Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

[trashmod]

Welcome to the latest, greatest, scummiest iteration of hydratrashmeme. Come on in and please check your sense of shame at the door.

Rules in brief: Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because this is emphatically not a safe space. Link your fills on the fill post. Unprompted fills: make a prompt or a header comment and reply to it with the full text. Continuations of fills from earlier rounds: just make sure you link in both places.

What's on-topic: Filthy and perverted twists on all the quality whump served up by Cap: Winter Soldier. Noncon, aftermath, uncomfortably sexualized violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves.
What's off-topic: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, shippy/romanticized noncon, MCU heroes repurposed into OOC or edgydark delivery vehicles for your fave's suffering. If you've got a prompt for one of those burning a hole in your brain, head on over to mcu_trash.

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Fill 110g/110h: Undeniable Plausibility - On to the aftermath!

[(Anonymous)]

By the time they made it back down to their floor, Steve’s confidence was waning, like he was flying down a zip line and not sure how to safely land.

Bucky gently tossed him on the bed, reached for his belt, saw his face, and immediately stopped and sat back instead. “Hey,” he said gently. “I know you’re nervous. We don’t have to do this. No one has a gun to our heads. If you’re not ready, we can-”

Steve fisted a handful of bedclothes. “I want to.” He swallowed, skin alight, and held Bucky’s wary gaze. “I want you to fuck me.” A sudden thought occurred to him. “Unless… Do you not want to? I don’t think you ever explicitly said. I mean, I know, some guys are never comfortable with it and-”

“Steve.” Bucky was shaking his head.

Heart sinking, Steve stopped talking. Maybe Bucky wasn’t interested in that after all. He’d said he wanted to take Steve to bed, but that didn’t mean anything specific.

“Before,” said Bucky. “If we… I would have laid you out with your skinny legs over my shoulders and your bony ankles digging into my back - or maybe my neck. I would have put a hand-”

“-over my mouth so the neighbors didn’t catch on,” Steve finished breathlessly. The shape of the potential new horror had started to coalesce.

This time, Bucky looked away. “You were always so brave, even when you were hurt or sick or all but helpless sometimes. Stupid, but brave.”

Oh, God. Bucky.

“Sometimes, when they rewarded me by fucking me how I liked, I didn’t… It was so wrong. I didn’t imagine I was Bucky. I went away in my head. And I. I imagined I was you. You. Being fucked. By Bucky.” The sound Bucky made was not a laugh. “I imagined I was you being fucked by me.”

So that was it. It didn’t make anything better to understand, but he didn’t think it made it worse either. After everything, not making it worse counted for a lot.

But Bucky was continuing to speak, picking up speed and pitch, and not looking at Steve. His body was otherwise distressingly motionless. “I’m sorry. It was wrong. I don’t know if they ever knew. If they. If they would have punished me for it or found it amusing or conditioned me to think I was Captain America or what and I. It was sick. I shouldn’t have, but-”

“No,” said Steve, scrambling forward to grasp Bucky’s shoulders. He didn’t know how to feel about the revelation, other than not worse, but he knew what he had to say. “No. If it brought you any comfort or made any of it easier for you to bear, it wasn’t wrong. I’d never grudge you any of it. I’m glad you had that.”

To Steve’s clavicle, Bucky explained, “I told you. They never took you out of my head. Not all the way. Even when Steve Rogers was just a concept. I think I remember it from my training. I could control myself in pain. Feeling good was terrifying. I had no control, but I was punished for losing control. That position - too close, too intimate. I didn’t feel brave. I couldn’t imagine-” His voice cracked. “Bucky being brave. But the scrawny Brooklyn kid who never learned to stay down? I could imagine him being brave.” Slowly, his shoulders eased down. “I’m. I’m really fucked up, Steve. I don’t know if I’ll ever have my head on right. I don’t know a lot. Some of what I know is probably just my imagination.” He glanced up just long enough to make momentary eye contact before dropping his whole head to Steve’s shoulder.

