Dumpster #5: We didn't start the trashfire

[trashmod]

Welcome to the latest, greatest, scummiest iteration of hydratrashmeme. Come on in and please check your sense of shame at the door.

Rules in brief: Don't be a jerk except to fictional characters. Warn if you want, but read at your own risk, because this is emphatically not a safe space. Link your fills on the fill post. Unprompted fills: make a prompt or a header comment and reply to it with the full text. Continuations of fills from earlier rounds: just make sure you link in both places.

What's on-topic: Filthy and perverted twists on all the quality whump served up by Cap: Winter Soldier. Noncon, aftermath, uncomfortably sexualized violence, mind control, inappropriate uses of Bucky Barnes' metal arm, bad guys doing dirtybadwrong things to your faves.
What's off-topic: a/b/o, D/s-verse, soulbonds, mundane AUs, shippy/romanticized noncon, MCU heroes repurposed into OOC or edgydark delivery vehicles for your fave's suffering. If you've got a prompt for one of those burning a hole in your brain, head on over to mcu_trash.

[Rules in full] [Round 1] [Round 2] [Round 3] [Round 4] [Fill post] [Chatter post] [hydratrashmeme Pinboard archive] [Round 5 in flat view (comments in non-threaded chronological order, most recent last)]

Comments

Hydra gets a hold of Zemo

[(Anonymous)]

Basically, after CA:CW, Hydra agents kidnap Zemo and torture him for killing one of their own, killing the winter soldiers and generally messing around with their stuff. Cue torture.

The whos and hows are completely up to you! I just want some delicious, delicious humiliation. Bonus points if the Avengers see it somehow (on TV for example).

Jack Rollins gets trash party'd

[(Anonymous)]

What it says on the tin. I just wanna see him made into a sobbing mess. As an initiation or punishment or literally any other reason.

Massive bonus points if he's in a steady fairly domestic relationship with Rumlow and for whatever reason Rumlow is forced to participate in or observe the trash party happenings even if he really doesn't want to. So it's pretty much non-con for both of them.

Hydra convinces Bucky that he is repulsive and disgusting

[(Anonymous)]

Whenever Hydra guys rape him they also tell Bucky over and over again how repulsive and disgusting he is. That his scars are freakish, that is arm is fucked up, that he is ugly and disgusting looking and that he should be glad that they even touch him. After a while he really starts to believe it.
+ humiliating awfulness like putting a bag on him to cover his face or only referring with it pronouns whenever they talk about him
+ Sad Aftermath where Bucky is so convinced of this that it puts a strain on whatever relationship he has (preferably Stucky but I'm fine with pretty much anything) to the point where he does things like putting an end to the relationship whenever he feels especially awful or can only have sex in the dark, etc
+++ trying to cope with that trauma by replaying those scenarios with his partner

Re: Hydra convinces Bucky that he is repulsive and disgusting

[(Anonymous)]

oh god this is so horrible I love it

maybe thinking that the partner is lying and can't be trusted if they compliment his looks?

Casual Strike Team trash

[(Anonymous)]

So Strike team are bastards. But they are still human bastards with human interests and personalities. And Winter is something of a team pet/slave - not human, exactly but certainly liked and cared for.
I just want Hydra casual downtime, doing perfectly normal things, and dragging Winter into those activities - all the while casually, non-explicitly denying him agency

Steve's fake therapy/actual torture

[(Anonymous)]

Hydra masquerading as STRIKE and manipulating Steve is hands down one of my favorite things. Not sure if this has been done before but I'd love if as part of returning to active duty, Steve has to go to regular therapy.

Except, of course, the "therapist" is a Hydra officer who spends the sessions verbally abusing/gaslighting Steve and assigns homework like facing his fears by taking ice baths and other unpleasant things.

