hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

Unholy hell-miracle achieved! Welcome to Bad Guys Do Bad Things To Your Faves 2: Electric Boogaloo. AKA the seamy sexual-violence-and-violent-sex underbelly of Captain America fandom, AKA the Hydra Trash Party kinkmeme. As usual, BLANKET NON-CON AND NSFW WARNINGS apply: just assume going in that everything in this landfill is unfit for human consumption.

Rules in brief: don't be a jerk except to fictional characters, warnings for particularly fucked-up garbage are nice but not required, thou shalt not judge the trashiness of thy neighbor's kinks unless thy neighbor is trying to pass off their rotting banana peels and half-eaten pizza crusts as a healthy romantic dinner for two, off-topic comments may be chucked out of the dumpster at management's discretion, management's discretion decrees that omegaverse, soulbond AUs, D/s-verse, non-superpowered AUs, and dark!good guys AUs are off-topic.

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Round 2 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 3.

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(OP) a!a, what a terrible thing this is :D I love all the little touches you've employed to add extra layers of awful to an awful situation, like Steve's unbelievable bestial brutality. Bucky expected the drug to cause Steve to subdue him, so I'm assuming it causes similar aggression in everyone, but still, OUCH. Also: how totally unprepared Bucky was for the way Steve's stamina was going to turn this ordeal into torture, that hurts SO much and the pain makes me SO happy. Bucky trusts them and their relationship so much and he was so confident that if he could just safeguard Steve's body and heart through this small bout of non-consensual sex, then the worst thing on the other side would be Steve's emotional reaction -- but no!! No one is getting a break in this trash heap, Bucky! The progression in Bucky's perspective, from grounded coping to broken begging, it just, it absolutely killed me.

Other things I am crying about / loving are: Bucky thinking it's hard to handle because it's been too long since he was last raped and he's out of practice; Steve manhandling Bucky and lapping up his tears like an animal and responding to his attempts to reach out with violence and hurting him; Bucky trying to hold back his noises and hide his fear to ameliorate Steve's trauma, and then later, as the asset, because that's what he always has to do; and then, most terrible, the sliding scale of dissociation Bucky goes through, from an asset-era mental state where he can deal with this clinically because it's just another handler whose torments he has no choice but to endure, to a Bucky who doesn't remember why this is happening but remembers Steve promised not to hurt him, which is just the. worst. and my heart can't take it.

I can't imagine how horrible the aftermath of this is going to be -- Bucky promised to be there for Steve on the other side and now he's badly injured and he's lost track of reality and whatever happens, whether Steve wakes up to Bucky in that state or Bucky forces himself to get it together for Steve, I am so looking forward to it. Ugh!! My poor tortured emotions. Great job!

ugh I was just reading this again and I forgot to tell you how much I adored Buck thinking he was gonna get a reassuring kiss and instead Steve bit him. And getting sidetracked even before he does it intentionally, thinking the reason he can't fight back isn't to save Steve's life, but to avoid punishment. And just the image of Steve fucking him rough on his back with a hand on his throat. So good!!

ILU OP, seriously you are the sweetest, I woke up this morning to find your lovely comments (and let's never, ever examine what it says about my life/choices that I check the HTP before getting out of bed) and spent the next ten minutes just kind of mashing my face into the pillow in happiness. I'm so glad you liked it! I will come back later with an actual reply, right now I'm being dragged off on a ~~death march~~ fun family hike in the hills ~~on an exposed track, in the hottest part of the day, like what's that line about mad dogs, Englishmen, and stupid fucking tourists?~~ so if I don't come back, just assume I expired hot, sweaty and undignified on the graceful hillside, RIP a!a, but I just have to ask: are you my OP from more for less? Like am I ~~procrastinating~~ cheating on you with you?

Unfortunately one of the things you can't do on the internet is strike a dramatic pose while crying YES! 'TIS I!, but yep, you've sussed me out! And honestly I also suspected you were the author of both those works of genius <33 If you feel like procrastinating in the future please feel free to hunt down more of my prompts.