Automatically, Steve pulled him into his lap and wrapped his arms around him. After working his jaw silently for maybe half a minute, Steve said, “I think I hear what you’re not saying, and you’re wrong. You’re not a disappointment and I’m not gonna get upset if you don’t think of yourself as Bucky all the time. I told you. I’m with you to the end of the line, Soldier.”

The other supersoldier’s body shuddered slightly.

“We were reunited under the worst of circumstances. I used you. You still tried to protect and warn me. And I don’t fault you for protecting yourself, no matter what. You were protecting someone I love.”

“Stevie.” It was a nearly-inaudible rasp.

Steve’s shirt was growing damp. He smelled salt.

“I’m with you,” Steve repeated softly. “I love you. You’re my partner.”

They sat together quietly until Bucky sniffed and pulled away to scrub at his face with the back of his right hand. “I think I want a shower, but.”

But.

“I can stay here. You can take a bath. Whatever you want,” Steve promised.

“I don’t want to be alone,” Bucky said immediately. “You said no baths together. Naked canoodling.”

“Naked canoodling in the bath is fine with me now if it’s fine with you,” said Steve, chagrined he hadn’t made that clear before. “We can even make it a bubble bath.”

“Okay,” Bucky agreed.

It didn’t take long to prepare the bath and it was still relatively early in the day, so it wasn’t like they had much more to do than wash their faces and soak in the heat.

“Steve?” Bucky murmured. He tapped a foot against Steve’s side.

Startled from a half-doze, Steve sat up.

“I know I kinda derailed the conversation earlier,” Bucky said, “but I was tryna tell you that I wanted it too. It’s just that I can’t see it happening from that perspective. My mind shies away from it when I try. I want to, though. We can make it good for both of us. Just some work. I don’t want to hurt you or freak you out.”

“Right,” said Steve, doing his best to re-focus. “Hey. Since we’re already in the water and all, do you maybe want to…”

He trailed off at Bucky’s expression.

“Water’s not a good lubricant,” Bucky said.

Steve frowned. He’d seen Bucky open himself up. The sight had haunted him after the Lockbox. “But-”

“Used to discomfort and my left hand has no fingernails. Plus, my ass was trained.”

“I can-”

Water sloshed violently as Bucky crossed his arms. “Maybe I don’t want you to, Steve. I don’t want it to be anything but good for you.” He winced. “It probably won’t be very good the first time. I can teach you how to bottom, but I don’t know how the rest goes. Not really.”

There had to be better than they knew from HYDRA. He considered asking JARVIS for educational resources and instantly discarded the idea as beyond the bounds of decency.

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say I can do,” objected Steve, but only because he couldn’t not argue.

“I mostly fingered myself to make sure I was clean enough for Rumlow,” Bucky stated flatly. “And you, later on. No different from washing out my hair. STI’s weren’t a consideration, so he never minded too much if I bled a little. If I didn’t wear the plug on the mission, maybe I’d do some brief maintenance stretching to make sure my rim didn’t immediately tear if someone got impatient, but water’s not the best for it. That’s why lube was included in my standard kit.”

Whatever face Steve was making only made Bucky laugh.

“Relax, Steve. It’s not like that now. You said it: we can take our time getting ready.”

Steve was working on it. “Okay, Buck. You’re in charge.”

“Damn right, I am.”

 

Bucky’s PR manager asked if they could make another video, one in which Bucky explicitly identified himself as Bucky Barnes.

“No,” said Bucky, though his eyes went to Steve with wariness. “That’s what I want to say and how I want to say it. Steve calls me Bucky plenty.”

On their way out, Steve said, “You are Bucky.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, but you can call me the other names too. Remind me. I can be the asset too because I’m really both.”

“We’re real, Soldier,” Steve promised. “I’m not about to feed you lines.”

“How ‘bout feeding me lunch?”

