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hydratrashmeme2016-08-20 05:45 pm
trashmod) wrote in hydratrashmeme2016-08-20 05:45 pm
Dumpster #4: I Don't See How That's a Party
Okay, kids, you know the drill. Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because hydratrashmeme is about as far from a safe space as you can get. Garbage we like: noncon, whump, aftermath, violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves. Garbage you should find a different trashcan for: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, OOC evil!good guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves, rotting leftovers dressed up as a romantic gourmet meal. Nothing wrong with 'em, but this isn't the crowd you should be pitching to if you're trying to sell Brock Rumlow as anything but a human dumpster fire.
Link your fills on the fill post, post unprompted fills as replies to a header comment so the wall o' text is collapsible, and let me know if you're interested in helping out with the Pinboard archive.
[Rules in full] [Round 1] [Round 2] [Round 3] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained bygreenkirtle)] [Round 4 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]
All prompts or fills that contain Infinity War spoilers must go on the Infinity War spoiler post until May 26th. Spoilers in the main dumpsters will be deleted.
Round 4 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 5.
hydratrashmeme is about as far from a safe space as you can get. Garbage we like: noncon, whump, aftermath, violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves. Garbage you should find a different trashcan for: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, OOC evil!good guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves, rotting leftovers dressed up as a romantic gourmet meal. Nothing wrong with 'em, but this isn't the crowd you should be pitching to if you're trying to sell Brock Rumlow as anything but a human dumpster fire.Link your fills on the fill post, post unprompted fills as replies to a header comment so the wall o' text is collapsible, and let me know if you're interested in helping out with the Pinboard archive.
[Rules in full] [Round 1] [Round 2] [Round 3] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by
greenkirtle)] [Round 4 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]All prompts or fills that contain Infinity War spoilers must go on the Infinity War spoiler post until May 26th. Spoilers in the main dumpsters will be deleted.
Round 4 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 5.
Fill: Berceuse (6/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-20 08:17 pm (UTC)(link)“You should have told us,” Bruce said kindly when Steve had finished. “But I know you already know that. Let’s see what we can do for him.”
Helen was already bringing the cranial scanner over Bucky’s head. Bucky pulled weakly against his restraints as a soft cry escaped his lips. He babbled weakly, sounds instead of words. Like an infant.
“Wait.”
Steve retrieved Bucky’s bear, the other Steve, from the metal table with Bucky’s clothes and other belongings. He tucked it underneath Bucky’s right arm. Bucky quieted.
“Can I stay?” Steve asked the doctors.
“Please do,” Helen nodded. “You seem to make him calmer.”
Steve thought that had more to do with bear-Steve than himself, but he pulled a chair from the corner and sat at Bucky’s right side. He squeezed Bucky’s hand softly, intertwining their fingers.
“You’re doing so good, Buck,” he murmured. “So good.”
Bucky’s breathing slowed as the hum of the scanner kicked up. Bright lights shone into Bucky’s wide eyes as Helen and Bruce studied the readouts it was giving.
“There it is,” Helen said after about twenty minutes, pointing at the screen for Bruce’s benefit. “See?”
“That sneaky little bastard,” Bruce’s eyes narrowed. “Look how it’s hiding in that scarring to the left of the amygdala. No wonder I missed it.”
“We missed it,” Helen corrected. “Now, let’s get rid of it.”
“Wait,” Steve said again. “Shouldn’t- ? Don’t you need his consent?”
Helen and Bruce looked at each other for a moment.
“Normally yes,” Bruce answered gently. “If the patient is of sound mind. But as long as this programming is in there, he’s not gonna be of sound mind, and it’s getting worse as we speak.”
Helen was nodding.
“We have to get it out before it does permanent damage to James’s brain,” she paused. “If it hasn’t already. Whatever reset Rumlow used, with the rest of his conditioning already eradicated, it really did a number on him.”
Steve looked at Bucky’s slack face. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t, but then he realized that he didn’t have to make this decision. The doctors were making it for him, and for Bucky, and as weak as it meant he was, he was overwhelmed by relief. It was out of his hands, and because of that, Bucky might be okay.
“You will have to leave for this part,” Bruce told him, snapping on a pair of latex gloves a second after Helen. “We’ll let you know when he’s out of the woods, okay Steve?”
Steve nodded as he gave Bucky’s hand a last squeeze.
“Everything’s gonna be okay,” he told Bucky, hoping it wasn’t a lie. Not that Bucky seemed able to hear or comprehend. “I’ll see you soon.”