+ Bonus points if the therapist has Steve keep a journal of his feelings/whatnot and sneaks access to it and uses it all against him.
+++++++++++ Bonus points if at some point Steve has to talk or write about his biggest fantasies (for the good of the country, Steve) but it's all stuff like holding hands and god forbid, cuddling.

Re: Steve's fake therapy/actual torture

[(Anonymous)]

Dear op the last bonus turned me into a train wreck.
I am considering giving it a try. This would be my first trash fanfic and I don't want to discourage anyone else from writing theirs.

I keep imagining it with my OFC. Steve would have been on a couple of dates with her and he hopes that it's going pretty well. They would both be kidnapped and rumlow and friends would have fun reading his therapy ordered journal out loud to the both of them. Also I like happy endings.

Let me know it that would be something you would be interested in

Prompt: What a bust

[(Anonymous)]

Bucky gets repeatedly kneed in the balls by a sadistic bad guy with a specific ball busting fetish. I don’t care what kind of sick side effects this has. Think crying, pleading, vomiting, pain/fear boners, humiliating bodily reactions, you name it.

+ Bonus points for Bucky standing up or being suspended while it happens so there’s less crushing and more blunt force trauma going on
++ Bucky is still the asset and didn’t do anything to warrant punishment
+/- Hitting & other forms of torture could be a part of it, too, but I’d really like the knee being rammed upwards and into the groin area concept
+/- Doesn’t have to involve serious medical injuries. I’m good with intense pain alone but that’s entirely up to the filler
+++ possible aftermath: Bucky has a complicated relationship with his balls (body dysphoria, touch aversion, inflicting pain to get off or to keep himself under control, ruining his own orgasms by twisting them, getting them surgically removed...)

Prompt inspired by this fanart here: https://www.redbubble.com/de/people/randymeeks/works/25940630-the-end-of-the-line?SSAID=389818&asc=u&utm_campaign=banner&utm_medium=affiliates&utm_source=shareasale

Re: Prompt: What a bust

[(Anonymous)]

This... is everything I've ever wanted! Gonna give a try at filling this.

Quick question OP, when you say "bad guy", does that mean you only want the ballbuster to be a man? I have ideas for both man or woman, so no worries, just wanted to check!

(Also, thank you for the reference picture. The rest of that artist's work is A+++ as well!)

Sam kidnap/road trip trash

[(Anonymous)]

So Steve and Sam are on their looking-for-Bucky tour when something goes wrong and Sam gets captured by a couple of HYDRA creeps. The HYDRA agents think Sam and Steve were getting too close to discovering their cel's headquarters (or some super weapon, Bucky, etc—author's choice), so to prevent that, they whisk Sam off on a trash road trip in the other direction, leaving Steve enough unfortunate clues to follow but not catch up.

+ Plenty of rape, humiliation, never letting Sam out of their sight/keeping him restrained—but it's also interspersed with them treating him "nicely"/like he's just their roadtrip bud, which keeps Sam in state of never knowing what's going to happen.

+ HYDRA agents have some additional coercive leverage on Sam so they can make him play along in more public settings.

+ Terrible motel room 'clues' left behind (and maybe Sam ends up trying to leave some of his own?), audio/video messages, whatever creative badness you can think of for the wild-goose-chase element.

(Could use Rumlow and Rollins for the HYDRA agents btw, but no pref from me over others/OCs and nooo need for canon compliance. Just more Sam trash 5ever, please <3.)

Re: Sam kidnap/road trip trash

[(Anonymous)]

I'm slack-jawed, stunned, I want this so much and am appalled it never occurred to me as a scenario. It's... perfect. OP is a shining beacon of light atop this trash heap, maybe some kind of luminescent fungus.

