Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

[trashmod]

Welcome to the latest, greatest, scummiest iteration of hydratrashmeme. Come on in and please check your sense of shame at the door.

Rules in brief: Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because this is emphatically not a safe space. Link your fills on the fill post. Unprompted fills: make a prompt or a header comment and reply to it with the full text. Continuations of fills from earlier rounds: just make sure you link in both places.

What's on-topic: Filthy and perverted twists on all the quality whump served up by Cap: Winter Soldier. Noncon, aftermath, uncomfortably sexualized violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves.
What's off-topic: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, shippy/romanticized noncon, MCU heroes repurposed into OOC or edgydark delivery vehicles for your fave's suffering. If you've got a prompt for one of those burning a hole in your brain, head on over to mcu_trash.

[Rules in full] [Round 1] [Round 2] [Round 3] [Round 4] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive] [Round 5 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]

Comments

Fill: The Quiet Game (17.2/?)

[devildears]

“No, I was just... Trying to get to him, Steve. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Yes, you did. Cut the bullshit, ok? I was there.” Steve looked at him with steel in his eyes before his gaze turned warm and kind again. “Something’s wrong and it still hurts, right? The scarring? Hasn’t healed all the way yet?”

Bucky seriously considered denying it for a few seconds but looking back into Steve’s knowing eyes, he gave in eventually and sighed.

Why lie to the only person who could be stubborn enough to try and keep loving him despite his faults? Surely, he shouldn’t give Steve another reason to distrust him.

“Sometimes. Yeah.”

“Then you should get that checked out. Just in case. We both know you’ve got the serum, too, but you’re not indestructible.”

Bucky snorted. “Nope.”

Steve crossed his arms, almost like he had to physically restrain himself not to hug him which to Bucky, seemed a ridiculous impulse to have. “I know you’re struggling right now but I need you to hear me: I love you. I still want you and I’m not gonna leave for anything. I want everything you can give me, whatever it is, and that’s never gonna change.”

Bucky dropped his eyes and nodded his head at the ground. He wasn’t sure if he could say it back without letting his own self-hatred and disbelief shine through.

“Yeah…”

“If it makes your skin crawl, I won’t touch you anymore until you tell me I can, but I don’t think we should make any assumptions on that when you’re having a bad day.”

“I wasn’t making assumptions...”

Bucky’s involuntary reply sounded petulant even to his own ears and Steve must have thought that, too, because he gave him a small smile in return.

“Course not. All I’m saying is, we’ve had good reasons not to go all the way since. Your body and mind are simply not ready for that, and that’s ok—”

Bucky laughed unhappily.

“Is it though? What if I’m too damaged to do anything with you anymore? Like long term? What happens then? It’s not like I’ve been in the mood lately anyhow...”

“You don’t have to be up for it when you’re not, and you’re certainly not ‘damaged’. That’s not how I see it. Even if you didn’t want to sleep with me anymore indefinitely. Even if you were a little— changed... You know, down there, anatomically speaking... I’ll always love you the same, no matter what.”

“You would, wouldn’t you...” Bucky made himself look Steve in the eyes and held his gaze.

“You know I would.”

“Promise me?” Bucky whispered, feeling strangely vulnerable. “Promise you’ll stay?”

At that moment, Buck knew that he couldn’t bear to hear Steve confirm the alternative. Steve knew it, too, so he did his best to make it look sincere, never breaking eye contact.

“I promise you. We’re in this together. Always. We’ll find our own way.”

Bucky ignored the tears that were slipping free and started running down his face uncontrollably instead of wiping them away. He didn’t have to hide. Not from Steve. Not because of this.

“Sounds like a plan,” he croaked out.

“Yeah. So, a doctor. Right?” Steve reminded him of his initial request with a small smile. Like a dog with a bone.

“I would never make you go through anything you’re not 100% comfortable with but I don’t wanna hurt you by accident either. If we get back to doing any bedroom stuff—”

Bucky smirked quietly because, in the end, Steve was such a fucking nerd. ‘Bedroom stuff’… Really, punk…

“— and knowing us we probably will - we’ll adjust our sex accordingly. There’s plenty of stuff I can still do without hurting you when you’re ready for it but I need to know you’re cleared physically. It’s not enough to take sex off the menu and act like it didn’t happen.”

Bucky sighed deeply, defeated.

“Fine, but I’m not going back to the King’s lab. I know Shuri’s got the equipment for proper scans and everything but she blames herself for what happened to me already. She’s just an innocent girl... She doesn’t need to see that.”