Bruce ushered him out of the medbay. Steve stared at the door for a long time. Then he started pacing an agitated vigil in the hallway.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (6/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-21 02:34 am (UTC)(link)Oh Steve. I don’t think he really wanted to believe that there was still something from HYDRA in Bucky. I think he was hoping that this was just some last behavioral trait remaining, not HYDRA’s programing. Cause, programing aside, Bucky would still be bound to have PTSD or other mental health problems. He just wanted to hold his friend.
And Bucky becoming even more infant like here, losing his ability to make words. Ugh. I love it.
Also “an agitated vigil” is a great line and just perfect imagery.
Thanks again for writing this. I can’t wait to see what happens next!
(also, I realize I accidentally commented on part 4 just now when I meant to comment on 5 but you'll figure it out).
Fill: Berceuse (7/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-22 03:15 pm (UTC)(link)“Nat’s giving the report with Wanda. I came to find out how he’s doing. How you’re both doing.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Sam,” Steve growled as he paced, ashamed at his ungraciousness.
“Okay,” Sam sat heavily in one of the hallway’s chairs. He was still dressed in his Falcon uniform. “No talking.”
They waited in silence for several minutes until Steve broke.
“I fucked up.”
He stopped pacing, unable to look at Sam. He stared at the medbay door as if he could see through it.
“You fucked up,” Sam repeated neutrally from behind him. “So, make it right.”
“That’s just it,” Steve said to the door. “I made it worse trying to do the right thing.”
“Well, maybe try something else this time?”
Steve turned and Sam gave him a tired smile. Steve huffed out a laugh as Sam continued.
“Whatever was going on back there, whatever fucked up shit Rumlow was doing, I know that’s not what you were doing with him here. You love him, you were trying to take care of him.”
“Yeah,” Steve scoffed. “I did so well with that.”
They were silent again for a few minutes. Steve noticed the bruise shining underneath Sam’s right eye.
“Are you okay?” Steve asked, feeling unbelievably selfish for not noticing or asking sooner.
“Had worse,” Sam shrugged. “I’m pissed that Rumlow got the drop on us like that, but we turned it around.”
“I saw you did pretty well with the shield.”
“What, like that’s hard?” Sam smiled fully, a flash of gleaming teeth as he chuckled. “I brought it back for you, but maybe I should just keep it?”
“Hey, now!”
Steve was laughing when he heard the door open behind him. Sam sat up straighter in his chair and Steve whirled to find Bruce peering into the hallway. He greeted Sam before addressing Steve.
“We got it,” Bruce said with a hint of pride. “He’s resting now, but he’s lucid.”
Steve tried to pay attention as Bruce told him the basics of the procedure, nano-molecular regeneration pinpointing specific areas in the brain with minimal effect to the surrounding tissue, but what he really wanted to know was at the end of Bruce’s explanation.
“Helen and I think he’ll be okay. I mean, as okay as he’ll ever be with what he’s been through. He was speaking in complete sentences when we got him into the recovery room.”
“Can I see him?”
Apprehension flickered over Bruce’s face, telling Steve the answer before Bruce could speak it.
“He asked for no visitors. You’ll need to give him some time, Steve.”
Steve nodded, his mouth dry. He’d lost Bucky. To save him, he’d lost him.
“C’mon,” Sam was standing beside Steve. “I’m gonna go clean up and get something to eat.”
Steve thanked Bruce automatically. He followed Sam in a haze down the hallway. Away from Bucky.
“Wait,” Bruce called after him. “He, uh, wanted you to take this.”
Steve knew what it was before he turned and went back for it. Bruce handed him the ugly teddy bear with a sad smile before disappearing back into the medbay. Steve stared at the bear. He didn’t know what Bucky meant by the gesture, but the worst possible scenarios were running through his imagination.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (7/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-22 04:28 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Berceuse (7/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-22 10:04 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Berceuse (7/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-23 08:09 pm (UTC)(link)I, too, am picturing him holding that teddy bear for his own comfort. But maybe it's a good thing that Bucky gave it to him. Maybe it's more like a, "see? I don't need it anymore." (I know that can't possibly be the case but one can hope.)
AA, I adore you for writing this and taking it places I hadn't really imagined it would go. I really just wanted more infantilism but this is much more and I love it.
Fill: Berceuse (8/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-27 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)After the events of the last mission, Steve and the rest of his team were taken off active duty for a few weeks. They were required to talk with the Avengers’ psychologists over Skype.
“Don’t know how much more I can take,” Nat confided to Steve and Sam after they ran into each other in the common kitchen one morning. “How many ways are there to say ‘I’m fine, I’ve been through worse’?”
“Guess I got an advantage,” Sam said. “I know how they think. I know what they want to hear.”
“Care to share? ‘Cause I’m supposed to be good at telling people what they want to hear, this is getting embarrassing.”