Post-mission 'reward'

[(Anonymous)]

After every successful mission some HYDRA guy 'gets' to jerk the asset off. Maybe it's a reward thing or the asset gets all excited thanks to adrenaline but it happens every time. Maybe it's always the same guy who has to do it, maybe he even likes it. There's something about reducing the most deadly assassin to a pliant mess after all.
+ it just so happens that it's always a tall blonde dude with a kind smile who does the job
+++++ Bucky gets so used to it that he never considers touching himself once he's free and instead goes to Steve or someone else, begging/asking them to help him out

Re: Post-mission 'reward'

[(Anonymous)]

Mmmhh yes please.

Trash testimony

[(Anonymous)]

Prompt: Bucky suffered horrible sexual abuse at the hands of Hydra. When a hearing takes place (say Winter Soldier trial or Hydra generals facing charges for Project Inside), Bucky is called as a witness. For some reason he has to testify to the rapes in detail and has to answer all kinds of humiliating questions in front of the court (with Steve, the Avengers and the general public as an audience).

+ there's a public interest in the trial so it's live-streamed
++ they show videos/pictures of Bucky naked/getting abused
+++ the press leaks photos of this, cover his testimony as big sensational news
++++ Bucky's partner (preferably Steve) is in the audience and because they never discuss these things at home most of the details of Bucky's abuse come as a shock and it's extra humiliating to know said partner is listening
+++++ Bucky is heavily slut shamed/victim blamed (they ask if he orgasmed, if he resisted, if he ever said no, if it was really so horrible if he can still be with said partner in the same way, if he believes he deserved it for murdering people...)
++++++ Bucky has to confess at least one thing he never wanted to tell/ he had forgotten until he's asked about it on the stand
+++++++ Bucky has flashbacks/ remembers vivid details when prompted
++++++++ the audience reactions of horror and disgust leave Bucky feeling worse about it (maybe people stand up and leave while he testifies, get angry...)
- no scat, infantilisation, daddy kink. Everything else is fair game

I'd be so happy if someone could fill this for me.

Re: Trash testimony

[(Anonymous)]

OP, I think about this scenario ALL THE TIME. I think this is a sign that I need to start drafting it.

Soviet-era WS/Natasha escape roadtrip, underage dubcon

[(Anonymous)]

The awkward thing that neither Bucky nor Natasha will admit to anyone else about their Red-Room-era flings: it started on one of the Winter Soldier's many escape attempts, when he realized he had a teenage stowaway in his trunk.

Some combination of:
- MURDER ROADTRIP
- Natasha idolizes the Winter Soldier as an ultra-elite assassin and practically begs him to train her
- She's already been taught to use sex as a manipulation tactic, and she at least pretends that she's offering it in return for letting her stick around
- She's young enough to make the entire thing really uncomfortable, and make the Soldier reluctant to take her up on it. Like, a really unsettling mix of young teenager with a puppy crush and experienced operative with no qualms about using her body to get something she wants.

So... The Professional AU except with actual fucked-up underage dubcon. Maybe she throws herself at him and he's too shocked and fucked in the head (or trained out of saying 'no' to random sexual advances) to raise too many objections. Maybe her feelings for him at that point aren't even romantic, but she's already well versed in using sex as a tool and figures it's worth offering if she can get the Winter Soldier to mentor her. Maybe they do develop romantic feelings for each other, and what finally gets past his repeated refusals is her admitting she wants to experience it "for real." Maybe violent "Is this what you wanted?!" sex where he finally snaps after repeatedly (and reluctantly) rejecting her advances.

Bonus: I'll really take any variation on this premise, but... the fluffier it is and the more honorably everyone behaves, the more I want a brutal coda where they're caught and brought back and he's forced to rape her as punishment.

Re: Soviet-era WS/Natasha escape roadtrip, underage dubcon

[(Anonymous)]

This is brilliant (especially the bonus). Yes please.

