hydratrashmeme | Dumpster #4: I Don't See How That's a Party

Okay, kids, you know the drill. Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because

hydratrashmeme is about as far from a safe space as you can get. Garbage we like: noncon, whump, aftermath, violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves. Garbage you should find a different trashcan for: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, OOC evil!good guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves, rotting leftovers dressed up as a romantic gourmet meal. Nothing wrong with 'em, but this isn't the crowd you should be pitching to if you're trying to sell Brock Rumlow as anything but a human dumpster fire.

Link your fills on the fill post, post unprompted fills as replies to a header comment so the wall o' text is collapsible, and let me know if you're interested in helping out with the Pinboard archive.

[Rules in full] [Round 1] [Round 2] [Round 3] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive (maintained by

greenkirtle)] [Round 4 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]

All prompts or fills that contain Infinity War spoilers must go on the Infinity War spoiler post until May 26th. Spoilers in the main dumpsters will be deleted.

Round 4 is closed; comments and fills in existing threads are still welcome, but all new prompts go to Round 5.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

His body is big, and strong, and fast. It’s everything he’d ever wanted. The constant pain he’d felt from childhood is gone, and he never wanted to feel it again.

Except there’s a new pain now, and this pain is worse. So much worse. Steve wants to howl from it.

He wants his old pain back. He bargains with any deity that will listen. His old pain for this new one. His old body for this new one. Anything, everything, for the feeling of Bucky’s hand clutched securely in Steve’s and pulled into the safety of his arms.

There was only air in his hand. Cold, howling air that couldn’t deafen Bucky’s scream as he fell. Steve hates that every memory he has of Bucky will now be overshadowed by the echo of that scream.

This body is big, strong, and fast, but it’s wrong. It’s a lie. It’s not good enough. It wasn’t good enough to save Bucky. It wasn’t good enough to find what was left of him in the snowy river valley. It can’t even get drunk to numb him from this new pain.

Once they’d got Zola, the SSR extracted them by air to London. Phillips is interrogating the doctor. Hydra’s days are numbered. Steve sits in the bombed-out shell of the pub where Bucky foolishly promised to follow him. Back when Steve didn’t know or understand.

Goddammit, why can’t he get drunk?

Peggy saves him. His other friends don’t know what to do or say, but she does. She reminds him of his duty. He has an obligation. He has a purpose.

He can avenge.

Once, Steve didn’t want to kill anybody. Squids, Nazis, or any combination of the two. That’s changed. Hydra dimmed Bucky’s light. Then it took him away from Steve. It wants to do the same to the rest of the world. Steve’s going to burn it down and salt the ashes. All he’ll leave of Schmidt will be a red smear.

He doesn’t think about after. As far as he was concerned, after was Bucky. After was all the time in the world to be together. There is no after for him anymore.

He knows better than to think life could ever be fair, but the injustice of it all sucks the breath from his lungs like he’s back in his old body. Bucky had been trying so hard. He’d come so far. He’d loved Steve so much.

He’d screamed with so much fear as he fell to his death.

For that, Steve’s going to kill them all. He doesn't care if that's wrong.

*

When it’s over, Peggy tries to save him again. She tries, but Steve’s beyond saving.

She cries for him over the radio. He’s touched, and he regrets causing her pain. She doesn’t deserve this, any more than Bucky deserved anything that was inflicted on him. At least they can’t hurt him any further.

Steve’s not sure if there’s an afterlife. He thinks probably not, but if there is, he’ll be there soon. Bucky will slap him on the back of the head, call him an idiot, and then Steve will hold him and never let him go.

There’s light on the horizon, gleaming off the water and ice where Steve is guiding the plane to crash. It’s a different kind of light than the one that consumed Schmidt while Steve shielded his eyes. It’s a beautiful light sparkling in the blue. It looks familiar. It looks like home. It looks like all the time in the world.

There’s a faint smile on Steve’s lips as he closes his eyes and lets the darkness take him.

End

* * * * *

(A/N) I wanted to thank everyone who left a comment. I read over them many times. I'm sorry I broke your hearts (but also pleased with myself for it). If it's any consolation, I broke my own heart several times while writing this.

Thanks to everyone who stuck with my trash! I'm curious to know what you think of the ending.

This was absolutely beautiful, author!anon. Hot, sad, and beautiful. Good job. :3

This was such a lovely, sad story! Especially this:

At least they can’t hurt him any further.

T_T

[BEACHED WHALE NOISES]

You brought it right back around to the beginning beautifully, here.

I loved the line He can avenge. because that's what Steve does, and what he becomes, even though it'll be seventy-odd years before he formally gets the title of Avenger.

Steve crashing the plane into the ice was sad, but you showed how Steve was at peace with his decision. It was also a tiny bit hopeful, because Steve is thinking he's going to see Bucky again. We all know that he will, but not in the way Steve expects.

This has been an amazing read, from start to finish. Thank you so much for putting in the time and effort to write it.

It looks like all the time in the world.

This is just achingly beautiful and sad. Gorgeous, gorgeous work. I loved this story from start to (perfect) finish.

This was beautiful, thank you.

Ugh *cries* break my heart why don't you

That was so beautifully done. Thank you

Dumpster #4: I Don't See How That's a Party

Re: Fill: Wrong (10/10)

Re: Fill: Wrong (10/10)

Re: Fill: Wrong (10/10)

Re: Fill: Wrong (10/10)

Re: Fill: Wrong (10/10)

Re: Fill: Wrong (10/10)

Re: Fill: Wrong (10/10)

Re: Fill: Wrong (10/10)