Steve excused himself, but he wasn’t sure if his friends heard him over their banter. He was also chafing against his twice-a-week therapy sessions, but he didn’t want to joke about it with Sam and Nat.
He was feeling trapped at the compound. He was allowed to leave, but he didn’t want to. He had nowhere to go. He spent most of his time in the gym or in his room, pacing and trying not to look at the corner where he’d thrown Bucky’s bear. He had to drape a towel over the toy before he could go to sleep the first night. Even without eyes, he felt it staring at him. Taunting him.
He missed Bucky. He missed being able to touch Bucky and to tell him how good he was. He knew how sick that made him, after everything Rumlow had revealed.
One night, sleepless as usual, Steve removed the towel from the stuffed bear and picked it up. He regarded it suspiciously for a few minutes, holding it at arm’s length as if it might suddenly bite him. Then he buried his face in it. There was a fetid smell to the fabric, but underneath that he smelled Bucky. Bucky’s soap. Bucky’s sweat. Bucky’s tears.
He brought the bear against his chest and hugged it tightly as he lay on the bed, staring up at the dark ceiling. When he woke the next morning he was in the same position, clutching the bear like Bucky had before. He didn’t know what that meant. He kept it in his bed as the nights passed. He didn’t always hold it, but knowing it was there comforted him.
*
Two weeks after he'd left with Helen, Bucky knocked on Steve’s door.
“Hey,” Steve said stupidly, overcome with joy when he opened the door and saw who it was. “Uh, come in?”
Bucky’s face was unreadable. He brushed passed Steve into the room. Steve shut the door.
“You kept it.”
Bucky was looking at the stuffed bear on Steve’s pillow. The other Steve.
“Yeah,” Steve was embarrassed about it for the first time. “I didn’t know why you left it for me. I thought you might need it back.”
“Nah,” Bucky dismissed quickly. “I don’t need it anymore.”
He looked at Steve, standing awkwardly in front of the door. There was shame and anger in the way his jaw set and his eyes narrowed.
“Were we- ? We were together, right? Back then?”
There was shame, and anger, but there was also hope.
“Yes,” Steve tried to keep his voice steady. He wanted to cry with relief. “I loved you. I still do.”
“Good,” Bucky closed his eyes briefly. He looked relieved, too. “I wanted to make sure that was real. Not something my brain made up ‘cause I wanted it to be real.”
Bucky opened his eyes again.
“I’m sorry I put that on you. I shoulda told the doctors as soon as I felt it coming back, but- but I didn’t want to. It was so fucking humiliating.”
“But you told me.”
“Yeah,” a ghost of a smile flickered over Bucky’s face. “‘Cause you’re you.”
Steve didn’t know whether to take that as a compliment or not. He floundered for what to say. Bucky was back, and Bucky remembered what they’d been.
“So, you’re back?”
“I’m back,” Bucky confirmed. “Docs got the rest of the programming out, did a couple thorough sweeps. Still gotta talk with the shrinks if I wanna be an Avenger, but that’s not so bad.”
“No,” Steve agreed. “It’s not so bad.”
They looked at each other for a moment. The silence was uncomfortable.
“I should go get resettled,” Bucky broke the silence. “See you around.”
He started toward Steve, heading for the door.
“Buck- ”
Bucky paused. Steve wanted to tell him to wait. He wanted to ask if there was a chance for them to be what they’d been again.
“Do you want- ?”
He had visions of holding Bucky, rocking him, cooing at him while both their faces flamed. Visions of Rumlow doing the same with sneer. Visions of Rumlow rolling Bucky over on his stomach while he unzipped his fly. Visions of himself, alone in his room with his hand on his cock after he’d tucked Bucky into bed-
“Do you wanna take your bear?”
Something dark flickered over Bucky’s face.
“Told you,” he answered gruffly. “I don’t need it anymore. Get rid of it, if you want.”
Steve tried not to take that personally. It was stupid to be jealous of the toy, and it was stupider to project himself onto it. No matter what its name was. He nodded at Bucky and moved aside to let him leave. His heart lurched when the door shut behind him.
He didn’t get rid of the bear.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (8/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-28 02:46 am (UTC)(link)I love this. The whole situation has totally rubbed off on Steve and now he misses it. How dark and lovely.
I like how Bucky was like, we were a thing??? and then doesn't do anything about it.
I can't wait to see where you are going with this story.
(I am still holding out for them both wanting the infantilising but now on their own terms) But whatever you want to do, it'll be great. The story's been great so far, much darker than I imagined it would be.