Rumlow/Steve

[(Anonymous)]

Just the hydra trash version of “just two dudes being guys, just two guys being dudes, just two dudes being gay, show me your dick Steve”

Bucky picks up habits of thought from an abuser

[(Anonymous)]

How about a post-Hydra fic where Bucky is coping with his memories of abuse and reconstituting his personality, and it becomes obvious that he has picked up certain ideas or interests from one of his abusers. Some issue that preoccupied Hydra-goon-of-your-choice now obsesses Bucky, maybe, or Bucky finds himself echoing some political viewpoint or cultural attitude of his abuser—whatever you like. The influence can be harmless or malign, and Bucky can realize it or not, but I just want to see an aspect of Bucky's personality shaped, even in recovery, by someone who tortured him.

Re: Bucky picks up habits of thought from an abuser

[(Anonymous)]

Yes please!

Steve/Bucky, sadism

[(Anonymous)]

Maybe Bucky always enjoyed taking control, enjoyed roughing up a bit those partners that liked it, or maybe he never did any such thing—but whoever he used to be, the sordid truth these days is that, after the violations he survived, his only sexual gratification now comes from inflicting pain. It's not just about the fantasy of forcing sex on his partners, though that can certainly be part of it, but more about needing to hurt them, to draw blood and leave bruises. Steve tries to give Bucky everything he needs, but Steve just isn't wired for these games, and submitting to repeated consensual injury at Bucky's hands leaves him emotionally wrecked. Up to you if they manage to work it out!

Re: Steve/Bucky, sadism

[(Anonymous)]

Well I can think of at least one good solution here, but it would mean introducing a third party.

Shaming or punishing Bucky for orgasms

[(Anonymous)]

It starts with medical exams, Hydra doctors not-so-clinically stretching his ass and working his prostate, handling his cock and balls. They exclaim in disgust when he gets hard, calling it evidence of his degeneracy, and maybe they punish his dick/balls/hole or otherwise hurt him until his erection wilts. It's the same when they rape him: if he ever comes from the stimulation, he's taunted and maybe punished to correct his whorish tendencies. Eventually he prefers it when his handlers are brutal, because it's easier without the chance of pleasure—the shame he feels is less sickening. Worst, of course, are the handlers who deliberately tease and excite him, driving him over the forbidden edge no matter how hard he tries to hold back and then calling him filthy when he comes.

Bonus: one imagines this sort of treatment might leave a lasting impression.

Re: Shaming or punishing Bucky for orgasms

[(Anonymous)]

uuuh this is my trash song, yes please!

HYDRA mocks Bucky's post-recovery sex life

[(Anonymous)]

What it says. HYDRA somehow gets/infers the deets of Bucky's post-recovery sex life with Steve and decide to shit all over it when they recapture him--making comments about what Captain America is like in bed, laughing about anything he does to avoid Bucky's triggers, making comparisons to their abuse ("You didn't enjoy that when we did it" "How come you were never that good for us?" etc.), body-shaming, shaming any kinks they have (especially anything they see as compromising Bucky's masculinity), and/or whatever else you can come up with.

+Bonus points for any aftermath, especially if Bucky has to relearn being comfortable with his sexuality.

Re: HYDRA mocks Bucky's post-recovery sex life

[(Anonymous)]

I love this

body shaming, gaslighting, disordered eating

[(Anonymous)]

Give me faked readouts of the Winter Soldier's weight. He steps on the scale as ordered and he sees an inaccurate number based on what his captors want him to see. This falsified data is used to shame and manipulate him.