Bucky took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. His gaze slipped somewhere far beyond Steve’s reach again as if the mere thought of exposing that vulnerable part of himself was hurting. “It’s too real up close.”

Steve nodded in understanding.

He remembered that there was another, secondary reason, too, but he didn’t feel the need to bring it up right now: The sterile environment of the lab. It reminded Bucky too much of his time in captivity, even on his good days. Something about the bright lights and white walls always brought him right back there, writhing helplessly on their table. In that dark place, the one with the memories the Winter Soldier had safely locked away in his mind, strange hands were still touching his body. Clinical, invasive, relentless. Hurting, poking, prodding, and violating him. He couldn’t handle any more of that right now.

When Shuri had removed the trigger words in his head with the terrifying power to bring out the asset and control him, they had knocked him out with a tranquilizer fit to sedate an elephant. It put him to sleep right before he was moved to the operating room.

Bucky had been shaking with nerves that day, throwing up a few times before they even got started. The only thing that had helped, was trusting Steve to be right there with him.

Steve had taken a day off from the superhero business to hold his partner’s hand through it all with the patience of a saint. In the end, he even administered the drug himself, shooting that strange blue stuff into Bucky’s veins with a fresh needle because he didn’t trust anyone else to do it without pain. They waited up together until it hit.

“Remember that time in 8th grade when you made me sniff paint solvents on a dare?” Steve joked with a devious twinkle in his eyes once Bucky’s speech started to slur.

“No? You see, I was high as a kite when I got home. Payback’s a real bitch, isn’t it...”

“Alright then,” present Steve said, “just as long as you find someone.”

“I’ll ask around,” Bucky agreed. “I swear. Shila might even be able to refer me to a local.”

“That’s great,” Steve retorted, pulling out a chair at their dinner table and sinking down on it in reverse. This time, he wasn’t going to leave unless Bucky asked him to.

He didn’t. Steve watched him work at the stove over the backrest.

Natasha could wait a little longer.

“No really,” Steve said. “I don’t know what your plans are, but I’m telling you, we’re not giving up just yet...”

 

---

 

The weather was perfect of course which annoyed her tremendously.

According to Stark’s unsolicited opinion, people who chose to reside in Wakanda had to be crazy because it was hotter than the devil’s asshole all year around.

This time (as rare as that sort of thing was), Natasha was actually inclined to agree with him.

The sun was burning something fierce when she stepped off the quinjet, wiping the sweat from her brow before the running mixture of acid and dissolved hair dye could sting her eyes.

Her head was shining brightly, blown-out strands the color of an icy blond now, which almost overshadowed her huge cat-eye sunglasses in lovely cherry red. The loose white babydoll that she’d picked out for the occasion fluttered in the wind and hopefully added to her Monroe-esque vibe. Natasha had always been one for the classics.

Her journey had been pleasant for the most part. It hadn’t surprised her that Steve couldn’t share the coordinates to get into the country with her for safety reasons. It didn’t stop her from taking the tourist route though.

The rest of the process had also changed a lot since the last time she’d visited. Where she could have formerly entered without a hitch, there was a password and an identity check at the border now. The guards were thorough enough to impress her, although one of the women had averted her eyes for a short moment when she lifted her skirt so they could search and pat her down properly.

Maybe Natasha shouldn’t have winked so lewdly just to get a rise but ignoring distractions was what professionals were for. She could have her fun before things got more serious.

Speaking of serious, Natasha wondered if Steve had broken the good news to his partner yet. They weren’t exactly at the finishing line, but the progress they had made in Nigeria these past few weeks had brought them several steps closer to finding Bucky’s rapists.

She thought she knew her boys well enough by now to prepare for lots and lots of manly tears and emotional turmoil. That was why she hadn’t told them about her imminent arrival.

If Steve had known she was coming so soon, he would have tried to handle her in typical Captain America fashion, the same way he always did when he wanted to protect Bucky from the world. Natasha understood the impulse but unfortunately, it wasn’t going to get the desired results fast enough to catch up with the bad guys before they flew the nest.

Bucky would have to forgive her harsh words later. He wasn’t going to love being interrogated by the Black Widow (not at all) but hopefully, ripping off the dicks of Ward and his little squid ward circle in the end was enough to make up for it…

Re: Fill: The Quiet Game (17.2/?)

[(Anonymous)]

Thanks so much for updating! I always enjoy this story.