hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

Welcome to the latest, greatest, scummiest iteration of

hydratrashmeme. Come on in and please check your sense of shame at the door.

Rules in brief: Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because this is emphatically not a safe space. Link your fills on the fill post. Unprompted fills: make a prompt or a header comment and reply to it with the full text. Continuations of fills from earlier rounds: just make sure you link in both places.

What's on-topic: Filthy and perverted twists on all the quality whump served up by Cap: Winter Soldier. Noncon, aftermath, uncomfortably sexualized violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves.
What's off-topic: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, shippy/romanticized noncon, MCU heroes repurposed into OOC or edgydark delivery vehicles for your fave's suffering. If you've got a prompt for one of those burning a hole in your brain, head on over to

mcu_trash.

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Partially inspired by the Steve claiming Bucky above:

Pre-war Steve and Bucky are in a relationship. Not full on BDSM, but Steve enjoys being manhandled and taken care of, he loves being fucked, and he loves that Bucky is bigger and stronger than him but uses all that power to make him feel good.

Then, during the time Bucky is in the army, Steve gets raped. The attackers make fun of him, of how he is not a real man, jeer at his small size, how he loves taking cock. Basically, corrupt things he used to like about sex.

During the war they don't have the chance to really get into it, maybe just some covert handjobs, so the issue gets kind of avoided, but in the future, when they try to rekindle their relationship, things go sour.

Bucky is eager to take care of Steve like he used to, to use his body for something nice instead of all the murder (especially if he was raped too, and wants to have normal, good sex again). Except Steve thinks he is not supposed to want that because he is not "girly" and "weak" anymore. Give me all the self-hatred and miscommunication of Steve wanting things to get back to the way they used to be, because he did like it, but thinking he is not supposed to because it makes him weak and dirty, and that must have been how Bucky thought of him all along.

Up to you if and how they deal with it.

I picture this like this:
Bucky isn't comfortable with manhandling and dirty talk anymore, so he goes in overdrive with praise, telling Steve how good he is at this and how nice he is talking it. Which is exactly what Steve can't take anymore. With a wrapped need to be punished he wants Bucky to be nastier which him. Of course refusing aftercare. This kicks of a vicious cycle of bad sex and angst.

Sorry, anon, I like your ideas but not for this prompt. I might have been confusing when I mentioned BDSM in the prompt. What I meant for their relationship is like, Steve is a bottom, and he likes it a little rough (emphasis on a little, bruises and hickeys and the occasional hands held behind back + slap on the ass combo okay, full on spanking + name calling + serious use of "yes sir" not okay), and he gets off on Bucky being bigger. By manhandled I mean Bucky is strong enough to pick him up, or pin him down on the bed. Dirty talk is optional, but I'd prefer it along the lines of what you mentioned, actually, praise like "fuck, doll, you take it so good". So it wouldn't be anything Bucky might have a problem with post HYDRA, in fact, he would be eager to do it because it's what they liked before and also because it's so different from what they did to him.

And then during the rape they end up making Steve's kinks into triggers: Steve likes Bucky pushing him down X they hold him down and he can't fight back, Steve likes being smaller than Bucky X they tell him he is weak and not a real man, Steve likes being fucked X being slutshamed for it (bonus forced orgasm), Bucky's praise of how he is so delicate and pretty X teasing about it.

I wouldn't like it for punishment kink to be involved in their relationship. What Steve really wants is for Bucky to hold him and pet him and fuck him, and Bucky wants to do that for him, but whenever he tries Steve remembers how they made him feel dirty for wanting those things. So he thinks what he should want, as a real man, is to fuck Bucky (like those people that go "It's not gay if I don't take it up the ass"), except he doesn't, and Bucky doesn't particularly want it either, both because it's not his preference and because he is dealing with his own rape, and he doesn't want to do to Bucky something that in his mind is wrong and humiliating. Cue disastrous sex attempts that end up with either or both of them curled up into balls of self-loathing / semi-successful sex where Bucky is good but Steve is a curled up ball of self-loathing for getting off on the things he is not supposed to.

DA

Hey, OP! Amazing prompt. I had a couple of questions -- is it okay for Bucky's trash past to be optional, or is that a prerequisite? Also, after the self-loathing/semi-successful sex, can there be eventual catharsis and a happy ending, or would you prefer it to end on a sad note?

I'm fine with Bucky not having a trash past. My mind just always drifts to that with him, but the focus here is Steve. And I always love a happy ending!

(Note: There may or may not be more after this, but I wanted to at least share what I've got, so let's call it a minifill for now.)

"C'mon, Steve. Let me do this for you. Been too long, huh? Just relax and let me in. Let me take care of you, OK?"