+ At first he doesn't care about his weight and tries to ignore the drama he's been cast in, but prolonged body shaming and mockery around food gets to him.
+ The number is calculated in order to shame him for doing particular things that they falsely claim have an effect (/a significant effect/an immediate effect) on his weight.
+ Touch starvation and reverse psychology to get him to initiate sexual contact (that was still nonconsensual). Calling him ugly and pathetic and desperate and waiting for him to ask to be touched before sexually abusing him.
+ The general atmosphere is fat shaming but there's one fat fetishist captor who says (demeaning, inaccurate) positive things and that confuses him more.
+ They also did fuckery with his height and convinced him he was getting taller and shorter.
+ When he gets out, he's confused as to why scales keep giving him around the same number no matter what he does? That's not normal right?
+ Post-captivity Bucky sees that most dieting advice is given to women and relates to women who have weight anxiety/EDs and feels uncomfortably gender non-conforming.
+ He finds out his actual weight, becomes fairly confident that it's not wildly changing, and tries to figure out whether it's "correct"/the right weight to make him not in trouble... which it better be, because he's stuck with it... but hang on, surely something works...? (cue fucked up fad diet cycling)
+ He tries to make his own scale so he can be sure it's not tampered with. Could go well or badly (worst case: it is itself inaccurate/inconsistent).
+ He drags his partner into it (Sam/Steve/someone else, or non-partner Steve) by comparing his weight to theirs.

I don't want the captors to directly intervene in his weight by not giving him enough food or ordering him to eat too much food (though they can force feed him if he's starving himself), but their psychological manipulation might well have some effect on his weight and more effect on his overall health. That said, it would take a while after escape for him to get enough data points to accurately quantify that effect.

Also I'm not picturing weight stuff as actually being a large part of what happened to him, but rather, that it might be a relatively small thing that therefore didn't come to his attention as "wrong" for a long time (and kept fucking him up). In between the memory erasure, lies to get him to kill people, imprisonment, beatings, electrocution, sleep deprivation, and general dehumanization, it's easy for more subtle forms of mistreatment to just... not come up. If someone said "that was really wrong of them" his first reaction would be "what the fuck, why are you focusing on that when they did actually really wrong things that hurt other people, and mutilated me, and made me want to die?? do you have no sense of scope?" but actually no people can be hurt by small/subtle things in deep and lasting ways :(

Re: body shaming, gaslighting, disordered eating

[(Anonymous)]

I'd love to read this!

40s Bucky getting raped by the higher-up

[(Anonymous)]

Please give me 40s bucky getting brutally raped against the wall by the higher-up

+ if bucky struggles, cries and pleads a lot
++ show how obsessed that man is with bucky, how he have always wanted to fuck him etc
+++ the man offering something (better food, clothes etc) in exchange for sex at first and bucky obviously declining the offer and then the rape happening
++++ if there’s also rape aftermath, bucky trying to avoid that guy, flinching when he is touched, and steve somehow finding out ab his rape (huuuge bonus if they’re also in love with each other but won’t admit it)
+++++ bucky being praised while getting raped “good boy” “pretty boy” something about his beautiful fuckable mouth and etc


pls just make innocent young bucky suffer :)

Re: 40s Bucky getting raped by the higher-up

[(Anonymous)]

Love this, seconded so hard. Especially that last bonus...

Hydra Occult Trash

[(Anonymous)]

With Halloween coming up, how about some occulty trash? The Nazis were quite fascinated by the occult, and the little we see of WWII-era Hydra suggests that they had a similar interest, if their search for the Tesseract was any indication. So...

Summoning tentacle demons and giving them the Winter Soldier as an offering, for tentacle sex, of course?

Trash Party Orgy as some sort of ritual?

Maybe that's how Wanda and Peitro got their powers? With the requisite fucking to confer the powers on them?

Perhaps a demonically-possessed Winter Soldier who has to fight with Bucky for control of the body they're forced to share, complete with mindfucking and possibly actual fucking?

Maybe the Winter Soldier gets to do the fucking for a change, as part of some initiation ritual for new recruits?

Have fun and be creative with this one, if anyone's up for it!

Red Skull fucks Bucky

[(Anonymous)]

The Red Skull may be horrifying to look at, but he still has needs, needs that are not easily met with his super-serumed libido. What if in addition to forced labor, the prisoners at the weapons factory in Kreigsburg were also used to satisfy the Red Skull's sexual urges? This is not an enjoyable assignment for the prisoners, and for some of them it's their last assignment, with the Red Skull's sadistic streak.

