Dumpster #4: I Don't See How That's a Party

[trashmod]

Okay, kids, you know the drill. Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because hydratrashmeme is about as far from a safe space as you can get. Garbage we like: noncon, whump, aftermath, violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves. Garbage you should find a different trashcan for: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, OOC evil!good guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves, rotting leftovers dressed up as a romantic gourmet meal. Nothing wrong with 'em, but this isn't the crowd you should be pitching to if you're trying to sell Brock Rumlow as anything but a human dumpster fire.

Link your fills on the fill post, post unprompted fills as replies to a header comment so the wall o' text is collapsible, and let me know if you're interested in helping out with the Pinboard archive.

[Rules in full] [Round 1] [Round 2] [Round 3] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by greenkirtle)] [Round 4 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]

All prompts or fills that contain Infinity War spoilers must go on the Infinity War spoiler post until May 26th. Spoilers in the main dumpsters will be deleted.

Round 4 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 5.

Comments

Re: Hounded [7/8] Re: Body-mod - Hydra slowly turns Bucky into an animal

[(Anonymous)]

Bucky's... well, not happy, per se. But content. He's still a dog, but he's traveling with Steve and helping him take down HYDRA bases. And when Steve looks at him, it's not with eyes searching for any hints of recognition, of a shared past. As Betsy, he doesn't have to feel the burden of all those deaths he caused as the Winter Soldier, nor does he feel the burden of having to be Bucky Barnes, decorated war hero and Captain America's best friend. No one's going to try to use trigger phrases on a dog, nor would they put a dog on trial. He can just be there for Steve, plain and simple. And for that, he's willing to trade the inconveniences of a dog's life.

In a way, it's better than putting himself in cryo. He's still paying his penance, in a sense -- HYDRA's taken his life and his humanity, just like he's done to countless others. But this way, he can still help people. And also drink beer.

Barton had some nice beers in his fridge, and now that the kids are asleep, they're all lounging in the living room, drinking. Laura is telling a story about using her CIA training to retrieve a frisbee caught in a tall pine. Steve's never bought any beer while on the road, since it's a waste of time and money. But here -- he's put his open bottle on the ground so that Bucky can reach it. Drinking from the glass bottle wasn't that much harder than drinking from a plastic water bottle, once he figured it out on the third try.

Steve starts talking to Barton about the next bases on his list, and Bucky feels a pang of guilt. He needs to figure out a way to tell Steve that he can stop now, but Bucky can't do so without revealing what's happened to him, and the thought of doing *that* instantly kills any buzz he was getting from the beer.

Back in the lab, when Steve crouched down and called him a good dog, Bucky'd realized the conundrum: he could signal to Steve that he's Bucky, and watch the disgust and horror on Steve's face before Steve abandons him. Or he could stay a dog forever and watch Steve chase after a phantom Bucky. Either way, Steve'd never get his Bucky back, whole and human. (Not that Bucky's been whole and human since 1943.) He'd briefly contemplated just staying in the lab and finding a quiet way to die, but when Steve got up to leave, he couldn't help but follow. Never could stop following the punk.

So now he's here, by Steve's side, drinking beer and swallowing bits of pizza that Steve puts in his mouth, and getting occasional head scratches from Steve. All while Steve worried himself sick about him.

He honestly didn't think that Steve'd run himself ragged chasing after him. After Project Insight, Bucky saw how Steve searched for him, but he figured that Steve'd give up after he read about all of the atrocities that the Winter Soldier had committed. Or maybe after traveling with Wilson for a while. Bucky knew that between his kill count and Steve's new life, he's not worth finding. And after a while, it seemed like Steve did stop. In Bucharest and Berlin, Bucky figured it was Steve's sense of justice: the Winter Soldier should be punished for the crimes he did commit, but the UN bombing wasn't one of them. And then the Winter Soldier's crimes had to take second place to the immediate threat of Zemo. Sure, Steve was happy to see him, but Bucky knew his own worth. Aside from a few worn jokes about Coney Island, he didn't have much to offer except strife and discord.

So when Bucky put the Winter Soldier away in cryo in Wakanda, he'd figured that, sure, Steve'd be sad for a few days. Maybe a week. And then he'd move on. Move in with Wilson, maybe. Reconcile with Stark. Definitely not spend four months methodically taking down every potential HYDRA facility in search of a killer.

Maybe he means more to Steve than he thought.

Maybe Steve wouldn't have given up on Bucky, even if...

No, who's he kidding. Steve's Bucky is gone. Now he's just a bitch with three legs and no tongue. He should tell Steve. Even if it means that Steve will leave him and move on with his life, at least Steve won't be wasting his time on Bucky.

He knows he should have done it much earlier, but he's selfish. But the thing about Steve is -- be around him for long enough, you eventually end up doing the right thing. After they leave the Bartons, then.

Laura is making noises about a group hike tomorrow, and Steve is bidding the Bartons good night. Bucky hurries to finish his beer and follow Steve to the upstairs guest room. It's bedtime, and Bucky tucks his morose thoughts away for now. He needs to savor bedtime, especially if there won't be that many of them left. Bedtime means sleeping next to Steve, which brings back happy memories from before the war, when Bucky was still human. When neither of them had learned how to kill.

Also because...

"Bucky?" Steve's asleep.

"I'm here, Steve," he says as he lays his good arm over Steve's shoulder. It comes out as "aaoom eea, ooeem," but asleep-Steve catches the intonations of Bucky's tongue-less and lip-less guttural hums and mutters happily, "Hey, Buck. I'm happy to see you."

Bucky smiles and says "Me, too." ("ee oo.") Even though talking with sleeping Steve has become a regular occurence, it still feels like a miracle every single time. As if the curses laid on his life have been briefly lifted: he can be the Bucky of Steve's dreams.

Steve frowns. "Buck, you've been here all this time, why didn't you tell me?"

Bucky wonders what kind of dream Steve's having tonight. Not a nightmare, but not something from their youth, either. Bucharest, probably. "I was afraid, Steve."

"Afraid of what? Of HYDRA?" Steve's frown deepens. "Of me?"

"No! Not you." ("ooh! nom oo.") Bucky pauses to figure out his next words. Talking works best if they're short, familiar sentences. "Of what I've become."

"So instead you hide from me and lie to me?" Steve's voice is harsh and accusatory, and his shoulders are sharp and tense under Bucky's arm.

"I'm sorry, Steve." Bucky's heart is pounding fast. How is it that Steve can make his heart hurt and eyes sting even when he's dreaming? Make Bucky blurt out the truth of things that he wouldn't even admit to himself? "I just figured you'd be happier without me." Bucky winces. Maybe the sentence is too long and Steve will just ...

"Happier without you, Buck? What the HELL." Steve is sitting bolt upright, eyes blazing.

Steve. With his eyes open. Looking directly at him.

Shit. Bucky turns tail and runs.

Re: Hounded [7/8] Re: Body-mod - Hydra slowly turns Bucky into an animal

[(Anonymous)]

Oh my god, Bucky talking to Steve in his sleep made my heart hurt so good!

Re: Hounded [7/8] Re: Body-mod - Hydra slowly turns Bucky into an animal

[(Anonymous)]

:DDD Thanks! That mental image was one of the reasons I wrote this fill!