Steve takes a few deep breaths and manages to unclench his teeth. The rest of him stays as tense as ever. "Too long" isn't the half of it. He hasn't even had his own fingers up there since before... well, before. No wonder Bucky's aren't making much headway.

This is for Bucky, he reminds himself sternly, and tries to make himself go limp and pliant. It's not easy--there isn't a single pliant muscle in this body. Sure makes a world of difference from last time they did this, when everything about him had been frail and readily manhandled into place. He's pretty sure he's not going to be weak enough to enjoy it this time.

It's okay, though. It's what Bucky wants. And offering up his body to give Bucky what he wants isn't exactly Steve's idea of a hardship.

"Sweetheart. Relax." Bucky's frowning at him now, trying to figure out what's got him so wound up. He's teasing Steve's hole with the warm fingers of his human hand. Pushing halfway in and then tugging at the rim, spreading him open a tiny bit at a time, like he wants to expose the hidden center of it for inspection. It's a move that used to drive Steve wild back in the day--Bucky slowly turning that secret, shameful part of him into something to be desired. Something to be fucked. Except now, even as it works, it leaves a sour taste in his mouth. This body isn't something to be fucked.

Maybe that's how they've got to do it for the time being, with Bucky still going somewhere else when Steve sucks him off and shaking through white-knuckled nightmares afterwards. But it's not something Steve's going to enjoy the way he used to.

At least, he hopes it isn't.

"Just stick 'em in, Buck. Stop teasing." Not like he hasn't taken worse.

A moment later, Bucky's probing finger pushes all the way inside him. The sensation's shockingly familiar even after all this time, countless evenings spent goading Bucky into fucking him till his knees gave out. Steve pushes aside the dull shame--the refrain of "what kind of a man lets someone do that to him? how could the guy fucking him have any respect for him at all?"--and tries to focus on the enjoyable memories. Because the other one is there too. The showers at Camp Lehigh. And Steve isn't going to think about that one, because Bucky deserves better than to have a lowlife like Hodge polluting their sex life.

"Steve, if you don't unclench a little, I don't think we can pull this off without breaking my dick." Bucky's exasperation still sounds fond, but he must've guessed by now that something's off.

"Sorry," Steve rasps, his voice coming out unexpectedly hoarse. "I, uh... kind of got a muscle upgrade since last time we did this. Gimme another minute to adjust, OK?”

“Sure, ‘cause you’ve done so much adjusting since we started.” Bucky strokes his metal hand through Steve’s hair to soften the sarcasm and starts working his finger in and out. A long drag that feels like it’s pulling Steve’s insides with it, an inexorable push back in like being penetrated all over again. Bucky adds some more lube and starts to thrust. “How’s this? Any of it coming back to you? You used to love this, doll--used to love getting fucked.”

Steve flinches.

Of course it’s too much to hope for that it’ll go unnoticed. Bucky isn’t stupid. He pulls his fingers out entirely and pushes Steve over onto his side to face him. Mostly he still looks puzzled, but the suspicion must already be lurking, because the look in his eyes is a little frightening. “Okay, seriously,” he says. “Steve, what the fuck?”

!!!!

the showers at camp lehigh!!!

reference to https://archiveofourown.org/works/11673849 and https://archiveofourown.org/works/11085660 ????

a!a

Not consciously, but glad to be in good company!

This is fantastic! Would love more!

This is great, can't wait for the next bit!!

(OP)
Thanks so much for the fill!
First of all, I imagined it happening in Brooklyn, but I made an inhuman noise when I read Hodge because I'd forgotten about him but he's totally the asshole that would do this (also, other anon, thanks for the rec). And I think it adds another dimension to the trash, like, he did manage to get intothe army but he will never be "one of the guys".

I love Steve's inner monologue, it's exactly what I was going for.
This body isn't something to be fucked.
I don't know if that's what you were going for, but I read this as another layer of detachment of Steve in relation to himself that he refers to his own body as "something" and it's heartbreaking.

I love the fill, and I definitely hope you continue if you can.

a!a

Oh good, I was hoping you wouldn't mind that the fill messes with the prompt's backstory a little. :) With a premise that ties so well into Steve's history of getting beat up in fights he can't win, it was hard to resist making it Hodge.

And very glad Steve's inner monologue was what you wanted. He's trying (and failing) so hard to be reasonable about this! But yes, his relationship to his body was complicated to start with, and then throw in past rape that hit him right in the masculinity and self-worth issues, and, well...

a!a again

OP, if I do end up continuing this, anything in particular you'd really like to see?

Yay for a possible part 2!!
There's nothing in particular other than Steve's angst at himself. I'd be happy with anywhere you take this.

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Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

Steve thinks he is wrong for liking to bottom

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Minifill: Unclench

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