If you die of heatstroke on the hilltop today, just know your work has been a gift to trashkind.

OH LOOK I LIVED. And also, hi!! Another thing you can't do on the Internet is fling yourself at someone in ecstatic embrace, but this just makes me smile so hard, like I slink over to Dumpster 2 to blow off steam and here you are, apparently your prompts just speak to my trashy soul, and I think that's beautiful. :D Did you like how I dispatched the entire more for less plotline here like:

b: hey let's not do the thing where my consent is kind of compromised by my desire to please
s: lol yeah that sounds bad let's not do that
b: ok cool good talk
CURTAIN

Okay this part, don't laugh (you can laugh) but although my default mode is evil cackles I kind of accidentally broke my own damn heart with this one, just a little, like I wrote it all in one sitting and when Bucky realizes that he's just like the poor Asset after all, with no friend to protect him, I was like WAIT NO—but hah, too late. I'm glad the brutality worked for you, and the undermining/betrayal of Bucky's confidence in himself and trust in their relationship, and the dissociation in its various forms. :D

Re: the aftermath, I was so tempted to dodge the issue altogether and just end it with them getting (re)captured by Hydra, like "we're safe: this place is abandoned" LOL NO, you've been the subject of a riotous viewing party and now you're going back to your captors, sorry not sorry. But no, I suppose they will go home now and try to pick up the pieces. I'm definitely leaning toward option three in your prompt, Bucky being viscerally afraid of Steve, but if there's anything specific you'd like to see, just let me know!

DA

a) omg you two are like trash brOTP

b) not the OP but please don't have them be recaptured by HYDRA. D: Anything but that -- Bucky using the chair to fry his brain to erase his short term memory, or flinching from Steve and moving out, or whatever else horrible you are contemplating... just, not hydra-pounce please??

Don't worry, nonnie, I won't take it there! The idea just had a certain lazy appeal, like I'm not really sure yet how to fix this, and that would've been an easy way out. ALSO I like your thinking—Bucky using the chair is an idea that wouldn't have occurred to me! Suggestions are always welcome. :)

whew! :D

Yeah, a mental image had come to me of traumatized and bloody Bucky dragging himself to the room with the chair to reset himself so that this doesn't ruin his relationship with Steve, which made me cry sad Bucky tears. But that's probably too much of a cop-out from actually dealing with things. (Unless Steve still remembers, and Bucky still keeps subconsciously flinching at certain moments)

But man, what a rough aftermath this is going to be regardless! Between Steve's guilt and Bucky's broken trust.... *rolls around in the trashiness of it all*

:D You smiling makes ME smile! This is some trashy serendipity shit. And yes, I deeply enjoy how this Healthy & Wholesome Stucky skimmed right on over the bottomless well of fuckedupness that more for less delves into; and I also cry because James in that story COULDN'T have avoided falling into the well, even if Steve had initiated a similar conversation somehow. Because he doesn't understand what this consent thing is. Or how it could relate to him, the non-entity. And I cry for this Bucky, whose trusting heart got thrown in a fire. Basically: I cry all day.

I am laughing a little, but mostly because it took you until the very end of all this tragedy and torture to feel sorry for your poor victim. It's fair, though. Bucky's got a motif running of asking Steve to be in this with him, and when he realizes he's alone... IT IS HEARTRENDING. Look, if there's anything that always works for me, it's brutality -- and the equally terrible emotional aftereffects thereof. Which you have a knack for delivering so beautifully.

