the calm he’d found in the run that made it easier. Maybe it was the tone or the look in Steve’s eyes; but something clicked inside like a puzzle piece slotting into place. The battered old clockwork of his heart ticked faster. The words Пожалуйста, сэр, запрос were on his lips before his knees even hit the floor.
Steve rushed over – he must have been waiting for this too – and his hands stopped maddeningly shy of touching Bucky’s shoulders. “Hey hey, you alright? You still with me here? I just, I’m sorry, I thought maybe you’d wanna wash up, not...are you okay?”
Was he okay. Bucky squinted up at him. Steve Rogers was a strange man with a lot of strange questions, enough to make your head swim. But Bucky had a mantle of calm draped over his shoulders like a shock blanket, and he knew how to be good.
“Yes,” he said quietly. “Yes I wanna wash up.”
“Okay.” Steve sounded uneasy, but he backed away – and then left the room entirely.
Bucky blinked at the closed door Steve left between them. Okay. Well. That was weird. Putting it out of his mind, Bucky stripped out of his sweaty running clothes and set them in the hamper. Would he be paying for just this one thing, or for everything? If it was everything, would he be able to move enough to shower of his own volition, or would he have to save it for after recovery?
Somewhere in the haze of his memory there was a face, long like Steve’s with hungry hazel eyes, and impressions of being touched carefully enough to feel pleasure. Bucky shivered as he returned to his knees. Would Steve be like that, gentle and slow? He was so patient and touched so lightly; Bucky worried his lower lip with his teeth and dared to hope. Maybe he’d start with his fingers, maybe even lube. Further back in his memory he smelled a New York night and half-remembered himself lying on his stomach, thin hands on his back, skinny hips driving into him slow and sweet. Was that what Steve was seeing too when he looked at Bucky like he was starving?
Surely he’d be gentle, Bucky was sure of it. Steve wasn’t afraid of him, he was...less sure of that. Was he? Bucky frowned and both hands curled into fists atop his thighs. When men were given power over what they feared, in his experience, they usually wanted to make it hurt. What if Steve had just been holding back till now, and now that payment was finally due he’d let it all out – every scream he’d swallowed, every blow redirected to a punching bag?
He was shivering for different reasons when Steve knocked and, on getting no response, opened the door again. Bucky schooled his expression into careful, meek blankness. He looked up, though, when Steve made a squawk of a noise.
“Bucky, what the hell?! Why are you…. Are you hurt?” He took a few steps forward, stopping just inside arm’s reach.
The asse– Bucky cocked its, his head up at Steve and reached out a hand. The flesh hand, the one that betrayed him by shaking. “I’m ready.”
Steve wore an expression that was the facial equivalent of a record skip. He took Bucky’s trembling hand. In a voice far too small for his body, he asked, “For...your shower?”
Did he now know what to do? Steve Rogers, always a spanner in even the simplest works.
“For you,” Bucky replied, keeping his voice low. If he played this right, surely he could come out the other side with minimal damage. “I’m good. I’ll show you. I know I have to pay for it first.”
Slowly, carefully, he pulled on Steve’s hand until the man took a dazed step forward. Bucky gentled him with quiet promises to be good. It was when he started inching down Steve’s sweatpants that the man seemed to shake himself out of his trance and seized both of Bucky’s wrists. Did he want Bucky to use his mouth instead? He could do that. But Steve squirmed away when he tried, wrists held tight.
“Bucky, what’re you doing?! What the hell do you mean, pay for it?”
What a frustrating man. “You can have me, I’m good for it,” he tried again, fighting a losing battle against hysteria. “Wasn’t– It’s just like before, right? Wasn’t I yours, before I was theirs? Weren’t we...this?”
Steve looked at him like he’d run him through, and that panic clawed its way right up into Bucky’s throat. Something was very, very wrong, he’d done it all wrong, he’d fucked it all up and he was going to need recalibrating to be right again–
He didn’t realise he was trembling until Steve thumped down to his knees and threw his arms around Bucky’s shoulders to cradle him close. He whimpered, and that trembled, too.
“Not like this,” Steve said, shaking his head. “Bucky no, no. We didn’t… my God, I’m gonna kill them all, I swear it. No, Bucky, we were…. It was never a matter of ‘payment,’ dear God. And it never will be, not ever. You don’t have to pay me for anything, you understand?”
He did not understand, but shaking his head only seemed to make Steve more upset.
“It’s free, Buck, everything I do for you is free.” Steve drew back; his eyes were wet, his expression wobbly. He cupped Bucky’s face in one hand. Bucky counted it as a win that he didn’t flinch. The hand was warm and good. Who knew hands could feel that nice when they touched? “If we’re ever...that...again, it’ll be because you want to, not because you think you have to.”
Bucky searched his face, and winced in confusion. “But if it’s something I want,” he murmured, “how will I pay for it?”
Steve’s only reply was to hug him harder. That was okay. Bucky understood not having an answer. Maybe Steve Rogers was a bit of a broken machine, too.
[fin]
Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-05 04:58 am (UTC)(link)Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-05 05:18 am (UTC)(link)I've also been kinda trying to draw an admittedly-wobbly line between opinion and desire here: the Winter Soldier was allowed to want things so long as he traded for 'em, but was not allowed opinions. So like, offer him a choice between a red thing and a blue thing, he'd just stare at you until you told him which one he's getting. But if he saw the red thing and wanted it, he could ask for it proactively. If that makes sense. Yeah though all that makes for very difficult interactions with "normal people" where you get asked your preference of things all the time! At this stage he'd rather skip all that headache & uncertainty and have someone tell him what to do instead.
Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-05 02:41 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-05 03:57 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-06 08:53 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-06 10:32 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-06 09:34 pm (UTC)(link)Was he okay. Bucky squinted up at him. Steve Rogers was a strange man with a lot of strange questions, enough to make your head swim. But Bucky had a mantle of calm draped over his shoulders like a shock blanket, and he knew how to be good.
GUH ALL THE FEELS. Awesome job and thanks so much for writing & sharing this. (And I really hope you post to AO3 at some point!)
Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-06 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)*whispers* I'm actually just sat down to clean up some typos and post it on Ao3 now. ;)
Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-25 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-08-26 02:27 am (UTC)(link)Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-09-07 05:48 am (UTC)(link)Re: Unprompted Fill: Skin Trade 6/6
(Anonymous) 2016-09-08 03:39 am (UTC)(link)