“That, I can and will do.”

 

That evening, Bucky came back from a therapy appointment with handful of printed pages and a completely blank face. His left hand was clutching the rolled top of a brown paper lunch bag with so much force his fingertips had punched through.

Relieved to have a reason to abandon the book he had been failing to read the first few pages of for the last hour, Steve set it aside and waited.

There was a bench in the middle of the row of windows on the far end of the floor. Steve wasn’t surprised when Bucky sat down there, back to the windows, and commenced staring into the middle distance.

“Buck?” Steve prompted quietly.

Bucky barely glanced at him. Neither of his hands showed any sign of releasing their burdens.

Cracking his neck as he rose, Steve studied him. Bucky wanted something; his behavior all but screamed for a response. Steve took a step toward him, then two. No reaction. Another. Steve was almost in reach of him before Bucky said, “Stop.”

Freezing in place, Steve waited again.

“I’m supposed to ask questions if I have them,” Bucky told him, still staring into space. His words were the steady cadence of the asset reporting. “I asked. I was given these.” He lifted the papers in his right hand. “And these.” He lifted his the bag in his left. “I don’t know if I can do it, Steve.” Finally, he met Steve’s eyes. “But I don’t think it’s gonna be any easier tomorrow, so maybe we should go for it.” His lips twisted. “Maybe you could order me to do it.”

“Buck,” Steve started to protest.

Bucky shook his head. “Or, I have another idea, but I don’t think you’ll go for that one. I didn’t. I didn’t seriously plan to keep it to use.”

Steve lowered himself to his knees in front of Bucky, careful to keep his eyes on his face instead of looking at what he was holding. “I’m never ordering you to perform any sex act ever again.”

“Permission, then,” Bucky snarled, flushing abruptly. “Or we take all inhibitions off the table like… like…” He deflated. “Don’t look at me like that, Steve. I know. Just… I hate feeling like we have to wait for the goddamn stars to align or something. Sex should be fun, not…” He dropped his head with a sigh and thrust his fistful of papers out. “Here.”

The papers appeared to be a printout of an internet article about safe gay sex. At a glance, most of it didn’t seem relevant. VD, or STI as it was now called, was not a concern for two supersoldiers. “Do I want to know what’s in the bag?” he ventured.

The bag was promptly shoved in his face. “Nothing HYDRA usually bothered with. I guess anyone authorized for my secondary fuck-tion was screened?”

Did he just? Steve blinked. Was that a pun? He looked in the bag and poured a handful of small packets out onto the floor between them. “I don’t know most of these brands, but I take it these are all…”

“Condoms,” Bucky confirmed darkly. “Fucking condoms. Like we need anything else coming between us. And, get this, we’re supposed to have fun experimenting. I thought the point was for me to be less triggered!”

Taken off-guard, Steve let out a burst of air almost like a giggle. Bucky gaped at him.

In surrender, Steve put his hands up and tried to keep his trembling lips sealed.

Scowling, Bucky aimed a half-serious kick at his thigh.

Instinctively, Steve caught his ankle. As his brain caught up with his body, he yanked hard and pulled Bucky out of his seat.

“You punk!” Bucky yelped, and then they were scrambling to pin each other, words done.

“You realize I’m only letting you think you’re letting me pin you,” panted Bucky, some minutes later.

Face in the carpet, Steve grunted something Bucky could interpret however he wished.

“What was that?” He let up so Steve could raise his head.

“We gotta get out of this tower,” Steve told him. “Change of scenery.”

“And get eaten alive? No thanks,” countered Bucky.

But Steve was already wriggling his way free, fueled by a grimly cheerful determination. “C’mon. We’ll be fine. All we have to do is make a reservation someplace they can’t approach us and take a car there. Like a pair of regular swells.”

With a heavy sigh, Bucky rolled off and sprawled on his back on the floor, right hand over his eyes. “This ain’t abouta fix our problem, Steve.”