Thanks again for writing this.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (8/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-29 02:31 pm (UTC)(link)I didn't want to comment before, because I didn't want to spoil anything, but I've been trying to work Steve and Bucky back to a place where they can not only talk (which is totally ooc for these idiots, but whatever) but also get to a place where they can resume an even semi-healthy relationship. I'm afraid I've rushed it a little, but hopefully it works.
And no worries. This is an infantilization story, so there will be more, mutually enjoyable, infantilization. (Still debating what exactly to do with that bear, though...)
Re: Fill: Berceuse (8/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-30 05:50 am (UTC)(link)make it a Cap bearRe: Fill: Berceuse (8/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-06 03:14 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Berceuse (8/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-07 04:04 am (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Berceuse (8/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-29 01:18 pm (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Berceuse (9/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-29 02:26 pm (UTC)(link)The first mission they went on after they’d been cleared for active duty had nothing to do with Hydra. There was a rogue AI unit in Berlin that had an unsettling resemblance to Ultron. Steve, Bucky, Sam, Tony, Rhodey, and Vision went out to stop it. It turned out to have nothing to do with Ultron, just a bored hacker with fantasies of world domination whose tech had gotten away from him. He surrendered himself without a fight, gaping at the six Avengers on his doorstep, and it took Vision less than a minute to deactivate the AI.
“I didn’t even get to punch anything,” Bucky grumbled to Sam on the flight back.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t get to try out my new toy,” Sam shot back, gesturing to the drone he’d named Redwing.
“It’s just fucking embarrassing,” Tony sighed dramatically. “All that firepower for one little nerd.”
“Hey, that’s a great title for your autobiography,” Bucky deadpanned while Sam and Rhodey grinned.
Steve missed Tony’s retort. He wanted to join in, but he couldn’t. The dark pit in his stomach was winning. He gave a half-smile when Bucky glanced at him.
They returned to the compound a little after 14:00. Steve had just stepped out of the shower when he heard the knock on his door. Firm but friendly.
“Just a minute!’
He threw on a pair of black sweatpants, not bothering with a shirt. He opened the door. Bucky was standing there in grey sweatpants and a white T-shirt.
“Uh, hey,” Bucky’s eyes swept Steve over. “Can I come in?”
Steve was afraid. He was afraid Bucky needed him as a substitute for Hydra again. He was afraid of how much he wanted Bucky in his arms again.
“Sure.”
He stepped back and let Bucky inside. The door closed behind him.
“You still have it.”
Steve didn’t need to ask what he was referring to, he could see where Bucky was looking. The other Steve sat on Steve’s bed, staring its eyeless stare.
“They didn’t get the programming out all the way,” Steve stated flatly, numb with dread. “You need me to, uh, hold you again?”
Bucky looked from the bed, eyes flashing with anger.
“I don’t need it, Steve,” he paused, eyes widening as if he was realizing the truth of his words for the first time. “But I- I still- ”
Steve knew what Bucky was going to say, and he didn’t know what to do about it.
“I want it,” Bucky confirmed, looking down at his bare feet. “I want it, and I want you to do it for me.”
He looked up at Steve, gauging his reaction.
“I’m sorry. I know you don’t like it. I’m not sure if I like it really, but I want it. Does that make sense?”
“So that’s what I am to you now?” Steve heard the ice in his tone. “Your- your babysitter?”
“Steve, no,” Bucky looked horrified. “That’s not- ”
“I’m the replacement,” Steve couldn’t stop. “For Hydra, for Rumlow, for that fucking bear.”
Guilt settled into the lines on Bucky’s face.
“Shit,” he said quietly. “I shouldn’t have put that on you, I know that. And it’s wrong of me to put it on you now.”
He smiled sadly.
“I’ll get outta here. And I know you’re gonna blame yourself, but this one’s on me, Steve. This isn’t your fault.”
“It’s not yours, either,” Steve said angrily, wanting Bucky to stay. “You weren’t in your right mind, and I went along with it. I didn’t tell anyone when I should have, I didn’t get you the help you needed, because I just wanted you back. That was wrong. I was wrong, and I- ”
His confession halted on the tip of his tongue. Bucky’s eyes narrowed.
“Let me take responsibility for what’s my fault. When you speak over me, when you speak for me, that makes me feel more like a goddamn child than Hydra ever did.”
“Fine, we were both wrong,” Steve snapped, wounded. “But you don’t know what I- how I- ”
He couldn’t keep it inside this time.
“I want it, too. It’s weird, and it’s humiliating, and it’s wrong, but- I like holding you. I like telling you how good you are, ‘cause you won’t listen otherwise, and I like taking care of you. Kinda like you used to take care of me, back then.”
Bucky’s eyes widened with surprised understanding.
“I like it,” Steve finished, glaring at Bucky. “I want more than that, but if that’s the only way I can have you, then so-fucking-be-it.”