Bucky is the latest in a long line of prisoners sent to service the Red Skull. He's heard rumors about what he's in for, but he has no idea how bad it might be. He soon finds out that the worst he could imagine pales in comparison to what's actually waiting for him. But Bucky is a fighter and a survivor, and he figures out how to survive this, too. He impresses the Red Skull enough, in fact, that he's brought back for another session. And another, and another. Finally, the Red Skull decides that Bucky is worthy of being handed over to Zola for experimentation with the new and improved serum. If the serum works, after all, the Red Skull can get a nearly indestructible plaything that can actually survive his most intense sessions.

Re: Red Skull fucks Bucky

[(Anonymous)]

Yes please. Maybe Steve finds out about it when he confronts the Red Skull later OR Steve doesn’t find out and Bucky’s just so deeply ashamed of how far he went to survive that he doesn’t tell Steve about the serum for this very reason? Only if the OP’s cool with it of course.

Bucky being fucked with smth fabric on his head

[(Anonymous)]

Like if Rumlow would start stripping him but didn't bother to finish, so Bucky's t-shirt would remain pulled up on his face also restraining his arms.
Or Rumlow using a pillowcase because [your reason here] but the point is the same - with a pillowcase on his head Bucky can breath, but it's still incredibly humiliating and terrifying and he feels terrible as he is totally disoriented and in pain.

+ to Bucky also being fucked right away without being much stripped, more like half-dressed, you know, with pants lowered just enough to penetrate him and t-shirt lifted up to lay a hand on his chest etc.
++ Bucky's awkward hard-on bc sometimes it just happens during rapes irl and he can't help it

Red Skull / any male character(s), toxic sperm

[(Anonymous)]

Inspired by the Red Skull prompt above... what if the experiments didn't just fuck up his skin, but also made his sperm toxic? Maybe it's pretty acidic or hot or whatever, and if he comes on (and especially in) someone else, that's somewhere between very painful to actually dangerous.

+ he gets a huge kick out of it and has intense orgasms as his victim(s) squirm with pain underneath him

++ it's even worse the second time

Re: Red Skull / any male character(s), toxic sperm

[(Anonymous)]

I love both these prompts.

I know I’ve read at least one fic in which Steve unknowingly fucks super serum into Bucky. What if the Red Skull’s semen is actually a vital part of Zola’s attempts to replicate Erskine’s serum? The survival rate of exposure is almost nonexistent, so Bucky would be marked out just for that reason.

Red Skull monster dick

[(Anonymous)]

While we’re on the topic of the Red Skull, what if he had a giant monster dick, in size, girth, length, maybe some barbs or a knot or what have you. Another reason why prisoners might not survive getting fucked.

Bucky being all alone with shitty trash memories

[(Anonymous)]

bucky in his shitty apartment in romania, all alone with his horrible trash memories and guilt and shame. lots of dark memories of all the awful shit hydra did with his body. +++he ends up whoring himself out for money with the tendency to choose the worst clients possible (sadistic fucks, hydra lookalikes, etc), retraumatizing him further and further

Re: Bucky being all alone with shitty trash memories

[(Anonymous)]

Yesss, this.

Sadistic Winter Soldier raping anyone

[(Anonymous)]

HYDRA also used the Winter Soldier for interrogations and put a bunch of sadism in him to maximize his efficiency.
This could happen when he's interrogating someone, during the events of TWS, or after the events of TWS when everything from HYDRA is still deeply programmed in his mind.
I also don't care who is actually getting raped.

+ Winter Soldier uses his metal arm (breaking bones, choking the person)

++ The person doesn't get aroused by it

+++ gunplay or knifeplay

++++ Some kind of dirty talk (saying how weak the person is, telling how much he likes the pained sounds, etc. )

Re: Sadistic Winter Soldier raping anyone

[(Anonymous)]

Damn, what was the name of the fic that had the WS as Hydra's house interrogator/rapist, and at some point they turned him on Steve?
It was pretty long and in between those sessions they made him pose as another prisoner to gather information from Steve.