“It’s not a mission, Buck. We have no orders-”

“Our PR team was pretty fucking clear on our orders-”

Steve ignored that. “-and we’re gonna start chewing the walls if we don’t get out to stretch our legs.”

“Jesus Christ.” Bucky groaned. “No.”

The papers were in crumpled shreds and they would probably be finding condoms under furniture for months, but Steve could only grin. He’d never get tired of hearing Bucky argue.

 

They didn’t get caught. JARVIS’ silence upon their return felt disapproving, but the headiness of the shared disobedience was such that once they were through their own door they barely had to make eye contact to know the other was on board. Bucky, already half-naked, pushed Steve against the wall and finished helping him out of his clothes just enough to get a hand between them. They didn’t go any farther, and neither of them pushed for more.

Long after they went to bed, Steve lay awake while Bucky slept the relieved and exhausted sleep of the justifiably paranoid. Eventually, Steve considered getting up and attempting to sleep somewhere else. He got up and went to sit on the couch, but he didn’t feel tired enough to lie down. Instead, he went back into their bedroom and took the lube from the bedside table. Bucky fucking him wasn’t a mission, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t approach it strategically.

Fill 110h/110i: Undeniable Plausibility - On to the aftermath!

[(Anonymous)]

For the next few days, they didn’t discuss the prospect of getting Bucky’s dick in Steve’s ass. Really, not talking about that was quite an accomplishment because they were talking a lot more in general. It was… good, in a bizarre and agonizing way. Talking, in specifics, about HYDRA and how they’d hurt each other - been used against each other - felt like finally abrading a wound they’d been trying to leave to heal on its own. Bucky even said he felt relieved to compare and discuss their experiences. His memories remained fragmented and blurred, while Steve’s were all too clear. Between them, they finally had enough context to understand what they had done and why. Contrary to Steve’s expectations, Bucky cared a lot less about the what than the why.

“Gotta face it, Steve. I’m never going to remember most of my past.”

“We don’t know that,” Steve insisted doggedly. “You’re still healing.”

“Steve.”

That tone was almost always enough to make Steve shut his mouth nowadays, however reluctantly.

“Does it matter that much, practically speaking?” Bucky asked. “I know the shape of my past now, even if I don’t remember all the details. I trust you to give me accurate information, so I can make good choices.”

Looking away, Steve fought not to flinch at the - he hoped - unintentional reminder of the first time he had put Bucky in the maintenance chair. “I’m trying.”

“Yeah, you’ve always been extraordinarily trying,” Bucky said matter-of-factly, but there was a touch of teasing that brought Steve’s head back around to look at him. “The point I’m trying to make is that I know what I want now and no memory is gonna change my mind - no matter if I remember more rapes and missions or shared beds and pining. It’s my life. Maybe I can’t control what I remember, but I can choose to focus on what parts of that get to keep their importance, and I don’t want you to keep beating yourself up for every single thing you think you’ve ever done wrong. I don’t want either of us to suffer anymore.”

Painful though the process was, Steve was finally starting to feel like they might be draining out enough of HYDRA’s poison to move forward without making things worse. He had a plan. Whenever the goddamn stars aligned, he’d be as ready as possible. There wouldn’t have to be any delays and Steve would have no excuses. When the moment was right, it would be finally be easy, like Bucky deserved something to be.

He tried not to anticipate too much. He certainly didn’t anticipate Bucky walking in on his now-nightly preparations. The Winter Soldier was as capable of silent movement as he ever had been.

“So this is what you’ve been doing in here without me,” Bucky said.

Steve froze, two fingers up his own ass, one foot up on the edge of the bathtub. He couldn’t read Bucky’s tone.

Bucky took a step forward and Steve started to straighten up.

“Hey, no, don’t stop on my account, Stevie. I don’ mind watching.”