“Steve- ”
“I shouldn’t like it!”
Steve cut him off. He didn’t want to accept Bucky’s mercy. He didn’t deserve it.
“Doing that to you? Wanting to do more? How am I any better than Hydra?”
“Steve,” Bucky took a step forward. “Stop.”
Steve did, chest heaving. Self-disgust writhed in his stomach.
“How am I any better?”
He was pleading now.
“Steve,” Bucky took another step forward and folded Steve into his arms. Steve didn’t resist, but he didn’t reciprocate. “You idiot.”
The metal of Bucky’s left arm hummed against Steve’s bare skin. It was oddly soothing. He breathed in Bucky’s scent.
“You’re better, because I chose you. I needed it, but I didn’t go to anyone else. I came to you, and I’m sorry. I- I was using you, knowing you would give me what I needed and not thinking about what it was doing to you.”
Steve bit back his reassurances of Bucky’s innocence. He knew Bucky didn’t want to hear them. Deep down, he knew Bucky was right. Part of his anger at himself was his unacknowledged resentment for the position Bucky had put him in.
“If you don’t want to, then I don’t want you to,” Bucky said, holding Steve against his chest. “But if that’s what you’re worried about you’re wrong.”
Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s lower back and buried his face in Bucky’s chest.
“I missed you so much,” he mumbled into Bucky’s shirt. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
They stood there, holding each other, as Steve calmed. Bucky was rubbing small circles into Steve’s shoulder blades with his fingers. Rough flesh and smooth metal soothed Steve’s skin.
“I want more, too,” Bucky said quietly. “But I’m not sure how much I can give you.”
Steve pulled his head back to look at Bucky.
“I want us to be like we were,” Bucky continued. “Or as close as we can be, now.”
“Whatever you want, Buck. I just want you.”
It was Bucky who started the kiss. Steve closed his eyes and let Bucky take the lead as he basked in memories of back alleys and warm summer nights. Bucky guided him to the bed, sitting him down gently on the edge. They broke apart, smiling.
“Is this okay?”
Steve’s heart pounded at Bucky’s question. He told himself he didn’t have to feel guilty for this. Bucky was choosing this.
“C’mere, doll,” Steve patted his thigh with a smile. “I’m gonna take good care of you.”
Bucky made a noise of pleasure that Steve hadn’t heard him make since before the War. He scrambled into Steve’s lap and swung his legs up onto the bed so Steve could hold him. Steve didn’t try to hide his arousal this time. He could see Bucky was also hard behind his sweatpants.
“Did you ever get off on this before, with me?”
“No,” Bucky’s tone took on a measure of shame. “When that shit was in my brain it made it so I, uh, I couldn’t get it up. I didn’t even want to. It’s probably been sixty years, maybe more, since- ”
Bucky trailed off. Anger twisted Steve’s stomach.
“Then you’re long overdue,” Steve started to rock Bucky gently. “We can take care of that in a minute.”
“Mmm’kay,” Bucky relaxed in his arms, nuzzling his face against Steve’s right shoulder. “Sounds good.”
Steve fumbled behind himself for the toy. He handed it to Bucky, hating and loving it. Bucky clutched it tightly for a moment, then his eyes opened and he looked up at Steve with confusion. Steve stopped rocking him.
“What is it?”
“I don’t want it anymore,” Bucky said. He tossed the bear on the floor and wrapped his arms around Steve’s torso. “I got the real thing now.”
Steve laughed, warmth rising in his heart as he resumed his rocking motion. Bucky buried his face in Steve’s chest with another pleased noise that sent the blood surging between Steve’s legs.
“Meant to ask you about that. Should I be flattered you named that thing after me, or what?”
Bucky’s laughter was muffled.
“Hey, at that point I didn’t even remember my own name. Just be glad I remembered your actual name and didn’t call it ‘stupid little punk who’s gonna get himself killed.’”
Bucky was finding the humor, but Steve didn’t know if he should laugh or not.
“That doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue,” he offered. Bucky laughed again and Steve chuckled half-heartedly.
"I lied," Bucky said a moment later. "I do like this."
"Good," Steve said fiercely, meaning it. "You deserve it."
Steve rocked Bucky for almost an hour, whispering praise into Bucky’s ear. How good Bucky was, how much Steve loved him. Things he’d whispered before, but there was no shame for Steve now. By the end Bucky was a writhing mess of pleasure in his arms, keening softly into Steve and holding him as tightly as he’d ever held the other Steve.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (9/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-30 12:01 am (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Berceuse (9/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-09-30 05:17 pm (UTC)(link)This is your story, all I did was prompt it. But I absolutely love where you have taken it! Don’t let me influence you, I want to see what you have planned.