Might be relevant to your interests, nonnie, but I can't get you a link right now. Anyone?

Civil War aftermath, Bucky/Steve, cabin fever

[(Anonymous)]

Hi there, I wrote a thing. It features Bucky Barnes, Very Tortured (™) by Hydra related trash past and his own guilty conscience… which takes on the form of Steve Rogers, because of course it does.
Hope you enjoy!

(Canon compliant up until the CW mid-credits scene, which is to say instead of being put back into cryo, Bucky has to stay home and deal with his blown-off arm and resurfacing memories on his own.)

Room for Two, (1/3)

[(Anonymous)]

I know what you did.

It starts the same, always. With Steve pinning Bucky face down into the ragged mattress, immobilizing him with the entire weight of his body. Bucky’s no match for him now, not with whatever frayed pieces are left of his metal arm.

It’s not the real Steve, of course, just the one in Bucky’s head. The only one that’s around.

He grabs a fistful of Bucky’s hair, twists so hard Bucky’s mouth falls open in a half-scream, and even through his sweatpants Bucky feels Steve’s erection pressing against him.

That’s another difference: this Steve has no problem getting it up for him.

The hand in his hair tugs and Bucky grunts in pain.

I know what you did.

"No," Bucky says, breathlessly, because whatever Steve drags up is never pleasant and Bucky can’t, he can’t anymore.

"You started talking to them," Steve asks, "Why?"

"I didn’t," Bucky insists, feeling as though Steve’s crushing his lungs. "Name, rank, serial number, that’s all, I swear."

"Yeah? What’s the number?"

Bucky licks his chapped lips. "3-2-5…5?" It seems so long ago, another life. "James Buchanan Barnes," he tries again, "Sergeant, 3-2-5-5-7… 5-7…"

"…0-3-8." Steve finishes angrily, twisting his fist further into Bucky’s hair. "What was the first thing you said? Don’t? Please?"

"Nothing! I – I don’t remember."

"Did you offer them information if they stopped?"

"No! No, not that."

Sharp pain makes him see stars as Steve yanks his head up. "I thought you didn’t remember."

"I wouldn’t do that!"

"How can you be sure?"

Bucky’s reply dies in his throat as his pants are pulled down. Disgust floods him even before it starts. He can’t move. He can’t move. He can’t move.

Steve’s voice is cold. "You know what, let’s try that again."

It’s like being stabbed with a blunt object, that’s what it’s like. Steve’s cock slides in so deep, feels so solid as only objects do, and it’s shameful, his entire body roars with it, and it burns, god, and with every sharp snap of Steve’s hips the air is punched out of Bucky’s chest.

"Barnes," he whispers. "James – Buchanan – Barnes. Sergeant. 3-2-5-5…7-0-3-8. James – Buchanan – Barnes…"


---

"Are you sulking?" Steve asks.

Bucky’s bent over a pack of cards, unevenly shuffling them with one hand on a white plastic table, the only seating accommodation his hideout provides. He stacks the cards back together and deals out. It’s a game for one.

"Don’t be childish," Steve says. He lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Look at the mattress, ’s full of stains. And we both know that wasn’t me." He shakes his head. "You like it alright."

Bucky’s puts some cards on the table and discards one.

"I’d like it… differently."

"Well." Steve shrugs. "Pity you don’t deserve that. Besides, you had a lot worse. Remember before Zola returned? When you had no arm and no purpose, and the guards were so bored? That was cruel, I grant you that."

Bucky bares his teeth. "Nope, I didn’t remember. Thanks for the reminder." Each card he puts down lands on the table with a sharp smack.

Steve hums, unimpressed. "Got better though, right? Later, some of them almost worshipped you. Besides… Hydra’s not known for hiring the old and ugly, right?"