Breath hitching, Steve held Bucky’s eyes and twisted his fingers. It wasn’t pleasure or pain, mostly pressure and warmth. His fingers weren’t quite deep enough to touch his prostate. They were maybe halfway to the second knuckle. He had, in fact, been avoiding it. He’d told himself he was leaving that for Bucky.

Bucky put the toilet seat down and sat on the closed lid, fully dressed. “Jus’ tell me. Is… Uh. Is this for me, Steve?”

Skin burning, Steve dipped his chin in a nod. Everything was for Bucky, when it came right down to it.

“Huh,” said Bucky. “What was the plan?”

“No specific plan,” Steve choked out. “I just… wanted to be ready whenever we were ready.”

“Okay,” said Bucky. A frown creased his forehead. “Keep going.”

Belatedly, Steve realize he’d stopped moving his fingers. Didn’t seem like the sort of thing a man should be able to forget about, but there it was. He carefully flexed the two inside him in a vaguely circular motion.

“Been doin’ this every night, Steve?” Bucky asked, voice low and rough. His pupils were large, but there was still a line between his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” Steve confessed. “Since our night out.”

Eyes falling to Steve’s not quite full cock, Bucky said, “You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself too much.”

Huffing a weak laugh, Steve said, “That wasn’t really the point, Buck.”

“Uh huh. So, it’s not just that your technique’s lousy.”

“No, no, it’s not.”

“Not lousy?

“Buck,” Steve grit out. He felt embarrassed and self-conscious. His erection wilted a little more. The pressure and drag of his fingers was beginning to get uncomfortable. He probably hadn’t used enough lube.

“Pretty sure my technique has to be better than yours,” said Bucky. “I could demonstrate.”

“Whaddaya have in mind?” Steve asked, trying not to be annoyed. He thought it was an offer and not a taunt, but he wasn’t completely certain.

With what the tension in his shoulders said was false casualness, Bucky stood and pulled his shirt over his head. He tossed the shirt out the bathroom door and said, “Get back in the water.” He dropped his pants too. Underneath, he was all bare clean skin. The sight of him did things to Steve and he was past the point of caring more than a twinge if it was in any part conditioning.

Scrambling to obey, Steve nearly did himself a injury to a delicate area. As it was, he barked his left shin on the edge and sloshed some of the warm soapy water over the side onto Bucky’s bare feet.

“Clumsy?” Bucky was right there, leaning in. “I thought you were over that.”

“I’ll always be clumsy for you, Buck,” Steve blurted and immediately wished he’d knocked himself unconscious instead. He rubbed at his leg.

Bucky didn’t seem impressed. “You’re clumsy because you’re too tense. Let me wash your hair.”

Pot, kettle. “I already… Oh.” Steve ducked his head away, reaching for the shampoo.

Taking it out of his hand, Bucky wasted no time squeezing some directly into Steve’s hair and working it into a lather. “Your hair’s growing.”

“Mmhm,” agreed Steve. He’d better cut it before they ended up matching. On the other hand, he was really enjoying Bucky’s fingers combing through it. Would Bucky let him return the favor?

Now Bucky’s hands were on his shoulders, squeezing the muscle tension out like he could make Steve relax by force. Maybe he could. “Oh,” Steve breathed again. He couldn’t go as boneless as he wanted because of the water, but-

“Deep breath.”

Steve slipped underwater without thinking about it. Bucky’s left hand pressed him down while his right scrubbed through his hair again. A tug and Steve broke the surface easily.

“Cream rinse?” Bucky breathed in his ear.

Despite the hot water, Steve shivered. “Can I…” He lifted a hand out of the water, not sure what he was asking.

“No,” Bucky denied. “Let me take care of you.”

The hand fell with barely a splash.

Bucky worked the product in every bit as thoroughly as he had the shampoo, then pulled gently. “Close your eyes.”

When Steve did, Bucky used his cupped hands to pour water over his head. “Out of the water,” he ordered.