But I love this! They finally worked out what was going on between them.
I really love the juxtaposition between Bucky at the end of Steve rocking him and Bucky at the end of Rumlow rocking him. Like Bucky in this safe, warm happy place with Steve vs. Bucky crying on the floor when Rumlow was going to assault him.
And I like Steve’s little breakdown over how he shouldn’t like it but he does. Oh, my poor sweet boy. At least now they can mutually enjoy this fucked up little gift from HYDRA.
I can’t wait to see where you take it next!
Re: Fill: Berceuse (9/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-02 12:30 am (UTC)(link)Fill: Berceuse (10/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-05 02:59 pm (UTC)(link)“Mmm, yeah,” Bucky said, relaxed and content. “I’m good.”
Steve automatically began to maneuver Bucky up the bed to tuck him in, a feat made more difficult with Bucky’s arms squeezing underneath his armpits. Then Steve remembered they were in his bed, not Bucky’s.
“You, uh, wanna stay the night?”
“Yeah,” Bucky answered, sounding surprised that Steve needed to ask. “If that’s okay?”
Steve swallowed the lump in his throat.
“Course it’s okay.”
Once he’d gotten Bucky under the blankets, Steve hesitated. He didn’t want to assume, and he didn’t know how to ask. He was still unbearably hard, and he resisted the urge to adjust himself.
“C’mere.”
Bucky solved his dilemma. He pulled Steve down on top of him, kissing him as he struggled to bring the blankets over both of them. When that was accomplished, his right hand found its way down the front of Steve’s sweatpants. Steve pulled his mouth from Bucky’s with a moan of longing.
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” there was a hint of annoyance in Bucky’s voice. “Not promising you any more than that time behind the school after I’d just turned seventeen, but- ”
Steve remembered. Their first time, hurriedly jerking each other off after school. Roaming hands and kissing in the tall bushes. Gasping for breath, and angrily dismissing Bucky’s concerns because all he wanted was more-
Bucky was stroking him again. Steve had just enough blood left in his brain to remember to reciprocate. He palmed Bucky through his sweatpants, and Bucky closed his eyes with a blissful sigh. Steve brought his hand down the front of Bucky’s sweatpants and pulled him out through the fly of his boxers into the air. He grappled behind him for the lotion on his bedside table and poured a generous amount into Bucky’s hand before doing the same for himself. Both men rolled on their sides, facing each other, slipping their sweatpants down around their thighs.
It had been so long since anyone had touched Steve like this. Steve and Bucky rocked back and forth, gasping, moaning, as they slid their fists up and down the other’s sensitive flesh. Steve came first, his body sparking with the pleasure emanating from between his legs. As he shuddered and groaned, Bucky held him closer, whispering in his ear as he pumped out the last of Steve’s essence.
“You’re good, too, Stevie. Don’t you ever forget how good you are.”
He was rocking Steve slightly, and Steve let the pleasure overwhelm him. When he could think again, when he could move again, he finished Bucky off with his slick fist and reveled in Bucky’s noises when he went over the edge. Bucky grunted, high, nearly surprised, and Steve felt Bucky’s release coat his hand.
“Fuck,” Bucky rolled over on his back, panting. “Fuck.”
Steve laughed and rolled on top of Bucky, kissing him, letting their sweat and semen mingle over their flushed bodies. They showered together after they’d regained their faculties, and Steve changed the sheets in his bed while teasing Bucky about how long it was taking for him to dry his hair. Bucky got on the right side of the newly made bed, muttering about how Steve was just jealous that he couldn’t pull off the look, and Steve went to turn off the lights. He paused, looking at the discarded toy on the floor at the foot of the bed.
“What is it?”
Bucky sat up as Steve picked up the other Steve. It wasn’t so hateful, Steve thought. It seemed sad.
“Don’t judge me,” Steve said as Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Steve’s kinda grown on me.”
Bucky’s eyebrow went higher. Steve turned the lights off and joined him in the bed, placing the bear beside him on the left side where it wasn’t touching Bucky.
“They gave it to me to control me,” Bucky said after a long pause. “But it was the only soft thing I’ve had in my life, since- ”
Steve’s heart lurched. Slowly, he put the bear between them, underneath the blankets. He heard Bucky sigh, half-content, half-ashamed.
“I don’t need it like I used to. But- but I- ”
“I want it here, too.”
Steve finished for him as he rolled over to spoon Bucky from behind, pressing the bear between them.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (10/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-06 01:40 am (UTC)(link)I also like how Steve didn't realize he was tucking Bucky into his bed until he'd already done it.