It would have been fairly hilarious to introduce Hydra voyeurs as, like, a Diabolus Ex Machina, but yes tbh I would prefer to see fallout, assuming you're up for it. Um um given the choice between options, I would also choose Door Number Three, just because all the branching paths of emotional torture down that road are too good to miss. I was picking over this in my head today and the element of choice here is so interesting to me. I mean, obviously, for Bucky, the choice between enduring rape and letting Steve's heart explode is no choice at all... except it was his decision to fling himself down on the sacrificial altar and offer himself up in exchange for Steve's life. And Steve took him up on it. It's just that this situation is painfully, inextricably tangled -- because Bucky consented to some non-consensual sex to save Steve's life; but he didn't consent to that level of torture; but I can't imagine he would have backed out if he could have; but the point stands that he couldn't have and he knew it; his pain and fear are totally valid, it was agonizing, so horrible, it would have traumatized someone who didn't have preexisting rape trauma waiting to get renewed; and it wasn't Steve's fault, except it is Steve who will now send danger signals screaming through Bucky; Steve is a victim too, one who is going to literally, actually hate himself for this; and it just compounds everything to have Bucky trying to crush the fear in his stomach whenever Steve is near, telling himself it's Steve, who also got raped, and Bucky signed up for it anyway. How do you unfuck your head when you went with the lesser of two evils and that's what destroyed you? Or when the person who's supposed to be in it with you is who you're terrified of? How much worse would freshly-traumatized!Steve's self-blame be, confronted with Bucky's trauma and fear? lmao okay this paragraph is so long. And btw none of this rambling is meant as a specific request, I wish to leave the story open to your writerly creativity; cherrypick something if you like it but mostly I just have SO MANY THOUGHTS ALL THE TIME.

P.S. One of the other commenters mentioned how unusual it is to see anything but extra levels of horniness result from sex pollen. STORY TIME: I read this fic in an old fandom of mine where Villain X doses Character A with sex pollen that incites violent rape, then locks him up with Character B. It's X's intention that A totally destroy B, but while A does rape B, his inherent goodness shines through and he makes it gentle and as caring as possible, so that at the end of fic, A is like it's alright, you were forced to rape me, but your instincts toward gentleness are so strong that, even in the grip of a violent-rape-sex-pollen, you were as kind as you could be, and I felt loved. I mention this only because your trash is a dark mirror of that trash, and the contrast makes me even sadder for your Bucky: he went into this hoping for merely that, for Steve to be as kind as he could be, for those little moments of connection like a kiss or touch. And instead he got BRUTALIZED. And I love it.

Oh this is really really helpful, thank you, teasing out the themes like this definitely gives me a better sense of where we're going. <3 How do you unfuck your head . . . when the person who's supposed to be in it with you is who you're terrified of? is exactly the question that needs answering now. Bucky made his choice (that wasn't really) but then it got taken from him, he's already broken the promises he made to himself, not to show fear or pain, and he's set up to break the promises he made to Steve as well, starting with when it wears off I'll still be here. Steve is going to have to push through his self-hatred enough to help his friend if they're going to fix this—Steve, who also got raped. Branching paths of emotional torture FTW!

That sex pollen story is also interesting and helpful in terms of giving shape to Steve's guilt. He's Captain America, and whatever the effect of the drug on other people it shouldn't have affected him like this, he's supposed to be stronger and less vulnerable, he should have been able to fight it, like if anyone should have had the inherent goodness and instinctive gentleness and moral groundedness and sheer physiological resilience to be able to make gentle love after being dosed with violent-rape-sex-pollen, it should have been him! And then it turns out that in this way, against this weapon, he was just completely ordinary, with no special defenses at all.

Oh hey, if my ramblings are actually useful, that's great! Also the world of layered implication in the idea of Bucky breaking his promise "I'll still be here" is giving me the good shivers. Is it about Bucky not being able to be the physical caretaker in the aftermath? Or withdrawing emotionally? Or?? I am UP FOR IT

This is a great idea for Steve's reaction, I think, and also, actually, that's similar to how I conceptualize Bucky's Winter Soldier trauma as well. Like, okay, maybe it would have been humanly impossible for any person to have resisted the methods Hydra used to transform him. But he should have anyway.

DA but "and let's never, ever examine what it says about my life/choices that I check the HTP before getting out of bed." Oh, don't worry, you're not the only one.

OH GOOD. :D

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Dumpster #2: ...'Cause a Hydra Trash Party don't stop

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