Steve’s feet were barely on the floor before Bucky wrapped him in a fluffy bath towel, draped another over his head, and scooped him up bodily. “Bucky!” Steve exclaimed in half protest and half laughter.

“I want you in our bed,” said Bucky, carrying him out. “I’m ready if you are.”

He’d thought the evening was heading this way, but he still had to swallow hard past the lump of nerves. “Yeah. Let’s do it. I. Yes.”

“Yes?” Bucky’s stride faltered a moment in the door to their bedroom. “You mean it, Steve?” He deposited him gently on their bed.

Meeting the gaze of the supersoldier hovering uncertainly over him, Steve said, “Yes, Bucky.” This was all according to plan. “I’ve dreamed of you inside me. I want you.”

Bucky bit his lower lip and looked down before raising his eyes to Steve’s again. “That doesn’t mean you have to like the reality. Even if you’re completely sure now, you can still change your mind at any time. You know how to stop me.”

“I won’t.”

“You will if you want to,” Bucky said firmly. “Not need to. Want to. No one is making me hurt you - not even you. That’s important. Got it?”

“Yes,” Steve agreed. “I’ll say something if I want to. And so will you. No soldiering on for either of us.”

“Ha,” gasped Bucky, smiling crookedly. “Yeah, none of that.”

For a few seconds, Steve smiled back. Then he realized he hadn’t really dried off and his hair was a dripping mess. His smile turned sheepish as he reached up to grab the towel Bucky had laid over his hair. “I’m gonna get the bed all wet.”

“Promise?” Bucky whispered, leaning in with clear intent.

They kissed, sweet and deep and lingering, and Steve felt his lingering nerves settle into anticipation. “Whatever you want, Buck,” he breathed.

Goosebumps rose on his damp skin. He was halfway wrapped in the big bath towel and sprawled on their bed on his back where Bucky had put him down. Naked. They were both naked. Bucky was going to fuck him. Everything would be good.

Bucky took the towel from him and proceeded to rub him down in a way that Steve had never previously considered could be errotic but might prevent him from ever picking up a towel in public again for the rest of his life.

“Roll over,” Bucky told him and Steve felt his flush deepen in an instant as he complied.

Laughing at him, Bucky said, “I meant so I can fix the towel situation, Steve!”

Mortified, he opened his mouth and closed it without a word. Bucky laughed harder, eventually collapsing onto the bed next to him in a fit of giggles.

“I love you,” Steve mumbled to the bedspread, knowing his face was aflame.

Fill 110i/110i: Undeniable Plausibility - Actually the end

[(Anonymous)]

Once Bucky’s giggles subsided, they quickly got themselves and the bed in order. The sheets were turned down and the damp towels were laid out under Steve’s backside. Bucky knelt in the vee of Steve’s legs. Steve squirmed a little under his hungry scrutiny. They were both mostly hard.

Bucky blinked rapidly and shook his head like he was trying to wake up. “Fuck. Lube. We need lube.” He half slid, half tumbled off the bed in his effort to reach into the nightstand.

He should have crawled over Steve instead. That would have been nice. Or maybe it would have been too many elbows and knees in uncomfortable places, but it would have been worth it to have Bucky’s skin against him.

“Lube!” Bucky said triumphantly, returning to the center of the bed.

Steve huffed out a noise that was half-laugh, half-sigh. “So how do you want to do this?”

It was Bucky’s turn to laugh. “First we take the edge off?” he suggested, the flirty promise on his face not overshadowed by the rueful wince that followed. “If that’s okay?”

Wiggling under him, Steve pulled him down for another kiss before saying, “Whatever you want to do is okay, but I like that plan.” It was something they were already comfortable with and neither of them needed to worry about their ability to get hard again after.

They came together easily, hot wet mouths against each other and Steve stroking them both off while Bucky held himself up with one hand and kneaded Steve’s ass with the other, warming the metal. The closer they got to organsm, the closer his fingers got to Steve’s hole.

