hydratrashmeme | Chatter post

Chatter post

For all your discussion needs.

Ground rules:
- Try to keep it loosely trash party related, or at least Cap fandom related.
- Disagreement is fine, nastiness is not.
- Being offended is not carte blanche for nastiness.
- Trashmeme ground rules apply. Read at your own risk, no romanticizing your noncon garbage, no wank about the moral acceptability of noncon kink.
- Body shots, sniper shots, and tetanus shots are all available at the open bar. Party like it's 2014, kids.

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To those of you who get off to non-con fantasies, I have a rather intimate question: Is this a "once in a while" thing for you, or are these kinds of fantasies to only ones that get you off? And if there are other dynamics/scenarios that get you going, how'd you describe them?

For example, for me it doesn't necessarily have to be non-con, but some kind of power dynamic is a must for it to "work". Humiliation, desperation, internalized (whatever fits the storyline at the given moment), these kind of things.

I was wondering how it is for other people, and if you're feeling comfortable sharing, how it affects your real sex life.

I find that if I'm fantasizing at all, it's got a kink element to it; I don't know if I'd call it non-con exactly, but yeah, there has to be a power dynamic involved and probably a bit of physical pain.

I only get off on humiliation based fantasies (although my definition of humiliation is broader than most people's and includes any extreme emotional vulnerability, begging, super submissive behavior, etc.). It definitely doesn't have to be non-con, in fact I prefer using stories or fantasies that have humiliation and violence in a more realistic consensual relationship. I've kind of been able to train myself to get off to more realistic/loving scenarios--still very nasty stuff by the average person's standards, but at least things that it wouldn't be wrong to do in real life. (Not saying that it's bad to get off on non-con, I just find it more convenient because there's not such a discrepancy between what gets me off and what's actually possible and easy to do. When I was 15 and realized what I was into by stumbling on a book of Patrick Califia essays in the basement of my local library, I thought I'd only be able to get off in like, really really well-acted hyper-realistic rape scenarios and I am SO glad that's not true because that would be SO much trouble.)

I have zero interest in vanilla sex, which is...annoying. I've sometimes wished I was a better actor so I could at least get through it (not being able to do "normal" stuff really bothered me when I was younger) but I can't even tolerate it. In terms of what I DO like, some kissing/groping/orgasms would be a BONUS, but I really only care about hurting people and telling them what to do and making them squirm--I'd be 95% satisfied just sitting fully clothed with somebody, scratching and biting them and telling them how pathetic they are. Unfortunately I haven't had anyone to do that with for a long, long time. It's hard that I can't just try dating attractive people I meet and get along with, which is how I assume it is for vanilla people. But I'm probably idealizing how easy that would be.

I feel... a lot of that. Like I was full on ARE YOU ME until the part where you mentioned being on the dom side of the equation, so, uh... would you like a pen pal?

That sounds fun! Give me a few days to set up an email that doesn't have my real name in it.

*kneels quietly by your chair and waits*

Oh sorry! Thank you for waiting. It turns out that a lot of other people already have all the email addresses I want. And now a bunch of popups are trying to explain basic concepts to me because it thinks I never had an email address before. ophysiapacifica @ gmail

I'm extremely uncomfortable about mine and still sorting it out. Strangely enough, HTP has helped me figure out a lot about this part of myself.

Definitely a "once in a while" thing for me.

For me it's mostly one scenario. A really big muscular guy (not my usual type AT ALL) pinning me down and having his way with me.
However sometimes this fantasy scares me and so I imagine, say, a character in that role, instead of myself.
I really like gangbang scenarios but those are mostly consensual in my fantasies. If my fantasy turns too violent or extreme for that, it scares me off.

Weirdly this tends to tie into my main kink, which I almost always need to get off. Which is executions, or execution set-ups. Not gonna go into detail with that because that's not what you were asking for specifically, but like, say, the executioner pinning me down and having his way with me beforehand.

So glad this is anon, wow.

I'm ace and a masochist, and my fantasy always involves a power imbalance, and lots of being hurt, and rape fantasy alone usually doesn't do it for me, actually. It ranges from being slapped around and pain from overstimulation to stuff that isn't safe or sane (but hey that's what fantasies are for) - we're talking vivisection and torture that you don't really survive from, and the first tag I search for any new fandom I fall into is "torture." Not exactly an on-topic answer, but if we generalize to the topic of trash fantasies, yes, they're the only ones that get me off.

I haven't cared much for a sex life after figuring out the ace part, it's annoying and emotionally draining to pretend to enjoy it, and I'm too lazy/busy to find someone willing to hurt me.

*jumps in late to the conversation*

it doesn't necessarily have to be non-con, but some kind of power dynamic is a must for it to "work"

That describes me pretty well, though when I was younger there also had to be some kind of pretty serious pain element. Like, when I first hit puberty I spent a lot of time really freaked out over my fantasies, because my budding sexual fantasies involved a lot of pain and blood and being watched and not much of what most people would actually call sex right from the get-go. The most frustrating part about it to me, though, is that I'm actually a total wuss and while fantasies of pain and mutilation get me off, actual real-life pain turns me off.

I think it might be one of the reasons why noncon fantasies started appealing to me so much as I got older. Pretty much anyone I've ever heard talk about noncon fantasies doesn't actually want to be raped, they want the illusion of rape. That desire for the illusion of pain and violation that I actually control, and which has no effect outside the bedroom, is what I want.

It makes it incredibly difficult to find a partner who I really click with, because my ideal sexual experience would be a partner gently touching me without any form of penetration while dirty talking about all the pain/humiliation/violation/etc they're going to inflict. My second best ideal experience would be playing the stone top role and doing terrible things to my partner that they get off on. Finding someone to fulfill one of those roles is hard enough. I've sort of given up on finding someone who could fulfill both of those roles, which might be why I'm so interested in finding a poly relationship.

my ideal sexual experience would be a partner gently touching me without any form of penetration while dirty talking about all the pain/humiliation/violation/etc they're going to inflict.

Marry me

For me in my irl sex life, some sort of power exchange has to exist for it to "work"; I'm not really into pain or humiliation (or rape play) irl, but I do need to feel like my partner has power/control over me. Otherwise I am just not gonna get anywhere. Service-oriented stuff, spanking/punishment, bondage, and sensation/impact play usually do it for me.

I love reading about noncon and there's definitely a kink/erotic aspect to it for me, but tbh most of the time I don't even really directly get off to HTP stuff. I usually read it with a combination of horror and pleasure and tuck away the things I like for my own future fantasy and play.

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