This is all great. Thanks again for filling my prompt. Your fic is so good.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (10/?)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-06 01:43 am (UTC)(link)I like the juxtaposition between this scene and Bucky's near-rape the last time he was little. Like before he was crying and exposed and unwilling and unable to stop it, but this time there is consent and they're both under the covers and even mostly clothed and checking in with each other. It's so great.
Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-06 03:06 pm (UTC)(link)_______
It was the morning after an intensive mission, and the Avengers compound was buzzing with the remaining tension. It had been Steve, Bucky, Sam, Nat, and Clint on duty, and they now sat in the TV room after their secondary team debriefing.
“Give it here, James.”
Bucky currently had possession of the remote and had the television tuned to a marathon of How the Universe Works on the Science Channel. A new episode had just started. They’d already watched four.
“C’mon, Barnes, hand it over!”
Steve didn’t really care what they watched, although some of the images of shining galaxies reminded him horribly of the Tesseract. Clint had also expressed no opinion on the entertainment, but Sam and Nat were insistent that they blow off some steam with a bad action movie. Bucky handed the remote to Nat, glaring comically at Sam. Nat high-fived Sam, flipped to a movie channel, and started up John Wick: Chapter 2.
“I haven’t even seen the first one,” Bucky grumbled.
“You’ll catch up quick, smart guy like you,” Sam assured him sarcastically.
“Does the dog die in this one, too?”
Clint chimed in for the first time. He sounded genuinely concerned.
“What kinda movie are you making me watch?”
Bucky rounded on Nat who gave him a wide-eyed look of innocence. Her eyes narrowed as Bucky dived for the remote, and she deftly rolled off the couch to avoid him. She was laughing.
“Oh, that’s how it is now?”
Sam grinned and tackled Bucky playfully off the couch as well.
“Children,” Clint admonished mildly, his lips quirking into a small smile. “Behave.”
“Pretty sure I’m the oldest person here.”
Bucky said from the floor. He’d caught Natasha by the ankle and she was swatting at him with a decorative pillow while Sam held him from behind.
“And yet,” Steve laughed, snatching the remote from Nat’s hand while she was distracted.
“No fair, Rogers!”
As Steve grabbed the remote he accidentally pressed a button. The intro of the movie changed into the ending of an advertisement for a fast food restaurant. A new ad began for something called Build-a-Bear Workshop’s special edition Avenger Bears.
“Oh my God,” Clint sat up straighter on the couch. “My kids were talking about this the other week.”
Steve watched images flash over the screen. A fluffy brown bear dressed as Captain America, complete with a plush shield. Another dressed as Iron Man, then Thor, then Hulk, then Black Widow, then Hawkeye, and finally Nick Fury.
“And now,” the TV announcer intoned as if it were the most important news in the world. “Introducing for the first time, the new Avenger Bears!”
A Falcon bear appeared in a much more colorful costume than Sam’s actual EXO flight suit. Sam didn’t seem to mind the change.
“About damn time.”
There were also images of bears dressed as War Machine, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Ant-Man, and finally, a bear in the friendlier version of Bucky’s Winter Soldier gear with a silver sleeve mimicking Bucky’s prosthesis over its left arm. Steve chanced a glance at Bucky, wanting to see his reaction. An idea was brewing in the back of his mind. Bucky’s face was blank, unreadable. The commercial ended and a competitive cooking show came on.
“My kids already have the ones of me and Nat,” Clint said, almost boastfully.
“Well, clearly they need to expand their collection,” Sam said. “With the best one.”
While Steve was distracted, Nat snatched the remote back from his slack hand. He let it go without a fight. Bucky shook his head slightly and looked at up Steve, smiling softly when he caught Steve already looking at him. He rose from the floor.
“Oh, hey, I like this show,” Nat said as she settled back on the couch.
“Fine, whatever,” Sam agreed easily.
Bucky sat on the couch. As he did, Nat shot Steve a look, silently asking him if Bucky was okay. Steve nodded and Nat relaxed. Steve sat by Bucky on the couch, throwing an arm over his shoulders. He remembered Bucky in his arms the night before, relaxed and content in their bed. They’d been sharing a room for months now.
“I’m going out,” Steve decided, kissing Bucky on the mouth before he stood. “Anyone need anything?”
Everyone shook their heads and told him they didn’t. As he roared down the road on his Harley, heading for the mall, Steve hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.
*
“Hey,” Steve said when he returned a few hours later and found Bucky in their room, pacing. “What’s going on?”
“We all got bored with cooking shows,” Bucky shrugged. “What’s in the bag?”
Steve had a large plastic shopping bag in his right hand. He looked at it. He was sure this had been a mistake.