Their rhythm faltered a moment when Bucky broke off kissing him to sit up and grab the lube. He applied it to his shining silver fingers and Steve’s whole body clenched in desperate want. The grip he had on their dicks tightened and he threw his head back and groaned.

“So close, Buck,” he panted. “You?”

“Yeah, Stevie,” said Bucky, cock pulsing hot against Steve’s own.

Orgasm hit them both, Bucky a little ahead of Steve. It wasn’t until after Steve’s head cleared that he realized Bucky’s slicked fingers were in him, rubbing unerringly against his prostate.

Steve made a strangled noise and the fingers went still.

“This okay?” Bucky checked, voice low.

“YES!,” Steve nearly shouted. “Yes, more. It’s good. I want it.”

“Okay, pal,” agreed Bucky. “I got you. More kissing?”

“God, yes,” said Steve. He slid one arm around Bucky’s ribs and the other hand on the back of his neck.

Kissing Bucky was always good. It was partly Bucky’s skill and experience, but Steve liked to think it was mostly good because it was Bucky, open and eager and giving even better than he got. Steve was under no illusions regarding his own kissing skills.

“Another?” Bucky murmured. He sissored his fingers inside Steve’s ass and grinned into Steve’s next desperate kiss.

How long they spent like that Steve couldn’t have said. It could have been five minutes or fifty. All that mattered was that it was good, intimate, and everything Steve had been avoiding in his previous lives. His dick was hard enough to almost hurt.

“That’s four,” Bucky breathed against his ear, kissing down his neck. “I think we…”

“Yes, yes, yes,” Steve cried through gritted teeth.

“How...” Bucky began to ask.

“Over… like you said…” Steve was beyond bushing now.

“You sure?” Bucky hesitated.

“Yeah. That’s ours, Buck,” Steve tried to explain.

“You got it, Stevie.”

They arranged themselves. Bucky stood shakily at the side of the bed and pulled Steve toward himself by the hips. Steve’s legs went over Bucky’s shoulders. He looked up into Bucky’s face. He felt fierce and tender and vulnerable and so relieved and happy he thought he might burst like a popcorn kernel. “I’m ready,” he promised.

“More than ready,” Bucky agreed. “And, hey, no neighbors to worry about.”

“Depends how loud I get,” Steve whispered, mouth abruptly dry.

Bucky’s expression was as complicated as Steve’s own emotions. “Guess we’ll find out.”

The head of Bucky’s cock was warm, blunt, wet, and slippery against Steve’s hole.The stretch and long slow slide as Bucky pushed inside him was so different than fingers. The strain on Bucky’s face as he slid home for the first time was a memory Steve would treasure for the rest of his life. It went on forever and no time at all.

“Oh,” Steve said stupidly as Bucky’s hips came to rest with his balls pressing gently against Steve’s ass. Nearly a century old and they were finally giving this last hard-kept piece of themselves to each other. He’d known better than to expect overwhelming physical pleasure from this part, but there was plenty of the non-physical kind. He couldn’t wait to experience the rest. He flexed his ass and watched Bucky’s eyes flutter momentarily shut with a hissed intake of breath.

After a few seconds, Steve realized Bucky really wasn’t moving at all. He was frozen in silent tension distinct from the earlier effort of restraining himself.

“Buck?”

Bucky’s adam’s apple bobbed but he kept eye contact.

“What is it?”

“I. I don’t know how to feel,” Bucky said slowly, testing.

“We can stop if you want,” Steve offered, trying not to clench his jaw or his ass and failing both.

“It’s a good thing Secretary Pierce is dead,” Bucky said.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed readily. “Care to tell me why that’s relevant?”

“Because a part of me just relaxed. You could counter all the orders except that one. To seduce you.”

Steve closed his eyes for a long moment and tried to think of absolutely nothing except the physical sensations. “I love you.” Bucky sure didn’t feel relaxed.

“Is it bad that I don’t mind the conditioning that tells me the smell of arousal means I’ve done something right?”