"What the hell’s that supposed to mean?"

"Oh." Steve holds his hand up in submission. "Just saying, a guy with your… inclination. I bet you saw some things over the years that weren’t exactly insulting to the eyes. Did you stain some of their mattresses, too?" He tilts his head. "I bet some of them only got ideas because they caught you staring."

"I didn’t want them," Bucky snaps, cards forgotten. "None of them. Ever."

Steve scratches his chin. "Do you remember Matvey?"

"No," Bucky says, so quickly Steve looks like a cat who just caught a bird.

An image appears before Bucky’s inner eye, a young soldier in soviet uniform, not as bulky as others around him, with sharp features and hair just a touch too long for protocol.

"Bomb disposal technician?" Steve smiles. "Hm. More like a bomb builder."

Bucky swallows. Thinks of a compound down under, a winter so cold the water in the pipes froze. A blond man with a pirate smile.

"It was all the same to him," Bucky murmurs. "He was in it for the thrill."

Steve keeps digging. "You drove out with them to the testing site and watched him work until his lips turned blue, and his eyes lit up like the explosion he caused when he succeeded." They both get lost in the memory for a while.

"You saved his life too, right?" Steve continues. "Once you rubbed the warmth right back into him when he overstayed his calculated time outside and collapsed."

"My orders were to protect him."

"Sure." Steve nods generously. "You watched him under the shower too," he says. "Was that part of your assignment?" Steve laughs. "He wasn’t shy about his body, and he was…"

"…beautiful," Bucky murmurs, hand covering his mouth. No.

"Then what," Steve asks, and Bucky remembers a dimly lit room, a cell, Matvey setting down a tray of food.

A muted conversation in Russian, plans for tomorrow. A nod, Matvey turns to leave and – no, no.
Metal knuckles brushing a shirt-sleeved arm, dark eyes snapping up to his. A moment in between, the ghost of a smile, and those cold lips his to warm. Yes.

No. Bucky snaps back into the here and now by Steve’s hysterical burst of laughter.

"You," he says. "You started it. Oh my god. A handler! You touched a handler unprompted! He could have had you beaten to a pulp for that." Steve throws his head back. "And you actually have the guts to tell me they forced you."

The smile fades from Steve’s lips, becomes something hard and cold.

"Don’t lie to me again, Buck."

Bucky swallows. Hangs his head.

"Now." Steve claps his hands, cheerful again. "Was it any good? Your night with Matvey?"

Bucky, still looking at the floor, shrugs.

"What?" Steve slaps his arm. "Was he better than me?"

Bucky jerks away, face burning. "He was there," he snarls, and regrets it even as he says it, but it’s too late.

"Steve," Bucky says. "Steve, please."

But the room is dark and Steve is gone.


---

"Time you took responsibility for your crimes," Steve says one afternoon. Maybe it’s Monday. Maybe not.

Bucky’s working on cracking open canned food with his one remaining arm and a can opener. He glances over. If he ignores Steve, he might just let it go.

No such luck.

"All the bullshit with the torture and the mind wipes – that you’re not responsible for anything because they made you do it. How could anybody read your files and still believe your stupid ass sob story?" Steve falls into the chair at the dirty plastic table, sighing in disbelief.

Bucky sets down the can opener. One sharp edge of his vibranium stump makes more progress in a matter of seconds than he’s made in the last five minutes.

"Ain’t that exactly what those files are about? Torture and mind wipes?" Bucky shoves a spoon into the can. He shovels the beans into his mouth right there over the sink, not looking up.

"Sure is," Steve says. "And how little it worked, too. Erratic behavior, injured scientists left and right. Successfully or not pal, seems you were pretty set on putting a foot down when it came to your personal comfort. Pity you never had any of those disobedient episodes when they sent you out to kill."

Bucky’s expression is hard as he finally lifts his eyes at Steve. "Who says I haven’t?"

Steve laughs. "The dead."

---