“I had a thought, and I, uh, didn’t want to ask, ‘cause I wanted it to be a surprise, but- ”
He closed the door behind him and went to the bed, strewing the bag’s contents over the comforter. Bucky stared at them. The same fluffy brown bear dressed as Bucky that had been in the commercial. A Captain America outfit for the same type of bear. He looked up at Steve.
“Yeah, I know, it was stupid. I got Sam a Falcon one, too, left it outside his door- ”
“Steve,” Bucky was smiling as he stepped forward to hug Steve. “Thank you.”
The Steve bear was a little smaller than the Bucky bear. It swam in the Captain America uniform.
“Like old times.”
Steve made a face at Bucky.
“Sorry.”
Both men were competent with needle-and-thread. They were considering taking some of the stuffing from the new bear and plumping up the old, when Bucky had a realization.
“Wait, have we washed this? Since- ?”
Bucky held up the old bear with a wide-eyed look. Steve shook his head.
“That’s gross,” Bucky said. “We’re gross. We should wash him.”
“This is gonna be more of a project than I originally thought,” Steve sighed. “I was just looking to make some big romantic gesture and have sex.”
"That's still in the cards," Bucky assured him.
Bucky went to a craft store while Steve took apart the old bear, removed the stuffing, and put it in the washing machine. It was dry when Bucky returned, hands full of bulging shopping bags.
“Think you overdid it there, pal,” Steve raised an eyebrow. “What took you so long, anyway?”
“I got distracted,” Bucky growled, dropping the bags on their bed. “They had two aisles of just buttons. Who the hell needs that many types of buttons?”
They filled the clean Steve bear with the stuffing Bucky had bought. He still wasn’t as big as the new bear, but he could fit in the Captain America costume when Steve hemmed the arms and legs. Bucky sewed on a replacement left ear, and put two sky blue buttons into the empty eye sockets.
“That’s what took you so long, you were trying to match my eye color,” Steve needled him. “Weren’t you?”
“Bite me, Rogers.”
When they’d finished, they looked at their handiwork sitting on the end of their bed. The Steve bear was still mostly without fur, but it didn’t look sad anymore. It sat by its new friend in its bright new costume, holding its shield and staring with its blue button eyes. They hadn't put the mask on, and Bucky had sewn its mouth into a smile.
“I don’t know,” Bucky said beside Steve. “Do you think it’s creepier now?”
“I love it,” Steve decided, pulling Bucky by the hand to sit beside the toys on their bed. “And I love you.”
Bucky landed heavily in his lap, swinging his legs up out of instinct and kissing Steve deeply with a moan. Blood surged hot between Steve’s legs. He handed Bucky both bears, and Bucky held them tightly as Steve began to rock him.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-07 12:35 am (UTC)(link)Re: Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) - 2017-10-13 14:29 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-07 09:30 pm (UTC)(link)"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."
Anyway I found the ending to the story really moving?????? This story was just lovely because the bear is Real to both Steve and Bucky and ;_______________________________;
Re: Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) - 2017-10-13 14:30 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-13 04:34 am (UTC)(link)I’m so sorry for the late reply.
But just. Oh my goodness. This is like, straight up, everything I wanted in this fic. Infantilizing trash gets turned into something, well, I dunno if good is the right word, but something that functions for Steve and Bucky. I love the blending of their love life and sex life into the infantilism. I love the new Bucky Bear! And the patched up Steve bear. And that Bucky still wants to cuddle them both. Ugh. Yes. I am here for this.
And I love the ““I was just looking to make some big romantic gesture and have sex.”
And Bucky wondering if the bear is creepy and Steve assuring him he’s not.
Also, I am just all around glad he decided to keep the bear. It’s like his arm, ya know, maybe he would rather not need it but it’s good at the same time to take something HYDRA forced on him and make it be something he likes, or gets use out of.
And Steve. He just, rose to the occasion (in more ways than one, hehe). I like to think about how this is something he probably would’ve never come up with on his own but once it arrived on his doorstep he was just like. Welp. Guess I have to deal with this kink now.
All in all, you have given me a beautiful gift. Thank you so much for taking my prompt and delivering me this. It is so much more than I expected and you took the story in directions I hadn’t anticipated and it’s all the better for it. I am so delighted with this piece and you are so wonderful for having written it.
Are you, by any chance, going to post it on A03 or somewhere else? I am just curious, it would be nice to download it if you do post it (even anonymously) to A03.
Thank you again for this wonderful fic. I’ve already reread it more times than I could tell you.
Re: Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) - 2017-10-13 14:32 (UTC) - ExpandRe: Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) 2017-10-17 05:40 pm (UTC)(link)http://archiveofourown.org/works/12392280
Re: Fill: Berceuse (11/11)
(Anonymous) - 2017-10-20 10:35 (UTC) - Expand