Is it bad that I want to reward you for continuing to exist? He didn’t say it. Instead, he laughed raggedly. “I’m feeling pretty damn thoroughly seduced, yeah. Gonna finish what you’ve started, Soldier?”

“Can I?”

“You don’t need my permission.”

“I do need to know I have your informed consent. I need to know you know I’m fucking you for us, not him. I love you.”

“Jesus Christ, Bucky. I know we said they might always be in bed with us, but if we could stop mentioning him specifically, I’d appreciate it.”

“Steve.”

“Besides, I doubt he meant for you do it like this.” He stopped at Bucky’s wild look and hastened to reassure him. “Yes, Buck. I’m all yours.”

“I love you,” Bucky repeated.

There wasn’t much space, but Steve flexed his legs to bring them closer together. “I love you too. I’m happy we’re doing this together.”

Hips stuttering forward in an abbreviated motion, Bucky said, “I’m not going to last. Fuck. You feel so good and we’re not even movin’ yet.”

“So get movin’ now,” Steve said. “You don’t have to last. You know that. We can keep going as many times as you want. C’mon. Let go.”

Trembling, Bucky stared down at him. “You might change your mind. Kick me or something if it gets to be too much.”

“I know,” Steve promised. “And you can stop anytime you need to, but I think we can do this all day if we put our minds to it. How about you fuck me proper and find out?” He flexed again and grinned at the way Bucky’s face scrunched up.

“Stubborn punk,” Bucky said, affectionately.

“Your punk,” Steve breathed.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Bucky groaned, tendons in his neck standing out and pupils blown.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. He squeezed a fistful of high quality terry cloth and slowly used his other hand to bring Bucky’s right over his mouth.

Bucky pulled out a little and slid back in before Steve could more than consider making any protest. “You’re gonna goddamn kill me, Stevie. Maybe I’m the one who needs t’be kept quiet here. Do you have any idea how fucking incredible you feel?” He thrust again, more strongly. “Spent so long fingering you and you’re still so damn tight. God, Steve.”

Unable to do more than breathe deeply through his nose (they really hadn’t thought out that part of the fantasy, he now realized) and every thought instantly obliterated by the awareness of Bucky inside of him, Steve didn’t realize he was whimpering until Bucky paused in concern. Nodded frantically, Steve clamped his legs against Bucky’s shoulder blades and bucked his hips up. It was a high rhythmic whining noise which seemed to come directly from his brain and bypass his mouth entirely. He didn’t even know he was capable of making most of those noises. God, Bucky felt gigantic inside him, even bigger than Steve knew he was really was.

He could have felt split open, invaded, dominated, or claimed. Those were the ideas people, and HYDRA particularly, had tried to put in their heads. He didn’t. He felt filled and warmed through. He felt safe. He felt free. They were doing this together because they wanted each other and wanted each other this way. Bucky wasn’t even hitting his prostate, but that was more than okay. Steve owed Bucky a million orgasms, and he’d reach his own eventually. There was no rush. Even if Bucky didn’t feel up to continuing tonight, they had the rest of their long lives to learn every way there was to make each other feel like this. Sex wasn’t all physical anyway. This was perfect. It was real, and it was theirs.

Several thrusts later, Bucky picked up his pace. He bent forward over Steve until Steve thought he might just fold him in half. Bucky pulled his hand away from Steve’s mouth and slapped it down on the bed next to Steve’s head so he could brace himself to lean down further.

“My Steve,” Bucky whispered thickly and took full advantage of Steve’s flexibility to kiss him as he thrust hard once more and stopped, cock pulsing, as deeply as their position allowed.

Bucky was coming inside him.

Steve threw his arms around as much of Bucky as he could get. “My Bucky,” he choked out. “All yours.” His own cock throbbed, twitching against the hard muscles of Bucky’s stomach. He didn’t care. Nothing was better than this moment.